| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:32:36 PM | I'd like to add a few first date killers to your list:
From a first meeting last year: talking to one of your children on the phone and telling them to hit another one of your children. And it got so much more crazy from there...
From a first meeting last week: talking about very personal and very negative stuff (I believe at one point she even asked me if I had wanted to abort my son, but it was all an uncomfortable blur), asking "amusing" questions from a book where you choose between stuff like cannibalism and torturing your parents (extra points if you know your date recently lost his mother), asking why I drive such a "conservative" car, complimenting me by saying I look like a bore but I'm really not, and some other chestnuts. Followed this by saying you can't wait to see me again, and calling me from a second number when I don't answer the first. Her explanation about the bore part and saying I dress like a geek (I was wearing my business casual clothes from work) was that it seemed like I wasn't trying to impress her. We met at Starbucks.
Also, if you have multiple profiles on different social networking sites, try to have them all have the same age, and relationship status, and career, and life story, and country of birth, and don't tell people you owned houses and sold them for crazy reasons when it's easy to look stuff like that up, and don't tell them you committed "white collar" crimes for which there are no statute of limitations (I looked that up, too. There are four crimes without that statute: murder, child rape, treason and war crimes. I guess she was an arms dealer)
Oh, and when you lie yourself into a hole, and the guy knows you are a liar, stop digging. For instance, there was this pathological liar with obviously fake super-hot pictures who has been trying to play me for unknown reasons and who claimed to live in my neighborhood and work near by and really wanted to meet but always had crazy last minute excuses...
Me: I am available to meet every day but Sat.
Her: Awww, I'm only available Sat
Me, later, and lying: Hey my plans fell through I'm available Sat
Her: I can't, I'm at work sick with... bronchitis. And they gave me drugs.
Me: Wow, that sounds bad, and you can't drive on those. Need a lift?
Her: No, Sea World is flying me home on their helicopter, and a friend is getting my car later.
Me: That's really nice of him. Hey, I have a ton of medicines I had to buy at the end of the year with my HSA, I can drop you off a care package.
Her: No, you can't, I've been quarantined
Me, two days later: Hey, how was your weekend?
Her: Great, I was up on the roof putting up xmas lights with the kids.
I later asked her why she lied about that stuff but she ignored every question and attacked me on random things. I really did want to know, people like that interest me. It might be possible that those were her real pics from before three kids, I saw one web cam photo and she was pretty huge. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/22/2008 10:49:10 PM | | Oops, where I said she was quarantined for "bronchitis" I meant "pneumonia" which is funnier because it's not even contagious. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/22/2008 11:04:22 PM | Joe, I was smirking on two but by number five I was laughingout loud...my fine oldest son is off to police academy....I hope he has a "trainer" just like you!
What a scream!
PS- thanks for serving our country and fighting for my right to speak whenever and however I wish.... I do it OFTEN so....THANKS!
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/22/2008 11:11:20 PM | | Oh gosh this is why my profile is hidden. I am going back to college at 44 I don't have time for all of this. I think I am gonna be like Dennis Rodman and marry myself? Without the wedding dress and veil - thank you! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:59:50 AM |
First date - meeting at a library. It is about 3 degrees in Colorado. I am sitting in my truck waiting for the guy. He pulls up in a vehicle with an older woman. She smiles and waves at me. He jumps out and looks A LOT younger than his said '32' years.
I am in shock. He opens my car door and jumps in. The lady waves at me frantically with a huge grin.
He: My mom said she thinks your really cute.
Me: How old are you?
He: What did I say I was?
Me: Age please?
He: Aww, come on...I really like older women.
Me: Age....now!
He: (sulking) 18
Me: I will take you out for lunch and then I am taking you home.
He: Can I get french fries?.
LOL I love it. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:16:30 AM | AncientMuse,
Feel free to ask! I have quite a few I could tell you. Come to think of it, I could write a book! Suffice to say, my friends and I have an ongoing contest for about 20 years now that all centers on 4/1.
InLAButNotALAGuy,
Heh, ya think…?!
QoftheU,
Story 1:
This is why I consider each others home off-limits until we have been on a few dates!
Story 2:
I’m afraid to ask what he did for the main course…
Story 3:
I have to know…did he have pictures in his profile? Or, was this all done on the blind?
Either way, awesome story!
Raspablanco,
I used to get scam emails from fake profiles all the time. Then I started including the picture of me in uniform on a police bike and for some reason they stopped entirely. Go figure…
GoneSailinBabe,
Ah, if your son was in NY, I’d be happy to help out! And you are welcome…by all means; keep speaking your mind FREELY! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:37:20 AM | This is just funny. It reminds me of just about every date I've had so far. My luck in dating has been so bad that one of my friends actually buys dinner just to hear my dating disastors as we like to call them. He knows they're better then daytime tv.
My personal favorite was the recovering alcoholic that critisized the way I drank my whiskey because I always add a little sour instead of drinking it warm and straight like he use to. In his humble opinion "it's a waste of whiskey". But drinking the first 37yrs of your life away isn't a waste of whiskey.  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:53:36 AM | | Holy shit. You have the patience of Jobe! I'd of sent this clown packing after the first restaurant and took a cab home. What a moron. You poor thing. Having to go thru that at all much less on your birthday. I hope every birthday since has been MUCH better for you!!! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 8:58:59 AM | Took me a while to stop laughing! You've sure had some winners! Mine pale by comparison, but two of the best were:
The guy from another site who said he "drank and smoked occasionally." I don't smoke, can't stand it but I do drink occasionally. So....we met at a local bar. He smoked one after another and drank beer from huge steins! When I asked him how much he did smoke, he replied, "3 packs a day." So much for occasional! When I reminded him how much I didn't care for smoking or dating someone who did, he replied, "You're missing a lot by not dating smokers." When I asked exactly what it was that I was missing, he said, "You missed me......" Lurched off the stool and off to the men's room, I guess, since I was outta there.
Next one: last summer met a guy for dinner. I show up clean, in a nice skirt and sweater, little spritz of perfume and on time. He had the day off, by the way. Showed up late and looked like he'd been dumpster-diving. Unshowered, unshaven, hair like a rat's nest; rumpled, decidedly unfresh clothes - looked like he'd slept in them - and ratty sneakers. Oh, yeah - his teeth: light brown, unbrushed and he smoked, after stating in his profile that he didn't. He looked me up and down and said, "I just couldn't seem to get motivated to do anything today." I replied, "That's obvious."
Geez, why do some people bother at all with these sites!!!
BTW, Joe, thanks for your service and your willingness to lay your life on the line of all of us. I appreciate it! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:04:09 AM | Sorry to hear that these things actually happened to you Joe, but this is some seriously funny stuff. Now I'm kind of glad no one is replying to my messages:-) Good luck in your future endeavors and please post more stories like this! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:38:42 AM | SweetSmartNSassy2, I think that 2ed guy may be suffering from some form of depression or bipolar disorder. He needs a doctor, not a date.
I once had a first date were we got pulled over for not wearing our seatbelts, and both got tickets. She then spent the whole date talking about how a few weeks ago she got really drunk and slept with one of her long time guy friends, decided it was a mistake, and that he had killed himself when she had told him that. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:10:48 AM | | Ever stop to think that maybe some are tired of the games that othes play? Or maybe that when we read a profile and hear it from a person over andover again about morals and honesty, we know in the end it is all bull. Like for instance, I went on my very first POF date, we had a good time, he emailed me and told me so. I though ahh, hes just being nice. I belived him when he said he had morals and honesty. He kept emailing, we had some great emails, he made me laugh, and i started to believe him when he said quote "thats who I am, a real genuine person". He was actually very enjoyable to talk to., and i was looking forward to seeing him again. So he even calls me the night before our second date and says I am looking forward to tomorrow, we are gonna have fun...Then he doesnt show up or call and then hid his profile. Have any clue why someone who is honest with morals and "genuine" would do that? Would it be easie rto say Hey i have been doing some thinking and think I am gonna take a different path in my life and put all my focus into enginneering, I had a great time and wont be seeing you anymore andgood luck to youOr how about I just didnt click with you, no harm no foul kinda thing. Just wondering your thoughts on this? Some of us our just smarter than others and cut it off beofre the first date. Some are smarter than others and know a line when they read it. I am not there yet. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:14:25 AM | Scenario...Meet a fellow on POF, get along great by chatting, msning, phone calls etc. Seem to really have a mental connection. You decide to meet up on the weekend. He says he wants to take you to a really nice restaurant and asks you to wears soemthing nice and he too will be dressed nicely.
Reality....Restaurant he wants to take you to is actually in another location and he messed up the address. Ok I can forgive him for that but........the place he chooses to take you is a 'take out' eatery.....no tables., no where to sit! You kindly suggest going somewhere else that has tables.......his response...Meh..as long as we have food, we can just sit on the parking Pilons OMG. Here I am all dressed up in heels eating out of a styrofoam container! LOL
Deal breaker!!! for sure. Am I being unreasonable here, or cut the guy some slack. He seems nice in many ways.......but...this did not make a good impression on me. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:32:18 AM | Lol! This is hilarious, at least there was some action on the verbal department. My date stares at me like I am juicy steaks ,while I am trying hard to lure him in social conversation. It makes me feel like a hard cored interogator with his one word answers. Cheers, Vannili | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 11:52:54 AM | this thread is a riot!
about two months ago, had set up a first meet from someone here at pof who i had done some emial, im, and a couple of phone calls with..........we had dinner, which wnet very well, i thought, so he suggested a movie.........i agree...........seemed like a nice guy and a gentleman to that point, thought there was potential for a second date at least
theatre was approx 7/8 full, as it was the opening week of the film ....... we sat toward the back and were the only two poeple in our row of 4 seats
about 10 mins in, he proceeds to take my hand and place it in his crotch........i take my hand away and tell him either now not or not here, forget which. he nods in agreement, so i think we are ok, though i was surprised at his doing that. in a couple of more minutes, i realize in my peripheral vision that there is a very DISTINCT MOTION going on beside me
he pulled a Pee-Wee Herman right there next to me
at least I didn't end up like Cameron Diaz in "There's Something About Mary"
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 12:05:02 PM | Beadonna,
Speaking of “There is Something About Mary”, you should have pulled a “Warren” and stood up and yelled, “Franks and Beans! He was masturbating!”
You owed it to the poor guy sitting in front of him. Otherwise the innocent guy would have joined Abraham Lincoln as another person shot in the back of the head in a theater. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 12:25:31 PM | | Ha ha ha ha ha ......................I guess I'm fortunate I only had that one experience,but then I don't do the dating thing so much. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 12:33:15 PM | My first date experience:
Date shows up in HIS mother's car, my window doesn't go down (that should of been my first clue)
Date shows up with faded black jeans that you can write your name on his leg and you'd be able to see what I wrote (that should of been my second clue)
In the car, (back when I was a smoker) date smokes my entire pack of smokes and never replaces them  (that should of been my third clue)
Arrive at the restaurant, I go and check my coat downstairs and took his with me! (that should of been the fourth clue)
Date claims to have been a vegetarian but when my veal dish arrives he ate half of it! said he hadn't eaten meat in 3 years! 
Large amounts of food left over and he asks the waiter to "divy" it up so he can take half home...
The nightmare from He L L is almost over and I go to take out my coat check ticket which was a miniature American Express card and he went to thank me for picking up the tab as he thought I was paying!!!
I can't wait to be taken home and I fake the whole I got my period blah blah and I had cramps he pulls over to get me something for my cramps to prolong the date
I finally convince this man that I'm on the verge of passing out and he finally took me home!!! OMG!!!!! I will never forget that date as long as I live...date calls several times to say how much of a "connection" we had....Oh brother.... | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:40:03 PM |
You owed it to the poor guy sitting in front of him. Otherwise the innocent guy would have joined Abraham Lincoln as another person shot in the back of the head in a theater.
Joe OMG! You are a riot! ha-ha!!!! I would have been so horrified! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 1:50:41 PM | | OMG..I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Nope, had to laugh it was so ridiculous! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. They would have been deal breakers for me too! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:31:35 PM | wow #10
Like what kind of girl, wants to introduce her three kids to some stranger she going on a first date with..??
#6 good.
Sounds like she has too many run-ins with the cops. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:01:10 PM | | Whew! Glad to see Im not the only one who feels like he only meets whackjobs! Great stories...thanks for the laughs. :) | |
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