| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/29/2009 1:30:43 PM | I think that is major misconception. For me personaly I'm not going to feel emasculated or loose interest in a women if she puresues me or almost takes over total control. If any thing it's kind of hot. I mean a women that knows what she wants. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/29/2009 2:58:28 PM | The one who shows more interest, sooner, runs more risk of rejection at the time. I understand that most women like men to show interest in them--it can be very flattering to be hit on. But what validation is the guy getting in return? Hasn't he put himself out on a limb? He knows HE'S interested, and so does she--but how's he to know whether SHE's interested?
I sometimes wonder if the feminist movement and the high divorce rate haven't generated anger and resentment toward men among a lot of women. If so, it might make some guys less willing to pursue women, because it would make it more likely a given woman would reject you. And maybe not in a very considerate way. It would tend to make the guy who approached a woman want to get some indication of interest right away, and not to pursue things any further if the woman held back at all.
I don't know that most guys are less tolerant of the hard-to-get routine than they used to be--it's just a hunch. It's one thing to play that game with a woman you don't know, when you can feel pretty sure she likes men, and will be nice and considerate even if she does turn you down. But when we continually see so much negative stuff about men, it tends to become harder to be sure of those things. And like walking past a dog that's wagging its tail, but suddenly snaps at you, it's not so easy to tell you're approaching a woman who's ready to hand you your head. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/29/2009 3:27:29 PM |
Msg: 1 -- at what stage in a relationship is it OK for a woman to
initiate as much as or more than a man?
The woman takes the initiative whenever her drive COMPELS her to do
so. This is truly a genderless question. Whoever is MOST driven opens
the intercourse to the next level. Should the other partner reject
such an overture, such rejection simply ends the presumed relationship
and the initiator should move on to someone else, simply because the
other partner is NOT available for the suggested pursuit and may not
be available for such for the foreseeable future.
I dangle my hopes on NO ONE. If I see a possibility, I pursue it until
the object of my pursuit displays an unexplainable unavailability.
Unavailability translates to LACK of interest. A lack of interest
translates into DISCONNECT, which in turn translates into a need to pursue an ALTERNATE interest.
I maintain NO interest in one who fails to reciprocate. Life is too
short. Statistics say that I will be DEAD within the next 15 years. I
am NOT willing to waste ANY of that time on conjecture. I move and I
move QUICKLY. My coffin is TOO clearly in view for me to ignore it. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/29/2009 10:35:16 PM | Trying to "get" a person through semantics is very low-brow. She didn't say "receptive", as in not having a backbone: she quite clearly meant receptive, as in "the woman LIKES the idea." There's nothing "wrong" about being "receptive" to this or that idea, if it appeals to you. I'm "receptive" to the idea of two university girls, a wrestling ring filled with Jello... ... but, that hardly makes me a "receptacle". I'm a real human bean!
Arlo
And yet, I had a similar reaction to the points he was referring to. "(if she is interested) she will allow the pursuit" is the kind of thought process that results in endless pages of forum rants from needy wussbag "nice guys", wondering why they treat women like gold and get their widdle hearts stomped into haggis by stiletto heels.
If a guy goes into a relationship with the mindset that the woman is out of his league, but if he works really hard, perhaps he can entice her to grant him some of her precious time... Well, that may work for some guys. Not many, I'll wager. And never this guy, I promise!
We may be running around in circles just because we aren't talking about the same sort of "pursuit" at all. Naturally there's no point discussing the merits of it, until we agree what the heck we're talking about in the first place!
The woman takes the initiative whenever her drive COMPELS her to do
so. This is truly a genderless question. Whoever is MOST driven opens
the intercourse to the next level. Should the other partner reject
such an overture, such rejection simply ends the presumed relationship
and the initiator should move on to someone else, simply because the
other partner is NOT available for the suggested pursuit and may not
be available for such for the foreseeable future.
I agree that this makes great sense in a relationship between two emotionally mature people. When someone tries to fight it (making a policy of never taking the initiative), I think they limit their choices so that instead of getting what they want, they are just getting other people who want them. I suppose to some people that is success. (Which is more self-centred - Wanting to meet someone I want, or someone who wants me?)
;) | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/29/2009 11:12:16 PM | Once we are both comfortable with each other and already good friends, there should not be a problem who initiates what. It's a dance... a lovely dance.  | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 4/9/2009 1:11:05 PM | Everyone wants what is difficult to attain. It gives us purpose.
When two compatible people meet, and time passes, generally one person tries to completely give themselves over to the other and the pursuit is clearly over. Goal accomplished. Things have become stale. Time to find a new past time.
This has happened to me on more than one occasion (on both sides of the equation). | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 4/9/2009 6:23:26 PM |
Everyone wants what is difficult to attain. It gives us purpose.
Exactly who appointed this poster to speak for "everyone"? I don't remember the election.
"It gives us purpose."
What??? Does he mean life has no purpose unless you want what is difficult?
When two compatible people meet, and time passes, generally one person tries to completely give themselves over to the other and the pursuit is clearly over. Goal accomplished. Things have become stale. Time to find a new past time.
Well, count me out of that game. I NEVER want anybody to "give themselves over" to me and I do not intend to "give myself over" to anyone. I want people to be themselves.
Then he talks about "pursuit." Well, I do not pursue. And life is NOT stale.
I know who I am. I like being me. I have a self. I enjoy meeting others who likewise have a self. We relate as equals. No pursuit. No games. No "giving over" of self - that's martyrdom. I don't want martyrs in my life. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:14:46 PM | Holy batshyte Batman,
I can still post here....the stalker awaits....
anyway...Daisy....beautiful post...as usual you eloquently post what I think....How do you do that?
As a flash of prettiness...runs around the other side of the barn...just out of sight....
Does curiousity compel him to "pursue" that fleeting vision of heaven?
Or does he..."shrug"...and walks home to his empty house....and lives his life as constant as the seasons....predictable.....nothing changes...
Pardon me....just mulling over this thread.... | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 4/9/2009 7:25:11 PM | Ah. This ugly thread rears it's head once again.
Fra, give chris a break. No offense to either of you, but......
Fra, he's young.
Chris, you're right on time with a few of us old farts. The disillusionment began in my 30s. Got fed-up with the whole thang!
Then I thought, if I'm getting fed-up with the whole game thing, then surely the worthy women are too!
So, no. I wouldn't chase her around the barn. I'm not 20 something anymore. I have a house now and I would only chase her around the bedroom.
I've matured and want a woman that has as well.
just a few thoughts | |
|
dlros
|
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 360 | |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:26:32 PM | Where did this idea about all men being "hunters" come from??
Personally, I never had the desire to hunt down and kill bambi or anyone else. And from a woman's point of view I sure would not want to ever be "prey". Can't be too pleasant...
I don't hunt anything. I have hard and fast rules I follow regarding correspondance, actual dating or the relationship itself. I call or write once. If I don't get a response or the desired result I try again. If I think someone is extraordinarily special or we have had a great relationship, I will try one more time. After that, they have to "pursue" me.
Now before I get a thousand emails saying I'm being egotistical, etc, let me make it clear that this isn't for me- it's for the respect and personal space of the other person. Some girls are extreamly sensitive to someone being too persistant and I just feel out of respect one should err on the side of caution.
As to should the girl make moves or whatever, absolutely! First off it tells me that she is special; that she doesn't fall into the traps of sexual role-playing, and she has the confidence to ask for what she wants and can take the hit it's not the answer she wants to hear. From my point of view; if a girl is (respectfully) persistant and aggressive; wow she gets extra points right off the bat! | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/13/2009 9:56:28 PM | *Shake My Head* Oh Lord..Why do people still make a big deal about who makes the "moves" or the plans or initiatives or whatever?..seriously why?..for me that has never even come close to being an issue..my woman can make all the moves she wants..and i will do the same..it doesn't matter to me if she makes the "moves" or makes the "plans" or whatever more than i do...I mean why would I care???????
no wonder relationships hardly ever work out these days...because too many people have so many stupid ideas and way of doing things..it's ridiculous! Why cant two people just be in a relationship without making a big deal about small, unimportant things?..i just dont get it..relationships are that hard or complicated..it's US PEOPLE who are complicated and makes the relationships that way...I don't even know what else to say...but all I know is that it's just ridiculous the way people act in relationships these days | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:11:17 PM |
Now this is what you need to do... Send me a message telling me that you're taking a trip to Toronto, tell me where you want to meet, make sure you're wearing a long coat with nothing underneath... and shortly after that you'll have proof that there's at least ONE guy out there who really appreciates a woman who takes the initiative...
Zekestone..make that at least TWO guys! | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:29:11 PM |
I'm extremely romantic, so I love guys who sweep me off my feet
No thats not "romantic" as how you put it..it's called "watching too much TV" and "reading too many books"..oh and it is also called..living in fantasy land... | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/13/2009 10:35:07 PM |
Face it girls - it is NOT because you showed interest - it IS because “he is just not that into you
Exactly! Are you gonna tell me that a man who is walking on the street or in a club or wherever and sees a nice cute hot sexy girl that he really likes and wants to have sex with her..or to date her etc..and she comes on to him and he is gonna "run" and "get scared"?..NOPE! NO normal guy would ever run from a woman that comes on to him that he REALLY..the guys that would are the ones who have low self esteem issues or some for of mental/psychological issues | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/14/2009 8:45:30 PM |
Exactly! Are you gonna tell me that a man who is walking on the street or in a club or wherever and sees a nice cute hot sexy girl that he really likes and wants to have sex with her..or to date her etc..and she comes on to him and he is gonna "run" and "get scared"?..NOPE! NO normal guy would ever run from a woman that comes on to him that he REALLY..the guys that would are the ones who have low self esteem issues or some for of mental/psychological issues
Well, that's kind of the point seaga...some of us don't have universal "hotness"..so, the odds that a particular guy would be interested are pretty slim..and since I can't read minds...lol..men stress that they like it when they find a woman attractive...my experience is..that while I do not mind being proactive..it just doesn't work because I can't tell...even on here unless they are very specific on their profile about what they like or don't like...letting men approach , at least you know they are interested...it has never worked to my advantage..and I have had several guys just go along for politeness or boredom...and I figure there are more women who aren't in the top than not..I still give it shot..but, it hasn't worked yet...and some men get nasty with you..doesn't seem worth the risk... | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:30:02 AM | Marianne,
I feel that in the 21st century, with all the talk about women being (or needing to be) empowered, strong, independent, go-getters, etc...that, sometimes, THEY can do a little bit of pursuing at the onset (just a little). In this post-feminist movement age that we live in, why do women like to hold on to pre-feminist movement values?
Initiating a conversation or saying a quick hello doesn't make you an "easy" woman.
In regards to the online world, sending a message to a man you're attracted to doesn't make you look desperate. A lot of women on here seem to think this way.
A mature, non-judgmental man like myself won't be put off by a woman taking the lead sometimes. I welcome it with open arms. It gets tired having to do ALL the work all the time (initiate the conversation, ask for the number or contact info, plan the date, pay the bill, this, that, and the other)... | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/16/2009 12:06:13 PM | Old thread, but my motto is "be wonderful and be gone."
Display why you are super great, then retreat. She will chase you. Chasing her makes her run. Who has the time or patience to chase her down? This works for me all the time. "oh cmdrfunk, why haven't you called me?" "Busy, woman! Now state your business!" Humorous spin, but that's it more or less. If she doesn't chase, then have better bait next time. She needs reason to chase you and that reason is by being freakin' wonderful and being a catch among catches. Never stop improving!
Want to be treated like the king? Act like a king. A king doesn't chase. He summons.
Who does the cat approach? The one ignoring it. Make a move for it, and it runs. Unless you have a lifeless cat. But who wants the sickly, boring one? It's funny how cats come up and bug the ones that don't like cats since they're the ones ignoring it. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/16/2009 1:12:48 PM | ^^^ True only of SOME cats... Just as with people, there is no one approach that always works. I think the lesson is (or should be) that you do what works for you.
--Ms. Flis | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 7/16/2009 9:15:24 PM | I can't believe that in 2009 there are still people who think Prince Charming is going to arrive on a white horse and "sweep them off their feet."
This is so juvenile.
Face it, "Cinderella" is NOT reality - it's a fantasy fairytale to titillate the imagination of love starved children who want to imagine that there's a perfect human being out there who is going to rescue them.
Dream on.
I think the way the world works in reality goes more like this:
1. Decide clearly what you want.
2. Ask the universe for it.
3. Accept that sometimes you will get it and sometimes not.
4. Accept that if you don't ask, you won't get it.
Mick Jagger says:
"You can't always get what you want,
But if you try,
Sometimes,
You get what you need." | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/16/2009 5:56:55 PM | | Men have to stop chasing,they loose their self respect.Women have got equal which is right but that should mean that women should do the chasing too.I have stopped looking and just having trust in life. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:48:20 AM | | You're right for the most part in some of what you say. Most women I know, fall into the 'rules' and the hunted game.. Not so, if there is mutual interest, and it's consistent in a short period of time, why not be open and honest. We humans are so filled with the same patterns and thought filtering processes, that very few are themselves. I, for one, am from the start. If I don't feel a spark after initial email contact that goes into a phone call, by then, I've already made a call, if it feels too much like 'work'.. I don't take it further. If conversation is light and easy flowing.. there's possibilites that more communication is coming forthwith. Then take it from there, with an open mind and and an open heart. No past baggage , just be in "THE MOMENT', and see how that goes for a change?? I think I only have one criteria for a possible date, after that, that he be at least old enough to have been watching somewhere on the news when JFK was assassinated.. the Kennedy rule.. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:44:33 AM |
we all know that men are hunters and feel emasculated/lose interest if a woman does too much I disagree with this statement made as a fact.
But at what stage in a relationship is it OK for a woman to initiate as much as or more than a man? Um, whenever she wants to take some initiative?
Do us women have to sit here for ever and be pursued until a man makes a firm commitment? No; only if you lack the courage to take some initiative.
When a relationship becomes "serious" ie mutual love has been expressed, trust is implicit and there's a desire for it to continue into the future, how do you men feel about a woman making a lot of the moves? Sounds like a good idea to me--women not behaving disingenuously and not in a manipulative way. | |
|
| |
Home
login 
