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Posted: 9/29/2008 12:53:15 PM | | Oh man is that funny - the most I ever ask is help opening a jar or something - to think I could have had men schlepping stuff around for me...I'm sooooooo not mastering the possibilities! Did you say anyting to her even jokingly? Maybe she thought you had a really cute butt and wanted to keeping sneaking a peek? | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 1:29:53 PM | | Boy, she had a lot of nerve. When she first asked, you should have just told her that you’re “not that kind of guy”. You never move furniture, loan people your truck, or let anyone borrow your tools on a first date. You need to be “exclusive” in order to cross that verboten line. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 1:46:08 PM | I've never asked a stranger to help me move stuff, but I too don't really see the big deal in this.
She didn't ask for money or for sex. Nothing that could have left you feeling ripped off and hurt. She just asked to borrow your muscle power! It's not exactly the end of the earth here. You sound like a very suspicious fellow...IMO. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 3:55:09 PM | OP- Personally I think it is weird that she asked you but maybe that is just a sign of her being so laid back that she has little boundaries. I have friends that I could totally see doing that and I love them but they sem to be flaky and not have the same politeness I have been taught. Great fun to be around but not too dependable. I would either do it myself, get a neighbor or friend, worst case scenario wait until a few dates in! lol
Good luck, if you go out with her next time bring a weight lifting belt and some gloves to be better prepared ;)
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Posted: 9/29/2008 4:22:19 PM | | Wow -I'd never ask that of someone I just met. But on the other hand, man, I really need that kind of help sometimes, and don't have many guy friends to call. I tend to need to call on my brother in law, and then have to wait and wait for him to have the time to help. Sucks sometimes. So maybe I could see breaking down and asking for a muscle favor once. But everytime she sees you? That's a bit too much. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 4:25:17 PM | I just took the liberty of looking at your profile....a big, handsome, strapping guy like you....Heellll, yeah! I'd put you to work if you showed up at my door!
And your headline is hilarious! (Let's see how many lookee-loos you garner with that last line.) | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 4:30:17 PM | | trust me ...doing favour for a girl is exactly the way to her heart.....it shows u care about her, her living situation etc...about HER as a person, and not just her face or body. although i would never dream of asking someone to do anything for me, if he didnt sugest it first or at some time, i wouldnt see him again. He would be out. at my age u learn what care and compassion is all about, and it has nothing to do with between the bed sheets. (sorry changed my mind that comes into account as well) continue along the lines u are doing, and u will find a really nice girl who can see u care about her welfare. just dont spend a lot of money on her, or do huge jobs like paint the house until u are in a relationship. better still...why not find out if she is a nice person...ask her to take up the hem of ur trousers for u, or ask her to help u weed the garden or dig up the ivy. i met a man once who was in a big hurry to decorated his kitchen before christmas. i went over and held the doors for him while he cut the bottoms off the doors. i held the kitchen units together while he put in the screws. i actually prefer that sort of meeting to a pub. i find it more realistic. another date was him cutting down all the ivy. he only had the skip for a while, so i went over to help him. was pissed off when he told me i needed a washer in my tap and he didnt offer to do it, so i didnt see him again. | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 4:40:17 PM | By any chance were you seeing the "Pack-ers"?
I think I would have been a little more choosy about who I attended a game with. I'm a huge football fan and attending with a novice would be an annoyance.
Sounds to me like she got the better deal - you busted your ass and got what for it?
Favors? LOL!
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Posted: 9/29/2008 4:46:19 PM | justdoitviv....
In the initial courtship and meet if you go and "give" "help" "nurture" the guy without him giving of himself to you, you have shot yourself in the foot.
Male animals have the need to impress the female. Did I say "NEED?
Don't ask me the biology of it. It just is.
If a man doesn't have that need for you, then walk away.
If you take away his desire to impress you with his giving, then it's a dead horse eventually.
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Posted: 9/29/2008 4:46:54 PM | I checked out your profile and you are a big...handsome...guy! I would have put you to work too! Maybe not on household chores *cough* but I digress...
But seriously folks, if you like her then say something. Tell here you were surprised that she asked you to do the things you mentioned and that you asked her out because you want to date her not be her handyman! I know some guys would rather walk on broken glass than confront their feelings, particularly with a woman, but if you stop seeing her you'll always wonder what could have been and if you continue to see her and do her chores the resentment will just fester until it becomes a really divisive issue!
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Posted: 9/29/2008 6:43:16 PM | | did she make you take your clothes off to perform all these herculean tasks? | |
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Posted: 9/29/2008 8:37:15 PM | | I would be uncomfortable with a man who wanted to help me with something, since I have only met men who are users, I would wonder what the ulterior motive was? See, not all women are like that, alot are men who want you for a meal ticket. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 5:30:06 AM | | .msg34...haaaa so thats where i go wrong . im a caring person, so if im free i will always lend a hand.....and i certainly have lent a hand to many a men in very strange ways. the thing is, i dont only meet men with view of a relationship. when i have time, i meet people cause they are interesting or to talk about something in common.i met a guy once, younger, recent widow with kids. he was struggling depressed and couldnt find a woman cause of the kids. no chance of us getting involved. but i met him and the kids took them for bondfire on beach, had the kids collecting wood and such, then took them all up the cliffs, etc. had a good interesting day and i made someone happy. also met a man whos wife just walked out him. he was in a terrible way emotionally. i wouldnt think of dating someone recently single or in such a state. but he was in such a state i went over to his house, wrapped him in my arms on the sofa, told him to cry all he wants not to be ashamed while i watch tv. told him im a total stranger, so he doesnt have to impress me, just let it all out. ..hell i could write a book on all the men i have met with no intention of ever having a relationship with them. i just sometimes meet people for other reasons. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 5:58:19 AM | LOL..That is funny.
Now, I think I am a nice guy..But..There is a limit..
Not going on a meeting wearing a toolbelt...
I do think she was being a little rude, but OP did said she was cute, and engaging, so I think she used to get her way. I would have told her how I feel about it, maybe she though there is nothing wrong with asking you to do all those things.
But, now the question is who is going to build that deck for her?....LOL..
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Posted: 9/30/2008 6:14:39 AM | | Always hold off building that deck until the 3rd date no matter how badly you want to! | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 7:03:43 AM | | So let me get this straight. If I buy some football tickets move some furniture and stuff. Might get a date. Hey way cool, I could even do that. Thanks now see my problem. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 7:16:27 AM |
Always hold off building that deck until the 3rd date no matter how badly you want to
If she was cute enough I would build the deck on the first date. (wink) Crap I would be working on adding on a bathroom addition too if she played her cards right. LOL
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Posted: 9/30/2008 7:35:45 AM | I like this cowboy! You are not going to be single for long....sigh...too bad you were so far away. They should make more of you guys.
Listen up, ladies! You can be modern, independent, wilful, capable, yadda yadda.......but when you crow hard about not asking a guy for his help or ask for his imput about something in the courting stage, you are missing a huge part of what he is about....and what he wants to do for you.
It was not rude of her at all. She asked him. He responded because he liked her. I have done this before in a manner of sorts and we had fun doing this. I asked him if he would help me get wood in the bush for my wood stove. He had a lovely truck. He was surprised at first, then smiled and said sure! We had a spectacular day. I was with him for almost 10 years and he loved helping me. I made sure that he was supremely appreciated.
Don't be showing that you are too independent. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 7:42:03 AM | | Cowboy, the way you play your cards it won't be long before you have a permanent fixture in your life. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 8:09:00 AM | Cowboy, the way you play your cards it won't be long before you have a permanent fixture in your life.
LMAO ! (wink) Not likely Darlin. (rolls eyes...) I have been on here forever... (long sigh...) I swear finding a good gal is harder then nailing jelly to a tree. (wink)
Crap.
smooches to you though.
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Posted: 9/30/2008 8:17:30 AM | Do you do windows? | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 8:27:59 AM | | All relationships are one sided from time to time and 50/50 most of the time. I like it when a man helps me out. I have no problem doing what I can for him. There is a golden rule that ... if you expect something out it don't do it. If you feel used just say no in the first place. If you stick around that scale will return in your favor I am sure. Men do things woman cannot and visa versa. Although moving furniture when you get there and you are meeting for the frist time is suspect. Give it time or move on. No regrets. Do things because you want to not out of guilt. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 11:11:09 AM | Ok from what I get here is you met some girl liked her and she asked you to do some chores around the house that is the scenario right?
Well what I am wondering is she wasn't strong enough to move the furniture on her own how in the world did she get you to move furniture, water heater, and lumber?
Did you have your mouth duct taped shut so where you could have said thanks for the date I had fun , yet I have to run. I wish you well.
I know from experience that doing favors for girls is not the way to their hearts. Any other guys have similar experiences?
Might not be for you, if you gripe about doing it afterwards. I have had several dates where they have Helped me move something, to pay them back I have cooked meals, did some mending what ever as a return favor. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 11:41:49 AM | It was not rude of her at all. She asked him. He responded because he liked her. I have done this before in a manner of sorts and we had fun doing this.
Of course you don't think it's rude if you do the same thing she did. So let me explain to you why others think it's rude. For starters, this woman put a stranger in a lose-lose situation. Either he said "yes" and perhaps did some labor he didn't feel look doing or he suffered through the discomfort of saying "no." And yes, for a lot of people, saying "no" to a request for assistance is extremely uncomfortable.
It would be one thing if he volunteered to help, but for her to ask showed she has no sense of the level of familiarity one should have before imposing on somebody. You don't ask a stranger to move a bunch of heavy objects around, you ask a friend or a family member or you hire a handyman. You could even throw out a hint and see if he bites but don't put him in a position where he really has no choice but to agree or else he'll look like a jerk.
With a woman like this, the first date it's moving furniture, the second date it's a ride to the airport and the third date it's spending six hours in the waiting room at the vet's office while her cat has elective liposuction. She used the OP, plain and simple. If some guys are cool with that, it's their choice. But the guys who aren't can find plenty of self-sufficient woman out there who have an appropriate sense of when they're asking for too much. | |
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Posted: 9/30/2008 11:55:32 AM |
Dude, you sound like quite a nice fellow....but seriously? Methinks she used you.
Of course could be mistaken.
I don't think you're mistaken. She obviously didn't know much about football, so I think she needed some stuff moved, saw the OP selling a ticket, and turned it into an opportunity.
I don't think the OP did anything wrong other than helping her more than once. But some people have big hearts, and some people like the woman in question have no problem using those big hearts.
It could have been worse. At least she wasn't asking to borrow money or something. As far as the question of have I ever had it happen, no, nothing like that has ever happened to me. | |
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