| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:28:31 PM | I have one....we've been on one date and this is the second one... Him: Do you like me? Me: Yes you're pretty nice Him: So when are we gonna seal the deal? ....  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:31:58 PM |
I have one....we've been on one date and this is the second one... Him: Do you like me? Me: Yes you're pretty nice Him: So when are we gonna seal the deal? ....
You didn't post what your answer was...  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:46:26 PM | LOL....I am so sorry but it is comical.....and I thought I had it bad!! Well Joe ....keep your sense of humor!! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:57:24 PM | This one from me:
Number 1
Him: (Winks at me over the dinner table as the martinis sink in) you're so cute.
Me: Thanks
Him: You know, I'm very well off and I have a nine-inch ____
Me: Tell me about your family
Him: Well, there are five of us with five different mothers, we all lived with our dad.
Me: Well, you have a solid male role model there.
Him: I raised my two on my own too.
Me: That's great.
Him: (as we were saying goodbye as he was getting quite laced) so what to you think?
Me: I'll go home now and email you tomorrow okay?
Him: (grabs my hand and I think he just want to squeeze it and say goodnight but instead he puts in on his ____.
Me: Oh! (pulls hand away)
Him: I didn't want you to think I was a liar.
Me: Car screeches out of the resto parking lot and I proceed to drive an hour in the wrong direction before realizing it! OMG!!! LOL. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:04:12 PM | | Chet B - a cheapskate huh? LOL, that was too funny. anyway wanted to say that Simba is adorable, cute kitty. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:07:09 PM | Number 2:
Her: “You know, those weren’t airplanes that crashed in the towers”
Me: “Really? Were you there, too?”
Her: “Oh no. I was in . Why, were you?”
Me: “Yes.”
Her: “No you weren’t!”
Me: “Yes I was. 1 WTC to be exact. Then I worked on the pile for 2 months.”
Her: “So! You are part of the cover-up too!”
well believe it or not, there are some people who don't think we landed on the moon in 1969!! lots of fruitcakes out there alright. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:23:51 PM | Well Joe....
#1 there was another couple so it was a group thing which is why I agreed (I think they were scared when I lost my sh*t and he started crying )
#3 there were pictures and they were not him - similar features....or so the song goes.
Glad I could share....loved your experiences as well!!
And remember....watch out for freaks and weirdos....they masquerade as normal people.
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:23:52 PM | What a great thread!
To Joe and all of you who have had these experiences - I just say Thank You for the laughs and keep em coming!
Joe -your profile is great, and your posts are hilarious. I hope you find a great lady soon!
And SweetBabeBlue....I'm so glad your story didn't end in disaster with Mr controlling Steak-guy!
Cheers all -  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:32:37 PM | So here's a recent one for ya... gotta love the ones with brains the size of Mary Kate Olsen's lunch.
Me (phone): "Okay, I'm on the waterfront. Where are you?"
Her: "Almost exactly halfway between the Burnside and Steel bridges."
I walk from one bridge to another and back a few times, takes 30 minutes.
Me: "Uh, you said meet you on the east side of the river, right?"
Her: "Right."
Me: "The side across from the sun?" (It was late afternoon)
Her: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course."
I walk the stretch of waterfront again. Nothing. Decide to cross the bridge (another 1/4 mile) to the west side of the river. There she is.
Me: (sweating from all the walking) "Uh, hi, I could have sworn you said the east side."
Her: "I did."
Me (to self, WTF?!): "This is the west side."
Her: "....really?"
Me (to self, you gotta be kidding me -- points to setting sun behind us): "West."
Her: "Ohhhhhhhh..." | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:35:29 PM |
Me (phone): "Okay, I'm on the waterfront. Where are you?"
Her: "Almost exactly halfway between the Burnside and Steel bridges."
I walk from one bridge to another and back a few times, takes 30 minutes.
Me: "Uh, you said meet you on the east side of the river, right?"
Her: "Right."
Me: "The side across from the sun?" (It was late afternoon)
Her: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course."
I walk the stretch of waterfront again. Nothing. Decide to cross the bridge (another 1/4 mile) to the west side of the river. There she is.
Me: (sweating from all the walking) "Uh, hi, I could have sworn you said the east side."
Her: "I did."
Me (to self, WTF?!): "This is the west side."
Her: "....really?"
Me (to self, you gotta be kidding me -- points to setting sun behind us): "West."
Her: "Ohhhhhhhh..."
Hahaha.... I have this kind of mistakes always! Please don't be mad.... women are the creatures lack of directions.... | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:46:32 PM | He was doomed to fail from the start. If he forced the issue then he would be a "Control Freak".
Games never work. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/23/2008 10:49:57 PM | Wow... Sweetbabeblues sure has one heck of a story!
How... what? Frp!
My god!!! Where do these weird dates come from, huh? Man... I can honestly say, none of my dates have been that bad. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/24/2008 12:32:11 AM | Saw a snake on my porch tonight and it scared me ... can't sleep! Found this thread ... OMG ... I'm feeling sooo happy that I've not suffered as many scary dates as y'all seem to find!
I've had some strange ones but, Joe sir ... you are some kind of brave man to keep trying and still have enough humor to laugh with us about it! 
The more I read ... the more it seems that y'all have WAY stronger freak magnets on your heads than the one I'm wearing ... who'd a thunk it?
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:00:17 AM | him: I spent some time in the pen.
me: oh, ya?
him: Ya, I axed my gramma.
me: (scared spitless, couldn't say anything)....
him: Well, you handled that pretty well, I'll tell you what I really did
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:45:38 AM | How about....
her: Nice car...still has the new car smell
him: yeah I like it
her: what kind of gas mileage does it get?
him: I don't know
her: really? I wouldn't buy a car without knowing the MPG.
him: oh it isn't mine, I don't own a car I just got a rental for our date
her: (thinking) you live 2 hours away and don't own a car???
her: so your going to rent a car for each date?
him: sure, what else do I spend my money on? I live in my mom's house and my kids are with my ex
her: that's nice (thinking) can I go home now?
This was a real date I had, the date itself turned out nice but after our 2nd date he wanted me to drive from that point on. Killed on date 2 when I should have stopped at date one. Live and learn. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:26:49 PM | OMG!!!
Now I don't feel so bad, I have some of my own:
1). Him: You look way better in person than you pictures. By the way... do you ever get cold sores?
Me: "In the summer I get a few on my lip
Him: No I mean... down there.
at my look of shock:
"I just want to make sure you are clean".
2). Him: (as a runs into a woman he knows) "Hi how are you?"
She: I'm good, how's your wife?
Him (turning red as a beet).
3). Him: "what's that on your purse? can I see?"
Me: ummm. sure
Him: oh no, you're one of them.
Me: One of what?
Him: There's a G on your purse-- this is their symbol!!!
Me: It's Guess...who's they?
Him: there is soooo much you don't know about..... did you know there's a hidden code in serial numbers? shhhh... they could be listening.
4). Him: (on his fifth cell phone ring) "honey... I'm with a friend from work! I'll be home when I get there!!"
(hangs up) " honestly, I don't know why my sister is so bossy!"
"yes of course I'm single".
5). Him: "Oh did you want to have dinner? I thought we could share appies"
Me: Um.. ok if you like.
Him: (laughing) "I'm just kidding, I was testing you. I like to weed out the gold diggers.
and last but not least....
6). Me: "That's great that you run a charity, you can help lots of kids."
Him: "Yes, and I think you are definetely the type of investor I am looking for.
Only ten thousand will buy you in."
and they wonder why we want to chat awhile before meeting! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:51:00 PM | Rachael,
Those are absolutely priceless!! I have to know…did you meet them all online and in what length of time did they all occur (hopefully, not all in one month!)?
Also, you could chat all you want beforehand and it will never weed out all the nuts (guess how I know?). But, look at it like I do: If these dates didn’t happen, you wouldn’t have these great stories! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:03:45 PM | | Hey Joe...Just wanted to say kudos for still hanging in there. If I had dates like that Id probably give up entirely. Good Luck!! And thanks for all you've done as a vet and at 9/11 | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:58:28 PM | Good stuff, guys and girls! Oh, and Joe, I didn't know we went on dates with the EXACT SAME WOMEN, despite living in different parts of the country. What are the odds.
Here's a few I've had...
Her: Sorry I'm late, I was just cleaning up after the kids.
Me: Umm... I thought you told me you didn't have any kids?
Her: Oh, no, just my cats. They're my babies. I've got four.
Me: (Throws ninja smoke bomb and vanishes)
Her: So did you like being in the military?
Me: I dunno, I have mixed feelings about it... You see, it's like...
Her: (cutting me off) Good, 'cause I hate people who like the military.
Me: What do you mean?
Her: They're f**king a**holes. They kill people and rape people.
Me: What the... do you mean people who like the military or in the military?
Her: I don't care. **** them both. ****ing a**holes.
Me: (Calls in air strike and leaves)
Her: So how many people have you been with?
Me: Well, I don't exactly put notches in my belt... If I had to guess, I'd say 15... maybe.
Her: I'll tell you mine, but promise you won't freak out, okay?
Me: (Bracing for shock) No problem...
Her: 32. But none of them were all one-night-stands. All relationships.
Me: Ha, are you sure? ;) Because I won't judge; I don't mind if some of them were...
Her: Are you calling me a lair!?
Me: No! I was just saying... I mean, I've had some one-night stands too, and...
Her: Oh, so you're calling me a slut!
Me: No, I'm NOT! I'm just saying it's cool, you're can be honest with me...
Her: (cutting me off)'Cause don't think you're gonna get any with that attitude!
Me: ...about... Wait, what?
Her: What's the craziest thing you've ever done sexually?
Me: Well, me and my ex-girlfriend were at the movies... (I tell her the story)
Her: That's hot. I had sex with my cousin.
Me: Ha... WHAT?
Her: Yeah, buncha times. He plays hockey. He's so hot.
Me: fires up the banjo and does Sling Blade impression You shouldn'ta dun that, he's just a boy, poor little feller... (Not really but wouldn't that've been HILARIOUS?)
Good times!  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:26:10 PM | | See, this is the reason you shouldn't smoke crack while picking out women for dates!!! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/26/2008 11:34:46 PM | | I just skimmed and only read the initial post, but by gosh, you are funny and meet some real winners! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:47:04 AM | I met one who I didn't think we were going to click, but there was a bunch of us from POF going out so I invited him along. He shows up drunk, strike number one. I am listening to him talk and he is using all these young expressions, so I was 'how old are u again?', you said 32right? he is 'no I am really 36, I lie on my profile so the younger girls will talk to me. Ummmm..........
Then he proceeds to tell me that his last girlfriend was 23, the one before that 18. I asked him if he had ever dated anyone his own age, he said not since high school. He tried to reassure me of his sincere intentions by saying that he supported his last girlfriend so she did not have to work.Yeah I am sure that is why she was dating a 36 year old,lol.
So he is trying to convince me how he will 'take care of me', and said that he is ready for a real relationship now and ready for a mature woman. I actually laughed and told what made him think he could handle ME after only dealing with 18-23 year olds .
I had one a long time ago when there were only phone chats . I was talking to this one guy and he seemed fairly decent. He lived out of town and he ended up showing up half an hour early, I felt bad since it was an Edmonton winter I told him he could come in for a drink while I finished getting ready.
I was putting on makeup and he is 'oh u are prettier than I thought u would be',okay that is sort of a dumb comment but I can live with it. Then it was 'you have nice straight teeth', okaaaay (turns out he owned cows, I think it was meant as a compliment). Then the kicker. 'Well your boobs are not as big as you said they were'.WTF? I LIED? lol, I know what size my bras are. He is 'well I won't touch you, I am an expert, I can just put my hands in front of you and tell you what size you really are'.(he said this with a straight face). I am like no I dont think so, and he tried to convince me that he wouldnt touch me.
All I am thinking is I let this lunatic into my house!I managed to fake a migraine and he called for days after wanting to meet again............... | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:56:33 AM |
Her: “Well a REAL man wouldn’t try to separate a mother from her children! Good bye!”
I am really sorry to have laughed so much at your misfortune. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:29:18 AM | First date:
We meet at Applebees for a drink, he comes in sits beside me , puts his hand on my thigh and says " yeah baby , thats what in talkin bout ......damn".
So i sit and listen to how much $$$$$ he makes and how well traveled he is , after i finish my drink he says "lets go back to place and watch some naked t.v."
so i said "yeah.... sounds good , i'll follow you"
luckily i had parked far enough out he couldnt see what car i got into , got in my car and sped down the freeway !!!!!  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:45:57 AM | I had an interesting one.... initial walk in the park with a widow I met, seems that she caught her husband with kiddie porn, and found him chattin with girls online.... turned him in and filed for divorce. Right before the lightning hit the latrine he calls her up and leaves a voicemail detailing everything he wants her to have done, house, wills etc. She says there was this odd crackling sound in the background, then he says he has to go and hangs up. Turns out that he set his car on fire with him in it, and the last thing he did was call her up.
Pretty much creeped me out.
Needless to say I wasn't thinking anything romantic after that..... | |
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