| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:59:45 AM |
Some of you people are real a-holes. For some of us English isn't our first language and it is very difficult to translate your thoughts (usually in your mother tongue) in to English and then write it down. If his grammar, sentence structure or punctuation bothers you so much...walk away from the post. You aren't helping anyone and I doubt your bank account got bigger, you got a promotion, landed your dream job or your dream mate all because you felt the urge to be an idiot.
ROFL.... back up there a second. About the only way anyone here has of making an assessment of the individual, without actually meeting him, is how he presents himself when he writes. So, if you write like you're an idiot, good chance you are one.
So DiS iS fO dOeS oF u WhO tInK dIs A kOoL wAy Ta RiTe. WaT uP wIt Dis ?
see what I mean??
It is because women want to be treated as NUMBER ONE. You probably don't even realize how many times you treat your kid, your work, your hobbies, and your kid's activities, as FIRST. This is okay for a little while, but the psychological climate will breed resentment, sadness, loss of self-esteem, and anger in any woman you date. Wow, do you hold the same ideas when it comes to Single Men NOT wanting to date Single Mothers???? or is this one of the many double standards women seem to have in the arsenal??
I remember a thread that lasted for well over 120+ pages of arguements for/against dating single mothers, and this seems to be one of the arguements the men used against dating single mothers, because to do so, would mean that they were to be completely happy and satisfied with being second... or nothing more than back burner guy. WTF?? Now its okay to dismis a man because he has a kid... but you cant dismiss a woman?? | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:54:24 PM | The fact you are a single father is only part of it
The other part is time and money to spend on the woman
And yes knowing how to speak and write properly DOES have A LOT to do with how someone measures you.
if in fact you are in the armed services then I KNOW they have all kinds of grants you can aquire to get your education. Because you MUST serve as an example for your child
Learn how to balance your time so that you can meet someone for a date
I know there are PLENTY of single moms on this site looking for a understanding man but please present yourself in the best possible light
Good Luck | |
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InWait
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Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 29 | |
| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:05:22 PM | why whenever someone is asking for help ignorant people have to judge the individual that is asking? if you dont understand his posts ...DONT TRY TO READ THEM... the man is obviously in a tough spot and is seeking guidance... just because he has not been properly educated in the english language does not mean its ok for you guys to bring him down... if you cant answer his question than use discretion and respect by not answering...
now i will answer your question... it is very tough to be a single father and it is all in how your perception(of yourself) is viewed by these women you are trying to date... you give off a negative persona you will receive a negative outcome... create a positive persona and you will have positive feedback... there are just some women you can not please nor get through to... do not search for that woman that will be the love of your life in every person you meet... go into as friends and you will create a foundation for the future of yourself and your child... i wish you luck and take care
PS take ignorance as a grain a salt, it is human nature to look down on others to make their lives feel better | |
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InWait
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Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 30 | |
| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:09:39 PM | | divedrifter... write us a paragraph in the native language... if you cant than by your statement...THIS MAKES YOU AN IDIOT... you should stop talking now because i will come back and keep making you look like an idiot... | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:19:36 PM |
divedrifter... write us a paragraph in the native language... if you cant than by your statement...THIS MAKES YOU AN IDIOT... you should stop talking now because i will come back and keep making you look like an idiot... You people, get ridiculous.
I understand your urge to protect someone who can't put two sentences together just to make him feel good. But he shouldn't!
He lives and DATES in English...he lives in the country where the first language is ENGLISH. Even because of respect to the country and its Army where he serves, he must speak English fluently and properly
Yes, it does have something to do with his problems. Mostlikely, women don't even take him seriously unless he's dating only native-speaking women.
And just in case you wouldn't offer me these stupid test in native language - I am Russian, English is my second language, and I never spoke any other languages besides Russian until I was 40!
He's still young and he hopes to find someone who can understand his life, his problems, his dreams etc without speaking any common language.
Come on, this is freaking hillarious | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:21:04 PM | | I think you should take down in your profile the pictures of your son. You should be a bit more careful and protective of your child. I'll be sending a complaint to the forum moderators as children need to be protected and not have their pictures displayed online. | |
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InWait
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Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:29:39 PM | sunnybunny you seem like an educated individual why not try and help the guy that has the issue rather than fueling the fire? he does speak english he does write/type in english it is not legible but atleast the man is trying... how do you feel when you are at the local market and 2 individuals are speaking there country of origins language? does this make you infuriated because they are not speaking english in front of you so you may easedrop upon there conversation? this world will always continue to become more violent and violent if individuals are not taught and raised with open mindedness and multiculturalism...
was no one else raised with the value that: "if you dont have anything good to say, dont say it all?" | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:41:11 PM | gday ! I know how you feel I've been a single dad since my son was just 2 weeks old my x left us (you could say holding the baby) he is now 6 yrs old I've had some girl friends but that is all they have been... girl... friends I am picky now when I was younger you only had to be female and breathing ! lol now I have my son to consider ! it is hard to find the right women but hey I'm happy my son just started school this year, I work in the school hours (cabinetmaker) I don't have much of a social life but I think it could have been a lot worse I could have nothing and only see my son just for the holidays (that would kill me) be patient the right women will come along ! all the best
Rick. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:40:43 PM |
was no one else raised with the value that: "if you dont have anything good to say, dont say it all I was not going to answer this topic despite that I do have an answer for the OP question...exactly because if someone can't express himself, mostlikely being "sindle dad" has nothing to do with his problems.
But since I've read some agressive answers to very valid point made about the writing of the OP, you can't even understand what's his point about, I decided to tell you, that it's not relevant test to others, who live in their country and do speak their country language...they don't have to write anything in foreign language.
And no, I don't mind when people anywhere speak different languages unless they talk to me.
I am very open minded, dear Confizzled. I am just against discrimination of any point in the free forum. I still think the point was valid and your agression toward the poster was uncalled.
As for OP, I can't help him. Even if he try and put all his thoughts together and get some conclusion from them, there is not too much problem in his son but.....
As far as I got from his post:
1. He doesn't inform his dates about having a son up front
2. He doesn't express himself clearly and straigh: his wants, needs, desires. He can't communicate all these and, exuse me, but big part of this is his language.
3. He thinks he has to love the mother of his child no matter what even when he has full custody of the child......anyone thinks it's justified to any woman he might meet?
So far I don't see the solution besides one - get any available education while he's still at army. You won't believe but any education will help to rise the level of intelligence....it change the circle of people you choose to communicate with.....and after all - it might change people outlook to the OP
somehow I don't think he'd chose such a long and complicated way to improve his life | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:57:08 PM | | I don't have any children but I would rather date a man who has full custody than a weekend dad, especially if they are young like your son. He's a very cute kid. At the same time, if you have full custosdy of the child, why are you feeling the need to "help" the child's mother when she needs it. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Maybe it's a question of boundaries... I know you're ESL but stop saying you love the mother of your child when you're trying to date other women, I don't care how you mean it - it just comes out wrong... | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:28:55 PM | | ok i know how to speak english fine i might have a hard time typing ya so what im not perfect but for your info i have been in the navy for 10 yrs i speak 3 languages and type thim as well how many do you all people speak or write so before judging some one on the way he types see how smart you guys are first before judging me. | |
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InWait
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Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 38 | |
| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:29:53 PM | ok i regress my point to the previous poster but in all the aggression was brought from that poster towards the topic maker... he will hopefully utilize his resources he has with the navy and get a better understanding of the english language... my point was just in the fact that he is asking for help and does not need to feel belittled... he has on his profile a picture of his son so if he was meeting women off this site they would know about his child... if he is not informing women outside of POF about him being a father than i believe that the love and care for a child should be related to any part of his life... i hope the best for the topic maker and that he will use all the important points...
PS just because someone might not have a grasp of something that comes so easy to others raised with this surrounding of the english language does not mean they are an idiot | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:33:54 PM | | hey thanks just like i was tealing thim i can speak it fine i know 3 languages and i type thim and i have done college i was saying to thim before they judge me look in there eyes and see if they have done college can speak 3 languages and have a college dagree on top of everything ya i well say typing english is hard. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:42:48 PM | | Be honest about who you are and what responsibilites you have... such as your son. I do not hide anything on my profile and I do not have a problem in meeting women. Many wonderful women out there who dont mind the man having kids. I have mine all the time. Hasnt stopped anyone. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:49:05 PM | It sounds like the women you are choosing to date are very immature. You have to ask yourself why are you choosing the same immature type repeatedly. Raise your standards and believe that you merit someone who is not only attractive but smart and mature. Your son is cute!
Also, maybe you shouldn't talk to your girlfriend about your ex at all. Keep that part of your life separate from your relationship. Try not to complain about the baby's mama in front of your son or your girlfriend. If you need someone to talk to about that, I would recommend get your son in bed and call a guy friend or get a babysitter and talk about your ex with him. Basically, don't look for a girlfriend to provide you an emotional support related to another woman. Even if she should be mature enough to handle that, it will get old. Your girlfriend wants to enjoy you and your current life, not your past or ongoing baby mama issues. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:51:54 PM | | Everyone has started talking about how he writes, but go back and re-read his original post. He isn't having trouble GETTING dates, he's having trouble with women leaving once they find out he has a child. You guys may have a point about the writing abilities, but that's totally besides the point, as getting women to actually go out with him doesn't seem to be his problem. He's getting the dates - but then he's waiting until they've been going, THEN he tells them he has a child, and they run. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:02:33 PM | First of all, tell the woman up front that you are a single Dad, so she knows before she starts dating you. When you are out on a date, please do not talk about your ex all night long, it's okay to mention her once in a while (like once a month), but this gets old really fast. And please understand why women date in the first place, and that is to possibly find a suitable mate, or just make new friends. And when you are a single Dad, your child usually comes first, so where does that leave your date? Second? that gets old really fast, too, like leftovers. Someone may be content to juggle her schedule around your priorities, but maybe not so much either. 
Pink | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:27:36 PM | I agree with sugar kisses. I know you all meant well....your heart was "in the right place", but your "aim" was waaaaaayyyyyyy off. I happen to think better af a man for steppin' up to the plate, then not bothering at all.
Besides....my step-dad(DAD...period!) knew when he married my mother that she had 2 children from a former marriage. He has been my FATHER since I was 4 1/2, and my brother ,2.
You have my support in this, NativePride123. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:35:30 PM | | I still dont understand why people have to put the people in their lives on a list of who's most loved and important? I love my family and friends all the same, just in different ways. I would never put the person in my life (if I loved them) below anyone else. I do however know what its like to be way down on the list, and it does make a person feel like whats the point of me being here with this person, I will never be important to them. Of course, children are important, but if you cant give the love to your significant other then you shouldnt be dating until the kiddies are grown. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 10/28/2008 5:52:07 AM |
I still don't understand why people have to put the people in their lives on a list of who's most loved and important? I love my family and friends all the same, just in different ways. I would never put the person in my life (if I loved them) below anyone else. I do however know what its like to be way down on the list, and it does make a person feel like whats the point of me being here with this person, I will never be important to them. Of course, children are important, but if you cant give the love to your significant other then you shouldnt be dating until the kiddies are grown.
I agree. This makes a good deal of sense. No one is saying if your kid needs you like they have a special dance recital , play, concert or if they are hurt and feeling bad that you should say "see ya kid" and go out anyway. But if you are a single parent dating then you don't have to be with your kids constantly. A child will not be harmed if you go out on a saturday night and get the grandparents or someone the child likes to babysit them. Just because your kid is taking a temper tantrum over you going out is no need to freak out and say "omg I need to stay home or going out will scar my child forever". Like it or not if you are dating someone you will have to make them a priority too or your relationship will never last.
People act like there is a limit on love and there is only so much space on your "priority list" for a certain number of people. They also act like only children can ever be at the top of that list. The list changes constantly depending on whose needs are greater . This reminds me of a memory of when I was little and my parents were going out for the night. I took a tantrum because I didn't want them too. Not because I was scared or hurt, I just wanted to win and make them stay home. Now I have three older sisters and brother who babysat me and even though much older would play dolls and barbies so I was in very good care. Kids can be very manipulative. | |
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| why being single father is it hard to find someone
Posted: 10/28/2008 6:55:36 AM | first off, let me ask u, is the fact u have a kid on ur pofile? if not, then basically, u r lying to the women u meet on here. bad idea son. that is considered hiding truth.
and if u r hiding the fact u have a son, then these women will think u r hiding other things. do u understand what i am telling u? change ur profile, let them know u have a son, as for talking about son's momma? don'do that with these women, they don't want to hear about exes. it's not hard to find someone on here when u have kids,,, i met a really handsome, sweet guy, who has a 16 year old with ADHD,, and i still want a relationship with him! regardless of the son! i have kids as well, and i don't hide that fact. it's on my profile. do you understand? try editting ur profile,,, see what happens.
then let me know how it goes. | |
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