|
|
|
|
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:40:01 PM | oh WEB!!!!!! Possibly the BEST post I have read to date on POF!!!!!!!
Love it!
Men can sense when you really dig them and is scares the bejeebus out of them. It's all energy. At that point, I just become a magnet and stay still. It's like coaxing a feral animal out of his natural habitat - a cave
shhhhhhhhhhhhh we're twacking wabbits, be bery, bery, bery qwyiet!
 | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:06:00 PM | Whilst I think generalizations are difficult and there are always exceptions to the rule - I have to agree with ,ost of the gals here.
Case in point and recent eprsonal experience--
Was pursued and wooed madly by a guy - phone calls, flowers, trips. We met on this site, dated exclusively for almost a year, despite distance we spent nearly every weekend and vacation together. We talked on the phone twice a day - he did mnost of the calling because it was paid for and his work schedule was nights and fluctuated.
Confessions of undying love blah, blah - and after 9 m,onths it was honey, maybe we shouldn t chat twice a day - sometimes I am tired when I get home. My response - I understand it is just that - given the distance - it is nice to know you got home safely. - His interpretation after all that time was (not spolen) god I need to check in now. This is after we each have belongings at the others house.
So yes there is some invisible line, that suddenly gets crossed and back pedalling becomes the message of the day. Of course, if I were to do the - ok I am not playing this game - I hae girlfriends to go out with etc - the reaction was -honey I miss you - where are you. Two months later it started again.
Enough said......
How does one figure out where this subconcious, invisible line is???
I know for me I will not play games - it just is plain silly.
Zee | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:06:10 PM | I am open, and when I am truly interested, I show my cards...and do not expect the man to chase me anymore than I would chase him. I reciprocate, and feel I should give as good as I get...I feel that is fair. I hate games.
BUT...every man I have dated, soon grows bored of this upfront honesty. I hate to say it, but I am in the camp that says men like to do the chasing?
In all my friends relationships, when the gal holds back, the man rushed towards her...not just occasionally, everytime.
Maybe men dont want to admit it, but I think there is something to this. I dunno for sure, but that has been my experience.
I guess I am confused about it all, because I have dated some really great men, and when things become obvious, like it's obvious I have a crush...they back right off. But when they were still uncertain of my feelings, they were all over me. It seems as soon as they realized they dont have to 'chase' me, they got bored.
But, that's just my experience. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 9:09:29 PM | to gonesailinbabe--
where are you coming from? or rather maybe its the type of guy you are attracted to. i like being pursued and a woman that initiates things--no problem here--and no, i don't keep track as in a magic number. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 10:11:22 PM | I always know within the first few times of meeting a person if they are worth pursuing for something long term, or something just for the moment. I hardly pursue a man at all if I have no genuine interest in him for whatever reason it might be. If I am into a particular man, I also do the pursuing, guys have feelings too and need to know that they are also wanted and desired, this is a two way street. If it turns out you're doing all the pursuing, good chance he just isn't that into you. I personally would lose interest fast if a guy didn't also pursue me in the way I am pursuing him because that gets boring pretty fast, besides, why chase a man that doesn't want me when several others do? Most men should be flattered to have any woman lavish such attention on him, because most women don't. If he's scared off by it, or feels you are clingy and needy, perhaps he's still a boy?? Or he just isn't that into you! I am always open and honest with my feelings. I really don't find the games that people play to make much sense, such as, a man only being interested because a woman comes off as aloof, not as interested, maybe mysterious like because she keeps herself closed off to him emotionally. In my opinion, that sends the wrong signals. If I want a man, he's gonna know it, and so far, I've always gotten my man. (now, keeping him is another story though lol)
Seriously though, you should be able to call and email as much as you like without him finding it offensive, unless you're doing it while he's at work, it's usually a bad idea to call a man at work, because, well, he's working. I also don't believe a woman has to sit around forever and be pursued until a man makes a firm commitment as you put it. Entertain the idea and concept of it to him for a while, figure out how he feels, if he's liking you like you're liking him, he'll commit. If he keeps holding you off, then the sex is good for right now, until someone else better comes along, either that, or he has something he is working through first. A man doesn't have to determine the outcome of everything you know, you too are in control of YOUR life. And one last thing, you don't need "mutual love" for a relationship to be "serious" ... you just need to be serious about focusing on them solely and getting to know the ins and outs of that person and developing love along the way. You can't develop love until you are accepting of everything about them, including all their flaws. I believe if a man likes you enough to want to be with you on a serious level, he will let you know much sooner than later. It's only logical. If you don't get what you want by the time 6 months is up, I feel it's safe to say you'd be better off focusing your interests elsewhere. Despite everything, you should always end up meeting in the middle. It's a give and take, 50/50. There are men that do appreciate a woman that knows what she wants and who isn't afraid to take it. Men desire to be wanted, too. That's my test, if I make an attempt and a man rebuffs my attention time after time, he is either gay, or he doesn't like ME. This isn't hard to figure out at all if you are logical about it (I gather most people aren't though). When you are in the presence of a man you genuinely like, you should always feel as though he wants you, whether conveyed by a look, a gesture, or the way he touches/kisses you. You should feel wanted. If you do not feel wanted by him, well, there's more fish in the sea.  | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 10:26:26 PM | Mice sometimes need Cats to chase them to feel wanted, desired, and all those other little things that make life worth living. If they give you some cheese, run with it. If they're just playing with their food, run for cover.
Personally, I love it when a woman makes a first move, but there is that whole Alpha Male mentality that sometimes comes into play, the whole Beauty and the Beast scenario that gets played out, the Damsel in Distress and the Handsome Prince.
Most guys I know make a commitment when they thing that the relationship is going somewhere, I know I do. | |
|
n2art
|
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 57 | |
| |
| |
n2art
|
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 59 | |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:57:21 PM | Sallin is right - particularly when you really like someone. There is a fine line that once crossed is too much and you can't ever go back.
I've experienced this. You would think men would be able to communicate their feelings adequately at an older age more effectively so as not to create this chasm of doubt and fear. When a woman really likes a man beyond friendship it gets tricky. Vulnerability sends out messages that are frequently misinterpreted by men. Men want women to remain "cool, fun, sexy, ready, not needing anything and yet wanting to "fix things?"
Emotional attraction is the key. This is the elusive, undefinable variable. | |
|
| |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:02:01 AM | That's why I said friends. Among other things friends can call friends any time and ask if it's okay to talk and the other can say that it is if it is or that it's not if it's not. That's what friends do.
Things can develop from that but that is where it has to start or you are sunk before the boat gets in the water.
As far as initiation, I've been contacted by women whose profiles I never would have seen. There are a lot of people on these sites. That is simply the math.
Send an initial message saying you saw a profile and you are interested. If the other is, too, it could start something, if not you haven't wasted a lot of time.
I will pursue until I know it won't do any good. Why waste your time? | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:20:42 AM | I don't really feel the need to pursue . I think it is best when it is an equal kind of thing.
But , If I did feel the need , I would probably pursue until she said " please leave me alone , you're beginning to creep me out"
That's probably time to move on .
| |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 12:50:34 AM | I agree with sailin.It is all subconscious,from the caveman days.As you can see from the posts,the men have no clue what we are talking about because it is a built in response."He,s just not that into you" is a great book and he is the only author who has hit the nail on the head.Men are just wired differently.
I,ve chased and been totally rejected and I,ve been chased after and it always works out this way,as soon as I start chasing,they think I,m too needy and want space!
When you chase after a dog,it runs away.If you run away the dog chases after you.It,s a natural instict.I wish I could remember this when it comes to relationships-it,s hard to just sit there and back off!   | |
|
~Kyn~
|
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 64 | |
| |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 2:40:24 AM | There’s enough here for a book, thanks! I like what Ron says about the two-way thing –that must be very rare but something that we’d all love to experience. That’s how is SHOULD be but how often is it? I agree with so much of what’s been said here by both genders and an awful lot of it depends on the individuals involved and how into eachother they are. It’s a shame though that a lot of women seem to feel they can’t show their interest (at an appropriate stage) for fear of men backing off – and it’s certainly happened to me. But hey, maybe they were the wrong guy.
I’m 6 months in with a great man who had strong feelings for me from the start and wasn’t afraid to express them. He’s still very loving and attentive but it’s almost like I’m waiting for that switch, for him to back off and because of that I’m still very wary of initiating too much or sharing the depth of my feelings with him (I love him for sure). Whenever I’ve indicated to him how much he means to me (without going over the top), it’s made him very happy but it’s like I have this in-built defense mechanism that stops me expressing myself the way he does. Maybe I should show him this thread and see what he thinks! | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:49:23 AM | | You know what is going on here. We need to distinguish between the women who elsewhere have acknowledge that they "love their bad boys" and see life as a sexual game (though when they are dumped they complain that all men want is sex) and those who want a real relationship. Relationships are two way streets and no man (or woman) wanting a real relationship with another person is going to worry about who pursues at any given time. It takes hard work to maintain a real relationship and the reality is that "bad boys" are into the game, not into the women. Even if you do maintain the hunter analogy myth, few hunters are going to risk falling off a cliff in an attempt to get a "10 pointer" good at making the hunt difficult. Most will aim at the one that makes the kill easy, not the impossible shots. But remember using the hunter analogy, for them, it is the kill that counts, they don't plan on living in the woods with any of the hunted. Thats not relationship. If the game being played is hunter and hunted, one should not complain that the successful "hunter" is out to "knock off" as many 10 pointers as the season permits. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 3:56:55 AM | I don't know about others, I feel that after a bit of pursueing - I hang it up.
My latest experiences here - we get to the phone call phase or meet for coffee/drink - I call/offer several times (maybe 3,4,5). It doesn't come together by then - ciao.
I almost want to put this in the category of 'playing games' as far as I am concerned. IMO
I guess everyone has their own tastes and preferences. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 5:06:46 AM | What I find funny is the other thread where a woman asks 'how is it right after we (as a couple) open up about our feelings, I got dumped".....and the fellas jumping in are telling her that in the month they were a couple, she gave too much too soon...she should play a bit harder to get, and not be available when he calls sometimes...Isnt that the chase me game? One man says she should play it cool next time, dont show your feelings.
The men there are giving totally different advice, all going against the posts made here. Too funny, and a classic no win.
I already answered the OP here, just had to laugh at the mixed messages in the forums on this subject. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 5:49:18 AM | | One gets fromLife what one"""" expects and demands """"so Be strong And never give up till you get yur dream regardless what it takes,,, | |
|
zeeba
|
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 70 | |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 7:03:14 AM | I really like the way Ron phrased it, as well. That's the ideal -- the mutual attraction, genuine liking of each other, etc. In those instances, worrying about who is contacting the other person more is a moot point.
I think the reason many women are saying that they don't want to do the pursuing is precisely because they have been SO burnt in the past. Once bitten, twice shy. I've certainly had those rather bad experiences. Of course, I also realize that this is the same process men go through, many times over.
I've been on both ends of this one. I have had to let guys down gently, and I have also been politely but firmly rejected by guys. It's tough, no matter where you fall in the equation.
And being rather skeptical by nature...I'm not really sure that the proverbial "lightning" will strike again. So, any guys out there that want to be pursued? | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 9:58:04 AM | Well I am with Sailing on this one....... I think that many men initially are excited about the idea of being chased, because it is not the norm for them, its a novelty, so they play along because its pretty much a sure thing at that point. Its a win win situation for them, companionship, sex, and the ego boost. No investment in it. Whats not to like? Why rock the boat and tell her that she Miss Right now, not Miss Right? That means she will take her toys and go away, cant have that, can we?
Ron is correct in the sense that if it is a mutual attraction, it will work. But if it is more one sided than the other, many men will take what they can, while they can, until it isnt working for them anymore. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:13:15 AM | I love being chased and sometimes I let him catch me....Both parties like to show that little something special and the chase is one of them. It doesn't hurt to let the guy know that he is special and pursuing him in a fashion that catches his attention is a good thing.
Why not, is there an unwritten law that I'm not aware of? Ladies like it because it boosts there egos....men like it because to them it means they still have it...(not sure what it is) Its healthy for you....go for it<img As for a time frame, how about when you both come to an understanding about what is in the future for you. src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0> | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 10:48:09 AM |
...because hey, we all know that men are hunters and feel emasculated/lose interest if a woman does too much.
Misconception. It is one that I dislike quite a bit, because I don't find the "chase" enjoyable.
The truth is that - we are here because the men whom we women HAVE expressed interest in and have taken the initiative with - DID wimp out.
For whatever reason.
Now, we in turn, learn to "stifle" our desires and hide them.
If men did that every time we were rejected no one would ever get anywhere. The whole point is that if you put yourself out there you are going to get burned...a lot. Less than 20 men in 12 years? Even if the numbers weren't so insignificant, you are attributing their disinterest to the fact that you took initiative when that could easily have absolutely nothing to do with it. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 11:01:23 AM | | It will be a cold day in hell before I waste anymore time pursuing a woman, so if you are interested you better let me know, and not with subtle little flirts that will sail right over me. To men, subtle is a lead pipe upside the head. You don't have to rip your clothes off and jump on me, though I might get the idea if you did, but for God's sake do SOMETHING!!! | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 11:57:08 AM | | Men should feel no compulsion to pursue any woman on this site, certainly not at the beginning. There is so much unknowns as one is forced to travel in largely unchartered waters. Instead, it should be conceived as an egalitarian exercise where each partner should be free to initiate email contact and to assess each other as a potential compatible candidate and if it is worth considering future contact. | |
|
|
| Page 3 of 15
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 |
|
Home
login 
