| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/26/2008 9:51:55 PM | Isn't it nice that there's so many different people with so many different attractions and approaches? That's why it will be great when we find the right one for each of us.
We don't all have to be alike, ya know. It's not a law or sumptin'... | |
|
lustre
|
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 102 | |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:10:57 AM | Hi OP,
Over the years i have pursued one or two lovely ladies but eventually been rejected and have been pursued by one or two (hard to believe but true) and the only thing i regret about that was having to hurt someones' feelings.
Unfortunately it is harder for a women to do the pursueing simply because a lot of men dont see it for what it is,just a sign of affection and something to be welcomed.
I know i might be a bit old fashioned and naive but these days it seems to me too many people play too many games ,honesty and integrity has gone out of the window,not sure why but maybe its just modern society,selfishness seems to be a lot of peoples priority.Giving something of yourself seems so difficult to a lot of people,believe me it's a good thing,don't do it for anything in return, just do it and always be open and honest where peoples' feelings are concerned.
As i said maybe i'm naive but i would rather be that than selfish and self-centred.
So Op,if you want to pursue someone,just do it and if you want to initiate the relationship just do that to,if the man has any sense he will appreciate it for what it is.
best wishes.
Lustre | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 12:32:30 AM |
It's an insult. You would be calling me a cave man, and if I succumb, I would just validated your theory.
Dayum! I have more self-respect and will not accept demeaning behavior.
my story and I'm stickin to it!
Caveman or unhealthily impulsive. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 9:50:44 AM | From my experiences... a woman will "fall in love" with a man in about 3 months. Most men take about 6 months to decide whether or not the person they are dating is relationship material. So... you can play it safe for 6 months and keep your feelings inside, or you can be real and just ENJOY THE MOMENT, and not worry about what to do, or not do. Go with the flow, don't pressure anybody, have FUN, and if it's meant to be, then it will work out.
I don't think men like to be pressured into a relationship, or trapped into feeling they are exclusive. I know I certainly don't!! Give em' space, have your OWN life, make sure you get some ME time, and if he wants to be with YOU, he will be. If not, there is nothin' you can do, cuz you can't control anyone but yourself. Be supportive, be a friend, but be yourself. Do what feels right. And you'd better know what YOU want in a partner, because that's what you should be looking for. Take time to get to know someone, and be prepared to walk away if it's not what you want for the future. What makes me any different from a guy??? Common sense, I think. But I can understand why men would back off... I would do the same thing! | |
|
neiby
|
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 105 | |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 11:40:40 AM | I'm too old for the "chasing" sorts of games some of you are referring to, especially with regard to Internet dating where the rules and dynamics are different. If you see my profile and you're interested, contact me. It's that simple. And if I'm interested, I'll contact you.
As far as chasing goes, I don't do much of that any more. I will show interest, but if I don't get a response, that indicates a lack of mutual interest and I'm not going to pursue it further. There is a work for continually pursuing someone who isn't interested: stalking! And stalking is not romantic nor healthy. | |
|
neiby
|
Joined: 4/22/2008
Msg: 106 | |
| |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 2:28:51 PM | From my experiences... a woman will "fall in love" with a man in about 3 months. Most men take about 6 months to decide whether or not the person they are dating is relationship material. So... you can play it safe for 6 months and keep your feelings inside, or you can be real and just ENJOY THE MOMENT, and not worry about what to do, or not do. Go with the flow, don't pressure anybody, have FUN, and if it's meant to be, then it will work out.
I don't think men like to be pressured into a relationship, or trapped into feeling they are exclusive. I know I certainly don't!! Give em' space, have your OWN life, make sure you get some ME time, and if he wants to be with YOU, he will be. If not, there is nothin' you can do, cuz you can't control anyone but yourself. Be supportive, be a friend, but be yourself. Do what feels right. And you'd better know what YOU want in a partner, because that's what you should be looking for. Take time to get to know someone, and be prepared to walk away if it's not what you want for the future. What makes me any different from a guy??? Common sense, I think. But I can understand why men would back off... I would do the same the same thing--quote
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Great advice Dianna, common sense does it every time.No woman should give up her life, her friends or especially her personal power for a man.The woman you are, is who he liked initially , why change.I agree, be yourself, enjoy the person you are with, get to know him as a person.It should take 6 months to get know someone, let the honeymoon hormones die down, and the eyes open and see clearly.I would date him, see my friends and live my own life.In this mind making up time, I would not be intimate with this person as the relationship is neither long term or committed, just a romantic friendship.This is self respect not manipulation, I am not giving my body to someone who does not value me, a ship passing in the night.
He will either back off or commit,his choice, in the meantime I have an alter ego called a life, which I want to get on with living.Self respect is the thing, a zero tolerance for bull and immaturity, honesty, and the ability to behave like an adult. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 3:33:40 PM | Typically I don't chase for very long.
First of all... Being overweight, I'm use to women being completely uninterested and usually justifiably assume that if they don't show any interest... as in calling back etc etc... then they're just not interested and not wanting me to "chase" them.
If they ARE interested and are sitting there watching you scurry around trying to get their attention. That's a game. I work two jobs, I'm going to school, I do NOT have time or the patience for game players. I'd rather be single than jump through hoops.
If they're not showing interest. Just move on. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 9/27/2008 4:11:08 PM | Funny - a woman (brown-eyed) saying 'men are giving mixed signals'..... LMAO....
H E L L O! ! ! ! ! Woman are notorious for flipping in their feelings/emotions, giving mixed signals, but you are a woman so you do not notice such things. LOL
RE: too much too soon. We all have our own preferences with regard to how 'fast' things like this come. As do we about other things - how quick to kiss, sleep together, meet the kids, etc... Some women - you try to give them a peck on the cheek at the end of a first date - you are being WAY too forward - others - you don't mug them - they feel you aren't interested. Welcome to my planet.
So different men giving different advice does not surprise me. | |
|
| |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:31:24 PM | | Clearly most (but not all) women aren't comfortable doing initiating the communication, so I tend to do the asking/emailing/calling first. However, I'm not an avid hunter and I really enjoy it when a woman initiates too. If I initiate but get nowhere after 1-2 emails/calls, I move on to someone with more interest or fewer games. Women who play hard to get are a waste of my time. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/18/2008 9:54:43 PM | Sorry OP but I don't subcribe to this idea at all. If I want to call a man I'm dating or invite him over to watch a movie, or just to say hi, I will.
If he "feels that I am taking the chase" away from him, he can go find another woman that will play this game with him.
I guess I have just reached an age I don't feel like playing any games that are not strictly for the bedroom  | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/19/2008 12:26:30 AM | A lot of good points have already been made but I do want to add to them.
From my own personal experience, most women either give too little initiative or WAY too much early on. I think that is the true dilemma here.
Diablera nailed it right when she said “enjoy the moment and not worry about what to do or not do. Go with the flow, don’t pressure anybody, have fun and if it’s meant to be, then it will work out.”
Realize that we all are different – some guys don’t like talking on the phone but could otherwise be very social in person. Face it, some men aren’t as emotional as others which means that they may not respond well to it or don’t know how to communicate it back to their partners. Some men like a women who is more dominant or aggressive. The point is that people have different ways about them. Knowing what makes someone tick takes awhile.
Everyone’s definition of “chasing” can be quite different. Some men will inherently continue to try and gain your interest but as many other men in this thread have already said it also turns a lot of men off including myself. Your one trick solution of “make him chase” will not always work for you.
It’s all about balance. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 10/29/2008 6:22:28 AM | Common sence will tell you when to stop , a woman sometime usees this to her advantage and the chase becomes a side show and then the man don't know when to stop , he is the last to know that the person that is being pursued is not thinking as he does . no one likes to be alone and as long there are men and woman the chase will continue because the best thing about the chase is the capture and the rewards that comes with it . | |
|
| |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/14/2009 10:24:11 PM | There is a certain point for myself where I will no longer make the effort of developing a connection with someone. The whole process should be a mutual exchange, if I am interested I will call....but if I never receive a call in return or her asking me to get together then I figure she isn't interested. If I keep pursuing or pushing then I'm getting into a the stalker zone a bit I feel. If she finally does decide I'm interesting after I have pestered the hell out of her then I get the feeling she is settling because I've made a nusiance of myself lol. For me if she dosn't show interest very very soon then I drop the whole thing out of protection for myself. The traditional courtship where the guy does all the work......lets just say I don't subscribe to that at all.
themore | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:15:47 PM |
... so much stuff about men having to be allowed to chase women . .. hey, we all know that men are hunters and feel emasculated/lose interest if a woman does too much. But at what stage in a relationship is it OK for a woman to initiate as much as or more than a man? By that I mean calling whenever you want to, being totally open about feelings, making plans etc.
Well, count me out of that dinosaur-age thing about men being hunters. I am not a hunter and if I ever decide I want to be a hunter I will pick up a gun and head for the woods to chase a deer.
I do not feel emasculated if women are human beings with the ability to make decisions and to express desires just as much as I can.
In fact I will not waste my time on people who expect to be pursued or chased or caught like trophies or won like prizes in a contest. I am an artist and a lover, not a salesman or a competitor.
In my profile I try to make it clear that I respect women as my equal and that means that if I can call her, she can equally well call me. Unfortunately a lot of women even in 2009 still do not comprehend that gender equality is possible.
The few who are up to speed in the modern world are the few I am interested in meeting. We are all better off when people treat each other as equals whether black or white, gay or straight, Jewish or Christian, male or female.
The gender roles of Queen Victoria's time are dead and no way am I going back to the past and neither do I want to be around people with antiquated ideas who tie each other down with old fashioned gender-role expectations. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:27:56 PM | I am speaking for myself ,I don't need to be sitting tight and pursued, if he is the right man I will jump in to ACTIONS with my net and run to catch him. | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:29:58 AM | Of ourse men like to be chased sometimes...why wouldn't they? as some have said already..I dont mind making the initial move/flirting etc. whatever you w ant to call it..but after that there should be a good balance in terms of who does the "chasing"..that's as simple as I can put it..i abhor sit when a woman is playing games even when they like us, yet they are acting like they are not interested in us....
definitely not a fan of too much chasing | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:38:58 AM | If someone isnt vaguely interested in simple chat firstly the need to peruse or talk sense stops immediately. Which is applicable to people being who they say and really single.
And in all likelihood I long since adjourned for many muffins.
Men have to chase and ask..despite an alleged equal world.
Women generally, not always, sit back and indulge in the wicked-shoe-theorem & encounter problems with true choice...much to the bemusement of a few of the nicer guys | |
|
| |
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:43:43 AM |
Do us women have to sit here for ever and be pursued until a man makes a firm commitment?
Please don't! *shudder*
By all means, initiate. Demonstrate that you're an independant person who doesn't need me, but rather wants me - And if I'm interested I won't be shy about responding!
 | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/15/2009 12:54:30 AM | The truth is no one should have to chase anyone. Men are not dogs to “chase” after a “truck”. Neither are women. I feel like I’m in high school again! A 99 percent of people on this site claim that they don’t want to play games, yet judging by the language that people use (chase) it is not true. Person A (man or woman) shows interest (by smiling, winking, saying hello etc.), person B reciprocates…they talk…they go out on a date…find out more detail about each other…if there is mutual compatibility they go out on a second date, 3rd, 4th…etc. First move is no one’s “job”!!!!
Two people meeting should not have to be difficult!!! The secret is (to both men and women) that in order to have a successful relationship both people have to make sure it is exciting. If you want to know what it is…well you just have to ask me yourself :) | |
|
| How long do men feel the need to pursue?
Posted: 3/15/2009 2:27:01 AM | | I want a real man to pursue me and show me how much he wants to be with me. I will not chase a man. It is important for the man to pursue the woman and let her know he wants her. The man is the stronger sex and if he wants her, he should go after her. Happy fishing:0) | |
|
| |
Home
login 
