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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:50:53 AM | Just because a guy "posts" long-term, then meets you and doesn't get into long term with you, doesn't mean he's doing anything wrong.
He wants to meet "The One". You just don't happen to be that one.
You are great for dating until "The One" happens. For your sake, please don't do the :
I hung in there for awhile hoping if he saw how good I was to him, he would choose to stop seeing others.
Any man that thinks you are "The One" will AUTOMATICALLY STOP DATING OTHER WOMEN. That is the way a decent, respectable man acts.
Loud and clear?
PS: Women who get into FWB thing with men MOAN the above quote.
That quote will go down in our history books as the quote from women who chased men, waited for men and loved too much without the man putting anything into it. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:01:20 PM |
Why do guys post they are looking for a long term relationship when they are not at all?
To have sex with women who wouldn't go out with them if they put anything other than "long term".
What is with these guys posting lies on their profiles.
Same reason.
he continues too see me regulary, but is not looking for a long term relationship at all.
He wants one thing, you want something different. So why are you still with someone who doesn't want what you want?
I am so confused what to do
You do know what to do. You know that you care about him, but he doesn't care enough about you to be exclusive with you, and you don't want to leave him BECAUSE you care about him. But that's what you need to do. Never stay with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you as you feel about them. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:23:06 PM | | Hi...I just wanted to write to you, and, let you know, you are"not" alone... I have met a guy too, on a different site, and, after 2 and 1/2 years pretty much told me to date others...he needed space. This after, flowers and candy and, calls, 2 to 3 times or more a day, cutesy e-mails , sweet e-cards of love..etc...etc.. not to mention, when we were togeter trips to wonderful places and even motorcycle riding... I loved it all, because it was with "him".. However, he let me know later, he didn't feel the same way about me. He sure knew where to push my buttons... He said he needed space, and, to let him get his s*** together... well I let him thinking he just needed space, he hurridly found another women...and, as of this posting is talking to her regularly along with "who knows what else" ... It wasn t space he needed.. It was to get away from me.... This has hurt me to the core, especially after such a long time. He played me...strung me along, and, then, told me he was thru with me, and, moved on...quickly I might add. I don't know what to say to you, except, to hang in there... it will be hard, it has been for me.... but, I am still alive... I guess that is a good thing.. take care....blondy51-99 | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 1:22:49 PM | What I don't get is this.
Consistant with all of these threads are the women who say the guy:
after 2 and 1/2 years pretty much told me to date others...he needed space. This after, flowers and candy and, calls, 2 to 3 times or more a day, cutesy e-mails , sweet e-cards of love..etc...etc.. not to mention, when we were togeter trips to wonderful places and even motorcycle riding... I loved it all, because it was with "him".. However, he let me know later, he didn't feel the same way about me. He sure knew where to push my buttons...
... It wasn t space he needed.. It was to get away from me....
Are you the kind of woman who jumped into the driver's seat after he was just getting going in the courting mode and took over? Showed him what a wonderful woman you were? Caved into sex early because...well...you couldn't help it? Became all enthralled with the idea of "relationship"? Became a woman who was "perfect" for him?
But, most of all....didn't listen to the underlying currents that said he was only in for the fun. That you weren't "The One"?
Why do guys like women chasing them (only when it's OK with them)? Because they can walk away easier.
I cannot reiterate it enough. When a man thinks you are The One, he works hard at making a committment. Funny thing!
Men are very particular as to who is "The One". She is the visual image that he sees in his fantasy when he daydreams about the perfect woman for him. Until that woman comes along and knocks his senses around, he will have fun with whomever wants to show him what a great woman she is. That is why alot of guys say that they like the woman to chase them. Most men who play like that kind of lack of responsibility.
Hey! It's not my fault. You wanted it. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:32:16 PM | As many others have said, he very well may be looking for long term. You can't determine if he is lying about it even if he wants to date others, while dating you. Long Term being his goal. Eventually he wants to have a long term relationship, but he wants to make sure that the person he eventually decides to go long term with is the right choice.
In your particular situation, he still wants to date you, but hasn't come to the decision that you are the right choice for a long term relationship.
Looking for Long Term doesn't mean he's looking for exclusivity from the first person he meets.
You can either choose to stop dating him, or wait for him to decide that you are the right choice for long term.
Chances are though, depending on how long you've been dating, he might never choose you. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 12:22:20 PM | I honestly think he uses the LTR as a trap for vunerable women. If it was me he was having trouble with, then he wouldn't still be spending 5 out of 7 nights with me, and disappear for 2 nights on the weekends. He has been up front about dating others, but says they are basically his bootie calls. His attitude is all women are trouble. So I don't see anyone as being good enough to settle him down to a LTR.
I have very deep feelings for him, but had to start dating again to look for want i need.
I have actually talked to 4 other women he has dated off of POF and they all told me to run as fast as I can, but not till I was already in to deep. How do you move on, when your desperate to see him?
Thanks too all who replied. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 1:00:22 PM | OP: He may very well be looking for long term, but not with you. He may not have been feeling what you were feeling. He did tell you not to get attached and to date others.
If a man tells me this, there is no way in hell I am going to try to change his mind. That's the mindset some have; they think they will ROCK the other person into changing their mind. Believe you me, if he dug you - you would know it by his actions.
ADDENDUM: "He has been up front about dating others, but says they are basically his bootie calls. His attitude is all women are trouble. So I don't see anyone as being good enough to settle him down to a LTR." -
OP: He has very little respect for women what makes you think he has it for you? Read over what you just wrote (I quoted you above). Lots of red flags here and not someone I would continue to entertain unless you want to continue to be his booty call.
Best,
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:24:12 PM | Whisperingsoftly,
You are hurting because he has treated you shabbily. He doesn't appreciate you or value you. You are a bed that he warms himself in because you have hit bottom and care only that it's your bed he sleeps in more than the other women's beds.
How deep/low can you go? You are at your lowest. You have given everything in you and there is nothing left to give. He has taken it all.
Where do you start? By saying that word NO. Tell him it's DONE. No discussion.
It will give you back a bit of your power. But, you have lots of work to go through yet.
It will be hard. Very very hard. Do not pick up that phone, do not e-mail him...NO CONTACT.
If you do that and he disappears, then you know where his feelings always have been.
If he tries to sweetalk you into reconsidering, just remember, talk is cheap.
ACTIONS count. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:24:46 PM | Take their advice gal and everyone elses on this forum....RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! Do you really think this man is worth it? What about the risks you are taking with your body? He openly admits he is seeing several women and why would you want this man anyhow? I would run before your LTR turns into an STD Relationship!
Don't mean to sound harsh, but just concerned for your safety physically and mentally. I wish you all the best. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:39:31 PM | Just because a guy (or a gal) posts that they are Looking for a Long Term Relationship does not mean You are "the one".
It all has to start somewhere, friends, dating.. etc... but just because a person is looking for long term doesn't mean they will just settle for the first person or Any person they happen to be dating. He's dating, he's been honest with you about it. I'll betcha when he meets his "Mate" .. he'll be in for the Long Term.
Nothing says he doesn't "mean it" when he posted that he is looking for long term .. your post just says he hasn't found 'her' yet.
I'd say cut your losses and move on, unless your one of those who can deal with the fwb thing. Doesn't sound like it though, sounds like you're emotionally attached and if you don't walk away Now, you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt. I hope you walk .. and soon. That way YOU'll be free when the right guy for you comes along.
All the best
A.S.is
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:19:30 PM | A.S.is is right, sometimes it's just that the guy may not think you're the "one"
I post "long term" on my profile, because I know that If I find the right I can settle down, but that doesn't mean the first one that comes my way is the right one lol.... | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:59:20 PM |
Hi...I just wanted to write to you, and, let you know, you are"not" alone... I have met a guy too, on a different site, and, after 2 and 1/2 years pretty much told me to date others...he needed space.
How does that pertain to this topic? Does 2 1/2 years not qualify as "long term?" | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:00:40 AM | | The first word that came to mind was "sex". They post long term, short term, dating, friendship and yet the only one that is honest and true - intimate encounter - is the one that gets slammed the most....................interesting don't you think? | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 1/4/2009 7:08:16 PM | he either dont mean it in general
or he dont mean it for you
its tough i know, for the longest time if i saw a guy or liked a guy i had to have him, i would make myself overly available, probaly even looked desperate to others
and every single one of them did NOT submit or give in
hence i have learned to weed out guys much easier
if the interest is not mutual op it never will be
and as much as you want to have him it wont happend
the fact that you started dating others is a good way to go , continue on your search you will find someone that will not see others and will only want to see you | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:52:50 PM | I find it a wide interpetation of the words "Dating" and "Longterm." I am seeking a long term partner. I am a 41 year old man, not a 20 year old man. I am growing longer in the tooth, if you will. I have tried using both dating and longterm.
Dating..to me denotes dating other partners as well, going out for fun, this is cool by me. I have shown my status as longterm. This does not mean I will run away with the first girl I meet. I means,to me at least. That if "things" go right, I am interested in something real.
I have had a couple of "dating relationships", over the years, which only ended in heartbreak. I don't know what else to add at this time. Dating/searching is truly a shark hunt. Good luck to you all. ~D~ | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 6/18/2009 5:13:30 AM | Firefall is right, LTR doesn't mean INSTANT LTR.
While you are "feeling your way" towards LTR you are really only dating. Having said that though, there is no reason not to "go exclusive" while "just" dating.
OP, I feel you have met a "cake and eat it" man. No good for you now, and no good for himself, eventually.
As for the "shark hunt" we all remember Jaws ... don't we? And some may have even met! | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 6/18/2009 11:39:14 AM | | I am having the similiar issue with a guy i met on here and he said long term like me as well. he contacted me first and even pursued me and of course i fell for it. I met him twice and I asked him straight out if he was interested. he says he is and that he wants me and misses me but I started to have feelings for him. I know pretty fast right but he is a great guy but he is a very busy guy then this past weekend i did not hear from him. I use to get texts all the time and he was very sweet. The point is once I fell for that he started to back off. He keeps saying he is interested but I am so confused. I like this guy and he says he likes me to. Can anyone help? Girls, guys please what do you think of this scenario. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:13:53 PM | | The way I think it should break down, at least in terms of what people should ASSUME from a LTR person is that they will settle down when they meet the right person. That doesn't mean that person is you or that they should go into every potential relationship full-throttle just because it might turn out okay. LTR doesn't mean desperate, careless or naive. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 6/18/2009 1:54:59 PM | I have a guy friend who is exactly like that. He IS looking for a long-term gal, but he still dates around. Why? Simple:
- he hasn't found what he wants yet
- he is torn between you and someone else
He might be the one for you, but it doesn't mean you're really the one for him.
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/1/2009 6:41:14 AM | My SO's profile also stated long term. I don't know if he ever actually saw anyone during our beginning dates but I know he was out there looking. And I tried to see his perspective: He wants a long term relationship, therefore he is going to date a few people to see who is right. That seemed reasonable and fair to me.
Ultimately, we became exclusive. It's only been three months but we are happy, share mutual trust and respect and lots of good conversation and laughter. We are in the "Honeymoon" phase. I think the "Reality" phase will also be successful because we are open and honest with each other.
The future for us? it's way to soon to tell but we really do like each other a lot. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/1/2009 1:25:18 PM | "Either he is posting long term falsely and is just trying to lure women to him more easily using that looking for status. "
I agree with that statement (KB) I picked up on that the first week I signed on. | |
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