| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/11/2008 1:51:46 AM | | Sorry nut i must have taken you the wrong way. yeah i think we are on the same wavelength. I dont give a shit about my ex either lol. Not worried about the child support as my daughter is well looked after by me, wants for nothing and has a happy life. Was just stating why i dont get child support and what it goes on. I really am over it though. Yeah it would be nice to have that money to give her extras, but we dont get it so what can you do. Brew about it or move on and get on with life. I choose to just get on with life and enjoy my daughter. I totally agree with you. No way would i lend a boyfriend money that i could have spent on a holiday or whatever. Yes i would rather spend that on our bills, to get ahead or on us. No man would ever get me to lend him money that i could spend on my daughter. Yeah i think shes wrong to lend the boyfriend that much. Was just trying to make a point about child support, thats all. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/11/2008 2:21:08 PM | Nutt:
"meggzey & inherentyshy:
I do get what you are saying. I disagree with you."
How do you disagree with me? I said "BUT hell no it won't go to another man.."
And.you:
"$1200 should be spent for the welfare of you and your family, "
Yep I said me needs new shoes.
I can't imagine having $1200 to give! I got $400 a month for two kiddies, I did not date the whole time after the divorce till they were grown. The ex was building a new house with her and bought her a NEW car and adopted her daughter.....did not have to have daddy's permission at that time/place I guess.....or like a long ago friend said: "If she falls into a sticker bush, she don't know whick pri@k got her".
And damn skippy meg! | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:28:57 PM | No Brad,
I don't want it to sound like that.
He was not a BAD parent.... just did not know how to be a good one. He was ineffective. There is bad and then there is BAD. It is more than money.
It seems like this thread is aimed to discredit females... and to then one up males who think any little dime they have to pay is too much.
Moneywise my ex was supporting the next wifey and his future court appointed daughter while still married to me.
Being a good parent is more than $$$. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/15/2008 9:56:14 AM | Inherentyshy said,
I don't want it to sound like that.
He was not a BAD parent.... just did not know how to be a good one. He was ineffective. There is bad and then there is BAD. It is more than money.
Well I stand corrected on that point.
It seems like this thread is aimed to discredit females... and to then one up males who think any little dime they have to pay is too much.
I think this thread isn't designed to discredit females. It asks if a parent and far as I know, a parent can be male or female. So I don't think you are right in that aspect. I see where some men have been screwed over by the courts as some women have been by the men they chose to be fathers of their kids. Life isn't fair. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/15/2008 1:25:07 PM | BRAD... in response to this statement...."I think this thread isn't designed to discredit females. It asks if a parent and far as I know, a parent can be male or female.."
Yes your right!! So your 25 and dont have children. How amusing that you have so much to say on this topic. Oh thats right you have seen men screwed over by the courts. You also say yeah some women have been by men too, but you just have to add by the men they CHOSE to be the fathers of their kids. Why didnt you say ive seen men screwed over by the courts by the women they have chosen to be the mothers of their children. Oh thats right cause your opinion is only one sided. What you may have seen or heard is alot different to people out there that are living with theses issues. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:30:27 PM | Brad:
"I think this thread isn't designed to discredit females. It asks if a parent and far as I know, a parent can be male or female. So I don't think you are right in that aspect. I see where some men have been screwed over by the courts as some women have been by the men they chose to be fathers of their kids. Life isn't fair."
Yeah but it's (the thread) talking $$ and CS and that is usually females getting $$ and males thinking they (the females) are spending it where they shouldn't.. And then the few males that have custody of babies and get so little CS (because females MAKE LESS $$ STILL) not your fault Brad but still the truth and you must understand that! Or kindly correct me.
And some of them (females) may be at fault...because some (SOME) still believe males are gods.
megg... I am not sure Brad understands all but I do think you need to calm down. I want a discussion, not an all out war.
Tho yeah megg. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:09:33 AM | meggzey78 said,
Yes your right!! So your 25 and dont have children. How amusing that you have so much to say on this topic. Oh thats right you have seen men screwed over by the courts. You also say yeah some women have been by men too, but you just have to add by the men they CHOSE to be the fathers of their kids. Why didnt you say ive seen men screwed over by the courts by the women they have chosen to be the mothers of their children. Oh thats right cause your opinion is only one sided. What you may have seen or heard is alot different to people out there that are living with theses issues.
I might be 25, but I have a sister that is almost is 41 and is a single mom. I have a niece that is a yr older than me. LOL. So I know a little about single moms and their struggle with deadbeat loser guys. You are reading too much into words. calm down a bit. I didn't mean to offend you. Sheesh.  | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/16/2008 7:58:35 PM | Message: I was standing in line at the grocery store behind these 2 women. I was just flipping through some of the tabloid and was pretty bored. Anyways, I was behind these 2 women and they seem to in a heated discussion. So me being curious and bored I started listening harder. I was surprised when one of women turned to me and said, " Wouldn't you pay a woman back if you got money from her?" I said yes I would.
Then the woman turned the other woman she was with and said, too bad your BF isn't like that.
Well the woman was pissed at her because she gave her Bf or whatever $1200 to fix his car and he was supposed to pay her back by the end of the month. The reason she was upset with her friend was that she had taken that money from her kids CS savings account.
I just asked her did she get something in writing from him promising to pay her back. She said she took his word on it. I said ,"oh well, then you are just screwed unless he becomes a real man and pays you back." Thats when her friend blurted out Ha, like he's ever been one. And with, they opened a register to me and I wish her good luck and left the line.
So am I wrong for thinking that she's maybe not bad parent, but a stupid one for giving a guy not only that much money, but out of her kids CS savings account to boot.
Response:
I think she is an idiot! I know alot of single moms who would love to get child support so they could have a little breathing room in between paydays when their children need supplies for unexpected school projects....as far as that goes.....for the planned school projects! Shoes, clothes, groceries, etc.! The kids need us to take care of them! The BF needs too suck it up and put in some OT or get a second job till he can come up with the money to take care of his own grown up self! Take public transportation until his car is fixed! I see alot of mommies out at the bus stop with her babystroller and toddlers and grocery bags hanging from the stroller handles! If she can do it...so can he! It is selfish of him to even ask! She most likely will not see a dime of that money. Nothing is in writing....so she has no proof! Hopefully she will not have any emergencies of her own.
I don't think you should EVER give the CS to anybody or for anything that has nothing to do with the care of the child! Period! | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:32:57 PM | I didn't mean to offend you. Sheesh.
Brad! You did offend me in an earlier post by jumping to the assumption that i said it was ok to lend the boyfriend child support. I never once said that. I was making a valid point about child support. Never once did i say that i would lend a boyfriend that amount of cash. I would rather spend that on my child and her living expenses. If i got it. LOL. I dont get child support. I provide for us just fine though. So yeah you did offend me thinking that. Thats why i fired up at you!!! Anyway sweetness seems to back you up with every comment you make. Got yourself a little fanclub!!! hehehe | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:12:20 AM | meggzey78 said,
Brad! You did offend me in an earlier post by jumping to the assumption that i said it was ok to lend the boyfriend child support. I never once said that. I was making a valid point about child support. Never once did i say that i would lend a boyfriend that amount of cash. I would rather spend that on my child and her living expenses. If i got it. LOL. I dont get child support. I provide for us just fine though. So yeah you did offend me thinking that. Thats why i fired up at you!!!
Well sorry that you took my post the wrong way. What I was trying to say was that she was risking her and her kids financial stability by giving that amount of money to a loser bf that in all cases isn't going to pay her back. Even though she was spending her own money on the kids and stuff like that, i think what she did was wrong and does make her very stupid.
Anyway sweetness seems to back you up with every comment you make. Got yourself a little fanclub!!! hehehe
There's an opening for you as well. I like talking out my disagreements. It gets the mind working. I actually enjoy reading your different point of view. It gets me to thinking. Nothing like having a pretty woman fired up at you. And there's nothing like having one taking your side from time to time as well. Sweetness doesn't back up everything I say. But I do like that she does agree with me on somethings and somethings she doesn't. It's all great and I will enjoy talking to you both in the future. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:25:59 PM | Ok, I'm going to be totally blown out of the water here, but this is what I think:
1) We don't know the actual relationship in question (bf/gf) so to make assumptions about how she should or shouldn't have helped him fix his car - well, we all know the saying about what assuming does to you and me, lol.
2) She lent him money out of a surplus - so she's supporting the kid with or without that money. She believed it would be paid back and therefore "no harm, no foul". It sounds like she was overly trusting, but not negligent with caring for her children. If she was able to put that money away for them to start with, she will more than likely make a way to replace that money regardless of whether or not the bum pays her back.
3. ABOUT THE CHILD SUPPORT ITSELF: I don't know about the rest of you all, but my kids' dad pays child support in lieu of parenting. I don't owe him an explanation of where ONE PENNY of it goes. He did not want to make 50-50 placement arrangements (which, if he had, would have been the best thing for the kids because we would have each had them part of the day M-F, and then had them one or the other on the weekends). He CHOSE not to do it, because it p*ssed him off to think I might have free time every other weekend.
So as far as I'm concerned, for abandoning his kids he can pay through the nose and if I want to take some of that money and do something with it for me, well - as long as the kids' needs are being met and their well-being is my top priority (which are all true), then that's MY choice as the children's sole legal guardian and as the person with sole physical placement. In the case in question, it was the WOMAN'S choice what to do with that money. She is not just a mother, and the hired help paid for by the child support payments. It is up to her to decide how to use that money.
And don't rattle off unsubstantiated statistics here about where all the child support money goes, or about how all divorced mothers are using child support to have their lazy BFs live high on the hog while the kids go hungry. Men, if you're really that concerned go back and get custody. In this day and age, you can't make me believe it's that difficult. AND DON'T START FLAMING ME ABOUT YOUR OWN CASE, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
Those of you (men) who want to burn this woman in effigy for your ex-wives, if you don't like paying so much child support - why don't you try parenting instead? I'm sure the payments would be lowered proportionately. In the mean time, if you're not going to parent, pay up and shut up.
Flame away, I couldn't care less. I am raising four wonderful children (15, 13, 11, 9), am closer to my ex's family than he is, and am told on almost a weekly basis how polite and respectful and nice my kids are. They even do chores. So flame away, I don't care. The proof is in the pudding - and mine's sweet, because my kids are sweet. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/24/2008 11:10:07 AM |
And don't rattle off unsubstantiated statistics here about where all the child support money goes, or about how all divorced mothers are using child support to have their lazy BFs live high on the hog while the kids go hungry.
Well just do a google search and find the statistics yourself. I'm going to do all the work for you lol.
I wouldnt care if i had more money than Bill gates and didnt "need" the support check, i STILL would find it abhorant to spend it on anyone BUT my children. If the kids didnt have an immediate need to spend it on, then off it goes into the college fund.
Sweetness attitude is what all mothers should have. The BF is a loser and he should fix his own car. I know I wouldn't go to a single mom asking for money that should be going towards her kids. I would feel so pathetic for doing something like that. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 9:54:03 AM | Inherentyshy said,
It seems like this thread is aimed to discredit females... and to then one up males who think any little dime they have to pay is too much.
Hi In Shy, when I started this thread, I never had the intention of discrediting women. I actually usually end up dating single moms so that to me never popped into my mind.
Can I suggest to you some tickle mommy time. The kids love it and It seems to help single moms giggle and laugh and relieve some of the stress even if for a few mins. I love having a mom's kids initiate it.  | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 11:33:30 AM | It is so funny how the nickname one gives a banking account can change everyone's perspective.
Compare this scenario....
A woman receives her CS support payments from her ex and uses them each month in their entirety on her kid. It's not cheap to play hockey or to go on out of town school field trips so the CS payments are being well used. Because she is also fiscally responsible and has a good job, she sets aside a large portion of her personal money each month into a "rainy day" savings account. One day she'll use money out of this account to help pay for her kid's tuition, but for the most part it's for emergencies or unexpected expenses. Her long term boyfriend needs a loan for his car, so she takes the money out of the her rainy day account. Is this bad?
.... with this scenario:
The same woman raises her kid using money only from her own salary. She makes enough that her kid can have everything he needs and more (like join a hockey team, go out of town on band field trips, etc), but that doesn't leave much of anything for savings. Since she is not spending them, she takes the CS support payments she gets from her ex and puts the entire thing aside in a "child support" savings account. She will dip into this account for emergencies and unexpected expenses, etc, however whatever ever money remains is going to her kid's university expenses. Her long term boyfriend needs a loan for his car, so she takes money out of this child support account. Is this bad?
Both of these situations are exactly the same. It's the exact same income, the kid(s) are getting exactly the same thing, they are being raised the exactly same way, and the loan hasn't changed either. The only difference is the "name" she gave to her accounts and the emotional preconceptions that come with it. | |
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| Would you consider someone a bad parent who spends their CS payments on their partner?
Posted: 10/29/2008 1:52:10 PM |
Both of these situations are exactly the same. It's the exact same income, the kid(s) are getting exactly the same thing, they are being raised the exactly same way, and the loan hasn't changed either. The only difference is the "name" she gave to her accounts and the emotional preconceptions that come with it.
Yes, in both situations she is making a bad choice. Regardless whether it is child support she has put into an account or her own earnings, the account is there for a rainy day fund or emergency fund. That is to safeguard HER family and welfare, not her boyfriend's vehicle.
Nutt | |
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