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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:54:05 PM |
Yes, and the OP has posted he is a VP. If he was not interested in proclaiming his status... he would just say "financial services."
Good point, taken... and corrected. I originally put my title there because it became apparent that without me listing my income or my education level, I was getting no bites in the pond. When I listed my title, the minnows started swimming in closer.
I've taken it out and will see how that fares for a little while. Thanks for the tip. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 12:57:29 PM |
...however, it's implausible to believe that many women (and a rising vast majority of women according to you) do in fact, state these things openly and commonly. That simply makes no sense. I don't believe "the vast majority" of women think along those lines, and those who do, probably wouldn't vocalize such thoughts to the man they are supposedly pilfering a free meal from.
Please be very careful when you quote things and attribute them to me, especially when I did not say them. In fact, you were the first person in this entire thread to use the term "rising vast majority" and "vast majority", because I certainly asserted no such thing nor stated any such words. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 1:00:25 PM |
And what led you to believe that we didn't think there was a connection? I don't need to go out and meet someone in person and waste my (and their) time, if there isn't something there worthy of pursuing.
I have all avenues of communication open to me; in-person, phone, IM, text message and email (in that order, ordered by response time). I can find out pretty quickly whether or not I want to push to meet someone in-person for a "date" after that, and I'm sure they can as well.
Gee if it was working for you and these women didn't tell you they only went out with you for dinner, you wouldn't have posted. OBVIOUSLY, the common factor is YOU. You are obviously doing something wrong and when I make a suggestion that you are moving too fast and not getting to know these people, you try to make yet another excuse trying to say now that they are into you and that is why they went out with you...ok which is it, they went out with you for a free meal or they went out with you because they were into you...make up your mind which.
Avenues of communication aren't important to have, they are important to USE and use until you know the women.
No it is not normal to do several dates in a week, no you aren't giving each person a good chance to get to know them. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 1:16:21 PM |
OBVIOUSLY, the common factor is YOU.
Another fallacy from the peanut gallery. 
"If you're constantly getting stuck in traffic on the way to work down your busy streets, OBVIOUSLY the problem is you."
"If you live in Chinatown and all you're dating are Asians, OBVIOUSLY the problem is you."
Don't fall into the trap like so many before you. The world is not black and white.
The dating world's problem don't always boil down to the following issues:
1. OBVIOUSLY the problem is you! You must be doing something wrong.
2. You just hate the opposite sex and want to rant (this goes for players and feminazis)
3. Your too picky (or not picky enough)
Just because there are a lot of people out there looking to be "enabled", supported, coddled and pampered with absolutely no intention of reciprocating, does not mean the problem is ME.
Though I appreciate your "rectal approximation" of the matter. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 1:39:24 PM | | On thing I have learned in life, is when we start seeing a pattern, maybe it is ourselves we need to change and stop shifting the blame. Maybe you are going after a particualr mold, therfore you are getting these types of reactions. Lets cut the "being treated like a pricess" bullshit. This is not romper room. And if you are speaking to women or girls that even say that, you will get what you have comming. On line and off line dating both are full off narcissists and liars. I met and moved for one. Now I do things differently, that is all. Be gald yours were just dates and dinner, you did not invest feelings time and money and relocating for some ***hole. Change things. All you can do. And don't take these women out and spend a ton of money (if that is the case) go somewhere fun, but I hear serial dating can get pricy. I prefer to meet one man, talk and see if we get a long first then go out on some "dates." That way I at least know we have stuff in common and it won't be so awkward, and no one feels used. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:01:13 PM |
What is it with the large and growing number of women on dating sites who exist solely to go out on dates for attention, validation and "free stuff", but with no intention of actually having any interest or exploring chemistry?
Before you jump on me, let me explain..
I've been on a few dates with women in the last month who went out with me and during or after the first date would say something like:
"Oh, I was never interested in you at all from the start, but it was a free date, so what the heck!"
or:
"I knew there would be no chemistry, but you invited me out, so I accepted. I didn't plan on there ever being a second date."
What is this?
And I say "large and growing", because I've talked to at least a dozen or more women randomly across all areas over IM (a random "survey", just to be sure), and at least half or more of them admit that they had good intentions when they joined the site (this site and Match), but once they saw the attention they were getting (hundreds of emails a week, hundreds of profile views a day), they decided to just go out and "feel good" by being treated like a princess, get compliments left and right from dozens of random guys they're being taken out by and the obligatory free dinner/ball game/whatever.
So sorry OP ~ my mistake. Please replace "vast majority" to "large and growing number".
Should we turn the tables and do the same? Is this really what the online dating world has become? A field of borderline narcissists and liars?
Sure!! We can all attest that MEN never ever lie in a profile, during a date, before/after or during sex and we are all very well aware that narcissism is definitely a female trait ~ it's genetic I'd guess. (Overgeneralizations, gotta love 'em.) 
~OP~ Whoever those women you are "randomly surveying" are such a small majority of women that it's impossible to have any reasonable theory to back up this idiology. Any male poster who claims such the following:
I've been on a few dates with women in the last month who went out with me and during or after the first date would say something like:
"Oh, I was never interested in you at all from the start, but it was a free date, so what the heck!"
or:
"I knew there would be no chemistry, but you invited me out, so I accepted. I didn't plan on there ever being a second date."
might wish to do some serious introspection/retrospection and re-evaluation of his preference in those he chooses to date. Women "players" aren't all that different from men "players" and I've yet to have any man sit across from me over dinner or afterwards and plainly state: "So, enjoying(ed) your pasta? Great! I think we can blow this joint and go straight to the car for a bj. I have no interest in seeing you again, and there is no chemistry ~ but what the hell, we're both here and you did accept my offer so let's just get on it." That's about as silly as what you claim was stated to you. Profess it how you view it, we're all entitled to our very own version of what happened. Let's keep in mind, however, that the only common denominator in your dates is: YOU. Re-evaluation of self and personal preference in a significant other/date ~ it's the key to meeting people who are more concerned with your substance than your wallet. JMO  | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:04:25 PM | Like I said, you want to point out that there is a problem and yet don't want to accept advice. Insulting me will not change what you are doing wrong.
You can not compare apples and oranges.
I am sorry that you did not post a serious thread to get the advice from others. Grow up | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:23:37 PM | Like I said, you want to point out that there is a problem and yet don't want to accept advice.
I see. Not reading the entire thread again?
Take the time to re-read my posts here (and in other threads) and see the several instances in this thread alone, where I was given advice, took it and made immediate changes based on it. Also witness me thanking those who were giving me advice which was heard and absorbed.
I am sorry that you did not post a serious thread to get the advice from others. Grow up.
Now that you've heard yourself speak, are you done? Or just trolling this thread again?
I wanted to, once again, thank everyone who replied with constructive responses here. The end result is that I need to raise my bar quite a bit higher than it was previously, and deal with that for a little while to see if the situation improves. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 2:38:26 PM | Two separate women I went out on dates with bought me back to their house to hang out. In one case, the first one showed me her Facebook page and "friended" me. She also logged into Match and added me as a Favorite. When she logged in, I saw that she had 200 emails in her Inbox and 556 profile views in the status bar. I don't how long that had accumulated, but that statistic is pretty well-known.
This was rather poor form/choice on behalf of both parties. Separated and Facebook/Match account viewing on "date" certainly don't seem like *quality* time spent. I'd rather be home reading alone in my comfy bed.
Asking if they use these dating sites to just go out and have fun, free dates, free meals with no intention of following through or testing the waters of chemistry? I fail to see how that is "rude" in any way. It's called being honest up-front. Shocking, I know.
I don't think this is rude. I'd be curious to what size the control group was on this "study" or "observation" you've presented. It seems rather odd that the common denominator in all these scenarios is you. Shocking indeed.
The fact is that there are a LOT of women (and men) on dating sites exclusively for the purpose of attention/validation/free meals and/or sex/being a player. It's just the result of the medium and how people are.
I agree with the cash and carry mentality found on dating sites. This is present on every website to some degree. It is a flawed system of instant gratification for some people. NOT ALL. It all depends on how you screen and what you're looking for. To become subject to this type of behavior over and over is personal choice and/or failure. The people that have been doing this for years will be content with crappy results. They will continue to self-sabotage because they choose to. Unless they change their behaviors~ raise/lower standards or decide they've had enough.
"Insanity: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results" ~ Albert Einstein
There are good people here as well, but it would seem (based on the threads in the forums, comments thereof), that a good majority of people are not in the minor category. The numbers go way down as quality goes way up... like diamonds or a good cut of steak or a fine wine.
Like anything worth having, it takes time to make sure you're making the best choice from all of your options and alternatives.
CHOICE. It's all about choice, OP. I wholeheartly agree that *quality* is definitely not easily found on any dating website. It's the same virtual menu with the same players. I find it tiresome, disenchanting and completely pathetic. Digital dating may be the wave of the future for some people. But a favorable result may take a very long time. Like searching for the impossible dream. You seem to have vision and direction in life, OP. Perhaps channeling energies into positive entities would be most beneficial to you.
I think people in general become bitter and frustrated with these types of venues. It is reflected in at least 70% of the postings I read in these forums. Sad but true. Let me also correct you that some men feel that attention, validation and free stuff is all they have to offer. It's a two way street. Some give, some take, and some settle. To each their own. To thy own self be true. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 3:41:48 PM | I just read this thread and I don't see where you are taking any DATING advice. Maybe you switched up your profile, but this isn't in the profile review section and any advice you took wasn't about dating. You still want to date tons of women too fast from the sounds of it and insult anyone that suggests that you shouldn't.
You are a perfect example of why I don't IM. Guys that don't want to take the time to get to know you properly, they want instant gratification, ask you out before you even talk on the phone!
Going out to dinner is not being treated like a princess. It is just eating food with someone. Being treated like a princess is the date pays for a massage, manicure, pedicure, hairstylist, and a new outfit. I prefer doing my own make-up and facials. Then the limo pulls up to your hotel where he paid for a suite for you. The limo takes you to meet him in a restaurant where he has roses waiting for you and a bottle of champagne ready to be uncorked. Of course he knows ahead of time what to order for you and how you like it prepared. I like my crystal slippers and never lost one on a princess date, but from what you have written, don't think you have ever actually done one or have ever met someone you felt was good enough to treat like a princess.
Talk about trolls...oh wait, maybe just a borderline narcissist and liar | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:00:25 PM | ok OP
who is WE?
Because last I checked most men on here really just want to find someone they don't mind doing the dirty with. I am always getting hit with friends with benefits, always. I believe that is along the same lines. Some people want a free date, some people want free sex. So if you are saying all men have good intentions, and so many women are just up for the free meal and compliments- I smell sh_ _. I somehow fail to understand why anyone would want to go out with anyone they didn't want to at least get to know as a friend. But such is the ignorance dealt. Either way, nothing is free when exchanging time and or money for anticipated outcome with no prior contract. Only experience.
Ready to roll the dice again?
lol | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 4:07:37 PM |
I originally put my title there because it became apparent that without me listing my income or my education level, I was getting no bites in the pond. When I listed my title, the minnows started swimming in closer.
And then you wonder why women come to you who are wanting money and free stuff. It's like the woman who puts in her profile that she's looking for "fun, and friends only", is almost naked in every picture she posts, then comes in here complaining that all men want from her is sex. You are going to attract people looking for whatever it is you are offering. Make yourself sound rich, you are going to attract golddiggers. Make yourself sound like a whore, you are going to attract sex freaks. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:25:02 PM | Ah, AFL & Setuid...another healthy debate like in his last thread, which I remember as well.
OP-we all seek some attention and some validation-that is one of the main reasons we are here...we are looking for someone to compliment ourselves.
Please know, before YOU get tainted that not all women are bad. Not all women care about how much money a man has. Not all woman care about possessions and many women are good.
You seem like an intelligent man and I am sure you will find a good woman someday to share your & your daughters life with. Just don't generalize all women in one group. I wish you all the best! | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:34:29 PM |
Another fallacy from the peanut gallery.
"If you're constantly getting stuck in traffic on the way to work down your busy streets, OBVIOUSLY the problem is you."
"If you live in Chinatown and all you're dating are Asians, OBVIOUSLY the problem is you."
Don't fall into the trap like so many before you. The world is not black and white. Speaking of falling into traps...
This does not make your point, in any way matter, shape or form.
Is someone forcing you at gunpoint to date the Asian women? You cannot leave your neighborhood? Or move. You have some control. You also have control over your contribution to heavy traffic. You could take the subway, you could go in earlier, you could ride a bike or walk.
And yes, you do have control over who you choose to date, if they are willing to date you. Amazingly enough, you can say no or yes when asked.
I originally put my title there because it became apparent that without me listing my income or my education level, I was getting no bites in the pond. When I listed my title, the minnows started swimming in closer. Your education level is fine to put in your profile, it is only an indicator that you might be reasonably intelligent. Your income level might just sound like bragging.
Just because there are a lot of people out there looking to be "enabled", supported, coddled and pampered with absolutely no intention of reciprocating, does not mean the problem is ME. I don't think it is a large number of women at all, and frankly, it's comparable to amount of men who expect things that are similarly unreasonable.
Because last I checked most men on here really just want to find someone they don't mind doing the dirty with. Actually, I think that may be "find someone who does not mind doing the dirty with them."
That bar might be a little higher... | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:19:52 PM | Wow,this thread is really moving at a rapid pace------OP!
Could it possibly be for the reason you require..............Attention.........
Validation........................and ...................Free Stuff?
Hey If ur Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant------------Would you-------
Help your Uncle.....................Jack off----------the elephant!
That tells alot about a man ya know?
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:21:58 PM |
He doesn't know these women WELL enough to form an opinion about them until after they said the thing that they said in italics.
I'm not these women nor do I know any like them, but I'll believe the OP with what he states as his experiences. He has to do more pre-screening. How many emails does he exchange, how many IMs, how many phone conversations, how many pertinent questions? - before he jumps to the date?
The problem here is that the MAN is so willing, for the desire of nooky, to not explore and to ignore the bad signs. Ray Charles wrote a song about it. Do your homework before you date! | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 1:53:55 PM | Unfortunately, there are people who do date to get a free meal. I have heard some women say "I am not attracted him, but hey a free meal is a free meal!" There are also others who are online to get laid, or had nothing else better to do.
Myself, personally, my spare time is very precious and I would rather spend that little free time I do have with somebody I am interested in knowing rather then getting teh free meal out of it. Oh well, first dates for me are generally the coffee shop, book store types anyways and I buy my own coffee!! LOL | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 1:59:11 PM | I really don't think it's that common. I'm sure all those women who went out with you had at at least a small part of them hoping that things WOULD work out on dates and they would be thrilled to fall in love with a great guy. It's really not fun going on a bad date. It wouldn't be worth it for just dinner. If you're really serious, and want to avoid people who are just dating to have a good time, then just limit your search to women who put long term. There's still no guarantees that she'll want to see you again, of course. But by limiting your dates to those women, you'll know she's emotionally available and ready to go should it work out.
I think you're just hurt that more women aren't wanting to continue dating you, and it's easier to blame it on the women's attitude's rather than admitting they weren't interested in you once they met you. Dating is rough. But it's rough for both genders. Just in different ways. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 3:30:43 PM | I say relax and have a good time while you're out. As people have suggested, maybe spending less on the first outing may be a good idea if the prices matters.
I would take someone I just met to somewhere I would normally go, and let the chips fall where they may.
I also think it's better to leave the self-image at the door and go in with NO expectations. Life is so much better just enjoying the moment we are in. Sure, there are disappointments too as far as the heart and mind go, but the world still spins.
You can live to find your love another day, and without any worries, and you'll have less angst if you just enjoy the company you keep. There are so many fish in the sea, and you're sure to find one who really does want to be with you. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:44:06 PM | I would have to say that you are offering them the world, so they are accepting it. I do not know what your 'date' consists of with these women, but for all of them telling you the same thing, maybe you think you need to praise them with expensive dinners and so forth. If you just be yourself and just tell them you want to go to the park or something with a prepared basket, you will get a different response. If they accept, they are interested in you. If they decline, you don't need them anyway.
Forget the dumb stuff, let some other jive turkey pick up the tab! | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:54:18 PM | | Honestly... it is all about your profile. You come across as a Good Time Charley. I don't see how any woman would actually find you available. The baby in the photo, and you talking about her... well, this tells a woman that you are off-limits to a LTR, therefore, you are attracting the floozies who will use you for "free stuff". I know that you absolutely love your child, in fact you mention that she looks like you. This would great in a FAMILY PROFILE.... you might as well include a photo of your X wife, because she obviously contributed to the most important person in your life... so this profile does not give a woman a feeling that she would be treated as NUMBER ONE.... therefore, you are being used for "free stuff", until your date can find someone with a profile that is suitable for dating, without including all your baggage from your previous relationship. We all have a past, but if you want to be single, then show the single side of yourself.... not the married with children side. You would get better results. | |
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| Only dating for attention, validation and free stuff?
Posted: 9/27/2008 7:04:29 PM | You sound exactly like the kind of man that only wants to find out about chemistry. Straight from email to come to my place to check out my set...chemistry set.
Is it working for you? I am guessing it isn't and that is why you are trying to put it off on women, sigh, that is another thread I read on here about men and women blaming each other. | |
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