| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/24/2008 3:59:33 PM | Hello, Outmind, just wondering.. those women you went out on a date with who ended up going back to your apartment for drinks (and some for sex) ..were these women you met on the internet/dating website?
Thanks.
L | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:31:31 PM | | I do not think this has anything to do with him being "southern." 2 (30) minute dates unless you are really comfortable with someone does not justify letting some man into your home. If he is pressuring you, that is your que to say bye bye. If he is pressuring you now think about what he may be like in a relationship. Sounds like a Narcissist wack job to me. Sounds a bit creepy to me personally. Then again I do not do well with pushy people. And as far as if you meet someone on a website or off line does not make them less of a nut case!!! It is all about comfort levels and what YOU are comfortable with. | |
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n2art
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Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 78 | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:45:02 PM | | I am not going to let anyone come to my house until I feel comfortable knowing at least that they are normal... of course he'd like to get into your pants but being so pushy and goading you with "I don't think you want the same type relationship I do" sounds maddening to me... just on the "do you think I'm stupid?" level... if someone is genuine they will anticipate that you need time to get to know them first... I don't want some wack job knowing where I live from inviting them to soon only to find out yep wack job... take your time... take all the time you need... it's all about him in my opinion.. and no I'm not going to his house either... keep it in public and driving separate cars until you feel you've gotten to the true him... that takes time... | |
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ispy55
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Joined: 11/9/2007
Msg: 80 | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:16:40 AM | not a chance you should let him visit you at home, nor should you go to his. How well can you possibly know him or about him after a week. well I guess you do know he is somewhat pushy (pressuring you) and not very understanding (continues to pressure after you explained your REASONABLE concerns)
If you can't get to know each other in public places why would you want to get to know him in the privacy of a home. Listen to that little voice in your head....it's your mother telling you the right answer...they never leave us you know....you kow what the right answer is. Stick to your principals and don't ever let anyone pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with. If he can't deal with it...cast the line back in the water and catch a different fish. | |
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wilful
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Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 83 | |
| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:39:02 AM | | Sincere my ass!!! lol he can meet her in many quiet places!!! Half an hour each time.......erm no. I would never invite someone back to my house unless I knew them and that would at least be a few months and then i'd have to want to do it! You are doing the right thing hun, If he doesn't like it, tell him to bogg off...............Good luck x | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:35:56 PM | | I am not going to be as presumptuous as some are here about what his intentions are. We don't know. What we do know is that you "feel pressured" which means that he lacks sensitivity to your perspective. Your "gut feeling" is really important here. He could be a great guy who has a tin ear or he could be a smooth talker. If I were to give advice it would be to tell him that you would love to have him over or to go to his place WHEN YOU FEEL READY. If he continues to pressure tell him that if he cannot let it ride until you are ready then he needs to fish in another pond. He's a man, of course he would like sex if he thinks your anything close to his type of woman. That is not the issue. What is the issue is whether or not he can allow the relationship to develop at a level that YOU feel comfortable with. Tell him that his pressure is counter productive. If it doesn't change, you have your answer as to how safe he is FOR YOU. Pressure can mean as little as he is on the fast track, while your waiting on the siding for clearance, or it could mean that he doesn't give a hoot about anything other than another notch on his bed post. In either case, if he cannot develop a modus operandi that makes you feel comfortable you don't want to spend your life, or even the next six months, with him. When he tells you about "how its done" all you should have to do is remind him that just because others do something a particular way that doesn't mean you're going to. If his other experiences were as great as he is claiming, he would still be there. You want to find a guy who matches your experience, not adjust to the experience of every guy who comes along. Just keep a positive perspective about what you want. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:52:25 PM | I think some men treat women they meet online totally differently than they would women they meet "in the real world." I've met some really nice guys online. I've met a couple of the other kind too. Would he pressure you like this if you were introduced by mutual friends that he had to face on a daily or weekly basis? Or even if he might bump into you at the grocery store? Just be careful and trust your heart, but let your head maintain veto power! Personally, the very minute I feel pressure, communicate that feeling, and the person does not "back off," I am out of there 
Then again, I've been single a long time and I'm willing to be single forever if need be. You need to do what is right for you. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:01:25 PM | He is objecting to your personal boundaries, and therefore invalidating your feelings. - Smoothstone
I love the way our language has become so politically correct over the last 20 or 30 years. We don't say 'no' anymore; we come out with fancy phrases designed to make the person (usually the man, of course) feel bad about himself for whatever reason is in vogue.
Post after post after post - women decrying men, calling them names, alarming other women about their dates (sorry, their 'meetings') and how bad that person was as they pick on his perceived faults.
It's no wonder men are turning to men these days, with the homosexuality rate so high. I hear women saying things like: "Where are all the real men?" Either they're going East to find mates in Japan and China, or they're finding solace with their own sex.
- Peter | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:11:30 PM | | I guess I assumed the OP had communicated her discomfort to the guy...if so, he should respect that. If not, well tell him no and THEN if he doesn't listen we will say all kinds of nasty stuff about him. Fair enough? | |
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wilful
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Joined: 8/17/2008
Msg: 88 | |
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Pers14
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Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 90 | |
| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:05:23 AM |
I love the way our language has become so politically correct over the last 20 or 30 years. We don't say 'no' anymore; we come out with fancy phrases designed to make the person (usually the man, of course) feel bad about himself for whatever reason is in vogue.
Post after post after post - women decrying men, calling them names, alarming other women about their dates (sorry, their 'meetings') and how bad that person was as they pick on his perceived faults.
It's no wonder men are turning to men these days, with the homosexuality rate so high. I hear women saying things like: "Where are all the real men?" Either they're going East to find mates in Japan and China, or they're finding solace with their own sex.
O RLY? lol. I can't believe there are people out there who think like this. You're joking right? Are you a cartoon character? Oh wait...you're a 'nice guy©' right? lol
"Wimmin are meanies! I'm a gonna turn GAY!" (cue dramatic music) - okay, have fun with that. Thanks for the laugh. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:32:38 AM | I don't think you should let him in your house so soon after meeting him for the first time. If he was wise, he'd know it was too keen, intrusive and familiar to ask or even accept an invitation to do so.
And if you're seriously considering giving him access to your home before you get to know him, you're taking a risk - not just endangering yourself, but also giving someone who might turn out to be a freak a location to find you at later after you try to break off.
Fnd out more about him first. And if you don't, then acknowledge that you're taking a chance on someone being OK. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/29/2008 6:35:36 AM | I really hate the dating thing.
Is he a nice guy,
why doesnt he listen,
playing games,
have to make sure your safe,
sex or no sex,
after how many dates or first date,
do you allow him over or not,
red flags,
do you believe the history/stories.
Its hard work and very daunting. You will almost wish you could take a potential date/ltr/bf to the police station get him finger printed/background checked and polygraphed all at the same time.
Welcome to the dating world. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/29/2008 1:38:22 PM | | Dear OP - After reading all of the threads - hey you just never know. If he wants to get to know you, there are plenty of ways to do just that - like spending more time with you on an actual date - going to a nice dinner somewhere, etc. If he is an architect he certainly has the money to go to a hotel room. Whether it is your home or his home - he just wants to have "sex" plain and simple. Why not just do the hotel room - he should be able to afford that. It just pays to be safe - a couple of 30 min sessions doesn't give you an invite into the home. Now he knows where you live - just creepy like in a stalker type of way, now he knows where you live. You see things on the news, tv, etc., and you just wished the person listened to that "inner" voice. Go with your gut, you posted because I believe you truly felt this "inner" voice - listen to it - your life is worth more than that! Nice to Date - But be Safe! | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:41:46 PM | | You've spent only an hour physically in this guy's company. Forget about how many times you've emailed each other etc. You hardly know him and he's putting pressure on you to do something you're not comfortable with. You don't owe him anything, just tell him to bugger off! Any decent guy would be happy to get to know you in a public place. This guy obviously has other ideas about exactly how he wants to 'get to know' you. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:44:38 PM | | You know that woman have this radar we know when it's not a good thing, when you get pushed and pushed the answer is no, you can tell him in a good way and if still does not get it then try the NO if that does not work he is to stupid to mess with. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 10/8/2008 4:03:19 PM | I read down through some of these posts. Some of you people watch too much tv. I'm willing to bet that most of you have had people you have met off line over to your house, or have been over to their house. But when posting on the forums alot of you want to come off as some sort of angels and pretend that you follow all the advice you give others in these forums.
An the ole "He wants sex" thingie is always tossed out on the table in these forums. Well who cares if he wants sex. Would you women want a man that didn't want sex? The bottom line is after he has sex with you is he going to continue coming back and only having sex with you and only you?
I like being at a home. I'm comfortable in my home. Just because you come to my home doesn't mean your going to get sex either. Then you women would complain about that too. You would think we wasn't attracted to you or something. Doesn't matter what we do it's never going to be right. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 10/8/2008 4:24:48 PM | | Sounds creepy. I've invited guys TO be my house, but only when I was comfortable enough to LET them over. One guy I know online is always pressuring me to come over to play Wii, and we never met, and I am just WAY NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT. If he's "pressuring" you and keeps asking, BIG RED FLAG......i'd tell him how uncomfortable I was and to knock it off or BYE BYE! | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 10/8/2008 5:53:43 PM | | OP, you say you "really" like him. After two 30 minute meetings, you know that you really like him? That's not long enough to know anything about any body. If you'd really like to see more of him, why don't you stop by where he works and check him out on his turf? I, like so many others, would not allow anyone I didn't know quite well into my home. That's just my opinion. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 10/8/2008 10:27:59 PM | Well tell him that your having a little get together next friday night with some friends of yours and if he would like to stop by that would be great. That way he can come over see your home, meet with some of your friends ect. have one girlfriend that you drive over to your home, that way after people are leaving you can take your girlfriend home and lock up your place. that way he will have to leave at that time.
then that will end the b..s about wanting to see your home to get to know you. | |
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| One week after a meeting, he wants to come to my house
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:42:06 AM | A male friend of mine told me that with MOST men if they could would cut out the dating and dinner dates and get straight down to business...seems this man has his sights set on you... do what you think is right, go with your gut instincts, if he respects you he will understand and be only too happy to take you out on dates and get to know you before you take things to the next level.
Good Luck x | |
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