| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/9/2008 7:56:04 AM |
"So I was thinking we could take a vacation in March and go skiing in Vale."
um, where is "Vale"?
is the skiing there nearly as good as it is in VAIL, CO ? | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/9/2008 8:02:08 AM | Op i love it :D
funny as....some right ****ups on the net..Religious ones really get my goat...god i hate religion
LOL | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/9/2008 9:17:56 PM | | ...the guy that kept staring at himself in the mirror behind me at a sports bar......then he winked at me while he popped four little blue pills in his mouth~~ while scarfing down the beer.....proceeded to do little dances at the table....it was too much to take-- | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/9/2008 9:20:05 PM | "I'm a magician. You know card tricks and stuff. I could show you a trick sometime."
I showed him a trick too, it involved me disappearing. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/9/2008 9:44:13 PM | | Almost, but not quite.... :P Killington is still my favorite. ;) Hey, I'm on cold meds. Lucky I can type at all! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/10/2008 11:32:12 AM | | This entire thread is hillarious!!! Luckily nothing like these bad dates has ever happened to me.....sorry for all the misfortune though.....sure makes me glad I haven't met the nutballs on here. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/10/2008 8:22:27 PM | O I got one that beats them all...
Me: I haven't dated in over a year, I just have been hanging out with my daughter..
Him: well I haven't dated in a year either..I just need to find a woman who LIKES anal and will do it when I want..hope that doesn't offend you...
Good God! Then sent me a trillion text wanting to know why I hadn't been talking to him! LMAO.. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/10/2008 9:48:55 PM | OMG, how freakin funny are you?!! Geez, and I thought my experiences were bad.
Thanks for the laugh, I needed it!  | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/13/2008 11:25:36 PM | Her: What seperates you from all other guys, since you pretty much all worship the penis god ?
(you want the intellectual gloves to come off and the muzzle to come off of my otherwise pleasant mouth ? Start a conversation with me juuuuuuuuuust like this
Me: #1. My name is not "because the last guy I dated..." #2. When you put a clean plate among dirty dishes, eventually that plate gets greasy. #3. Do not rain blows on me for something I had nothing to do with. Puzzle pieces don't force themselves on one another. The same way there is a willing piece, there's a WILLING HOLE for that piece to go.  #4. The restaraunt has tempura-nce [yeah, where I get it from, I'll never know] on the menu. You should order some. #5. Because I love my father enough to live better than he chose to. #6. This date was over at #1. #7. Because I've lived my life learning how to be more than just a penis, despite what the cosmo magazine in your Vera Wang purse will have you believe [yes, actual magazine. Actual purse.]
Her: Pre- "egg on face" : *Utter Silence*
Her: Post- "egg on face" : ........... Don't judge me. I'm bi-polar. Despite that, I still stand by what I said. (Lmao, yeah bi-polar is something you just forgot to mention. *smack* .......coulda' had a V8)
Me: As I walk out of here [without you], you can do yourself a favor. Work on that bi-polar situation. While you're at it, work on the attitude, the "F**k men" tirade battle-cry, and the "I've got it figured out why I'm still single" bit. You sure do have it figured out. Your perspective sucks. I'd buy you a ruler, but you'd probably fashion it as a sexual come-on, instead of a clue.
*Walks out of restaurant/eatery*
One older guy shook my hand and said "don't even let it bother you". We need more like you.
I'm just one fish among millions. *shrugs* What do I know ?
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 12/14/2008 8:07:47 AM | LMAO, these are too funny. Some people's children...
I've had some that don't even seem to want to make it t the first date, now I should mention that the online conversation with them at this point had absolutely no indication of this, we talked about what we do for a living, how old we were, our familiy situations, what part of town we are from, and what kind of hobbies we have and then:
#1
Him- Hey I think I may only live a couple of miles away from your area, can I just come to your house and we can hang out there. (Ok, this is online dating no nos 101 for a woman at least right??)
Me- A hhh, no I can meet you somewhere for coffee or something, that's fine and it would probably be more appropriate I think, (right) lol
Him- No you should just let me come to your house we'd be more comfortable there .
Me-(Ok at this point I've got the hint, lol) No I don't think so lol, we don't really need to meet, I think we might be looking for different things, lol
Him- Aww come on no we're not your sexy and I live close let me come over.
Me-Again I'm not looking for that but thanks anyway.
Him- Why not I'm not crazy or anything I just want to hang out.
Me- No thanks, my idea of hang out was coffee somewhere lol, I think I'll have to pass, but good luck to you. (Disconnects the IM and done with the conversation)
Can you believe this one still has no idea why this is not appropriate, why not???? - DUHHHHH
Here's a winner he gets the here's your Tshirt award:
Him- I'm extremely honest and I just want you to know that I really want to have sex with you when we meet can I come and get you and bring you to my place?
Me- AAAh, WOW, obviously we are not looking for the same things here, I'm not interested in meeting you.
Him- Fine you just want to keep having guys that lie to you and play games, women say they want honesty but obviously you don't.
Me- (Hold back laughter) Being honest is great and I'm glad you are, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with your request for sex just because you were honest about saying that's what you want? Why would you think that?
Him- Fine you women are all alike you just want a guy that's going to lie to you, you get what you deserve.
Me- OK>>>> LOL, LMAO, (no longer able to contain it) I'm sure there are going to be a guys that lie to get sex, but that doesn't mean that's all men for one thing and women don't have to give you sex just because you ask for it DUHHHH LMAO(at this point I am throughly amused by this one rolling over laughing boy o boy, apparantly he did not appreciate my laughing at him either and he let me know that too, honest, stand up, guy that he his, right lol)
Again some people's children, some folks couldn't buy a clue if they had a pocket full of money, but it is what it is, and it makes for some funny stories right lol, lmao..
happy fishing everyone..
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/16/2009 6:41:31 AM | After a weekend of paragliding, chilling out & enjoying the great outdoors & what life has to offer....
On a first date I asked her what she did in here free time at the weekend?
She said that she went to her dads to get some more crack....!!!!
Maybe I should have asked that before the first date. I must have had my "bullsh*t" dectectors" on a lower setting because she looked quite nice. Needless to say, I got up & left right there & then...
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/16/2009 6:42:59 AM | | Then there was the girl who dissapeared for 45 minutes to dance with her friend.... God I hate townie night club people....lol | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/16/2009 8:43:40 AM | | Damn pretty good stories if I do say so myself,I hope to get a few in the near future....Oh they were all loons to the umpteenth degree!!! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:34:35 PM | Whoa
Totally relate. Several years ago before POF you had to do this by mail. Dating myself , I know. However, I got into a phone conversation with a nice woman (I thought) and we arranged to meet for coffee. I picked her up at her place (just outside of town and it was a nice place). Drove to the coffee-house and the usual light conversation ensued.
Now, at the coffee-house things changed. I'll try to convey to you as exactly as I can what transpired.
Me: So, have you been here long? City etc. She was renting.
She: I was kidnapped by aliens....Really she said this.
Me: Dead silence. Not a peep. What could you say? I'm thinking she wants to go home because she's hating the date.
She: You don't believe me.
Me: Well ..this is a bit of a surprise.
Her: It's true...I have the tattoos to prove it. They put identifying marks on my scalp for future study.
Me: (Thinking) Tattoos? WTF?
Me: Really?
She: Yes. They are studying us to find out if we're worth understanding.
Me: So, they might be coming back?
She: Yes.
Me: Umm..am I sitting too close?
She: What do you mean?
Me: Well..if they're coming back , I don't want to be too close to you in case I get sucked up in the tractor beam as well. I mean I do not want to go. I've heard of those weird experiments they do and I do not want to go.
She: You're an a**h**e.
Me: Are you done your coffee?
Now, the odd thing is, is that she truly believes she's been abducted. I have no where to go other than to take her home. Too bad, nice looking woman but definately way out there on the "Star Trek" scale.
PS. called me about a week later to ask why I hadn't called her | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:30:14 PM | "First date, sitting at a picnic table at a park.
He: I am a born-again Christian, but I don't push it on people. Are you religious?
Me: No, I am more spiritual.
He: My last girlfriend was spiritual too. She liked to drink her own urine.
Me: I'm not that spirtual
He: That's good cuz I never got used to kissing her after she drank some.
I got off the bench and walked away....."
OH NO!!!! I give up! I'm laughing so hard I'm producing the subject of this story! | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/17/2009 9:44:41 PM | ha ha.. i got a good one.. Never can forget this one.. ever..
date was actually our second tho.. first was movies so we didn't really talk..
~~~~~~~~~
After our dinner had arrived and he has ordered his 6th beer...
Me: So tell me a little about your parents? You seem pretty close to them.
Him: Yes I am pretty close to them. I wish they would get along better though.
Me: Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Are they divorced?
Him: Oh no they aren't divorced. but my father used to be an abusive alocholic and my mother has never forgiven him.
Me: Oh that's terrible!
Him: Yea my mom gets on my case about my drinking and my anger issues and everything. She doesn't want me to turn out like him. I mean I drink alot and I lose my temper sometimes but I am nothing like him.
Me: Anger issues?
Him: Yea, sometimes I lose my cool in situations where I shouldn't especially if I've been drinking, but I have that mostly under control now.
~And he orders another beer~
Me: Excuse me I have to use the bathroom
*I left*
Another guy asked me to marry him on our first date.. I thought he was kidding.. till he called me the next day wanting an answer....
*sigh* | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:48:36 AM | | When a woman asks on the first three dates in a desperate manner, how do you "feel" about me? I dumped her on the third date, we had not even kkissed and she was asking how I felt about her. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:38:37 AM | omg, you've had some funny dates! 
11:00 a.m. Saturday morning
Me: (there first, so purchased my coffee drink, drinking it on the outdoor patio when he shows up)
Him: That looks good. What is it?
Me: (tell him thinking he'll get himself one - he brings out something different for himself, and another for me - so I have two full frapps in front of me. Okay . . . nice I guess)
Him: Do you like wine?
Me: Yes . . .
Him: Let me guess. Red?
Me: White.
Him: Really? White? Wow. My ex hated white wine. Do you like fireplaces and romantic dinners in front of the fire?
Me: Of course. I . . .
Him: Then you'll love my cabin. I haven't had anyone out there since my ex, and she loved having picnics in front of the fire . . .
(and the rest of the date was all about his amazing ex-girlfriend who has since married and had a child with her new guy - a guy who is apparently all wrong for her. I finished my drink and took the other to go.)
Going to a concert with an older man
Him: Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?
Me: (smiling) Thanks. I'm glad you think so.
Him: No seriously. Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? Do you know it or do others have to tell you?
Me: (shrugging, not sure where he's going with it) I guess I . . . I don't know. I think I'm pretty. But really, it's a subjective thing and some people might think I am, and others not so much. . .
Him: Well, you better figure out if you know it or you don't. You know what you need? You need someone like me in your life to keep you from getting a big head. I've seen how women like you get. They think they're all that, but one day beauty fades. What you need is someone to remind you that you have a lot of flaws, just like the rest of us. You can't get big-headed about it. I can keep you in line.
Me: So what? . . . you need to take me down a notch?
Him: (nods)
Me: Because you find me attractive?
Him: Exactly.
Me: So you need to put me down, make me feel bad about myself and generally do everything you can to tear down my self-esteem because YOU happen to like how I look?
Him: Well, I wouldn't put it that way, but I guess in a nutshell . . .
(end of date) | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:45:30 AM |
Another guy asked me to marry him on our first date.. I thought he was kidding.. till he called me the next day wanting an answer....
I met that guy! Or someone exactly like him. | |
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| Sure-Fire First-Date Killers
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:37:50 AM | "What you need is someone to remind you that you have a lot of flaws."
Bwahahahahahahaha!
What a selling point!!!
He should put that in his POF headline -- "Will Never Let You Forget Your Flaws!"
"Hi, I'm Sam, and I firmly believe that if you really love somebody, you'll always hammer home what's wrong with them. It's the kindest thing a caring person can do -- to keep his/her loved one from getting a big head. Then, many years down the road, and after the beauty has faded, her head will be just as small as it ever was."
Remember that old Art Linkletter show, "Kids Say the Darndest Things"? This thread has gone waaaaay past that show in terms of entertainment value. | |
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