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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 3:41:00 PM | Op tell him you will be happy to have him to your home, ask when it would be convenient...let him pick the time and then tell him, you have a friend and that her and her date will be joining you that night. Since he was wanting to be in a home and not out in private you consider this to be a good compromise.
The thing is he wants to be alone with you for a reason...we are all adults and know what that reason is...if you want to be alone with him then be alone with him..but dont try and make him have a relationship with you cause he doesnt want one. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:24:48 PM | | listen to your girlfriends because i think they are right on the money!! i wanted to say the same thing, especially since he's pressuring you to invite him to your house. if you are not at all comfortable with this, just say no!! he seems awfully eager to get you alone and in private. if he's not planning on seducing you, then why not just see you in public? his behavior seems questionable and he doesn't seem like he's a gentleman. i would tell him that i don't invite people into my home until i've known them for a long time. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:48:34 PM | If he wasn't totally safe - do you honestly think he would tell you that?
He assures me I would be safe with him if I let him over to my house, that he would not 'put the make' on me.
In my opinion, the right man understands your concerns and does not push you to do anything you aren't comfortable doing.
He said yes and that if they lived some distance from his house, he would sometimes spend the night at their house, then drive back the next morning to go to work.
Additionally I'm calling BULLSHIT to this one. If we were in a relationship? Then yes, he could stay over - but while "getting to know him"? No freaking way! | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:53:58 PM | Are you the type of girl who allows herself to be pressured? I hope not.
If you allow this man to dictate now, what will you allow in the future?
Stand up for yourself sister!
You are a strong lady who knows right from wrong. If you don't want to have sex with this man (and that is obviously what is on his mind), MAKE IT CLEAR. You don't feel comfortable with the situation - TELL HIM. The longer you listen to his demands, the more you are leading him on. Just say "NO" and put an end to making him think that you will give in the more he intimidates you. Live your life the way you want. You are not desperate and do not have to settle for anything less than the STANDARDS YOU SET. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:01:06 PM | Ok, drop the whole issue of it being a week. Arbitrary timelines do nothing because there are no published rules and it is impossible and pretty lame to expect the world to maintain the same rule set as you. If you’re going to put a time frame around things then establish them as your thing with him and don't get all judgmental if the person you put the rules on thinks it's a bit on the controlling side and chooses to not play along.
Next, if you really feel there is something wrong with this guy than stop going any further and hit the magic "Next" button and drop the fantasy you are trying to maintain that maybe you will have let a good one go.
The screwed up part about all of this is that basically it is you that is playing the game with yourself. You feel uncomfortable. You challenged him in a way that is impossible to answer for and in his defense he may be trying to be honest with you to show you that he isn't a monster but in that defense he will always sound like one. That's not him. That is the picture your creating. He may suck at playing the word games and getting around the land mine traps so he may not know that every word he says is wrong in your book on this subject.
The bottom line is that this is your life and you get to play queen bee and make all the big important decisions without anyone pressuring you in any way. It's supposed to make you feel all good and important and not weak and confused. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:12:40 PM | OP, he wants sex or he just has some way out-of-line boundaries (or lack thereof).
You're not comfortable with what he's suggesting and you feel pressured. He hasn't really managed "real" dates--go with your instincts. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:18:56 PM | | If he doesn't have time for a regular date, do you really want to try to date him? To me there is a red flag there and not necessarily that he has a SO, but that is a possibility. He doesn't have time to get to know you and yet wants to go to your home. I agree with the posters that he is pushing too fast and too hard. I think you should poke him with a knife too. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:23:36 PM | He seems to understand this, but is still pressuring me. I've asked him several times why he's so anxious to come to my house or for me to vist him. He claims it would help us get to know eachother better.
DO NOT DO IT!
Many women who have gone to "strange" men's houses, or have men at their houses alone, and ended up raped, did so because the man made them feel comfortable enough to willingly be alone with them.
This guy wants sex, and he wants to get you in a position where you can't say no. And he's going to sweet talk you and make you feel comfortable so he can get you alone. It appears to be working, so stop and listen to your instincts. Something didn't sound quite right to you, or you wouldn't have posted here asking what everyone else thought. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:36:53 PM | (Does he work for Vandelay Industries?)
I was thinking the same thing.
OP:You could make up an excuse such as you're having your house remodeled or you have pitbulls that don't like strangers. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:42:06 PM |
(Does he work for Vandelay Industries?)
I was wondering the same thing.
If you like him enough to invest something in it, just pay to run a background check on the guy. Seriously. You'll know if he's legit or not and either way you can stop agonizing.
If he really is an architect, then he could also really be agoraphobic or something like that and is just plain uncomfortable out and about in public, where he's probably not used to being.
I don't understand the part about not being out during the day...does he work all weekend, too??? Why date only on the night before work?
I still say 3 hours at a shopping mall is a great way to learn all kinds of things about somebody. Even architects. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:53:47 PM | | Hmmm. Definitely smells funny. Personally, I would not be meeting this guy again. His story does not make sense and he gives you the impression of deceitful, why waste one second trying to sort it out. Why don't you just trust your instint. You do know he discounts your comfort level and need for restrained boundaries.... He keeps asking despite your voiced refusal. After one time maybe two it is ridiculous to keep pressing the issue. Sounds like a tomcat. He wont stop meowing in the hope you will just give in and stop protesting. He does not sound like much of a catch. Cut bait. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:26:09 PM | I don't know what he wants; however, as others have said, if what he is suggesting makes you feel uncomfortable and you've expressed this ... he should honor that and not pressure you.
I had this happen recently as well.
I stayed with how I felt on the subject and subsequently the gentleman decided I was not worth his effort. He even went as far as to suggest I was "playing a game" with him.
I was clear and concise as to how uneasy his request to visit the other's home so soon after meeting on this site caused me to feel and he bascically belittled me for this. I am leery of new people as are many others; however, I realize each person has different boundries and needs within and when establishing any type of relationship.
I believe we need to respect each other's feelings and reservations.
Do what feels right and safe for you. Good luck ... stay true to you! | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/23/2008 9:46:54 PM | | Oh you sweet naive darlin xx he is a player like a lot of the men on here , I get pages of emails from guys that i have never even spoken too declaring there love to me and thanking god that i have come into there lives,and thinking that i am going to go straight into relationships with them , its insane , desperados i call them , this guy may be a nice one but he is pressuring you and making you feel uncomfortable which is disrepectful and that should send your warning bells off , he has already admitted to staying the night at other ladies homes which says it all darlin x you seem to be a bit inexperienced with men so i would give him a big miss , dont go there if you cant handle it , theres so many guys on here so dont jump and fall for the first one that pays you attention , you are a sweet beautiful woman and can do better and you have posted this so that says you already know whats going on, if you really do like him you could always be sneaky and get a friend to contact him and suss him out see what he says to her lol thats what I do for one of my friends on here and they ususally turn out to be sleazy and just want to get layed xxx good luck babe xx | |
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