| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:46:24 PM | I don't think it is a dealbreaker as much as THEY broke it off with you...
Sorry, not laughing at your situation...but the question you asked implied that it was somehow your choice but it seems that if that happened that THEY made the choice to not talk to you.
I honestly can say that if I TRULY am interested in you as a potential bf then sex within the first few dates is NOT AN OPTION. It usually messes things up.And not only in terms of the guy leaving but as a female I can say sometimes when I mess with a guy all of a sudden I no longer like him like that anymore and things dissolve....I guess cause no foundation was there so if I like you and want to pursue something more serious I won't do that. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:22:40 PM | How would you feel???
Well darkeyes, not that I'm judging you..because I'm not...but I have never had sex with a man without first establishing a true relationship with him first. I don't think two people could possibly know enough about somebody in a few dates. Having sex right away with someone when there is no emotional connection...is just having sex for the sake of having sex.
You want a courtesy phone call the next day? Why, so this guy can thank you for the sex? Or if you don't here from him for a while and then when he does call looking for more sex, you're pissed about that?
darkeyes believe it or not, the decent guys, the kinda guys that take the time to really get to know you before getting intimate, are the guys that will respect you and call you the next day. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:29:00 PM | You mean to tell me that you have NO responsibility in this? You couldn't consider yourself to be an equal and equally liable for not contacting him the next day?
I would say that you are JUST as inconsiderate as he was! | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:40:36 PM |
You mean to tell me that you have NO responsibility in this? You couldn't consider yourself to be an equal and equally liable for not contacting him the next day?
the other day I got into a discussion with someone regarding this same thing, the call the next day. He stated he felt that the woman should call the guy because his performance is being judged more so then the woman's. That he is self conscious that he may not have been big enough, good enough.
I have to admit when he said this, at first I was thinking you have to be kidding me. But then thinking about it - hes right. Guys can be as uncertain as woman can be and that should be considered and you should reach out first to say Hi I had a great time cant wait to see you again or whatever you want to say.
So while your sitting there staring at your phone and wondering, how do you know that he isn't doing the same? If you want him - call him. | |
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¥ogi
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Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 108 | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:53:26 PM |
And 'just sassy"; you don't get it! On a "dating site", it's horrible and rude to sleep with someone and then use the excuse it's a one night stand. That's why it's called 'dating" and not 'One night stand"...if you want to get laid, use the Intimate encounter site, and then then expectation IS no expectation....
Au contraire! I do get it, she went out with him a few times, slept with him, he got what he wanted and hasn't called since.The OP has also stated the word "they" which implies this has happened more than once. So therefore, please tell me what I don't get.
You are right POF is mainly a dating site, yet it has intimate encounter's, chatting, friends, etc... This site and any other site is what you make of it.
Dating is to meet and share time with said person [whether this is a "date" with a child, parent, friend, or opposite sex] it doesn't imply more than twice. That is why there is a first date, se cond date, third date, etc... I personally don't sleep with someone, till I am in a relationship, I don't judge other,s who do.
I just know thyself very well and know that it doesn't work for me, been there and done that in my younger years.
So therefore, I stand by words "there was no deal to break". This was a moment of passion that got out of hand and maybe next time a cold shower would be in order instead of wasted time regretting said action; then the OP wouldn't be hurting and wondering what went wrong. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/17/2008 8:38:12 PM | | to be honest and no offense you are a bad judge of character and he was very good at what he does ........ get women into bed ...... sorry not trying to be mean ...... i think you should stay away from this guy and next time dont judge a book by its cover | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/18/2008 2:46:00 AM | I've just recently had the same experience. Met a fella and we 'clicked'. Or so I thought. One drink turned into several and he spent the whole afternoon/evening telling me how he was 'one of the good guys', that he really liked me, that he was looking for a relationship (not just sex) blah blah blah. He was affectionate and made it clear he desired me, but said he was happy to wait until I was comfortable because he was 'in for the long haul'. We had a great day - lots of laughing, lots of talking and an afternoon date quickly turned into a late night. The next day I sent him a text thanking him for a nice day. No reply. I thought I'd give him one more try - the following day was his birthday so I sent him a 'happy birthday' text. A few hours later he replied saying 'thanks' and I never heard from him again.
It's like WTF? I didn't ask for all that crap, so why say it? What was he trying to gain by saying it?
I've really just about had it with this dating game. I think I'll just stay single and die fat and happy | |
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dlros
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Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 114 | |
| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/22/2008 1:38:38 PM | Its a deal breaker, but not for the reason you think.
Reverse it all and put yourself in his place. You meet a guy and you really hit it off. You even think to yourself; wow this could be "the one". You go to his place with him, sleep with him. The next day you go home, maybe it's Saturday, so you have time to yourself and you think about the night before. It wasn't what you thought it would be. Maybe he was mechanical; too hairy for you or he couldn't kiss to save his life and that's a deal breaker for you. What do you do? Well since you are a woman, no one asks you what you are thinking, or tells you you are a user. You are just being discriminating, right? Look I'm not saying guys don't use girls for sex then drop them, I just think it's counterproductive to judge. You'll never know, and you will end up looking for "users" behind every tree.
Personally I think he's a jerk and owes you at least a phone call. Anyone with courage and a concience would. But that's not what you asked, right?
It is what it is; and he's lost interest. And that breaks the deal dosn't it? | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/22/2008 3:19:00 PM | Sounds like this isn't the first time you've had this happen.There's a pattern there somewhere. Re-evaluating your choice of partners might be a start.
There's a reason for it yes, and some of it has to do with you. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/22/2008 3:43:07 PM | I'm surprised to see everyone ganging up on the OP because she slept with someone after 3 dates. I thought we had moved past the 'you're a slut unless you play games and artificially make a man wait (how many is it supposed to be now?) dates'.
I haven't slept with many men, because I have no interest unless I feel major chemistry with them- the kind that doesn't come along often. I've never been able to hold out long when that strong chemistry is present. It didn't make me, or anyone else, a slut who 'deserves to get used and dumped'. It's interesting that people- esp in the US- still experience so much cognitive dissonance regarding women's sexuality.
In my experience, it makes no difference when you sleep with someone, what matters is if that strong draw is there for both people. Maybe in this case it just wasn't for the guy. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/23/2008 5:54:41 AM | This happened to me as well, but I do recognize it could be my own fault to a degree. ...I am crystal clear about how utterly confused I am about what I want. I want a man who is independent (like me) and won't hang on me or fall all over me, and though I send that message, I do get my feelings hurt if I don't hear from him every couple of days to just say he's thinking about me. ...Bottom line is that I think us women can sometimes send mixed messages. I don't mean to, but seem to do it anyway.
Yeah, I know, no wonder I'm single, right? ...At my age, I am just not willing to compromise on everything I want in another relationship. My next will be my last, or there won't be another one.
Enough about me... Could be that once you were intimate, he realized that the two of you are not sexually compatible and he doesn't know how to break that to you because he does like you and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but ends up doing it anyway by not communicating at all. I dunno, just a thought... | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/23/2008 6:43:57 AM | OP and date were consenting with the sex, no? I don't see what deal breaker is being discussed.
The problem with a lot (not all) of women, is they are using sex to get a guy to love them. Then when the guy doesn't reciprocate the warm and fuzzy feelings, they say the guy is a no good **stard... that all he wanted was sex and he doesn't call them. NO, it doesn't work that way the majority of the time. If a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. You won't be second guessing about "deal breakers". Just accept that you had sex and that was that. Stop making your expectations so high. Stop making men the bad guys and take responsibility for your actions. And stop sleeping with guys thinking that he is the one that you are going to marry. I'm not saying don't go out and have sex, just don't go into it like he's the last guy you will ever be with. Carry on. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 11/25/2008 8:37:20 AM | | why is the first thing that happends men are to blame.it takes two to tangel.your part of the problem to.that guy most likely gave you a hundred signals about who he was but you didnt want to see them.and please do not take it out on the next man.at your age your pretty and eveyrthing else you should know looks for the most part are overrated. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 3/30/2009 9:21:13 PM | That , my dear, is the GOLDEN ANSWER. That was toooooo freakin true. That is what we ought to say, straight up......... and get it over with. roflmao !
Sperm Receptacle..........rofl ! N E X T is correct.! Too Good  | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:43:28 PM | | Hi You shouldnt give yourself away to a stranger like this. You went to bed with him way to soon.(We are not guys). If he were decent you would of heard from him the next day. Also, you need to set rules in the beginning and say that you do not go to bed without a commited relationship. I would never talk to this man again.........because he might start using you as a booty call........... | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:28:05 PM | He got what he'd been waiting for. You couldn't have known how he would behave after your first sexual encounter.
Blondie - I don't think she gave herself away too early, there are those that jump straight into bed on the first date..........
I guess you just have to take your chances and in this case you lost out. | |
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| Speaking of deal breakers...Do you consider this to be one??
Posted: 6/24/2009 2:13:26 AM | Ummm...
OP....
The other person already made the choice not to talk to you anymore.
So where does "dealbreaker" come into play?
Perhaps he left you because you're not very smart and the sex was not good enough to put up with it?
Just tossing ideas out there. | |
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