| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:22:50 AM | You know what, Dr. Phil says 'don't invest more than you can afford to lose' and if you really think about it, that applies to almost every situation, including your emotions.
Don't give it away so easily cos then they (may) think it wasn't worth having. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:40:49 AM | EXTREMELY SIMPLE...you got used for azz......it happens A LOT more than anything else happens hun. good luck with those guys....they are very deceiving A LOT of the time. not all the time but in my experience, bout 90% of the time a woman is just a piece of azz to them. they will try to fool ya to get u in the sack. play on ur emotions and stuff. that`s why a lotta women are turning to other women for something real. not all women are honest either tho. i hate that happened to ya but we women gotta learn that lesson the hard way it seems. unfortunately most on here are just after sex. screen them better. take longer to get to know them. if they stand the test of time ( a couple months getting to know on dates) with no sex, they are keepers. if they wanna move faster than that, they just want sex. the ones who say they won`t date you more than a couple times without getting sex from ya are just after sex. avoid the ones who push you for sex or seem to lose interest quickly, that`s another bad sign. it usually means they have moved on to someone who will scre w them......good luck out there, it`s dam n near impossible to find one of them who is genuine these days. they are not all bad but the search can take a loooooong time to get a good one. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:01:39 PM | | um... NO I would not ever speak to a person like this again. The fact that he actually tried to call you again after doing that shows he has def done this a few times before knowing he can get away with it. A mature man would phone you maybe even that night, the next morning. Every mature adult knows that after you sleep with someone, the woman really appreciates that assurance or aknowlegment the next day, if they dont then you would be best to move on. You were smart at least to wait a few dates but I would have waited even longer. A guy who does this to you knows how long its going to take to get you to sleep with him and if he tries this trick to have control over you and see if you will be his "booty call" or friend with benefits. If you sleep with a man you really like and enjoy it wouldnt you want to give them respect afterwards? Why dont you demand the same for yourself!? | |
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Nelleb
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Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:18:02 PM | | I would not take it personaly. He may just date long enough to conquer, then he is done. Move on and , no I would not see him again. Maybe the sex was not what he expected or wanted, hard to say. The perrils of dating.. | |
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cynlyn
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Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 57 | |
| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:05:45 AM | Yea, I guess I'm a little old fashioned in the sense that I want to be perused by the guy and I would prefer him to call me after the first time we had sex. Us women tend to be more emotionally connected with 'sex' than guys. It's the whole venus/mars thing. But, there are some romantic, caring, compassionate guys out there who do take women's feelings and emotions into consideration.Unfortunately it's like finding a grain of sand on a beach. Oh, did I say that out loud?! lol I'll wait til I find that sand before I 'give it up'. That way I don't have to deal with that situation.... again... We've all been there...unfortunately... Live and Learn!!! | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:56:05 AM |
To OP..why don't you call him?..maybe he is thinking the same thing..maybe he is waiting for you to call..do you think you are special..that you dont need to call a guy after you've had sex?..and please dont come with the "Its the guy who is suppose to call" Bull Shit..save..
While I understand how the OP feels, I have to also agree a little bit this this poster. If the guy hasn't called, why not call him and just tell him you were thinking about him and wanted to see how he was doing?
I do understand the emotions you must be feeling - I'd be kind of hurt and upset as well, more than likely. But some guys just don't think.
On the other hand...if he was really into you, I think he would have called already.
Sorry OP. :( | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:24:45 AM | Big deal. You basically slept with a skank and now he's actually ACTING like one? Wow, huge surprise huh? 
If you want a relationship, say so before you have sex. If you just want a quick lay, use safe sex, have your fun, and move on. So what if he hasn't called you? Why in the world would you even care what he wants or thinks at this point? You don't owe him that depth of consideration. And if his not calling bothers you, then call HIM and get your question answered.
This isn't the Dark Ages anymore no matter how many intimidated or puritanical mindsets there may be still lurking around in a modern world. Sex is very easily had and someone who wants that isn't going to put up with any "I won't have sex with you because..." games. Wanting sex doesn't make anyone 'good' or 'bad' either. Where people trip up is lieing first to themselves, then to others. This isn't rocket science. Nor is it the movies, where people make instant, life changing encounters and get married to the love of their lives in an hour.
If you want that, move to Vegas.  | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:24:56 AM |
Guys what goes thru your heads??? Does courtesy exist??? Then if and when they do call, of course I am pissed and they wonder WHY???
Those "types" are boys, not men. As others have stated: it goes beyond courtesy. This scenerio hasn't happened to me personally. Regardless ~ I view it as their problem, not necessarily mine or yours. In a sense OP, he did you a favor. You learned something about people, albeit, at your own expense (sadly.) It's unfortunate that the next man you choose to meet will likely "pay" for this experience to a degree. Sex is part of the package when you think it's moving forward ~ you'd think that ALL people would understand it changes the dynamics and a strong sense of honesty comes with that territory (i.e.: call or email explaining that it's likely not moving forward.) Some people. Sigh.  | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:37:07 AM | OP I think you need to decide what you want and what you are looking for, as your question seems to answer itself. You made assumptions and created expectation when there was no foundation. If you are looking to make a connection with someone, and then get intimate - you succeeded as that is what you got. I think anyone would be lying if they said that has not happened to them, as we all learn from our experiences.
I think internet dating brings total strangers together and that is good, because dating is all about the numbers. However, people forget that you are meeting a stranger whom you know relatively nothing about. It takes time to know someone and a lot of communication and I think this is where the problems come in. I have known of women and men who have made asumptions and had expectations that were not real, because they did not know the other person. I think if one is not after casual sex with numerous partners they should wait to really get to know the person they are interested in getting naked with first and then get intimate - to me that is logical.
IMHO I think if you are looking for a long term relationship, make sure the man you are interested in demonstrates the behaviour/relationship you are looking for, BEFORE you give it up. Even by doing that, there is no money-back guarantee, the man will want any more than getting laid before he moves on. There are players here both men and women - and unfortunately these people will tell someone anything they think they want to hear to get what they are after.
The deal breaker for me is, not getting to know enough about a man before I decide if we are a possible match and meeting. Any man that wants just a couple of emails or IM's and does not share what he thinks we have in common (if his profile is vague) won't interest me in meeting him. I think this strategy makes the players move on quickly to an easier mark. Its not just about talking and communicating, its also about listening to what the other person is saying and not disregarding what they say, and replacing that with unfounded assumptions. | |
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TrinB
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Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 64 | |
| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:06:06 PM | start being the play-ER instead of the play-EE...
within the first month of being on this site i realized i couldn't take the im's the emails the dates etc...too serious.....be careful many many people on here are only looking for free sex.....you may as well go work in vegas and get paid a few hundred bucks and a bottle of champagne for your services.....
no body's gettin this for free......nada.....zippo
i may flash a lil t and a and talk a few naughty lines.......but, that is it...until i decide otherwise... | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:25:22 PM | | Some people are just that way. Plain and simple. It sucks, but it exists. I do not understand game players. So far I have met 2 on here now that are just that. One got it all from me, the other did not thank God. I caught the last A hole in time of manipulation my mind. Sorry you went through this. It is not just on line either, but there seems to be more predators like that on here. They build up some fake life then hope we fall for it. lol | |
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T2day
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Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 67 | |
| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:40:04 PM | | I completely believe that not calling is a deal breaker. A guy should a woman enough respect to call the next day, even if they thought the sex was bad. There isn't enough respect in this world anymore. Why do men just assume that we will go away if they don't call? That's actually dumb on their part, because most women get pised off and want an answer even more after the no call thing. So, let me give you some advice, guys. Be an adult and call the girl the next day, even if it's to break up with her. It will go a whole lot easier for the both of you. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:56:04 PM | | I have had the same thing happen to me and let me tell you it isn't going to happen again! I have had guys from this site call me a few times and then nothing so I figure their loss is someone else's gain. One guy wanted to be just friends with benefits and I said no-I am NOT a booty call! So he said well, I guess we'll just talk on the phone then. If you give them sex too quickly you don't have a chance to get to know each other. Remember it's the chase that keeps them coming back do I am told. Sorry you got hurt but better luck next time. Plus I have had guys tell me they don't like it when the woman calls becasue then they think you are needy so I always try to find out if it is ok to call them before I do. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:06:51 PM |
You meet someone that you get along great with
immho, when I hear this lead as starting off time after time as starting off as great;
your wish a pond a star and expect it must be true. Yikes!!
Not!
Sorry I have not read beyond page one as when I hear this omg
This is POF , not a crystal ball in finding your sure match made in heaven.
Sorry as you were had as you need to look at the proof in the puddling first before
you test the waters to see if it's just a nibble or a keeper.
Live and learn. Good luck. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:13:55 PM | I'm gonna go in a different direction. If she found out that she was pregnant or gotten an STD... she wouldve picked up the phone ASAP.
Let's stop being naive. If youre going to engage in sex without an established relationship..you take the chance of these things happening. She could have easily told him that she was not going to sleep with him until a relationship was in place. Feigning she didnt know what type of guy after the fact is inexcusable. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:16:18 PM | Some men ,once they have planted their seed,in their mind to them you are now nothing but a disgusting tramp. These men can't wait to get away from you ,even though it was mutual, to them you are now nothing but vile. Sure you were sexy and hot until they had "their moment". What's that new catch phrase I hear all the time now,"it is what it is". | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:20:15 PM |
he suppose to call right after he gets home
I agree we all need to have certain rules...although I agree to discuss these things before doing the deed. The more I am into a guy, the more I will hold out. Not to use as a tool to get what a want, but rather because I really like him and want to make sure I dont wind up asking myself "what if I waited?" AFTER its too late. Fortunately, I havent delt with this issue in many years, I learned my lesson very young.
Good luck, don't beat yourself up over it...but dont offer him another opportunity to do it to you again. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:25:04 PM |
once they have planted their seed
Gak! I can't believe you said that?
Can you believe you said that?
Wow!
I heard today that it is now suggested that women withhold sex in a relationship until WELL PAST the six month mark.
No more first date sex, not even 5th date sex. We're talking six months and no sex. Not even on the table for discussion....
Wonder how this would change or alter dating. | |
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