|
|
|
|
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:26:07 PM | Probably not many....because MOST work a 10-12 + hour day. You know, the second job after working all day at "work", the one where there is no paycheck...when you come home and cook supper, and clean, and do the laundry, give the kids a bath, read them a bed time story, finish the laundry, pack the lunches for the next day, etc...
That's not a second job. Consider that a hobby that women AND men have chosen and that they're committed to for 18 years.
OP- it sounds like you're getting the idea that work and money aren't everything. A guy who works 75 hours a week on a regular basis is useless to me. I'll take the poor guy who has the time and energy to play with me any day. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:40:14 PM | alooooohaha,
It's hearing women say what you've said, that makes want to go out and play in traffic. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm annoyed that I drove her to leave for a job I'm dedicated to, yet hate so much. It's not about money like I previously said. Oh, well....I lived this life lonely before. Guess I'll be doing it again until I quit my job. And, until some people read all of my postings here. Because I did cut my hours down to between 50-60. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 12:34:47 AM | And, until some people read all of my postings here. Because I did cut my hours down to between 50-60.
I did read all your posts before I commented and the first line of my statement to you was meant as an acknowledgment of the fact that you've cut back your work hours. I can see I wasn't clear but I think it's great that you're making the effort to change your situation.
It's not about money like I previously said.
Yes, you did say that but the only explanation you gave for working that many hours was to provide for your family, which to me equals money. So if not for financial reasons, why exactly do you work that many hours?
There's a certain amount of money a person needs to earn to adequately provide for their family. If it requires 60 hours to earn that, then a person has no choice but to work that many hours each week and they'll just have to accept that, for the time being, other interests like a romantic relationship may not be possible. But for a lot of people (not necessarily you, OP), 30 or 40 hours may be sufficient to provide for the family yet they're still working 60 hours, often at the sacrifice of relationships with their children or lovers. Everybody has their priorities and to *me,* those extra 20+ hours--particularly when spent at a job they don't love-- just aren't worth it. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:24:18 AM | There are several women here whose selfishness, insensitivity, and total disregard for understanding is appalling ! In some careers, lack of sleep is not an excuse, nor an option. Doing so can put others lives in jeopardy!
I'm a trucker. And lack of sleep risks me falling asleep behind the wheel, running people off the road, plowing into a school bus full of children, or running off the road myself and into someone's home or business.
Sometimes, responsibility takes precedence over lust and desire! | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:53:48 AM |
I'm someone who loves...LOVES sex! The feeling of smooth skin. The sight of soft pretty eyes. The genuine intimacy of foreplay. Connecting through intercourse. I crave it all!
Yeah, everyone else is just doing it to fill in some time, no one else likes it. Congratulations on being unique and liking sex.
If you want it then find time to fit it in. Nothing more elaborate to it. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:14:34 AM | Why am I working this many hours? I'm a restaurant manager....it comes with the territory. A five-star restaurant in New York City is a 24/7 365 undertaking. Even in your quieter moments, there's some chaos. I work so much, so that the people I manage don't burn the place down. Unfortunately, I work in a place where micro-managing is required.
There is nothing I would rather, than to work 9-5, come home and cook for my woman (yes, I would), and make love to her until the cops are called. Spend more time with my son, and make sure his homework and football playbook are in order. Sneak a few more moments to visit my mother, whom diabetes and now blindness have ravaged.
I am fighting like no one else's business to see the light of day to do so.
P.S. I don't want to turn this into a pity party. I did invite all of you to reply. I'm truly grateful for all of your input. Thanks so much. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:14:22 PM | Why am I working this many hours? I'm a restaurant manager....it comes with the territory. A five-star restaurant in New York City is a 24/7 365 undertaking. Even in your quieter moments, there's some chaos. I work so much, so that the people I manage don't burn the place down. Unfortunately, I work in a place where micro-managing is required.
Danz, buddy, I'm just gonna stop on that one bit of your last post and go from there.
Ok, so you're a restaurant manager in the Big Apple, in a 5 Star no less. Work, work, work for sure, and I think everyone would agree that based off the population of NYC alone, it's a given. Ok, good enough. Even in quieter moments, there's elements of chaos that will develop - ok, but this is not limited to a 5 Star eatery in NYC alone...nope, you get this same effect anywhere.
You say this ain't about the $$$, but clearly this has some charged element of feeling compelled to chip in with family, who have done for you, so now you wanna return the favor. Just a hint, though it's admirable, parents don't keep tabs nor do they keep score. I can't get the whole story, but let's just say that you're trying to provide a buffer for family because they have done so for you in the past, and the way you were raised, you now feel compelled to return the favor.
But at what cost? It always comes back to this. It started with up to 80 hours a week, which has been whittled down to about 60. That's still 5 x 12hr days, not including commute which could be anywhere from a 5 minute walk up the street, to 1.5 hours one way on subway or taxi. On average, add 2 hours round trip to the work day (for most), so now you're pluggin' 5 x 14 hour days. That leaves just 10 hours free. Between 6-8 of those should be reserved for sleep (in order to function properly and to aid in body health), so that would leave let's say 4 hours per day for just you. But wait, we forgot about prep time in the morning, so let's say that chews up 1 hour daily. 3 hours left. Then there's the wind down and meal AFTER work, which would knock off say another 1.5 hours including prep and creation. You have a total of 1.5 hours to yourself daily. Between preparing for the next day and keeping up with your life, that would be another 2-3 hours daily...oh oh, now you OWE yourself time. You've now exceeded the 24 hours daily. So now you have to overlap things just to keep it all under 24 hours a day. Sleep is usually the first thing to be sacrificed. 6-8 hours now becomes 2-4 hours. Add a woman or a SO in the mix, or in your case, family, and reduce that as applicable.
There's just a mere 24 hours a day to play with. We, as people need to find the best ways to manage that time adequately in order to be functional, and social.
Wanting to make sure that the 5 Star remains a 5 Star is admirable indeed. But putting yourself in a position to be the linch-pin in the day to day operations is gonna kill you one way or another. Maybe putting isn't the best word...allowing yourself to be the linch-pin is more accurate. If it's a situation where you are feeling overwhelmed by the position you took, then it's time to start allocating resources better or at the very least, delegate responsibilities or hire and extra hand to help YOU do your job.
I'll use the following example which demonstrates how people pigeon hole themselves to ruination. In my last position, there was talk over holiday time...when we could take it and for how long. In the US, where the company was based, they have no provision to roll over or pay out the holiday time not taken...if you don't take it, it's lost. Thankfully, in Canada, that doesn't apply, but I digress.
So we see a mass of salesfolk who have worked for Company X for near 4 years, and have NEVER taken holiday time in those 4 years. NEVER. Why? Well, it wasn't because they didn't have time...it wasn't because they didn't need time...it was because the powers that be wouldn't ALLOW them the time off. Yep. Said that if Joe Lunchbox left, even for a few days, the company would lose contracts and clients because "no one else could handle the cases". Often times, holidays were booked in advance with intent to be taken, but wouldn't you know it...just shy of leaving, suddenly there was always a "crisis" and they needed everyone on the floor to "pull up their socks" and "take one for the team". This was corporate speak for, "If you take the holidays as planned, your shit will be in a box the day you get back so spend the time off looking for another job". I shit you not. This is how it ran.
So, like good little lemmings, they stayed, cancelled their holidays, and ran another year without taking them. This happened every year, except for Management...funny how that always seemed to be the case...
They even tried to get ME to cancel my holidays (I wasn't in sales though thankfully), on more than one occasion. I just told my boss flat out that if he intends to tell me that this company will cease to exist or seize up operations for the 2 weeks I'm off, then you guys have deeper issues to contend with than just seeing ME disappear for a while. Told him that he may need to tell his people that they need a think-tank with more chlorine...
So rather than hire on extra hands, or delegate responsibilities while one was away, they made these people linch-pins in their own right and their departure, even for a few days, would cripple the intake. Your case, though not related to time off, is still in its own way directly related as they have made you, or you have allowed yourself to be a victim of your own success and/or diligence. If you shed even more time off, someone eventually will say that the place can't be run properly without you there, all the time. You are enjoying time off now, but rest assured, if your phone hasn't already been ringing with "I know you're on holidays, but we could really use you right now", then you'll hear some horror stories upon your return of how poorly things were run while you were away, thus making you want to reconsider taking any more time off or shedding any more hours.
You can't be a one man army. You can't step into that role. You can't allow yourself to be exposed to that. You can't allow them to pigeon hole you either.
If they can't operate properly with you runnin' a 9-5 type deal, then they need better organization skills. If you can't function or survive on a 40-45 hour work week, then you need to ask yourself why that is. Put the 2 together, and maybe start thinking of ways to streamline things in such a way that no one person feels like they are, or have to be, the be-all-end-all for the outfit.
At least your heart seems to be in the right place, so kudos to you for that. But even the 60 hour work week is still way too much. You've managed to sacrifice so much for the pursuit of good standing and favor, and yes, even $$$, but you have given up far too much to get there. I'd still say it's time to speak with the powers that be and let them know that enough is enough. You assessed your own life and situation and came to the conclusion that you've given up far too much to justify the paycheque you earn. You need more "you" time. More time for your life, not theirs. Think of the world that would open up to you if you had far more free time to spend with friends and family, loved ones and just yourself. It's never too late to stop the train you're on, or just jump right off. The only one that can make that decision ultimately though, is just you.
I've noticed that, when we find ourselves missing the life we had, by the time we get back to that life, it's no longer waiting for us. You're at that precipice right now, and you know it only too well, with the baby steps you've already taken. You need to put on your big boy shoes now, and take strides. Baby steps will see you watchin' the train back to your life leavin' the platform without you on it.
Make sense?
 | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:39:19 PM |
Chasing shadows...putting in 75-80 hours a week for what reason? Some will fall back on the classic gimme-line of "responsibilities"...others will actually be brave enough to admit that they just like the money aspect of it. Some people have jobs, and some people have careers. When people ask "What do you do? or What are you?" many of us answer with the title of our job. Life is full of tradeoffs; and the trick is being satisfied with your life. Personally, I cannot imagine a job where I only worked 40-45hrs a week. I had a job where I thought I was going to get in trouble for slacking when I turned in a time card for only 65 hrs.
OP: first, "To thine own self be true." Shakespeare. Eat right, take your vitamins, stay in shape, get enough sleep, avoid alcohol on nights when you have to get up in the morning. Sleep is critical; and alcohol destroys the restful nature of sleep by screwing up your "sleep architecture." People say "It helps me sleep." No, it helps make you unconscious; it destroys your sleep. Ever get drunk, sleep 12-14 hours, and wake up tired? Shazaam!
The biggest killer of lust is stress; and the best ways to distress is through physical exertion, and therapy. Say what you want, but therapy is very therapeutic. i.e. it works. Unless you've been there, few people understand how difficult, and stressful the restaurant/food industry is; especially a 5 star establishment.
Follow Shakespeare’s advice, and look after yourself. When the time comes, and your personal life takes precedence over your professional life, the gentleman with the 40 hr/wk makes a lot of sense. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 10:37:10 PM | BigDaddyJinx--Bonjour, Mon Ami...took a bit to ingest the entire post. (Condensed version next time, my brother, condensed version! lol)
Billy Joel sings the song "Allentown"...."Well, I'm living here in Allentown, and it's hard to keep a good man down....but I won't be getting today."
I've spent this week (vacation) soul searching, and job hunting. So that I can put this all to rest. I'm not only compelled to make a job change, but a lifestyle change, too.
This evening, I was conversing with a beautiful young woman, who read this thread and a few others I've written. The conversation was exhilarating, and it was good to hear a voice other than my own at night for a change. Believe me, I want more. And, I intend to get there. No ifs, ands, or buts. And, if a nice butt comes with it, I will give it my all to balance her and the further aspects of my life.
Count on it! Hockey!! | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:15:08 PM |
BigDaddyJinx--Bonjour, Mon Ami...took a bit to ingest the entire post. (Condensed version next time, my brother, condensed version! lol)
Billy Joel sings the song "Allentown"...."Well, I'm living here in Allentown, and it's hard to keep a good man down....but I won't be getting today."
I've spent this week (vacation) soul searching, and job hunting. So that I can put this all to rest. I'm not only compelled to make a job change, but a lifestyle change, too.
This evening, I was conversing with a beautiful young woman, who read this thread and a few others I've written. The conversation was exhilarating, and it was good to hear a voice other than my own at night for a change. Believe me, I want more. And, I intend to get there. No ifs, ands, or buts. And, if a nice butt comes with it, I will give it my all to balance her and the further aspects of my life.
Count on it! Hockey!!
Danz, you never struck me as the dum-dum type, so believe me when I say, I have all the faith and confidence in the world right now that you'll do what's best for YOU when the wheel comes full circle. Be it more hours, less hours, new job, old job, three jobs...when the time comes to make the choice, which leads to balance, you'll do what's best for you. I can believe that.
All this talk back and forth about this topic opened a few eyes on this side of the fence too. Yep. A lot of us realized life is too short to be made to spend it working. Not to say, we all wanna be unemployed, box-livin' hobos...but to assess our supposed work/life balance and see that there really hasn't been balance forever, and that needs to change. This doesn't affect me, as I crossed that bridge years ago, but it's interesting to see it in my people. Like an awakening.
You're a wise man Danz, and a credit to the Americas. You give me hope that not ALL of America is a nation of sheep...all chasin' down the same shadow.
You da man. Let us know how things turn out, as I'm sure we'd all be just as curious.
Cheers brotherman.  | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:37:23 PM | Merci, mon ami. I'm kinda teary (seriously), because I've never spoken so freely, about something so detrimental. Forgive my being sentimental, but, this non dum-dum is rather happy for a change. I'm sitting here with my dog, Lovey (aka The Puppy Show....she's a sitcom all by herself) and doing THIS is greater than steady onslaught I go through every shift. Now, if I could replace her sitting here (she's saying hello, rubbing her paw on the screen) with a sexy someone, my rainy night would be sweet. Of course, that would mean all of you would be posting without me.
Conundrums, My Brother...Conundrums.
Oh, one more thing....Canadians are quite intelligent, too. We Americans aren't sheep or sheepish (baaaa), we're just diverted by sexy Europeans.
Especially the girls....."Hello, Euro Nurse"
Bonsour, BigDaddy, and all of you. Thanks for being there.
From one Hockeyman, to the land of hockey....thank you.
To all my fellow Americans, Good Night!! | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/26/2008 1:23:34 AM | This post has given me a great ideal.
Me: This is Susie,I can't come in tonight
Boss: Why not?
Me: I need tonight off so I can have sex
Boss: If you don't come in you will be fired
Me:  | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:02:07 AM | I hate to say it, But America is FULL of sheep!
You see them every morning n every evening!
Most claim to have a mind of their own.
But many are easily led astray.
Are you a leader or a follower??
Leaders branch out and do their own thing.
Followers, are.............well, sheep!
Some occupations are just natural leader positions.
The nice thing, is that leadership skills are transferable.
OP: I perceive you as being a very strong leader. One whom could excel in other realms, than restaurant management.
Hell, if there's opportunity available, and if you have the guts? I think that an entrepreneurial venture would be where you would shine the most and be the happiest!
Be your own boss, make more of what you earn for your business. And never worry about having a job the next day!
I made the leap last year..............and never looked back!
I fell on some tough financial times this summer. But rode it out and am starting to recover. Yet, I am not resting on my haunches. I still have dreams, goals, and a plan.
I'm making sacrifices now. But, I'm simultaneously working towards a brighter future.
And I see my business growing.............so long as I take the next leap when opportunity comes knocking.
It's not always easy....being your own boss.
But, like I said............I've never looked back! | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:27:51 AM | | Op Many say its wrong to become involved with someone at one's work place. However as in your case you have hardly time for yourself much less scouting for a woman at the bars or other social gathering places. I would say look to the ladies at your work but be very careful as sexual harassment could come up. That's why its a shame these websites like POF end up just a place to rant and there are so very few willing to take a chance on meeting someone from these websites like this plus so many that are already involved with someone. Guess you could find a different job in your industry where you could work shorter hours possibly too but that would mean less money no doubt. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:29:55 AM | A recent retiree said to me on her way out the door
There is life after ( fill in place of employment)
You know she is right
Next package they offer I am so out of there
Time to ride my life till the wheels fall off
To the OP there's always room for Jello... make room for a healthy intimate relationship | |
|
| |
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/26/2008 6:26:26 PM | I would work my butt off all week, without pay, in exchange for one sleepless night of great love making and cuddling! I would just need an extra helping of mojo in my coffee the next few days to make up for the lack of sleep!
The point I am trying to make? To me, no amount of money is worth sacrificing intimacy.
Lack of intimacy drains my soul and makes me feel more tired than if I had worked 5 back to back double shifts. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:44:12 PM | Let me again thank you all.
But, I have a new question....ready?
Today, women differ in personality (IMO) more than ever. I have been told (by a woman) that there are 4 types of women today:
1. A chick (biker, scruffy, tomboy, etc.)
2. A diva
3. A femme fatale
4. A swayer (think lesbian)
I'm not asking anyone to identify who they are. That's your right to be who you are. I'm really curious to know, if the lady exists today. I'm having a hard time identifying her, and meeting her...particularly in my age group, and even younger.
Can anyone help? | |
|
| |
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:58:03 PM | i work more than 80 hrs, every 2 wks, but thats just regular time, not the o/t i can and worked up to 17hrs a day, granted it was oilfield work but still, with my current job, i'm still working more than the avg 80hrs most people get. if i was with someone and i was to tired to 'put out' then well, that's that, i'm too dang tired. some jobs out there NEED you to be well rested and alert. I did safety in gas plants etc so yea for me to be tired cause 'spouse' wanted sum, not good, that could endanger not just my life but the crews i'm in charge of to make sure we're all safe to go home...i'd rather go without for awhile than end up dead or severely injured. as is with lazy lions comment, climbing those towers is NOT easy, you get tired pretty fast lol anyway, thats my rant...give rest where rest is needed...  | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:00:53 PM | | oh yes and not to mention i'm a single mom who also comes home at the end of the day to cook and clean do laundry or shopping for food etc.... | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:17:45 PM |
Today, women differ in personality (IMO) more than ever. I have been told (by a woman) that there are 4 types of women today:
1. A chick (biker, scruffy, tomboy, etc.)
2. A diva
3. A femme fatale
4. A swayer (think lesbian)
I'm not asking anyone to identify who they are. That's your right to be who you are. I'm really curious to know, if the lady exists today. I'm having a hard time identifying her, and meeting her...particularly in my age group, and even younger.
I think this *woman* that told you this is going a bit overboard, IMO. I think we are all a mixture of all of these... yes, even #4.. although to me that could simply be preferring female company for a time.. not necessarily just sexual.
We definitely don't all fit into these neat 4 little packages... which is why you will have a hard time identifying her and meeting *her*... not only that, but we don't know what defines *her* for *you*.
When you ask "if the lady exists today".... what exactly do you mean? There are as many different interpretations of "lady" as there are.... well..... ladies.
 | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:36:14 PM | In order of appearance:
Lori, there is no doubt, that you are terrificly you.
Shadowz, there is no woman that I will ever compare my schedule to. Women, no matter the situation, will find that I cheer the hard work they do.
Libra, I guess I'll just say that those who live in glass houses, shouldn't live so close to ballparks.
As for a lady by definition...I'm not looking to insult anyone. I would think a lady knows her attributes, without a man defining that.
And I'll be sure to tell my mother that her being a woman doesn't count for much; and that her opinion isn't either. | |
|
| Sex and the sleepless
Posted: 11/7/2008 6:06:01 PM | | Ya those slaves that built the pyrimids didnt work as hard as a lot of pepole do today.They had the nights off. Today we have electric lights so we can all work 24/7.I was just in a car accident cause the driver had been awake for over 24 hours,and we still had 2 -3 more days of work to do!! | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
