| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/3/2009 5:28:03 AM |
Why do guys post they are looking for a long term relationship when they are not at all?
I have met a guy on here, he had posted he was looking for a long term relationship. He contacted me first.
I just had the same thing happen to me. When "Patrick" and I went out, I asked him what he was looking for. He told me he wanted a wife. We made plans to meet up again this week and he cancelled by email (after failing to return my call) saying that he met someone else, was not interested in a commitment with anyone, and would be changing his profile so as not to mislead anyone else. He did not change the profile at all.
Patrick also said that anyone who puts "long term" as their status is desperate. I found that assumption ridiculous, just like his haircut...lol | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/3/2009 7:06:37 AM | MSG 6:
<div class="quote"> Why do so many dating relationships fail?
They fail because:
A. Some people aren’t willing to put in the time and effort to truly get to know the other person. “If I don’t feel some deep rooted sense of chemistry within 20 seconds of looking into his eyes for the first time, I’m outta there!” Now of course that’s a bit of an exaggeration – but you’d be surprised how quickly people will write someone off because they don’t “feel it” after a 20 minute cup of coffee talking about their favorite movies and music choices.
B. Some people base their decision to be with someone solely on physical looks. The hawtness factor takes front seat to all other elements. They are so drawn in by how good looking the other person is they don’t care about chemistry until it’s too late.
C. Some people lie. This actually ties into option B. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy. Both are so highly attracted to each other physically that they will intentionally, out right lie telling the other what they think they want to hear. Over time they true selves come to light and both find that they other is not who they said they were. I think this is fairly common to be honest.
D. Some people aren’t ready to be in a relationship. They’ve been burned and are now jaded by their past experiences. They judge the next guy by what other’s in her past have done. As someone once wrote on this board – “well my ex was an a$$hole, so you by default must be one too, and until you prove me wrong, I’ll treat you the same as I did him.” Rather than taking the mature approach and avoiding dating until they’ve healed, they jump in with both feet and destroy whoever is unlucky enough to roll the dice on them.
E. Some people treat dating / love as if it were a shopping spree – as if they were buying a pair of new shoes. Shopping around and never being satisfied with what they have because they always believe the grass is always greener. People have inflated egos and think a little too highly of themselves. They deserve nothing short of Brad Pitt or Catharine Zetta and refuse to settle for anything less – you are just something to do while they are waiting for Brad to come-a-knocking. I deserve only the best of the best because I’m ME.
F. Some people unnecessarily create drama and push the other away. They think they know what they want, but truth be told, they haven’t the first clue. Constantly battling with themselves over what they think they want and what their heart tells them they want leads to bickering, standoffishness, game playing, and so forth.
G. Some people have the communication skills of a Coke bottle. Rather than simply talking to our partners we like to play games with them, guessing the meaning behind their behaviors and actions.
MSG 9:
<div class="quote"> Just because long term is your goal does not mean that every date is going to move in that direction.
This is absolutely true. I actually got blessed out once because I told a prospective date that I was also talking to two other people. Let me quote the dialog.
Me: I have plans on this date, but I am free on such and such…
Her: I don’t understand. You are talking to other women too?
Me: Umm yeah. I am talking to a couple of other ladies at this time.
Her: I don’t know if I’m ok with that. I want a man to focus solely on me.
Me: I haven’t even met you, I haven’t talked to you on the phone. Why would I burn bridges or cease all communications with other people when we haven’t even seen each other in a face to face meet? I’m not going to put all my eggs into one basket then after we meet you decide I am not for you.
Her: I just don’t get it.
Me: Then I am not for you. I wish you the best of luck! Take care of yourself.
Her: You too!
No way in hell I am going to stop all talks with other people UNLESS she and I have real potential. Then I have no problem with cutting the ties with others and focusing in on her. I realize this sounds like shopping around, but it’s not. Shopping around, in my opinion, means to date one, string her along, keeping an eye for something better, then dumping her when that something better comes along. Talking to more than one person when getting to know someone isn’t a bad thing. It’s being sensible. You haven’t even met me… You have no idea if you’re really going to be attracted to me or not… if you’re that possessive already, I’m really not interested. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:05:26 PM | HELLOOOO! obviously this guy didn't feel any real spark or connection to YOU...that doesn't mean he's not looking for 'long term', he was just not looking for something long term with you.
I think I can likely tell you why.......your whole post smacks of 'needy'. Not a characteristic most men (or women) find attractive in the least. So, slow down 'whisper'.....I don't mean to sound so harsh, but if you really want honesty here, then you have it. In all likelihood, the majority of people on here do want to meet that special someone....we all want to be loved. However, it's not found from a pic, profile and some discussions.......when we all eventually do meet those we talk with here, that's when we find if that connection is there or not. And, even if one does feel connected or a big ol' spark on the first meet/date, that certainly doesn'e mean it will last. All of us are on our best behavior when in new relationships....men all of a sudden don't just change after months of dating, they just start being more themselves, the same as we women do. Be patient whisper......don't start a new relationship or a date with the thought that this will be long term, just see what transpires and try not to let your heart be so on your sleeve! | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/3/2009 4:40:05 PM | billiejo....he may well be interested, but the feeling i get from your post is the same thing i felt from 'whisper'....it just smacks of neediness! It isn't about playing games and behaving like you don't like him so much, or any of that crap. Your needy side is really showing and it's just a real turn-off - to both men and women alike.
just because a weekend goes by without a call doesn't have to mean a thing...you say he's a very busy person, so who knows what transpired over his weekend that prevented him from calling?? Stop worrying and just let things happen as they happen, and if they don't happen the way you desire them to, then get out now before your emotions are more intwined than they are. I know this isn't easy, and i don't mean to sound as if it is. Really, truthfully, be honest with yourself.....what does your gut tell you?? take it from a woman with some experience.....hell no, i don't know everything about how to "do" a relationship, who does? but i have alot of years invested in it (i don't know your age, but i just turned 50). Do what's best for you sweetie, as the most important thing is for you to be happy & content, and if you're not feeling that with him, let him go. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:11:49 PM | Geez this thread was started in 2008, but sum1 brought it to life so I will respond because it fits with my current situation....
I met a guy who had 'long term' on his profile and told me later on that he's not sure what he wants at the moment and that he put 'long term' as a social experiment...LOL
I have heard of some lame azz ish b4 but that took the cake until I figured out he wasn't kidding...lmao. Regardless I told him to change it to 'dating' just so that he doesn't give other woman the wrong impression and that way he can date with no commitments until he's ready and he did. At least he listens ha ha ha hmmm I just got a thought for my first thread off I go~ | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/3/2009 10:59:13 PM | Ha, actually he is looking for long-term. He's dating you long-term right? He's just dating others too. No where in the phrase Long-term relationship does it say "monogamous." Also, maybe he is looking for a monogamous relationship, just not with you  | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/5/2009 6:46:38 AM | | the truth is you don't know whether he means it or not. i suspect that he does actually want an LTR just taking him at face value, but you have to understand that just because the guy wants an LTR, that doesn't mean he owes you one, that he wants to dive into one at this time, or that even wants one with you. as a matter of fact, by your own words he was honest w/ you and he made it clear where he stands when he told you that you shouldn't get too attached. but you did anyway! that was not a smart thing to do, because getting inappropriately attached to someone not only doesn't serve your own best interests, but he isn't going to reciprocate and that is exactly what he told you. duh. now the next best thing for you to do is to unattach yourself, because it is more than likely that your relationship with this guy isn't going anywhere it hasn't already gone. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/5/2009 10:18:07 AM | | Good for you for dating others! I would drop this guy altogether, since he lied to you and is undermining YOUR goals for a relationship. Tell him either platonic friends or exclusive relationship, then see how long he sticks around! | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/5/2009 11:45:15 AM | | Some guys on this site post long term cuz they know if they post what they really want (eventually getting azz and moving on) they won't be able to contact a lot of the women on here because we have that stuff blocked out. This is just one of the many things that guys on POF lie about. (We have all seen those badly photo shopped pictures) It sucks because there are guys on here that are being honest about wanting something long term and are getting rejected because of the behavior of a few is jading our perception of them. In this case, however, he should have manned up and stopped seeing you way before it got to that point. And when he popped off that BS about dating others, you should have just walked away. So just move on and let it go. Chalk it up to another learning experience and go find someone who wants to be with you and will make you happy. | |
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| Guys Who Post Long Term and Don't Mean It??????
Posted: 7/5/2009 3:36:05 PM | | I know this can be frustrating. One thing which has really helped me in this area is paying attention to how a man behaves-versus what he says on his profile. Does his behaviour towards you demonstrate respect and consideration...is he actively interested in getting to know the real you (past the obvious physical attraction)...does he appear to be OK going slow (or at least the speed you feel comfortable with). These are all the usual behaviours associated with a man who is committed to long term. And don't forget to also check your feelings. A woman's feelings are the best clues to judging the truth (or not) about a man. From past experience, if I start feeling pressure, that's a clue to me that the man may not be as he portrays himself to be. Wishing you luck! | |
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Joined: 6/16/2009
Msg: 64 | |
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