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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:44:55 PM | Mating is competitive and works on a point system. Those with the most points, both male and female, can be and frequently are the pickiest. The thing is they almost always pick members of the opposite sex having the most points. The points one has are not static or fixed. Too, the characteristics having points and the points attributable to a particular characteristic vary throughout one's lifetime. Points are given for looks, age, net worth and earning ability, family name, neighborhood/car you drive, fame, height, weight, and so on. Men and women weight the various factors somewhat differently, but they all come into play. In high school and college the rich boys with money and fancy cars and the best jocks tend to have the most male points and they usually get the prettiest girls such as the cheerleaders and homecoming queens, who have the most female points. As some of the nerd males mature they become MD's, attorneys and successful businessmen which really increases their points. They find they now are able to attract high point rated pretty women, . Professional ball players and rock stars get the hot babes during their time in the sun after which they fade. The aging HS and college jocks fade out of the picture unless they have more going for them. As the hot babes age they lose points and find they can no longer get the hot/wealthy/famous men.
The above discussion relates primarily to the top point scorers. Most of us find ourselves within a standard deviation or so of the middle of the old bell curve. We find mates within the same area, mates who rank about the same as we do, more or less average. Some of us live happily ever after with the first mate, in one marriage. If we do not and find ourselves single later in life we need to reassess ourselves honestly and objectively when we re-enter the dating arena if we wish to obtain and retain new mate(s). If we remain single and age we need to reassess our points from time to time. If we fail to remain realistic we rarely if ever score. Some over 50 can remain quite picky if they have a lot of points. Those with fewer points can be as picky as they please, but they need to be accepted by those they pick or they will forever remain alone.
So how picky can I be right here and now? That is the question
Life is not fair but that is the way it is! | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 27 | |
| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:59:59 PM | Desert Dan,
That's a pretty good (and sobering) way to put it. I can't answer for the men over 50 on whether they have become more selective. And I'm a few years away from 50, but it's getting closer!
I wouldn't say I've gotten "pickier", as I think that sounds like I won't go out with anyone. What has happened, though, is that my self-esteem and self-confidence have both risen in the last couple of years. Thanks to some reassessment, I knew I had to get back in shape again -- and I did. So not to sound bragging, but I have a few more "points" built up than I did two years ago -- when I was 20 pounds overweight, had an unflattering hairstyle, looked matronly, and just generally didn't like myself very much.
Points subtraction? Oh, definitely my age. I look good for 46 years old...but it doesn't change the fact that I am 46. Also, there are fewer men out there who are single, and available.
Points addition? I support myself financially, and I am a great cook!
Coming out even? I no longer am totally flattered that someone -- anyone -- finds me attractive in spite of numerous red flags that the guy is NOT right for me. So, game on! | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:22:14 PM | | I don't think either sex has the "picky" market cornered. It comes down to the individual, and what their laundry list of "ideal" is in a mate. Me? I want it ALL!!! I've got to be attracted to a man (physically, emotionally & spiritually). We've got to be on the same page in life for there to be any attraction. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:40:54 PM | suecat51 i do agree with your comment...about having the physical.emotional and spirtual attraction..
i dated someone who was a wonderful man...almost the total package but the physical/sexual attraction wasnt there..And the same might be said of someone who dated me...its important..
i guess as we get older( notice i did not say old. cause i just cant put myself there yet)it is not wrong to be somewhat selective after all. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:42:39 PM |
what do you think?
I think "picky" is a term that 12 year old's use to describe things 12 year old's discuss.
Experience can be life's greatest teacher and I would hope by our age we've all learned who we are and what we want in life. Some folks are selective based on that reasoning, which is positive. Some folks are selective out of fear and having put up walls, in some cases that ain't never coming down. Lots of reasons folks choose or reject someone.
Men or women? Hell it's got nothing to do with gender. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:51:56 PM | well I am not 12...but for lack of another word at that moment I used Picky...
but also used selective..
I agree everything we experience in life is a learning tool..
you just have to know how to use that tool.. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:02:12 PM | I don't know about picky - I prefer to think I've learned what it is I DON'T want based on what I've experienced before.
At this stage of our lives I don't know anyone who wants to repeat bad past experiences where relationships are concerned. I know I certainly don't.
But, by the same token I've had people tell me that they would rather be in any relationship or married for the simple fact that they don't want to be alone. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:41:33 PM |
Msg #12...Isn't that a healthy, emotionally stable world view?
as a writer, i really appreciate it when someone else writes something really profound...this woman has done that...so, imho, nothing else needs to be said? | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:50:07 PM |
Seriously you would hope by this age someone has some substance
ah, but that is the holy grail isn’t it? This belief that what’s inside is what matters. On-line dating has given us insight into how that really works. How many times has each of us met someone on-line, corresponded, talked on the phone for hours about everything and anything. Discussed like, dislikes, preferences, what we’re looking for in a mate, flirted, and finally when we arrange a meeting…. Bam!, one or both decide that your not compatible. I think what’s inside, just like intelligence, personality, money, or anything else matters only if it doesn’t meet some minimal level that each of us has in mind. Intelligence?, sure as long as your not a moron, integrity, sure as long as you don’t lie to ME, money, as long as you have enough for whatever. In the end empirical evidence seems to reinforce that it’s how we look like that people make their decisions on. While physical beauty may not guarantee a good soul, it like the saying “Money can’t buy happiness”. Given a choice between being rich and unhappy and poor and unhappy, people choose the money. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:18:06 PM |
don't know about picky - I prefer to think I've learned what it is I DON'T want based on what I've experienced before. Well, some people would say you have refined your ideas, gained more experience, or become more focused and have a clearer idea of your goals...
Others would say you are too picky, have baggage, or some other negative BS that would attempt to paint you as bad and probably because you rejected them personally, or someone else who had done the work on their inside, had done the same.
If you have hit 45 and you don't have a clear idea of what works for you, and what doesn't... my condolences. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:25:49 PM | I'm not sure if I would agree "more" picky...but I do agree with your comment that the men seem to have an very high opinion of themselves indeed. Women over 50 seem to understand that time has taken a "slight" toll on our bodies but the men haven't quite figured this out yet. How many profiles have I read that said "I look much younger than my age" gee guys, if you do, you don't need to SAY it...
I do read and hear that so many men are "looking for" that instant chemistry on the first meeting. Whatever happened to meeting with no expectations other than meeting the person you've already established you like (hopefully).
So, yes, to answer your question, I find men over fifty more picky--since it is so hard to find one who doesn't want someone 10 or 15 years younger. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:59:36 PM | I think we all have the right to choose what we like ,want and desire, so yes I'm picky,, but I'd rather I know what my personal preferences are,, and I'm not going to change that because someone thinks I'm picky,, I need to be attracted to a woman,, I won't get into what qualities I'm looking for,, but it is the total package I want.. I also respect a woman who knows what she likes as well.. and would never take offence if I wasn't her type,, I don't expect to be every woman's choice,, I have read several times men my age want a much younger woman,, with me that's not the case,, my age is great,, however, I'm fairly fit and in shape for my age and I want the same,, both in the mental attitude and her physical appearance and in shape,,
Bottom line we all should be selective,, and never settle....compromise yes,, ...but not to point where we compromise our preferences... | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:21:01 PM | Quite honestly I feel it is the men on here who are more picky after they reach a certain age.
I have read quite a few profiles and some of what they are saying is so unreal, and I also feel that it puts off a lot of women who may be interested in them.
I also think that when you read their profiles and see how many others that have them on their favorites list I wonder if they are playing one for the other on here.
It is good to be communicative with the people on here, and to try to get to know them. But how do we do that if we are being honest on who we are and what we are looking for in a partner, when they are gathering in a way a harem? javascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:43:46 PM |
Dear, I've told you before, you're lovely and bright - but it's the ODDS that you're up against! Adjust your strategy! If you meet the right good man, get naked as soon as possible. Hook him! with your wiles and ways - there's 9,999 others waiting for the shot. Just trying to help...
LOL sugar if it takes sex to get him...guess what...I dont want or need him. It is what you have in life outside of bed that is important..most sexual relationships end up with the lust over with in a few months or so, you end up liking someone in bed you cant stand outside of bed. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:22:26 PM |
If you meet the right good man, get naked as soon as possible. Hook him! with your wiles and ways And chances are when he gets what he wants and tires of it, he leaves anyway.
I am with Sapphire, if he is after sex primarily, I don't want or need him either. You can only spend so much time in bed.
If it means compromising what I believe to "hook" a man, well then forget it. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 1:17:16 AM | Male and females are both picky at 50.
If we are not picky we don't care about our selves and often we can loose our self pride.. I feel as we age we would rather wait for a person who is going to enhance our lives in some way. At 50 we are wiser and need to use our personal experience and knowledge to benefit our needs, even if we are alone most of us at this age are used to being independent and are not expecting help from others a great deal.. We have learnt that we can manage and unless someone has chemistry with us, we are not interested in a fling -type relationship. Wasting time on maybes is not the best way.. Yes it passes time but it is not the answer!!  | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:05:04 AM | I am with Sapphire, if he is after sex primarily, I don't want or need him either. You can fight it - but that is the way he is wired. He comes looking for sex and finds love. But you don't want that. Fine. What are you left with? Platitudes.
Sometimes, I think women are hoping for an alien race of men to land on the planet - GFWPs (Girl Friends With Penises)
Some of you need to do a reality check - what you are looking for doesn't exist - at least not in the pure form you demand. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:20:00 AM | | I agree with Sapphireeyes where there has to be more then sex. If a relationship is based on sex then what will happen to a relationship if that is not there any more? | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:26:38 AM |
GFWPs (Girl Friends With Penises)
that's to funny,, the problem is they have strap penises nowadays,, so no "some" women don't need us men,, maybe to open a jar,, but I think they have tools for that as well.. anything else can be hired or sub contacted out...
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:44:42 AM | I'm not picky at all. Don't pick my nose, don't pick scabs, don't pick my butt. 
I am selective though. Not so much about friends or who I may meet for the first time or casually date or spend time with but I am much more selective when it comes to someone I want to spend considerable time with or develop a LTR with. I think most of us get more selective as we get older. To me the trick is to balance selectivity with reality. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:04:43 AM | Our reasons for selectiveness are often our own worst enemies. According to studies, men between 5'11 and 6'4" will almost never be rejected for height but a man 5'7" will be rejected by 80% of women for no other reason than height. In the studies of thousands of women, this was pretty much universal. The second reason for rejecting was money, or lack of it. There are two results for these criteria: Men often lie about both as there is nothing to lose by lying. Second, men who meet these basic requirements will often have all their other character traits rationalized to be "perfect" no matter what. Like Pavlov's dog training, such men are trained that being faithful, loyal etc. is really not necessary, they can do whatever they want. Many women, as seen in posts all over this site, selected men for this "chemistry" and by the time they are our age, have concluded "all men" are jerks. The men who did not have this "chemistry" are pretty much invisible and if they don't stay that way, they are thought of as stalkers and perverts for bothering them when such a "chemistry" mismatch is "obvious".
The reality is that despite the obvious reasons to lie, I'm not looking to appeal to "chemistry" as I am not a winner of the genetic lottery. Since 80% have already rejected me on height and it seems most women my age seem to smoke, the pickings are pretty slim to even begin a search. The question becomes how many are left with adequate intelligence to enjoy a life of conversation, humor, and adventure? | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:38:57 AM | I don't think of people over 50 (or any age ) as being picky for knowing exactly what works for them and what doesn't.
In fact for me it's the exact opposite...it shows me that that person is mature, self aware, and not willing to compromise their values/needs/wants just to be in a relationship.
And those people come in all ages and has nothing to do with gender...it's an individual thing.
JMO | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:39:02 AM | | I think men are more picky because they do not seem to think they age and they do not seem to realize that they are fat and have let themselves go. They always want a younger, skinny, pretty woman, but they never seem to look in the mirror and see what they really look like. | |
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| who is more picky men or women over 50?
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:38:00 AM |
You can fight it - but that is the way he is wired. He comes looking for sex and finds love. But you don't want that. Fine. What are you left with? Platitudes. Not platitudes... it's called "self respect."
If he is coming for sex and finding love, he has the cart before the horse. And the men that do that, are generally horseless to begin with, and just doing a lot of test driving of the carts, as a matter of fact.
If that is how you find love, you are confused. That is lust.
And honestly, if a man cannot wait until we get to know each other for a while, before we bone down, what assurances do I have that he is not going to be boning down with other women he meets, even if he is committed. He does not have much self control or personal discipline, does he?
I am not so desperate, that I have to give up my values, stomp over my boundaries, do what I do not want to do, all in some quest to find a man. It's unhealthy behavior from an emotional standpoint. People who do not have boundaries are begging to be abused.
You can call me picky, I do not care. That kind of picky, I want to be. | |
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