Women and men who have had personal experience with sexual abuse tend to be more cautious about it.

It doesn't mean they are dramatic or dirty minded.

The fact that this child doesn't even have her own bed at 9 is strange. The daughter and father share a room, but the other child has his own room. It doesn't mean he is a pedophile, but it isn't right.

Sorry to be brunt, but they should take their "cautious nature" and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. They have absolutely no right to measure others with their own twisted (not their own fault, but twisted anyway) view of what a father-daughter relationship should (or shouldn't) be. What if her "cautious nature" makes her call the CPS goons only because "she doesn't feel right about it"? What will she say after she makes dad and daughter to live a hellish experience just because her own traumas? "Sorry by destroying your lives, but since my own dad did things to me, I wanted somebody to pay for it"?

These people may not be "dramatic or dirty minded", but they are certainly dangerous. I wouldn't jeopardize my wellbeing (and my family's) just because some "non-dramatic, non-dirty minded" woman wants to appease her inner demons by destroying somebody else's father-daughter relationship.

The very fact that somebody brings out the "it doesn't mean he is a pedophile" (Translation: I think he is, I just can't prove it") puts a HUGE red flag on that woman. Why would you want somebody who will be sniffing and probing and looking for red flags on your relationship with your own child(ren)?

Why would you let a rattlesnake in your own house?

This man and his child will be better staying far, far away from her.

Some years ago, I had a friend went through separation and divorce from her ex husband. They had an 8 years old girl together. The father was sleeping with her all the time. When he had to leave after the divorce he got a small apartment, and would refuse to get her her own bed, and continued to sleep with her at his new place. For years, I told her that I saw MAJOR red flags in this behavior and that I was afraid for her daughter. She didn't act.

What if her "cautious nature" makes her call the CPS goons only because "she doesn't feel right about it"?

What will she say after she makes dad and daughter to live a hellish experience just because her own traumas?

However, there is a difference between raising an eyebrow and asking a forum what they think about the situation and calling CPS. Much sexual abuse goes undetected because other people, especially the other parent, deny the possibility and refuse to see certain behaviors as odd. (bosox)

Exactly. It's not about calling CPS yet. It's about asking some questions and trying to evaluate what's happening. If the father truly is a good father and loves his kid and has nothing to hide, he won't mind that someone would care enough about her child to tell him how freakish this is. And if he still thinks that nothing is wrong there, and continues to wave it off, it's another major red flag.

In the example I told before, the father who was abusing her child and sleeping with her every night, he was not even thinking he did anything wrong. He thought he was loving her, that he was entitled to do this as a good dad. Pedophiles are sick, it's a mental problem, some don't even realize it's wrong, so you can't assume that nothing happens only because he readily mentions how he sleep with her without hiding it.

What if your own tendency to protect the father at all cost makes you overlook some red flags while the child is actually really abused?

What if the child already lives a situation far more hellish?

Even if there is only one chance out of a hundred, isn't it worth it to make sure it's not happening?

Exactly. It's not about calling CPS yet. It's about asking some questions and trying to evaluate what's happening. If the father truly is a good father and loves his kid and has nothing to hide, he won't mind that someone would care enough about her child to tell him how freakish this is. And if he still thinks that nothing is wrong there, and continues to wave it off, it's another major red flag.

And one more thing. In Canada, if you don't report child abuse when you suspect it, and later on child abuse is actually found, you can be charged with criminal offense and put to jail. It's your duty as a citizen to report any child abuse.

If CPS were called all they would do is ask the child if anything is wrong and tell the guy to buy her a bed - which is the appropriate thing to do anyway.

Perhaps you should google for "CPS abuse", "CPS kidnapping children" or "CPS destroys families" to see the long history of corruption, abuse of power and destruction that those goons have inflicted upon innocent people.

To make that call is possibly one of the most destructive -if you're wrong- actions you can inflict upon any family. To make it just because "you think it's freakish" or because a lot of strangers in the Internet tell you that your feelings are right or because you are playing detective or amateur psychologyst is beyond irresponsible.

If you're sure that there is abuse happening, by all means, call them. But to make the caller personally accountable for the damage caused if she's wrong would be a good deterrent for all those CSI-POF would-be stars.

And realistically, it's not the sleeping with her dad part that's the flag. There are many reasons why children want to sleep with their parents.

It's the fact that she doesn't want a bed. It's the fact that the other child is excluded from this ritual. The other child has his own room, the daughter shares with her father, though the house has a room that could be hers.

Also, most men masterbate. Since his daughter probably goes to bed before him, where is he doing this?? In bed with her after she's asleep?? If she's asleep and he gets a hard does he get up and go to the bathroom? Does he discipline himself to wait until his morning shower??

I havent read all of this, just the last page since I posted my own comments. That can be seen as strange. I agree the 9 yr old child should ahve her own place for privacy or whatever, and then if she decides to sleep in her dads bed, no biggie. If however shes asked for her own bed or her own room and the dad said no, Id wonder if its innocent. But maybe the dad cant afford a place with a ton of bedrooms and if the 9 yr old isnt there often maybe he cant even afford a bed for her. IDK. I can find ways around not sharing a bed with a child b/c I dont like to share a bed with a child, but maybe dad in this case isnt bothered by it and doesnt see it as a problem.
Then you kind of wonder and assume(well I do) that since a 9 yr old and an adult have different bed times, how often is the dad and daughter in bed at the same time. Maybe 6 hours if they sleep how my children and I sleep.
Perhaps the dad does sleep on the couch but tells women they are dating that his daughter sleeps in his bed so if the woman came over after a date or sometime to sleep over shes not going to be weirded out in the heat of the moment, KWIM? Just an advance notice of sorts.

If it was a 9 year old boy or girl sleeping in the mothers bed for whatever reason there would be no problem but when its a man DING DING DING PEDO.

how creepy - pedophiles and their "in denial" suppports are out and about in this thread. look how upset they get, crying that "the system" will ruin their families.

anyone with half a brain and any common sense and decency realizes that a father to deny his 9 yr old daughter her own bed is a psycho pedophile. anyone who supports it is most likely one too. geez you people are transparent.