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 cautiousluv
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 151
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!Page 8 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

So if a man is totally deceptive, pretends to be someone he isn't, cheats on her - that's STILL her fault because she chose him. It's never HIS fault???


Yea.....I'd kind of like to know the answer to this also. Granted.....I think most of us can quickly figure out when a man is not who he's pretending to be. But I'm sure there are situations where the man is just a really.....really good liar!
 bhri
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 152
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 6:41:22 AM

So if a man is totally deceptive, pretends to be someone he isn't, cheats on her - that's STILL her fault because she chose him. It's never HIS fault???



Yea.....I'd kind of like to know the answer to this also. Granted.....I think most of us can quickly figure out when a man is not who he's pretending to be. But I'm sure there are situations where the man is just a really.....really good liar!


Posted by riuser

I read it as these women have multiple men do the same thing. One or two and it could easily be the man's fault. But when it looks like a pattern of behavior, then it falls back on the women. If they chose 10 deceptive men, then it still is likely that they are choosing poorly. If they chose one or two deceptive men, then it is more likely that the men were just a-holes. Since they state that men over 40 (a large group), then it is more likely laying more at their feet.


This was essentially my interpretation. I am assuming that they are not basing their judgements on 1 male each. In other words, they have had this each happen multiple times. Therefore, a pattern of behavior. Since it is a group of friends, it is more likely that they are looking for similar types of men (although that does not have to be the case).

If it is based on 1 or 2 bad relationships, then would you not consider it just a b***y rant and gross generalization? If I have 1 bad relationship with a woman over 40, then it could be her and not just me. 2 bad relationships, then it still might be them. At what point can I start generalizing women over 40? And if I am generalizing to women over 40, at what point am I going to take some responsibility in my choices?
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 153
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 7:46:40 AM
I'm 52, and yes I have noted that men who are mostly doing their dating from the net are looking for something very casual. (this happens in real life dating as well)
Seems like lots of men want a sexual relationship but w/ out the actual time responsibilities of one, of being bf/gf. where sex is a natural part of the relationship.

My daughter who is almost 21 says this is prevelent in her age group as well.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 154
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 10:26:37 AM
let them look


let them look


oops, nothing there
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 155
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 10:56:49 AM
I'm 52, and yes I have noted that men who are mostly doing their dating from the net are looking for something very casual. (this happens in real life dating as well)
Seems like lots of men want a sexual relationship but w/ out the actual time responsibilities of one, of being bf/gf. where sex is a natural part of the relationship.

My daughter who is almost 21 says this is prevelent in her age group as well.

Why is this a surprise? With current family laws, constant discrimination against males and feminist attitudes men want as little relation with women as possible. That means only primal urges. You reap what you sow.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 156
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 11:15:54 AM

--Zen--:
Why is this a surprise? With current family laws, constant discrimination against males and feminist attitudes men want as little relation with women as possible. That means only primal urges. You reap what you sow.


Speak for yourself, if you can't handle a strong woman, maybe you need to go to the gym and work on that.

Why don't you take your primal urges into your own hands.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 157
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 11:18:53 AM

Speak for yourself, if you can't handle a strong woman, maybe you need to go to the gym and work on that.

Why don't you take your primal urges into your own hands.


 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 158
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/3/2012 2:07:53 PM
Speak for yourself, if you can't handle a strong woman, maybe you need to go to the gym and work on that.

Why don't you take your primal urges into your own hands.

oh please. there are enough younger males rolling over and showing underbelly. how about being actual father and raising actual men?
 LiteHart67
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 159
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/19/2012 5:54:39 AM
I am in your group of men statistically, and personally, after a bad marriage, I simply want to be confident I will not be in another bad one. I am sure you are very correct with a large percentage of these men as being "players". I have been pursuing permanent rest of my life relationship, but I continue to hit deal breakers that convince me I am not dating the right person. The last woman badly misrepresented herself, and once I had discovered that, the future was lost with her. There is ALWAYS risk with relationship. You just have to go see what is there if you consider it worth that risk.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 160
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/20/2012 3:50:56 PM

Why is this a surprise? With current family laws, constant discrimination against males and feminist attitudes men want as little relation with women as possible. That means only primal urges. You reap what you sow.


I agree with this to an extent as well.

Its not that I don't want relations with women, its just that there is too much at risk to become seriously involved, especially when you date women where family laws may sting you (like single moms).....

From my own experience, I've gone through divorce and was able to survive without losing everything and I've worked exceptionally hard to become better for it. With that, I've found I simply don't need a woman for day to day life. I cook better than most, I clean, I do laundry, and I cut grass and change oil. What I need a woman for is simply companionship and love. Really nothing more.

And while I do have a lovely GF for 3yrs now, I've gotten used to living separately and independently. She has young kids and I refuse to live with her due to the C.S. laws here in Canada that could sting me if things went sideways. We do spend quality "alone" time when both my kids and her kids go to our respective "ex"s, but that only amounts to every other weekend. Outside of that we remain independent, and I would say the decision to remain independent is due to crazy family laws and the effects of over feminization for sure.

So be it.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 161
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/20/2012 4:35:03 PM
Yes, women with all that going on can go for the younger hotter and do. Forget about the casual players which abound in this big ocean and which attracts that sort. If they are pumping and dumping, they are not feeling a real connection and move on or they are just commitmentphobes. Lets face it you are judging men by dating sites, which is a skewed view.
 skarabians1
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 162
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/20/2012 8:19:51 PM
If ladies listen to what the players are saying instead of pitching themselves, and then opening their legs they might start recognising the red flags. As one guy said, if I have to keep telling you I'm a nice guy then I'm probably not. Most real men don't continually brag about themselves. Alot of I,I, I is a good sign they are into themselves. If you tell them something they are doing bothers you, they'll turn it against you and make you feel bad about it. They disappear and then show up again. There are women like this too. Just saying, give everyone a chance....just don't make excuses for them.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 163
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/21/2012 7:00:03 AM


So if a man is totally deceptive, pretends to be someone he isn't, cheats on her - that's STILL her fault because she chose him. It's never HIS fault???

Yea.....I'd kind of like to know the answer to this also. Granted.....I think most of us can quickly figure out when a man is not who he's pretending to be. But I'm sure there are situations where the man is just a really.....really good liar!


Yeah, but then, if I were to take the original post of her "personal study", I'd have to then conclude that all men over 40 are "mostly really really good liars"? Really? 'Cause my personal experience with "people" of all ages and genders is that only a small percentage are "really really really really good" liars. *Mostly* people just get "snowed over" by their *own* inability to see through the lies, or just 'wanting to believe'.


If ladies listen to what the players are saying instead of pitching themselves, and then opening their legs they might start recognising the red flags. As one guy said, if I have to keep telling you I'm a nice guy then I'm probably not. Most real men don't continually brag about themselves. Alot of I,I, I is a good sign they are into themselves. If you tell them something they are doing bothers you, they'll turn it against you and make you feel bad about it. They disappear and then show up again. There are women like this too. Just saying, give everyone a chance....just don't make excuses for them.


I agree, its really easy to 'generalize' a class of people based on a few experiences, but is that reality? I hear guys complain about "gold diggers" all the time, but quite honestly in my experience I'd put my encounters with them at maybe 1%? But, I will say that I've met a lot of people who are just plain old confused about what they want, heck, I know I am at times... and a lot of times we see people as 'what we think we want' rather than what they *really are*. I mean, c'mon, how many threads do you see (one today) where the guy is proclaiming his "love" after 3 weeks and talking marriage... that's *his* fantasy of what the relationship is, not reality. In the same way that the 'childhood fantasy' some women have of marrying their 'knight in shining armor' isn't reality.

If we could drop our own 'bias' of what we want, and see and accept (maybe, or not) people for who they really are, there'd be a lot less problems. Yeah, if I'm always telling you I'm such a "nice guy", I'm probably not - hey, I'm human, I can be an a** at times too... but I try to be a decent person, and if I'm not, call me out on it.
 Justcheckingfor1
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 164
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/21/2012 8:42:17 AM
After a while of being single and rejected for wanting a long term relationship or when one finds out after dating a person for a while that they are not as good as match as they once thought they were can cause someone to just want to play the field. I think one needs to define what "being single means." Being single to me, means that I am not married and neither is my partner. Unless we are married I don't owe her anything and she does not owe me anything. Getting married is just too risky, expensive and potentially life as we know it destroying. I used to want a huge family, now I no longer want to have children. So why not play the field? Why go through all the trouble and work just to find out that you and your partber actually can't stand each other? Sometimes the love making is just so good that it puts blinders on things like that. Cheers

What I find interesting is that my peers and famikly are always wanting me to find a girlfriend so that I can "finally be happy." But when I do find a woman to date, it seems they think that I can do better. Sometimes playing the field and just seeking some lovin' is a better option.
 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 165
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/21/2012 5:40:13 PM

Men are you afraid?


Afraid ?? too strong ...But I have learned women are capable of evil things and..
.. I am very ,very cautious.


do you know what you want in a woman?

Yes ... A woman who is not capable of evil things ..and pretty too !
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 166
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/21/2012 6:12:59 PM
I will take your word that you weren't looking for an IE and I am sure that a few innocents do get caught in the net. However, the majority of people who do get caught by that filter are looking for a ONS rather than a LTR. Anything that cuts down on the amount of weeding that I have to do myself is worth it to me.

Why? I chose other relationship at first because I intended to avoid a relationship that required some sort of committment and a one night stand would have been ok if I found the woman attractive enough and no one would get hurt. I only changed to dating because after talking to a few women who were in the dating category and reading the forums, I realized most people's idea of dating was what I was calling ``other relationship.'' I just didn't think it was worth the effort to create a new profile meet women I couldn't contact, especially when I noticed lots of them would contact me first. I guess you could call it my naivete filter. I have nothing to gain by pointing out how silly that filter is. I'm engaged to a woman I've been dating exclusively for almost 3 years and I don't see much chance of anything about that changing.

HUH? I think with most woman it DOES get translated into action.....just not with every Tom...D*ck and Harry.

You are prevaricating as it has nothing to do with how many guys you sleep with.Then I guess despite being single my entire life, having lived with three different woman and had numerous other relationships, I must have had the unusual experience of almost all of them being fairly putitanical women compared to these women you mention, in spite of my efforts to avoid the puritanical types. Given my own views of sex, you'd think I'd attract women who aren't the goody two shoes type if there were many of them around, so yes, I'd be rather surprised to find out women's minds are dirtier than most people think they are, but if you say so...

*Mostly* people just get "snowed over" by their *own* inability to see through the lies, or just 'wanting to believe'.

You can easily verify this by telling people the truth in an over-the-top/unbelievable way and watch them dismiss it as a joke. People will go to great lengths to rationalize away the truth when it conflicts with what they want to believe.

You do not want to generate bad pr and I see a lot of unhappy males here.

So, the point is that you see them here because -- they are still here! The pr can't be that bad. If you're going to be here, you might as well be happy about it so your attitude doesn't hider you.

There are no 'Rather not say' option under income

Then choose $150,000.00+ and see what happens.

and there are no 'Rather not say' option in hight

Then lie if you don't like the options you have. My guess is that choosing ``Rathe not say'' would be interpreted to mean ``Under 5','' so perhaps not giving you the option to shoot yourself in the foot wasn't such a bad idea.

but there are such options in weight and children.

Since I took ``Rather Not Say'' to mean whatever was least desirable, I'd question the usefulness of that option.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 167
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/22/2012 1:08:33 AM
So, the point is that you see them here because -- they are still here! The pr can't be that bad. If you're going to be here, you might as well be happy about it so your attitude doesn't hider you.

Touché. Oh I'm ecstatic. It's like watching a train wreck. :) I found taking away and returning 'view me' feature particularity amusing.


Since I took ``Rather Not Say'' to mean whatever was least desirable, I'd question the usefulness of that option.
Lack of information is simply that. Whatever opinion is generated by lack of information depends on a perspective. What matters most is underlaying psychological influence of not having an option. It creates very observable desperation. Usually it's facilitated by anger and forces men to adapt and become something women don't want. Naturally it is impossible to make both sides happy since most singles that use dating sites are coming out of bad relationships and lack options in real world due to busy life or whatever. I believe simplicity and flexible options is a way to go for a dating site. Forcing people to reveal something they are not comfortable with is a bad move. Perhaps I should register a domain name again and catch up on my web design. I haven't made anything nice since '99
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 168
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/22/2012 1:24:51 AM
I've been single for a long time, and I want more than an intimate encounter. I'm not necessarily going to turn down an intimate encounter, but it wasn't my main objective. After all, we sometimes find things when we are not looking for them.
 mdm_bachelorette
Joined: 3/12/2012
Msg: 169
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 3/22/2012 8:55:30 PM
Why is this a surprise? With current family laws, constant discrimination against males and feminist attitudes men want as little relation with women as possible. That means only primal urges. You reap what you sow.

Well that comment is very "Zen". ugh
 chef4unow
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 170
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 4/16/2012 3:18:45 PM
Maybe in the outskirts of the plain of existence there are the minimal numbers of men over 40 and single for 5+ years. All they know is of their own age group, and another minority seek a younger populace to give the sensation of being young again, the get a boost to their long dormant ego.
Then there is a populace, that seek a lady that is independant, self reliant, on a path to riches. It doesnt matter whether they are rich or poor.
The the 39% of the populace of women, seek to be held up for a better enrichment. My view thounough expansive and poetic is and could be 2 different ideals of what I want. I ask to not walk in front of me, nor walk behind me, that you walk proudly beside me as my equal. Next, how you look at men is not necessarily how is seen, to gaze upon the natural beauty whether she is young or near a promiscuous age, is to look past the outer shell, to delve into the pools of a kaleidescope of colors of the windows of her soul, just a view the a journey that each day is renewed......
 mysterioustallmn
Joined: 2/17/2010
Msg: 171
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 4/17/2012 4:21:18 AM
I have been "single" for 17 years, but I've hardly been alone. I don't run around "looking" for the "one." Wait, love will come right to you, usually when you're least ready for it.
 a_Libra_rising
Joined: 2/29/2012
Msg: 172
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 4/17/2012 7:37:53 AM
I don't know if men in their 40s and never married are only looking for just straight up sex. For some reason, I'm lead to think that it would not be the case. Here are 2 examples from my experience:

I have 3 uncles who are in their 40s and never married and don't seem to want anyone because they encounter a lot of "bimbos" (2 of them have master's and 1 has a Ph.D) and bitter women. My uncles are all in the hard science fields and they do research which makes it difficult for them to find time to meet women outside of their fields. None of them ever found the few women in their chosen field attractive and those women were/are all taken. Because they dedicated their lives to their careers, my uncles just simply didn't have the time to find mates. I surmise that since a lot of time has passed, they pretty much gave up and don't really have any desires to find anyone because they've gone without for a very long, any more time wouldn't make a difference. They're all married to their work so it seems like anything else would just be of no concern.

A few months ago, I was in a brief, but involved relationship (not sure what to call it/label it but I don't really care about labels anyway) with a 44-year-old, never married man. He didn't have kids and he had been single for 2 years, didn't sleep with anyone during that time but still had an active and intense emotional relationship with his ex-gf who is also around his age. At any rate, it was brief because we met during the time he was in the process of moving his remaining things from LA to NYC because he already has an apartment in Manhattan. Us meeting at the time we did was a fluke. Us meeting the time we did and experiencing very strong attraction towards one another was a blessing. He didn't disappear after we had sex the first, fifth, twentieth, etc. times. He wanted to see me, and did so very often. We looked forward to seeing each other, eating together, sharing ideas, joking around, discussing politics/history/philosophy/art, we both like dictators and shared who we thought were the most awesome, he comforted me when I was rattled from a fender bender, he drew pictures of me and said when he sees me he hears Bach symphonies, I did his laundry, I even knitted him a scarf. We both maintained our own workout regiment separately (he runs long distance and I go to the gym regularly), but aside from that, we were inseparable. We truly enjoyed each other's company not just on the visceral level, but intellectual and spiritual levels as well. He kept delaying his flight date and as much as I badly wanted him to stay with me, I knew his home was thousands of miles away and he should return to it so I helped him book his flight. We were both in tears at the airport.
I think if he was after just sex, he could have gotten it easily during the 2 years he's been single, and certainly before he took the chance to talk with me as he noticed me getting up to order coffee in a Starbucks on a random Tuesday night.
Presently, we still maintain regular communication. We understand each other on an unspoken level. Imagine that. A 44-year-old never married man with a divorced 26 year-old woman. What a strange combo. Instead of him hitting and quitting, he actually wanted to stay.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 173
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Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 4/17/2012 8:16:14 AM
I've read this before & it get's old hearing guys are to blame. An alternative explanation may be that some women haven't learned from past mistakes that a physical relationship doesn't make for an emotional one. Women have so much control over the direction a dating relationship takes yet they always seem to take the wrong path. If having butter legs is you or your GF's qualm, then don't do it & you won't feel sex alone was the cause of the disconnect.

Ohh & FYI.... From my experience, it's the women who initiate it & sex alone doesn't obligate me to keep seeing someone I lose interest in.
 heretomeet1948
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 174
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 4/17/2012 10:55:00 AM
I agree with -Zen-.

When it comes to relationships it's not a man's world anymore. The balance between men and women can never be just that, balanced. It has to be far to one degree or the other. American's brand of equality is different than actual equality when it comes to gender. Whether it's providing laws (that are actually crutches) for a minority to make them "equal" (which is ridiculous because you can't make someone truly equal by giving them extra laws, and it also presupposes that group of people aren't really equal because they need more laws to make them "equal") or a predisposition in the law where many times the court sees the female as a "natural" caregiver for children and normally gain primary custody. In many courts that's the first thing a judge will decide before visitation or anything else, how much the father will pay in child support. ( during the interim before final custody is decided) Then you add in alimony, which is a very real possibility, after the couple has been together a required amount of years to enact the law that allows alimony, and something very few males get in a divorce. This also presupposes that the male should pay for a female's time even though it was her own decision to do so when she entered the union, just like it was the male's. There are more women being educated than males, and also in the workforce. The excuses that females lack opportunities so need a helping hand with alimony no longer holds water. (alimony-a pay off for her valuable time, because hers is more valuable than the male's), yet the bias in family court persists. The most painful cut of "equality" is in where Judges place the primary caregiver role to women by a huge margin in custody issues. Due to much of the above, males are made to feel like their main use in relationship society is a pay check.

By the age of 40 most males have either experienced losing almost everything through one or more divorces, or personally seen other males suffer it. A man can lose his wife, his kids, his property (to include his home), possibly pay for his attorney and his spouse's and then pay off an ex in alimony for the privilege. By that age most males also understand keeping a relationship alive and in good condition it takes work every single day, that's a lot of investment only to suffer for being a male if it doesn't work out. On a monetary, property and future children basis men have much more to lose if a relationship goes south than does the female (to include the huge emotional issues that arise with a breakup of a marriage). That's hardly equal and many males realize this. That's why many men will date frequently and for long amounts of time before they take the plunge into a marriage. It's somewhat like the mating ritual of the praying mantis, if the male is smart he can avoid getting his head ripped off and eaten, but only by choosing the right female. It's dangerous for the modern male in the dating world and the smart ones know it.

A good woman is worth it all, but depending on a lot of variables she can be elusive as a needle in a haystack in a field of haystacks. It's always best to take your time before making a decision that not only affects himself, but any future kids he may help create.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 175
Men that have been single for a long time are looking for mostly intimate encounters!
Posted: 4/17/2012 11:38:41 AM
What a load of crap. Just get out there and take what you want. Stop the lamentations, this feels like a freakin Bible reading....
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