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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:14:34 PM | | Wow - I am stunned by the number of men who said it wouldn't matter - hats off to you guys! Now as a healthy sexual being I am all for mutual fun of whatever kind two consenting adults are into. That being said I don't think you should spend one second worrying about how the next guy is going to feel. Based on your OP I would say you have been through enough in life - find a man who cares about YOU and that one sexual aspect will not matter, there are ways for two people to work around it and if he is the right guy you'll not have anything to worry about. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:16:15 PM | | Dude don't presume to speak for all men. I get very little enjoyment or even sensation out of receiving oral, I never have so its not something I ever seek out in a relationship. Everybody has their own things that they enjoy more than others, thats one of the biggest challenges in pleasing a partner, finding out what makes them tick and not assuming everyone is the same. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:21:25 PM | " Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?"
I don't know. You mean stay with a partner, or deal a hand in Poker or Bridge?
I think you're putting us on. With a woman who supposedly looks like you, we'd be ecstatic with just a hand-job. I, personally, would feel honoured if you just whispered the ten commandments up very close so that little tufts of air that leave your lips would hit the skin over my ears. Some people in jails or monasteries could use your picture here to help them get satisfaction. As a matter of fact, I am ... er. I'd better admit I'm typing on the Father Superior's computer, and I thank you for the nice date, Jen, but I hope you're not so easy for other guys... bye, sweetheart, see your picture tomorrow? At around the same time? Father Ambrosius is usually flagellating himself around this time. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:22:53 PM | People are weird! Tell women you could care less about BJs, and almost
without exception, guess what's the FIRST thing they want to do?
The danger about ignoring what REALLY turns a man on, is that there
is a very good chance, he will go looking for it elsewhere! | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:35:01 PM | | Well babe hears a question for you can you deal with no face. And Yes I do believe that a man can live with out it, but it sure is nice though. But I do understand that you went through some stuff as a kid, that really sucks | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:38:51 PM | It would seem that you have some unresolved issues that need to be worked through . . . First . . you will NEVER be able to not be victimized by this until you forgive the abuser . . . Forgive the abuser and you will be able to get on with your life . . . sound extream, but it will change your life . . After all these years . . This person [b[STILL is in control of your life . . . After you have forgiven the person (ideally in person) you can move on to a healthy NEW relationship . . with TONS of communication . . . Be honest . . you can . . and will be able to please any new partner . . .
Besides . . it will only be until you get Married . . . then as we all know . . you will NEVER have to do that again . . . or so it seems . . . | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:15:54 PM | First, I would like to apologize for my earlier post, and ask you to forgive me. I acted on impulse, and I forgot to first tell you that I am very sorry for what happpened to you when you were younger. I know that the feelings haunt you to this very day, and thinking that I posted without mentioning it makes me ashamed of myself.
First . . you will NEVER be able to not be victimized by this until you forgive the abuser . . . Forgive the abuser and you will be able to get on with your life . . . sound extream, but it will change your life .
I have disagreed with this philosophy before and I continue to disagree with it. she doesn't need to forgive her abuser unless he comes and repents of his abuse, or dies in his sin. Nuff said from my angle. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:25:38 PM | I think that it's a proven psychological fact that forgiving your accuser is the ONLY
thing one can do to successfully overcome the event! BUT, it's precisely counter to
how we have been falsely programmed by society and often religion! | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:46:11 PM | I think that it's a proven psychological fact that forgiving your accuser is the ONLY
thing one can do to successfully overcome the event! BUT, it's precisely counter to
how we have been falsely programmed by society and often religion!
If you can provide cites and footnotes from credible sources, I will concede. My technique is called "Detachment" and it comes mostly from Buddhism, Hindu, and Shamanistic practices, not to mention in AA it is known as "acceptance." Give me your best shot. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 9:57:35 PM | I would be more concerned with the abuse situation honestly.
I would be more concerned if you were in a place mentally and emotionally to be in a relationship, then issues like sex and preferences if possible would come into play.
I think men and women can be far more flexible than people might otherwise think given the right person and the right situation.
I think it's an issue two people need to sit down and discuss. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:05:14 PM | As has been stated a few times, you'll be hard-pressed to get a generalized answer for all men. But, here's my personal take -- I'm more indifferent to them. I see it more as a foreplay tool, and not a means to get off. Personally, I can't seem to get off from it (well, there was one time...). It also seems to me that women falsely advertise in this arena. They say that they give mind-blowing head, and come to find out that it's....well...Meh...*shrug*
I could go without it if need be, esp. if it's the right girl....but I do admit, that it is kind of nice every once in a while.
Now, going down on a girl...I could do that for hours (as long as she's in good health down there, of course...)  | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:22:04 PM | Just to make it a bit more clear......
I am not still victimised, i accepted what happened and forgave my abuser a long time ago and have had therapy to move past the various events. I've had plenty of healthy relationships and I wanted men to answer the question with the assumption that i'm sane, happy and healthy, and without amateur psychology.
Thanks for all the answer so far, i appreciate your honesty. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:32:05 PM | OP - you are you and if something about you - bothers others ........ that is their problem - not your problem.
With that being said - perhaps sometime in the future - you and a very special man in your life .........
May find (thru exploring each others specialness) may make some discoveries that you never even dreamed about.
The two need to be very very special - very committed - very real to each other - very honest with each other ......... but sex with the right person is very very different. You almost become one. Sometimes making someone feel so very special to you - is very nice indeed.
You are special ... someday you will be very special to some young man. Try to reserve your thinking until someone is special to you. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:34:48 PM |
You are special ... someday you will be very special to some young man. Try to reserve your thinking until someone is special to you.
What an awesome response Ron9... Well and beautifully said!  | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:43:29 PM | I think that it's a proven psychological fact that forgiving your accuser is the ONLY
thing one can do to successfully overcome the event! BUT, it's precisely counter to
how we have been falsely programmed by society and often religion!
If you can provide cites and footnotes from credible sources, I will concede. My technique is called "Detachment" and it comes mostly from Buddhism, Hindu, and Shamanistic practices, not to mention in AA it is known as "acceptance." Give me your best shot.
Overcome. Detach. Sounds like you two are really talking about the same thing. If you can't forgive, that implies that there is still an attachment to that moment of trauma, an attachment that prevents one from living a healed and whole life. Forgiveness isn't so much about atonement, but rather letting go of the need to make a past circumstance or person responsible for the outcome of your life in the present moment. Credible sources? Common sense and spiritual awareness.
OP, given what your boundaries are at the moment (and they'll likely change throughout your lifetime), I'm glad for you that there are plenty of men out here who would be sexually compatible with you. I wish you the best. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:52:44 PM | Overcome. Detach. Sounds like you two are really talking about the same thing. If you can't forgive, that implies that there is still an attachment to that moment of trauma, an attachment that prevents one from living a healed and whole life. Forgiveness isn't so much about atonement, but rather letting go of the need to make a past circumstance or person responsible for the outcome of your life in the present moment. Credible sources? Common sense and spiritual awareness.
If you think so. My definition of forgiving is in the dictionary. I will detach from your answer and let you argue with Merriam-Webster. I will not forgive you for saying that I cannot let go or detach from the responsibility of others incapable of understanding commonly used words. I take no responsibility for others inability to use common words outside of their dictionary definitions. I detach. I do not forgive without a request for forgiveness and a pledge to attempt to repent. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:58:53 PM | With all due respect, the real issue here is if you will not participate in this act because of an abuse situation earlier in life, you probably should be seeing a counselor. It sounds like there are some residual issues due to the abuse...
To answer your question I do not think I could be in a long term relationship with NO chance that I'll ever have the pleasure of receiving oral sex from my partner...Some guys probably won't have an issue with it though- Just have to find the "right" guy for you. Best of luck !!
Shouldn't this subject be in the sexuality forum? | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 10:59:21 PM | | Blowjobs are nothing special to me. I'd be too busy trying to help you get over the abuse along with just trying to nurture you and stuff. Yes I'm a softie, and blowjobs don't do much for me anyway. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:04:26 PM | That's what hookers are for./facetious
One of my first real relationships was with a man who disliked oral...stemming from abuse as a child. I adored him, we had a great sex life, a good home life, I never pushed or asked... but I did miss it. A lot. It's funny how when you are denied something how you will focus on it. Probably has to do with personality. I would have dreams about it. My fantasies were centered around it. There were times that it is all I would think about.
It didn't end our relationship but I often wonder if when the opportunity came up to end it I jumped on it because deep down I couldn't be sexually satisfied with someone who had a hangup about something I craved and enjoyed so much.
So while most people will say that if everything else is equal then it won't matter.. to many it would eventually simply because it's off the table. It's human nature to want most want you can't have.
There are lots of guys that aren't into it so I doubt you will have an issue finding someone you are compatible with on this. That's what most all of us hope for..to find someone that is compatible on all levels. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:06:36 PM |
If you think so. My definition of forgiving is in the dictionary. I will detach from your answer and let you argue with Merriam-Webster. I will not forgive you for saying that I cannot let go or detach from the responsibility of others incapable of understanding commonly used words. I take no responsibility for others inability to use common words outside of their dictionary definitions. I detach. I do not forgive without a request for forgiveness and a pledge to attempt to repent.
Book learning's important. So's emotional intelligence. If cleverly worded veiled insults is all you have to offer, then no thanks. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:07:51 PM | With all due respect, the real issue here is if you will not participate in this act because of an abuse situation earlier in life, you probably should be seeing a counselor. It sounds like there are some residual issues due to the abuse...
.
She has forgiven her abuser, and she is healed, according to my detractors. I think she hasn't detached, and you grabbed the brass ring | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:08:06 PM |
Just to make it a bit more clear......
I am not still victimised, i accepted what happened and forgave my abuser a long time ago and have had therapy to move past the various events. I've had plenty of healthy relationships and I wanted men to answer the question with the assumption that i'm sane, happy and healthy, and without amateur psychology.
Thanks for all the answer so far, i appreciate your honesty.
OK, to be perfectly fair here, no one has to believe you or accept what you say.
Not that you have been abused. ( For that, you have my sympathies, you truly do, I'm sorry it happened to you) But that any man you might want to date will accept the fact that he thinks you have gotten over it just because you said you did.
Personally I would neither make the assumption that you are healthy, sane or happy. Not because you've been abused but because a potential partner has the right to make that determination for himself and whether he can live with his opinion on it.
What if you met a widower? He could say he's over the death of his wife. Sure he can say anything. But you still have your own view and opinion and feelings about how he is behaving and acting and if you can live with it. Your tragedy is just that - tragic. But it doesn't remove people's apprehensions just on your say so.
If you want truth? Here's truth
If you find a guy who choose to be with you for what you have ( i.e. he likes you as a piece of ass or something to keep him busy or just doesn't want to be alone, etc, etc, etc) then he is less likely to bend on the things if he wants to be with you
If you find a guy who chooses to be with you for who you are ( i.e. he'd wipe your butt at age 130 and love you even if you were blind with no arms and legs and couldn't talk ) then he is more likely, probably likely, to bend on the things if he wants to be with you.
Guess what? Men chase women and women pick men to date.
No two guys are alike. I don't know what answers you are trying to get here. Sure a guy could be ok with not getting a blowjob, will it matter if he's a guy you don't want to date anyway? You aren't going to date all men, so all that matters is the guy you will date. And you will end up picking him.
If a guy dates you and understands you don't do oral and gets angry or upset about it later because ultimately he does not love you and choose you for who you are, then that's on him. That you picked him is on you. The onus is on you to pick a guy who actually loves you for you as a person. If you do that, this question will probably answer itself to be honest.
I can live without a blowjob. Not sure I can live with jumping through hoops in what seems to be less about sex and more about control.
Like I said, two people would probably have to actually sit down and talk about it and figure out if they love and accept each other for who they are, not what they have and can offer.
Good luck to you with this and in all things. | |
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