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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:04:08 PM |
Men can be pricks
Why is the guy a prick here, there wasn't any relationship there was a few dates at the most. What did he owe her really and honestly. They both were adults,they both went out had a lovely evening and they decided to have sex with each other. Gee I dont' see where that makes him a prick.
Guys what goes thru your heads??? Does courtesy exist???
I have to disagree here the same thing goes thru their heads as it does ours. I know too many women that do a meet and greet, then jump in bed. They just shrug it off and say oh well they needed that and have no intentions of meeting that guy again.
Does courtesy exist only if you insist on it then it does.
Then if and when they do call, of course I am pissed and they wonder WHY???
If you don't like the behavior you are getting then my suggestion would be one of two things be a bit more picky who and what you date. The other would be to change your behavior.
Good luck
Oh Yeah Deal breaker
Nope not any deal to break.
JMO | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:20:23 PM | You can assume and speculate all day long, and enlist others to do so, but I say, call him, and find out for sure.
Why not? Isn't it the only sane solution to getting an answer from the horses mouth?
Now the question is what to say?
You know, either call, or blow him off, and well heck, maybe he had a wreck, you don't know.
Maybe this, maybe that, maybe maybe maybe..
Maybe you should chalk it up to experience and decide just what you want in a relationship, make friends and know that person wants the same thing before you invest intimacy. Test Test Test..........there is too much to loose today with diseases and all.
Make sure you know him first. It might take awhile...where's the fire anyway? | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:59:16 PM | I would consider this a deal breaker and I don't care if he understands why. If he is this thick or pretending to be this thick, it's even worse than having no manners.
I don't think the OP will come to the forum with this question unless he told her something along the lines of him being serious about her.
As for the busy bit... count how many seconds it takes to send this SMS:
Thinking of you. Busy right now but will call later.
Or
tinkin o u. bzy now bt wl call l8r
Busy my foot.
When I am invited to someone's home for dinner, I call the following day to thank them for their hospitality. This is dinner I am talking not something intimate.. But I think manners are something one learns at home and it depends what home one comes from!!!
OP: Don't waste any more energy on him. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 4:09:03 PM |
What deal? There was no deal...... You met, you went out, you slept together, he never called again......
Happens all the time.... according to all the threads about it..... And yes, you have to take responsibility for your part in it. No one made you sleep with him... No one said he'd ever have to speak with you again.....
Might wanna ask yourself how well you "know" someone after a few dates. Really......
There's no "blame" in this. It is what it is.... and it may not be the last time it happens, so figure out your part in it and what you can do to change that.
Ding ding ding!!! We have a winner!! Yup there was no deal! Having sex with someone does not mean they have to continue a relationship with you. He's not interested - he moved on - so should you! | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:02:26 PM | ~OP .... I'm very sorry this happened to you - If it were me I'd say he had his chance and blew it .... Move on don't put your heart or you through anymore pain. Not all
men are sex hounds looking to get laid or for a quick fix - there are real gentelmen that will respect you not treat you like this.
Move on and time will heal your heart - do not let one jerk ruin it for you!
Smiles
All the best
-Brenny- | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:15:47 PM | | He does not respect a woman who will sleep with him on the third date. He is looking to marry a woman who can say "no" to guys, for fear that you will be too easy for other guys to have an affair with, after you are married. For a long term relationship, he wants to keep his attraction for you. He wants to look at you as a prize to be won, for a long time. You have a lot to give... a lot of cards can be dealt, during the process of dating. You have dealt the ace of spades, as if it were nothing of value. He will not value you. Sure, he will have sex with you, then he will not call again. Get the book, Why Men Love B**I**T**C**H**E**S. Read this book, before you make the same mistake again. You are too good for your own good. This book will explain the psychological aspects of keeping a man interested and attracted to you in the long-run. It is not about sex. In fact, sex will extinguish the relationship, quickly. This book will explain the entire process of "how men fall in love". | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:19:43 PM | Procol mgs 9:
You said in response to the Op that "And OH YES...This IS a deal breaker...If you are going to be horny & have sex with a virtual stranger then you should also prepare yourself before hand that you may not hear from them again."
Do you mean you've had sex with a virtual stranger and then you were hyocritical enough to see this as deal breaker and a reason to talk down to the OP? Seriously, I hope I misunderstand your comment...
I've seen many threads on this (and giving you the benefit of the doubt that I misunderstood you) I have seen many self-rightous arsholees degrade women who slept with them early, as if the woman is a whore but they aren't to blame because "men can't help themselves..."
..... plus as many men here will dispute; it's NOT a dealbreaker to anyone who has a brain.....two people decide to sleep together, two people act like adults afterwards....plus I know many people who have gone on to serioulsy date or marry their quote "deal breakers"....
My biggest frustration with this situation, is that you can get laid via all sorts of internet sites. So why in the world be on the 'dating' one and pretend, when it's easier to go on the 'intimate encounter ' ones and get a sure thing without lying? It makes no sense....
I've decided it's because the guys in these instances have no self control and need to blame the woman, so they never contact them again....
And 'just sassy"; you don't get it! On a "dating site", it's horrible and rude to sleep with someone and then use the excuse it's a one night stand. That's why it's called 'dating" and not 'One night stand"...if you want to get laid, use the Intimate encounter site, and then then expectation IS no expectation.... | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:20:31 PM | | If you call him, and blow off steam, letting him know that you disrespected him... he will surely know he is in control of the relationship. So, get ready to give out lots of free sex, with no committment, no chance of a future. Get ready to be a F**U**C**K Buddy, with a late call, after he has gone out with his buddies, and he comes traepsing in at midnight, in order to get sex with you. If you call him now, he will disrespect you, and know that he can irritate you. He will know how to push your buttons. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:41:59 PM | OK, so several people have a point about the phones working both ways but I guess I'd wonder who started the contact and who asked "Who" out first"...if it was him than YES sleeping with someone and then not contatcing them has always been acceptably rude, and yet I'm shocked so many people think this is not the case, and the guy is RUDE....if she started it all then she should call him first....
Do people not have general expectations about Anything anymore? DATING SITE, Dating profile, conversations, DATING IMPLIED by default...
ONLY if a person wants a one time encounter SHOULD that be the discussion FIRST..I personally thinks it's absurd to assume that you need to establish the fact that if you sleep together after meeting on a dating site, that one would like to be contacted after the fact, and I don't care how many dates into the relationship you have sex.....
From the dictionary:
DATING: "the activity of going out regularly with somebody as a social or romantic partner"
ONE-NIGHT STAND: "a sexual encounter that lasts for only one night" | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:43:44 PM | | This is why I don't have sex with a guy until I have a committment of exclusivity. Without that, you can expect this to happen time and time again. It's unfortunate that a woman should have to have rules like this, (even when we may want sex even more than they do), but it's either that or be used like a paper towel that gets tossed in the trash after a good jerk off. It's the school of hard knocks. Live and learn. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:55:20 PM | | Yes, it can be a deal breaker. Most cases there was no deal to break - in other words, if he didn't feel like talking to you, most likely he's not interested in more than getting laid. But I actually did have a discussion with a man who insisted that he didn't know that this would be the proper thing to do, and that women would expect a call the next day. He said he didn't have much dating experience, and that he just never heard that before. So, in this case, I believe he could not call and still be actually interested in continuing to date. And if it were me, I would not date him. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 8:24:05 PM |
There are no rules except for what you make on your own. Mine is simply to expect the worst and hope for the best. I normally get what I expect, but on rare occasion I am pleasantly surprised.
man you sound like a NY Mets fan
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:43:15 PM | What I am seeing here is a pretty crazy game. Ever consider that the guy who is supposedly responsible to initiating all contact might think that he has been rejected for one reason or another? Remember, persistence these days is also called stalking. I've been left at the end of dates with a 'don't call me, I'll call you vibe' myself. Usually in these cases I've sent an email or called and left a message (odd that they never picked up) and then when I never heard back I went on.
I think most guys experience being ignored pretty early on in their dating experiences. It seems to be a way that women keep their options open, or maybe it is just to avoid a guy getting angry, whatever, it's a pretty common experience for a guy. I don't think it is unreasonable to believe that some guys get the idea that going into ignore mode is how it is done. Plus if the guy is totally responsible for initiating all dating experiences, then the path of least resistance is to simply stop initiating them. Wouldn't just not hearing from him again simply be the downside of placing the sole responsibility of initiating contact in his hands?
As to the ideas of game analogies and so forth, maybe it's because I might be classified as one of those "sensitive or emotional types" or that I am fundamentally different from most people in this society, but really, this idea that if a woman calls it gives the guy the 'upper hand' and all the rest... no wonder I am incompatible with dating. Do all 'normal' people play these stupid games of trying to control the other, control the situation? What a waste of time and energy. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 10:58:00 PM | The sweet readings of after sex rejection!
I can throw things out for both sides of the fence here, that's for sure!
But I see no sense in poking at someone who is surely beating them selves up over the situation. (at least not today)
I can not be a fair judge of his character with out being a fair judge of yours as well.
Just be good to your self! Even when you make mistakes! | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/3/2008 11:23:39 PM | Lots of good advice.
There are a couple of other sides to the story also.
It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. There are some things we just cannot control even in ourselves.
You can make someone wait for 2 dates or two months but if the sexual chemistry is not there it's not your fault and they still wont call except you will be a lot more hurt after two months than two dates. No it's never happened to me but it's logical.
You can have great sex with someone you have absolutely no future with for one reason or another unrelated to sex and no fault of theirs BUT you know the other person wants a relationship with you so you have to go so as not to lead them on. It happens. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:03:19 AM | Unfortunately, I believe that the OP is the victim of what I feel is a 'learned behavior'.
If every time your pet does something wrong - you give it food, you will train your pet to forever do that behavior.
Now, men and women - same thing. Whether you like it or not - we are 'animals' at our core and in our heritage.
You 'reward' the player by sleeping with him - when you know that he will likely not call because that is what all players do - he learns to do this to women over and over and over again because it gets him what he wants.
Women are little different. Some might not like to hear that. They have their own sets of behaviors. I have seen many behaviors of woman that didn't exactly make me feel so great. I can not count the number of dinners I have bought women without so much as a thank you.
Sorry that you were on the recieving end of such ill behavior. Until people change how they go about things - the others learned behavior will not change. For example, I stopped buying dinner for women for a first meeting. I will do coffee or a drink now.
Dating in this day and age - it is what it is. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:44:54 AM |
You meet someone that you get along great with, a few dates later you decide to be intimate. You fully expect to hear from him the next day or the day after at the latest. No phone call...nothing!!! How would you feel??? Would you ever see this person again. I had this recent experience and am totally appalled.
Guys what goes thru your heads??? Does courtesy exist??? Then if and when they do call, of course I am pissed and they wonder WHY???
First of all take responsibility; YOU CHOSE HIM; and then you screw him on the 3rd day?
Wow; this is ridiculous in my opinion. you know him 3 days and then you sleep with him and then you are "shocked" that he disses you? He got want he wanted; I mean this is a 9 on the naive scale.
What goes through his mind is what goes through most guys mind; I want a naive girl that will believe anything I say so I can sleep with her. You really need to go a lot slower in relationships and also get some experience because this is kind of beyond naive. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/4/2008 8:57:49 AM | OP: No doubt you would feel like sh*t, but online dating does not have a shortage of players and such. It is a chance one takes if you do not allow yourself to genuinely get to know a person before the intimacy comes into play.
This is not a deal breaker as he has "falling off the face of the earth", so there is nothing to consider (I am assuming you haven't heard from him at all?). I would just chalk if up to another life experience and take what you can from it so it is not repeated.
Best,
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 99 | |
| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:00:43 AM |
And 'just sassy"; you don't get it! On a "dating site", it's horrible and rude to sleep with someone and then use the excuse it's a one night stand. That's why it's called 'dating" and not 'One night stand"...if you want to get laid, use the Intimate encounter site, and then then expectation IS no expectation....
Perhaps I've misunderstood what you intended here but PoF isn't a "dating site" exclusively either. User's here can choose "Intimate Encounter" as one of several possible relationship types - just like those "other" sites. | |
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