| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 5:58:35 PM | egbdf...
Well said!
I think I should also point out that things are a LOT different when you are in your twenties, than when you are in your forties and fifties! | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 52 | |
| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:00:25 PM | Egbdf,
That's one of the best and most balanced postings I have ever read! So true, in every respect.
(BTW, great and positive profile as well. If I lived closer to you...oh, well, and more's the pity!)  | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:03:28 PM | Dear OP:
Your profile comes off has completely rude and jaded: the very thing your complaining about.....plus your name is "likessexyfun', and you list 'friends" so how serious do you expect a guy to be with that as your screen name? It looks like you want a fling quite honestly.....
You need to come up with a different name, change the status to 'dating' and not freinds and you need to redo your entire profile and take out every sentence that says what you DON'T want in person (negative negative, negative) and just list the things you like to do and the qualities you like in a man...
Good luck to you,: it's all trial and error here...we're not all jaded we just get accused of it many, many times...once some one accuses you of being jaded, you can't get them to see you in any other light after that, so don't go down that road... | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:05:26 PM | I totally agree with Silken Fire. OP's profile is bitter and demanding. Any quality guys out there who read it will be turned off. Which leaves her with the remaining losers.
You wanna attract quality? You gotta present quality. You wanna be bitter? Expect to get bitterness in return. You only get one chance to make a good first impression, and that's your profile.
My suggestion? Delete your entire 'about me' section and re-write it. Make it positive. Make it REALLY positive. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:07:47 PM |
I think I should also point out that things are a LOT different when you are in your twenties, than when you are in your forties and fifties!
different in what way exactly? i dont think ive said anything that applies soley to my age group. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:11:13 PM |
Once you take out the ones who are attached and lying, and you find the truly single ones Naughtical is right on point here.
Your user name is "likes sexy fun".
Your headline says you are looking for a playmate.
You are a woman seeking a "friend".
Your first interest is sex.
Your about me section talks about sex.
and yet...
you are complaining about the quality of men you come across/attract? For hell's sake OP, your headline...
Long term playmate needed. just screams "looking for some sex."
This is online dating. Whether you choose to realize and accept this or not... It's a meat market where you are judged by your pictures and some text on a profile. Many men cannot hear the word sex, and then concentrate on anything else. The blood leaves the big head and circles around to the little head and stays there.
If you are not looking for an FWB, then try to sound like you are not looking for an FWB. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:13:01 PM | | I think we are all dysfunctional in some way. The trick is to find someone whose dysfunction compliments ours. Match made in heaven! | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:18:09 PM | "different in what way exactly? i dont think ive said anything that applies soley to my age group."
Well, when you are in your twenties you have more time to concentrate on yourself...physically, mentally, you have the looks and the freedom to get out there and choose. When I was in my twenties I can honestly say I pretty much had my pick. I was a dancer, sociable, intelligent and witty, the world was really my oyster, and i married a lovely man and had five terrific children...
Move on thirty years. I'm not as free, I have tons of responsibility, I still feel twenty but I'm not any more, I spent most of my adult life as part of a team, and it's damn hard to go it alone, and very scarey!
You may not understand that...I wouldn't have when I was young either. You lose a huge part of your future when you lose your partner, whether it be death or divorce, and you have to learn to get out there alone all over again, without the "bait" you had thirty years ago! | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:30:51 PM | Wow! Bernie and Zeeba - thanks for the props!
Watch out, though. If I get some attention, I'll forget that I'm damaged goods! :-)
(And Zeeba, I lived in Emporia - it was 30 years ago.) | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:31:35 PM | Personally, I feel it's more often than not, people bereft of a partner through death ... revert to a default mechanism, that alters their perception and memory of that partner into a stylized version of greatness.
It goes without saying, that this would also make most applicants qualified to take over the vacancy ... grossly unsuitable to fill the position.
Example;
September 11th ... Crying wives ... and their cheating hero husbands.
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 62 | |
| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:45:06 PM | Egbdf,
Well, it is indeed a small world (and darn it all, anyway!) How neat that you were indeed here in Emporia 30 years ago! Some things haven't changed, but a LOT of other things have indeed changed...
So if I find myself in your area, watch out!
Nah, none of us really are "damaged goods." Dented? Well, maybe! Tarnished a bit? Yep, but nothing that a good old rubbing wouldn't take care of to shine us up...(and really, I had better stop right there!)  | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:46:56 PM | I've been single for almost 5 years now, and have to say that 99% of the men I've met are now looking for a relationship. They are however looking for a "faux relationships." By that I mean, they tell you that's what they are looking for, make you believe it, but with the internet, it's so easy to tell many women that and then see which ones will give up the goods.
I'm not very trusting anymore, but still holding out some hope that there will be someone, somewhere who will come along and prove to me that there is still someone who says what he means and does what he says.
It seems like there are a lot of fickle people around now. They believe they want a relationship, change their minds and then don't bother to tell you that. So, you go along thinking everything is okay, he's moved on, thinks you'll "get the hint" and you end up finding out the hard way.
I'm really not even looking anymore. I'm here, posting in the forums, but that's it. If I should happen to come across someone really genuine, my fear is I will pass him by because I won't believe he truly is genuine. (sigh)
I still believe character is doing what's right when no one is looking. I'm not finding too many with character anymore.
Sharzi | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:47:00 PM | | Maybe it's your positive/happy personality that just brings all the right guys running to your door. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:51:31 PM | Just about everyone has baggage....young and old.....children will even have baggage that carries into all areas of their life....hence, they become adults...so most people will already have baggage of some kind....
I try to go into each date with a positive attitude...and to be quite honest, I never really think about whether or not this or that man has baggage....
Isn't how we DEAL with our own baggage that really matters.... | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:55:11 PM | "Personally, I feel it's more often than not, people bereft of a partner through death ... revert to a default mechanism, that alters their perception and memory of that partner into a stylized version of greatness.
It goes without saying, that this would also make most applicants qualified to take over the vacancy ... grossly unsuitable to fill the position."
Possibly in some cases...but definitely not in mine!
Most widows/widowers who are looking to date again are very much ready to move on, and we do it with a happy heart, because we know what is possible. However... we seem to (because of our trust in human nature...i.e. we haven't been as badly "damaged" as the divorcees or whatever) we seem to attract the people who have issues! I don't know why this is, but it happens! | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 6:55:34 PM | | Every person who has lived a life before you is going to have some sort of issue, whether physical, mental or financial. But when you meet the right person, none of that stuff matters. The only thing that matters is finding someone you connect with. Looking good on paper can be quite boring actually. Stop looking at what is wrong with people and try to see what feels so right! | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:01:28 PM |
Well, when you are in your twenties you have more time to concentrate on yourself...physically, mentally, you have the looks and the freedom to get out there and choose. When I was in my twenties I can honestly say I pretty much had my pick. I was a dancer, sociable, intelligent and witty, the world was really my oyster, and i married a lovely man and had five terrific children...
Move on thirty years. I'm not as free, I have tons of responsibility, I still feel twenty but I'm not any more, I spent most of my adult life as part of a team, and it's damn hard to go it alone, and very scarey!
You may not understand that...I wouldn't have when I was young either. You lose a huge part of your future when you lose your partner, whether it be death or divorce, and you have to learn to get out there alone all over again, without the "bait" you had thirty years ago!
excuses excuses. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:04:33 PM | "excuses excuses."
Ok....come back to me when you are fifty, have raised five children single handed, have a job, a mortgage, and a few good things to remember...come back to me when you are weary of doing all of that. Judge me then. I'll be happy to hear it! | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:28:55 PM | Yike!
really?!?!??!?!?
Hope is not healthy. It is a combination of delusion and expectation. Both ultimately lead to a negative fallout.
Where is the hanging smiley?
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:40:32 PM |
Ok....come back to me when you are fifty, have raised five children single handed, have a job, a mortgage, and a few good things to remember...come back to me when you are weary of doing all of that. Judge me then. I'll be happy to hear it!
you expect me to believe you havent had 30 free minutes a day for 30 years? give me a break. you made time for all those other things but making time to work on yourself is just too demanding. you can raise 5 kids, but you cant go for a jog or read a self-improvement book.
like i said, excuses excuses. that age card youre playing isnt doing the job. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:53:10 PM | "like i said, excuses excuses. that age card youre playing isnt doing the job"
Like I said...come back when you have grown a little. In every way! I make no excuses for what I am, because I am proud of what I am! I might not be what you think is right, but you are too judgemental for me. What I have to offer is wisdom, and frienship, and a heck of a lot of life experience. I don't know why you can't see the validity in the differences between us. I am sure what you have to offer suits the sort of person you are looking for! | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:56:02 PM | | Dear Naughtical................bingo You win .. if all she is lookin for and it does not take long to read between the lines , that sex is all she appears to be looking for. OP If you are not interested in forming a relationship with someone, my suggestion because flesh pounding is not rewarding ..... get a good bunch of tools as I am sure that will be fulfilling enough until you are ready to connect to a good man .. because your profile which says zero about where you are right now in your life.. (you have said more to us in a few brief sentences of your sorrow than expressed in your profile)_ If you are looking for a good man do not advertise your being as something less , humans needs are so much more than as a tool to deposit fluids .. ...........because you are so much more .. and I believe your partner whom you lost would not want you to have anything but great connections with friends and a wonderful caring man for a life partner .. why have meaningless sex it only deminishes the love you already know you have within you as a woman and you don't deserve any less for your life . | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 7:59:22 PM | Have you ever stopped to observe people? Everyone's damaged in some way. Not just on POF. Everyone. Everywhere. Including you. Including me. Once you wrap your head around that, things become a lot easier to deal with.
The different ways we're damaged are what make us unique as individuals. Just look for the people with the fun kind of damaged, and you're golden. | |
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| Is Everyone Damaged Goods?
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:10:51 PM | Good point, SRGrosse.
And the fact of the matter is that those of us have been hurt from past relationships are probably likely to want to enter new relationships before that damage is fully healed.
Whether that's sensible or not is certainly worthy of debate. But I'd bet that out of the people out there looking for commitment, you'll find many reasons to reject them due to damage.
When that damage is closer to being healed, they're going to be enjoying life with someone who had the foresight to look beyond the obvious and see the person within. | |
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