| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:15:44 AM | I feel its that hole adult term. that hits the nail on the head.. not reeling on anyone. being your own parent.. in control of what comes in and out of your house. able to watch what ever is on your TV.. its like having your own room but no one can come in unless you open the door.. i so wanna move out and do the "adult thing" but right now leaving the nest isn't on my agenda.. even doe it would help my blood pressure, but leaving my mum to work hard on her own is like seeing your mother homeless on the road and walking right past her. just cant happen.. ill rather work hard to help her then work hard for myself. reason being like my mum always tells me "4 days 3 hours it took your big head to come out" so i think she deserves a life time of help. give her a easy ride.. its the benefits of raising a loving child. he would support you until you die.. if i have a child i hope he supports me until ill die.. lol. or just helps out just that little bit.. if not.. i no i couldn't live with myself knowing my mum has gone and i didnt help or see her go.. i missed them times because i was being and adult. im only 22.. i can b and adult when im 30.. 40.. 50.. right now im being a son..  | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:23:48 AM | sometimes people feel that unless adults have had time away from their parents before entering a long term relationship, they might have more of a difficult time being independent and could potentially be more "needy" in terms of being looked after
however, as many posters before me have stated, it is obviously different in many cultures and i think the sense of family and family responsibility is often stronger within them
it all depends on upbringing, societal expectations and also what the individual prefers | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:28:48 AM | I own my own home, but I do not live on my own. I have two cousins who pay a small amount of room and board to live with me. One is slightly mentally challenged and the other is simply wanting a better safer place to live then what she could afford on her current salary. I enjoy the company.
I guess some people like solitude . I have never cared for it. I find it very lonely and depressing. I grew up an only child so the more people the merrier. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:31:31 AM | Independence can be frightening, but it can also be rewarding. The reward of taking on that responsibility, and being the only one in charge of your life is what makes it worthwhile.
... and not expecting to sponge of your parents for the rest of your adult years!!!
Did she say anything about "sponging"? For all you know, the OP makes more money than you do. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:57:02 PM | | Indehills... no she didnt say anything about sponging off her parents. She asked a general question i gave her an anwer. Over here in Australia there are alot of men and women in their 30s who have lived with their parents all their lives, pay no rent, pay nothing towards living, spend all the money they do earn on themselves and yes sponge of the parents (ie contribute nothing and live rent and bill free) So yep thats my opinion and im entitled to it. I didnt say her i said in general. Also who gives a rats if she makes more money than me!!! WFT!!!! | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:13:29 AM | Well, for starters, it really all depends on whether you can 'afford' to live on your own, it's not like it was in the 1950s and 60s, when most parents flew the coup easily... granted you're in a more traditional and familia-friendly country, than here in the good ol' USA, so our cultures are quite different in this regard, but still, it's just a natural progression, to grow up, and move out of the house...
I've been pretty much on my own since i was 15, but have always had a 'home', so, i'm not a good example... i do have friends though, in this situation... 2 of their siblings have moved back home (after college), and they're considering doing the same, so it'll be just like ol' times... | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:20:15 AM | | I was just thinking that. Lots of other cultures live together. Smart thinking if you ask me, everyone can take and handle a bill. It does seem like everyone in American society is in a rush to move out of their parents home or mainly the parents make them feel they should be rushed out in a hurry. This one Indian man on this documentary told this American man who came to live with him for 30 days that in their culture youre usually looked down upon or laughed at if you dont live with your parents and extended family still. Just glad I dont give a you know what about what society thinks. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:24:22 AM | | In addition to what society thinks society isnt the one that has to pay the house note. So you know whats best for you and society isnt going to help if you cant afford to pay rent, so just worry about yourself and your finances. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:27:08 AM | I think if you have a good relationship with your parents you should live with them until you can afford to purchase a home. The benifit of living alone is that you feel more accomplished at least I did but now that I live back at home with my mom I feel I need to make a change and become less dependant. Im not really dependant though she doesnt give me money, I give her money and I like doing it.
People sometimes get to comfortable living with their parents and are lost when they are out on their own they need someone to lean on when sometimes there is nobody to lean on. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:45:30 AM | LOL
It always amuses me when "code words" are created to basically discuss money or getting what you want without sounding shallow. Most women are masters at this.
"I don't want to change my last name when I get married to you for professional reasons!"
No, she thinks your last name sounds like crap. If she thought it sounded better than her existing one, she'd change it and claim being "traditional"
"I want a guy with ambition and going places, it's not just about money"
No, it's just about money. She's not going to go back to her parents, friends and coworkers with a guy she can't brag about or feel proud to shove in their faces.
"I need a guy to be taller than me when I am in heels because I feel more protected and safe"
No, it's because she thinks it would look odd to other people and those people might stare and the kind of man she can get is often seen as a reflection on her. If she couldn't get a desirable taller man, that must mean other people will think there is something deficient about her.
Don't believe the hype. It's about money. A man will want a woman to have a house if he has one because he doesn't want to get steamrolled later in a divorce. A woman will want a man to have a house whether she has one or not because what kind of man she can get and what he has is a social marker of her power and desirability as a woman.
I have no problem with women who own their own homes who want to date a man with his own home. And I know for damn sure most women with a home won't date a man without a home unless he's just way better looking than her. But I think women without a home of their own and demand a guy with his own house better look in the mirror. Because a pretty girl can demand that and get it, an ugly girl cannot. Men trade on their career and wealth, women trade on their looks. If you are a woman and you want a guy with a house and nice stuff and a good job, be prepared to trade on your looks.
Makes me laugh at the so many "polite ways" people let each other know they won't sleep with you because you don't have enough money. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:58:08 AM | WTF? What's up with this post? It's not even on topic????? Did you just want a moment of captivated audience? Make your own forum! 
"Being an adult" has much more to it, than simply moving out or back in to your parent's home.
Our society has placed a high level of importance to the notion of moving out an dbeing independent. Sometimes even to the detriment of our children. I know a couple fathers who have kicked their kids - literally - out of their home at age 18. And these were fairly happy home. But Dad thought they were 18 and bam! Out the door they went.
Both of these real life, situations happened to young women, who are friends of my sons. These young women prior to being booted out of their house were well-developed, healthy young high school students. Now both of them lack the ability to trust men, both of them have floundered in college, and trying to work, they both experience bouts of depression and anxiety to the extent they have a difficult time functioning as an adult.
In short - I think their Father's were ***holes.
Our economy sucks. We may now see more and more American families reconsidering the position of dividing the family's resources and consider remaining a family in one home.
But it seems unlikely.
American's don't face well their own mistakes.
Let alone choose to lose face - and be humble.
Many will prefer to go deeper and deeper into debt, in order to maintain the appearance of being well, established and independent.
To appear needy or reliant upon others?
God forbid we should do so.
Someone might believe we are a weak people. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:02:33 AM | | Your answer is completely out of context with the OP's question. If you want a thread to vent all your inner angst and hositility about women, why not just make your own? | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:11:21 AM | There isn't anything wrong with living with your parents until you find a personal reason to move out. Don't worry about what our disposable and selfish society is telling you--do what's right for you!
Nutt | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 1:40:18 PM | Its called being resonponsible for yourself. Being independant and not expecting to sponge of your parents for the rest of your adult years!!! In your profile it states your divorced so my question is OP did you and your husband live with your parents and not have your own house and space and independance. Also it states your 36. Are you saying you have never left home??
Who says just because you are living at home you are not responsible and independent. I for one live at home and pay rent, car insurance, gas money, when I got out to eat.I hate stupid comments like these from people who have no idea what they are talking about. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:14:18 PM | darknight.. i do have an idea about what im talking about!!! and i have a right to my own opinion. In not saying all people that live with their parents sponge off them maybe my post came accross that way. I once dated a man that still lived with his mother, she was elderley and he lived with her to look after her. I had no problems with this at all. BUT alot and i mean alot of adults today here in Australia are doing what i stated above. Sponging off the parents!! Living with them rent free, not contributing towards any bills. Working and sometimes earning more money than the parents. They chose to live at home so mum can still cook, clean and do everything for them. While they live it up on their money having no responsibilities whatsoever!! Ive seen it for myself. When these people do eventually have to move out or god forbid if mum or dad passed away. They have no idea how to be responsible and independent. They really struggle in society cause the parents have literally wiped there ass's all their adult lives. My 2c and im entilted to it!!!!
PS the op states that she has lived with her parents all her adult years.. even when she was married she is now 36. Im in no way stating this is bad. Just something i wouldnt do. Her lif, her reasons and her choice. Although i did find it very interesting that she started another thread (now been deleted for obvious reasons) on what type of work she should look for and how she would go about moving to an English speaking country. My question to her was. If she has lived with her parents for all her adult years. How would she find living on her own (maybe not she could live in a share situation ) but how would she handle living without her family around her let alone in a foreign country?? | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:23:34 PM | I grew up in a one parent household. My father died when I was a baby and I "sponged" off my mother until I married. After 9 years of marriage, my elderly mother moved in with me and "sponged" off me for longer than I lived with her. Her father, who lived to be 100, became my responsiblity also. I considered it a privilege. She was a blessing to my life, my ex-husband and her grandchildren, as was her father. Recently, my youngest son declared that I would always find a home with him and his wife, should I need it. In my family, we take care of our own. Of course, we are easy to live with......I'm lucky, I know. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:36:57 PM | | In my family we take care of our own too. We just dont feel the need to live under the same roof. In saying that though Screenangel. I do understand where you are coming from. If my parents were to fall ill i would take them in and look after them in a flash, and when my daughter grows up and is a working adult i will probably be really upset if she chose to live on her own. So yes i would let her stay at home for as long as possible, but i however will be teaching her how to cook, clean and contribute to the household so that if she has to make it out there on her own she can. Im not having a go at anyone on here that lives with their family or has never left home. I was just stating something that is a major problem over here in Australia. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:41:27 PM | I am a single parent that has an adult child living at home. I welcome his "rent" money. I think he is getting more living here then he would be living on his own. I know he probably eats better and has a great accountant It is a tough economy and I see adults living together to share expenses. It isn't just living in your parents basement any more, it is where can we actually survive this economy.
I moved out when I was 18 because I needed to get away from my mom and her second husband, but I started working when I was 15. I had been paying my own way and bills for at least 3 years at that point. The economy was different then.
Every situation is different, whatever works.
And on a side note, most, not all, men I have dated haven't owned their own homes. Quite a few rent or have mortgages. Oh yeah, I am talking about owning, not me and the bank, I am talking about owning your own home. I have owned my own home for 15 years. I don't ask how much a man makes, I don't ask him how much his rent or mortgage is, and I don't ask about his expenses. That isn't why I go out with someone. I date someone based on who they are, not their bank account. If you feel women are so money oriented, maybe you need a break from dating. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:03:06 PM | I lived at home for a year after high school, worked to get some cash, party, buy a car etc, then left home to live on campus at Uni, and never went back, moved to different towns following a career. Looking back 20 years later, I wouldn't change that. If I had lived at home I might have been able to save some more money and get a head start on a mortgage deposit, but I wouldn't have experienced 3/4 of the things I have (good or bad - it still makes you grow as a person). Like living without a fridge, cardboard box for a coffee table, sharing a house with 5 crazy blokes etc etc. : ) But especially meeting new people (sharing a house with someone you barely know teaches you patience and tolerance believe me!), challenging you abilities and emotional strengths, learning life skills.
My daughters are early teens, and I would love them to stay with me for several more years, but I think they will be better off if they head out on their own for a while after or during Uni. I will always support them, financially and emotionally, when they need it, but they do need to learn how to live life by themselves - it builds strength of character and an independent personality.
That's not advice, everyone's situation is different, just my experience.... | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:21:52 AM |
Would you please tell me about the benefits of living alone and the shortcomings of still living with parents after growing up? - pianolover
One thing I have seen here in the forums, is that many parents tend to treat their adult living-at-home children,as if they were still little children. I have never experienced this personally, as I left home at age 15 1/2. Also, my mother was pretty open-minded when I was a teenager, & I was already allowed to have m boyfriend stay over on the weekends, as long as I kept my grades up & was taking the pill.
My Mom & my brother became "room-mates", when my brother was in his early 20's. Made good financial sense for both of them, as a 2 bedroom paartment was only about $100 more than a one bedroom. Now that my mother has recently become widowed & my borother recently separated, her & my brother are becoming room-mates again, although this time around will be very different, as she is elderly, retired & has a difficult time getting around. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:34:24 AM | For one thing, your parents don't owe you a nice soft nest once you are an adult, it's pretty selfish to keep sucking off parents. If your parents don't want you to leave that suggests an unhealthy bonding. Now if parents really don't mind and the kids are paying their way and working toward moving out, fine, but using parents to not grow up or not allowing your children to grow up, a Dr. Phil show in the making.
Living alone teaches you how to budget, how hard it really is to make a living (thus helping to stop sucking your parents dry) how to become self-reliant and best of all, finding out who you are and what you really want in life. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:44:25 AM | | I left home at 17 because I had graduated high-school and thought it was time to experience the trials, tribulations and responsibilities associated with adult life. I'm sure there are many good reasons to still be at home in your twenties, thirties and forties as some of the posters have said. I would definitely have saved a lot more money without paying rent, mortgages, utilities, taxes, insurance and maintenance costs on my own place. However for me, independance is something I take pride in. Right after my divorce, I moved back home for about six months. It never really felt like "my home" and bringing a girlfriend home just seemed weird. I got my own place and think that it helped me get on with my life faster than I would have otherwise. It may be different for women, but I can't say because I don't think I've ever dated one over 20 that still lived with her parents. As for the guys, it's your life and you have the right to do what you like. I am thinking that it must be pretty tough to get layed though. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:52:39 AM | Hi, Pianolover,
Advantages and disadvantages seem pretty obvious. On the advantage side are privacy and independance, on the disadvantage side are loss of some security, companionship of family members. Basically.
Moving out after school is more or less expected in the U.S. We often attend university away from home, often our careers move us away from home, and most young people want to begin their own families soon after they've completed either college or military service.
There is nothing inherently wrong with living with one's parents later in life, but as with many other lifestyle choices out of the "norm", it is usually assumed that it is a not a free choice but one dictated by necessity. And that is usually the case. Which brands a person, PARTICULARLY a man, with an L. Which stands for loser.
No it isn't fair, but like most stereotypes, it's got a basis in accuracy in a general fashion.
Moving in with elderly or sick parents is truly wonderful and often involves great sacrifice. I wish that I had done it while my parents were alive - but I had a family and career of my own in a distant place for much of that time and it would have been extremely disruptive.
America was built on settling a huge continent (yes I know), and young adults were encouraged to homestead their own places, serve in the military services, chase their own career dreams, etc. Living the extended family lifestyle is not real common except in some of the inner cities of the east coast in very ethnic neighborhoods. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:56:18 AM | I think people also need to take into consideration that the OP is Chinese, and that is a nationality that puts a huge emphasis on the Family as a collective.
The United States is a very individualist society
China and a lot of the Eastern nations are very socialist nature.
as per the OP's question, I have nothing else to add other than what's been written in this thread already. | |
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| Why do adults need to live on their own?
Posted: 11/19/2008 5:05:04 PM | I am 47 own my home, own 2 cars, pay all my own bills, never relied on anyone from the age of 23. I have been a single parent for most of my adult life so I know the meaning of family.
My mother is 83, she was married 52 years and widowed 3 - she shows up at my house and stays for a few days or a month. If any man cannot deal - denied.
My parents did for me, taught me independence, reliance on myself, made sure I was well educated and able to deal with life. So making sure my remaining parent has a room in my home and can come and go as she pleases is a pleasure.
I give up a bit of privacy some days for the knowledge that my family knows they are the number 1 thing n my life and can always count on me.
My son lived at home until he was 23 aqnd I hope someday if I need him, he is there for me. | |
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