| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:13:57 PM | Seems like a lot of us have had some "winners" as first dates. How about these two:
I'm waiting at a bar for my date to arrive for a drink. He arrives and has someone with him. He introduces me to his WIFE. And says "You don't mind, do you?"
Another first date:
We seem to hit it off, he is cute, funny and interesting. Then he tells me about a lady he had one date with who had gone missing and how the police had questioned him about it. I suddenly remembered I had t work early the next morning and decided not to date for a while. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:30:57 PM | | Sweetbabyblues.... OMG! That's funny but also scary! was that guy INSANE?! You're a trooper, If it were me, I'd have jumped out as soon as he slowed anywhere NEAR my home and got the heck out of there! eek! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:37:10 PM | Quite a few years ago i met a woman on Love @ AOL (now match.com) after talking to her online a few weeks. We agreed to meet for lunch ok no problem. She asked me if I wanted to go to a free concert with her again i said no problem sounds like fun.
We get to the concert and 9 beers later she says I have to go I have another date scheduled. At this point my jaw dropped. im like that’s ok but im going to drive since you have had a lot to drink, she says no way im driving her car and leaves me stranded. I had to call a friend to take me to my car 15 miles away. My friend picks me up 20 min later low and behold we see the cops have her pulled over for DUI and are getting ready to tow her car.
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Lu323
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Joined: 9/12/2008
Msg: 104 | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:01:33 PM | Wow, quite the adventure you have had:) lol
My question is when you do go out with someone normal, would you know what to do? Or would you think there must be soemthing wrong? | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:30:34 PM | | Has anyone else thought it would be a great idea to write a book about horrible internet dates! I think it would be a best seller! Of course, it may keep people from ever trying this! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:43:11 PM | | One of my most horrible first dates was a guy who looked nice in his pics, and sounded normal on the phone, so we decide to meet, He is 20 min late, he finally pulls in and proceeds to talk on his cell phone in his car for a few more minutes. He gets out , he's on crutches, ok, no problem ,but, he is filthy dirty, from his clothes to his greasy scraggly hair to the dirty grubby hands. I should have run but I go into the pizza restaurant we decided to meet at. I am embarrassed to be seen with this guy but sit down anyway. For 15 minutes he giggles nervously and cant look me in the eye. When my salad comes, I say I forgot to ask for no olives. He reaches over and starts picking the olives out of my salad with his grubby fingers! Not to mention his table manners were deplorable. That was it for me, I said I have to go and tried to get to my car as fast as I could! He actually followed me out and said to call him if I wanted to go out again! Wrong! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:07:07 PM | | It's hard to say if these encourage people to date more people because they are priceless situation comedy -- or less because in the moment they're utter disasters. The two likely cancel out -- hope springs eternal. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:09:47 PM | It's been a few years since this happened to me.
Her: So what kind of work are you into.
Me: I've been in the military for the past 20 years.
Her: Really, so what have you done for our people lately?
Me:(thinking she meant while in the serve) Well I served 2 tours in Nam in the late 60's,
then went to Panama during the big dispute they had there, and just before I retired in 1992 I went along with thousands of others to Desert Storm.
Her: No, I mean lately?
Me: Well after I retired I from the military I started working for the Sheriff's Department in Colorado and have worked there since 1993 as a Deputy.
Her: So you haven't done really anything for the people, just for yourself so far!
Selfish Me: Well, you know how it is when there's only so many hours in a day. I'll get started on the others next week. Damn it- there goes my cell phone ringing again. Gotta
go-if I get a chance I'll e-snail you later. BYE!! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:21:07 PM | | THAT COULDNT HAVE BEEN FOR REAL.. YOU TRAVELED ALL THAT TIME AND DISTANCE WITH SUCH AN IDIOT???? | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:12:35 PM | OMG!!! LMAO! Stellar thread Joe! All of y'all have been cracking me up.
This thread is a shining example of my theory that it isn't what happens to us; it's how we choose to respond to it. My choice in life is to laugh! Laugh as often as I can & if life doesn't serve up humor,....make some!
I've only had one wierd one & that was from match.
First date goes fine. He's handsome, intelligent, articulate, funny, & things went well. He seemed a perfect gentleman; even walked me to my car & didn't try to kiss me or anything. Very polite; respectful. Wow..cool.
Second date: I work late & he is a traveling salesman whose territory includes where I live. I had to work later than anticipated & called to let him know. I recommended that he go ahead & eat dinner without me. Not a problem. He was tired & went back to his hotel & I agreed to meet him briefly on my way home for a few minutes. Well, I thought that meant in the hotel lounge. I apparently had a Duh Girl moment. Instead he takes me to his room. (What was I thinking?)
Him: You know you need to be really careful out here.
Me: Yes, & I am.
Him: Tells me about several of his own crazy date misadventures & that people post false profiles, yada, yada, yada....
We chat a bit longer about general stuff & things seem fine.
Me: It's far later than I intended to stay & I need to be going. I have to get up really early tomorrow.
All of a sudden he has his pants open with my hand shoved to it & he's trying to get my head down! I punched him in the chest with my free hand as hard as I could (& I'm no woos) & most likely sounded a bit like a very angry chihuahua. He sat on the couch saucer-eyed with one hand on his chest & the other covering his parts. I may have injured that too...I don't rightly recall; it happened pretty fast. From the look on his face & the protective body language....well, it could have happend. I ranted for a split second & then just ran out of there.
Him: Wait a second! I'll walk you to your car!
Me: Thinking to myself....I dare ya... I just dare ya.
And!!!!! You guessed it! He called several times after that wanting to know when we were going to get together again. 
I finally blocked his number. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 1:13:15 AM | | These are really funny!! I've never really had any horrible experiences yet, but my most awkward was one of my first dates ever in high school. A boy and I were taking a walk around town when he tells me he has a present for me, an old jewelry box. I felt bad taking anything, and said he didn't need to buy me anything and it was nice of him, to which he replied, "Oh no, I didn't spend any money, my grandmother died a few days ago and I took this from her house when my family was cleaning it out." It totally creeped me out. I kept telling him I didn't want it and he should keep it if it was hers, but he wouldn't take no for an answer... It wasn't romantic at all, just morbid!!! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:26:55 AM | wow, i thought i had gone out with some crazy women before... but you guys win hands down... mine have been TAME by comparison
heh | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:11:14 AM | Darn..... those are some crazy dates.
I have met a few, but very nice people from POF. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:47:35 AM | The Aussie girls are much more subtle in their approach to killing dates. Usually a pick handle and a shallow grave of a bush track in National forrest.
My worst result from a first date is not as severe though.
A pleasent enough evening in the beginning then continued with her telling me everything from the size inner leg to the reasons for men being **stards. I was rendered mute. Not coz I couldn't speak but because she never stopped top breathe.
Started to get a bit odd and made a quick decision before dessert that this one was no keeper. Thanked her with great gallantry as I put her in her car and suggested while it was fun we may not be compatible. The next day things went haywire. 300 txts and 100 phone calls before the following weekend made me throw my cell phone out the car window at 60mph. Dammit I loved to be phone stalked... I may miss it...lol | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:59:17 AM | Some of these are hilarious...some are just down right scary. Here are some of my first date experiences - none as good as some of the ones already on here!
1.) Guy meets me for a date. We don't click. At the end of the date I thank him for coming out to meet me and tell him goodnight. He then asks if I'm going to go out with him again. I try to nicely tell him that although he seems nice I just don't think it's going to work out. He starts crying. We're standing in the parking lot, and I'm trying to console him. Then he gets mad, jumps in his van and leaves me standing in the parking lot.
2.) Talk to a guy on POF. He seems nice, looks good. We meet in a public place. Most of his teeth are missing or black. He tries to kiss me and all I can see is this mouth full of missing or decaying teeth coming at me. I duck him. Still trying to be nice, I try to talk to him. He tries to grope me. I tell him I need to go. He calls me on my cell phone and asks if he can see me again. I say no. He says "Well, ok, can you meet me at a hotel in five minutes and watch me mas terbate?" I say no and to stop calling me. Hang up. He calls back. Then he tells me he's married - "very unhappily" as if by saying "very unhappily" that's going to make me want to go watch him jerk off! I block his number.
3.) Went out with this guy from POF. Things went well, he was gorgeous. Later we're online chatting and he asks me if I've ever had incest. I say no....then he confesses he has had sex with his grandmother. I feel horrible for him - figuring his grandmother must have molested him when he was a child. So I ask him how old he was when it happened. His reply: "28 - it was last year. It was SO HOT!"
4.) Went out with this guy, it was our third date. He hadn't even kissed me, nothing. It was fine by me...he wasn't being pushy. So on the 3rd date he comes over for dinner. We still haven't even kissed when he looks at me and goes "can I spend the night"? I say no, I'm not ready for that. He just says ok. It was just so odd and out of the blue. He and I are boyfriend/girlfriend now. *Grin* :) | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:08:09 PM | OMG this thread had me in stitches I swear!!!!!!!!!! I really needed this laugh today especially after all the crap I have been going through as of lately.
Thanks to OPIE for posting it and thanks to others for sharing your dating woes...... | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:18:00 PM | I believe you they happened... These happened too... Date me.. Date me.. We seem compatible  ...
#1
Me: You're 25 minutes late.
He: I never thought you'd be on time.
Me: But I texted you once I arrived.
He: And I immediately jumped into the shower and got ready!
#2
Me: How is your son?
He: I don't know any more. His mom took him away from me. (Starts to cry)
#3
He: Do you believe in God?
Me: I do.. but I don't believe in religion.
He: Any person denying Jesus on the Cross is a false person!
# 4
He: I am sorry I did not tell you I lost my left arm and part of my leg in an accident. I wanted to wait for us to meet first.
Me: (Shell-shocked) It's ok.
He: I lost them in a drug deal gone sour. My wife stole a kilo of cocaine from the bag. They chased me with a car while I was on my motorbike. The guy knocked me off my bike and came with a hatchet, sliced open my helmet and ripped my stomach open.. I'll show you the scars later. Then...
Me: (Can I throw up now?)
# 5
He: Oh my god, I forgot my wallet at home.
Me: No big deal (a$$hole), I'll take care of it.
He: I am so embarrassed.. I am terribly sorry. This is bad!
Me: It happens. You will owe me one, no big deal (mf)
He: OK. Thanks.
After we say bye, I send him a message on POF next day to ask him if he was fine he deletes it unread.. I think he thought I wanted the money lol
#6
He: Is it true you are an interpreter?
Me: Yes.
He: How much do you make per hour?
Me: Around 30 Pounds per hour.
He: How much is that in a week?
Me: It depends how many hours I do per week. I'm a freelance.
He: How much do you make per year then?
#7
He: Do you have kids.
Me: No I don't.
He: What are their names?
Me: I said I don't have kids.
He: Yes, you do.
Me: I'm sorry? What makes you think so?
He: You said so on your profile.
Me: You're confusing me with someone else. I don't have kids.
He: Yes you do.
#8
In a bar where Tv is showing football
Me: How many kids have you got?
He: Well played. Are you into football?
Me: Not really.
He: Yes I love it too. What is your favorite club?
Me: I hate football.
He: Damn it! He was about to score! Hey, wanna see me naked? I have a pic here on my mobile!
#9
He : - God you have lovely eyes..
Me: Thanks, how sweet of ...
He: Just like my ex. [inset an hour of talk about his ex here]
#10
He: So what do you like to do when you're not working?
Me: I like to read, meditate.. and..
He: With weed or hash?
Me: I beg your pardon?
He: I meditate too. I used weed to meditate. What do you use?
#11
Naah... better not beat his record.. lol | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:26:26 PM | 1. Decided to meet a woman , seemingly a nice girl professional girl that I met online. After many long distance phone calls etc., We made plan to meet in Phx between San Antonio and Los Angeles and see the Grand Canyon. We had lunch and after watching her "guzzle" 5 bloody mary's (which seemed a tad bit much at lunch on a Friday) we continued toward the grand Canyon. The capper of the first hours of this date was stopping at the gas station to fill the tank and she bought a 1.5 liter of Vodka and Fresca to drink in the car while we were driving. It went downhill from there. I had a visual of being pulled over in Arizona with a buxum blond with an open container in the car. The weekend ended with caution.
2. Internet meeting, she worked at a locksmith near me. We met for lunch and since I needed keys made she cut an american flag key for me (post 911). I noticed she had no front teeth or molars and one canine (mind you a casual glimpse - unlike horses when you actually look at their teeth). I asked about where she was living, she said the back room of the locksmith shop. He boyfriend set her up there since he was married and she still was dating him. The shop had no hot water, let alone a shower. The date ended quickly.
3. Met a younger woman for a quick meet and greet at a local fast food restaurant near her home (she suggested it - a dead giveaway). She arrived with her 4 month old baby and breastfed the baby while we were trying to chat. She also told me she was on birth control if I was wanting to "dip my wick". I walked her to her car and smiled, wished her the best. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:45:30 PM | Not sure this is technically a first date deal, but it seems close enough.
Met this lady one afternoon. Her friends knew my friends. The group gets to talking fishing, and she asked if I would take her one day. Sure -- tomorrow afternoon is fine. We went. A nice afternoon. Limited. Came in, saw her off. Nothing sexual at all. Seemed like a nice lady -- maybe I'll ask her out some time.
The next day when I arrive home after work she is parked at my apartment complex. Moments later a furniture delivery truck drives up.
her: "I bought us a new bed. I don't think it would be fair to either of us to be living together and sharing a bed we shared with another."
Oh yea. I hope they gave her her money back. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/4/2008 1:17:02 PM | OMG, what a good thread, this sure made my day, always great to have some laughs.
I think the best one I ever had was a born again christian who I had told in emails that I didn't think it would work because I am not that religious. He concinved me to meet him anyways for lunch. Ok so off we go.... we sit down to eat, at a buffett no less (because he hadn't had a full meal in a while and he could 'fill' up there).
He: F** it I am not saying a prayer before eating today
Me: Um ok
He: Do you believe in ghosts and stuff like that?
Me: Nope, I think thats all a hoax
He: BS this ghosts are real, whenever I go over my ex's house, her and I talk to them and we do the thing with the Ouicee board (sp) and I am f'n telling you it is real.
Me: I thought you were oh so christian, should you really be swearing like that and believing in ghosts?
He: F'u I am a born again christian I have read the bible and I go to church almost every Sunday.
It went downhill from there....glad my car was parked on the bottom of that hill to take off in. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:23:26 PM | Worst first date line I've had:
"I can't believe you're actually single! You're so much cooler than my wife!"
(that was a few minutes before the cab showed up so I could make my escape) | |
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