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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:08:39 PM |
With all due respect, the real issue here is if you will not participate in this act because of an abuse situation earlier in life, you probably should be seeing a counselor. It sounds like there are some residual issues due to the abuse...
To answer your question I do not think I could be in a long term relationship with NO chance that I'll ever have the pleasure of receiving oral sex from my partner...Some guys probably won't have an issue with it though- Just have to find the "right" guy for you. Best of luck !!
Shouldn't this subject be in the sexuality forum?
I was thinking the same thing. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:18:55 PM | I was thinking the same thing.
I wasn't, but I am thinking there was another brass ring. I actually forgave those people who think you can "forgive" an abuser and just let it go. Forgiveness is letting go of a debt. Now if the man was arrested, and did his time in the pokey, he is almost worth forgiviness. If he is dead, it is time to forgive his debt. If he is alive, and hasn't said; "I'm sorry," and does have some accessibility to do so, then there is no reason to forgive. Just detach, and if his opportunity comes available, and he says it, then see if he bears the fruit of repentence. If you think there are more debts to pay, then make him pay before forgiving.
The girl is still paying the abuser's debts. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:27:02 PM | | Sorry dear no sympathy here for ya. You need to get over the past, live in the present and if you are lucky enough to find someone who loves you, make them happy too. Nobody else has the nerve to tell ya this buy that's the truth. It's not all about you, you, you. You can only blame your childhood for so long and then well....it's just LAME. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:35:41 PM | | Jen, I wish I could email you directly but I'm filtered for being female and over 34. It was nothing earth-shattering, just wanted to comment on the interesting thread. I don't like to post in the forums so will leave it at that. Cheers & Grins, Janet | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:39:19 PM | Due to abuse as a child i don't give men oral sex and i was wondering how much it would bother the men out there if they weren't given blowjobs in an otherwise good relationship. My last partner didn't like them for various reasons which worked out well for me but i'm starting to worry what reaction my next partner might have.
I'm interested in any males opinion here, thanks. - jen bean
You tell us that you are starting to worry about the reaction of your next partner?
I do not give oral sex a second thought. I do not use the expression you use, but I can assure you that I would not concern myself about what a future partner in my life might think about oral sex.
I am looking for a heart connection, a deep and meaningful soul-to-soul relationship. B--- jobs, as you call them, are not a priority. The mind, the spirit - these are priorities for me, not her genitals.
- Peter | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:46:43 PM | Bad blowjobs just suck. If you give bad ones ;) then there's nothing to miss.
On the other hand I do miss those great blowjobs. *drool*
I'm thinking about ordering a 'specialist' from overseas. :D | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:49:37 PM | You need to get over the past, live in the present Nobody else has the nerve to tell ya this buy that's the truth. It's not all about you, you, you. You can only blame your childhood for so long and then well....it's just LAME.
WOW As cold and heartless as that^^^ sounds, I have to admit, I don't totally disagree with anglebaby4u2.
Personally I'd think if one's been thru all the thearapy, forgiving, letting go etc... There shouldn't still be issues or rather effects of the past still dominating a part of ones life..
It's also a proven fact that the majority of survivors of childhood sexual abuse become very promiscious OR very sexually detatched.
With good therapy, AND the desire to break out of negative patterns.....
It can be accomplished, I'm putting this out here from personal experience, AND I do not agree with forgiving the abuser being part of the healing process.... read some good books. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:52:42 PM |
Jen, I wish I could email you directly but I'm filtered for being female and over 34. It was nothing earth-shattering, just wanted to comment on the interesting thread. I don't like to post in the forums so will leave it at that. Cheers & Grins, Janet
Does she smoke?
Your own restrictions prevent smokers.
Yes, she does. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:57:24 PM | Due to abuse as a child i don't give men oral sex and i was wondering how much it would bother the men out there if they weren't given blowjobs in an otherwise good relationship
Just so it's clear..Does this mean that you've never VOLUNTARILY given a bj? | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:20:31 AM | Wow. That is very frightening. I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you are getting better. 8(
Personally I could live without them. However I'm a little bit of an anomaly. With the other 95 - 99% of men you are definitely going to have a problem. Society is really bad today. *So your going to have guys that just want you for one thing pretending not to have a problem with it - while they are cheating on you with someone that doesn't.
I'm very sorry, I really hate the way that sounded, but I'm just going off my personal interactions on this subject with 95% of the male population (shrugs). So it's a generalization, however one that I think is correct. I'm sorry, I know it is not what you wanted to hear. 8(
I think the answer is obvious: "find a guy that can live without them". So your targeting about 5% to 1% of the male population .
I wrote a bunch of other stuff (more detailed advice) but I erased it becuase it assumed you are looking for a serious monogamous relationship and I dont know you well enough to write all that stuff.
Bye. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:27:35 AM |
Sorry dear no sympathy here for ya. You need to get over the past, live in the present and if you are lucky enough to find someone who loves you, make them happy too. Nobody else has the nerve to tell ya this buy that's the truth. It's not all about you, you, you. You can only blame your childhood for so long and then well....it's just LAME.
Wow, just wow. Quiet possibly one of the stupidest things I've ever read. The fact that you posted that with a complete lack of knowledge in what could've happened to this woman is seriously astonishing. You have no idea, but yet you dwindle it down to a simple "get over it". Your opinion is LAME and I hope someone gives you a Roofie Coloda very soon and makes good use of it... moron.
I can't believe the high level of retardation I've read in this thread. From all these cracker jack psychologists spouting off about sh*t they know nothing about and having no business getting involved in, to these douches babbling about how "they don't mind, cause they care about their woman" and "they'll be too busy respecting and consoling her to care about sex", jesus h christ. What has gotten into you guys. She asked a simple question. You think she's going to jump on your laps cause you're trying to be sweet, soft and sympathetic? BSing in forums to try to get women to see your sh%tty posts and contact you isn't going to work. Stop being so pathetic, tell the truth, be real, you're not fooling anyone.
The bottom line, is that there's no answer to your question as every guy is different and every guy has different preferences, which I'm sure you already know. You are simply trying to get a general consensus here (one i'm sure you were hoping wasn't full of so much absurdity) and IMHO, i would say it's 80/20 maybe 70/30 for "guys that can't live with it"/"to guys that could (and not see it a foreseeable issue)". | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:53:32 AM | | I think the most important part of your post that most seem to be skimming over is how you started, I hope that you have been able to come to terms with the issues that arose in the past dealing with the abuse. If not, you should work on that, it may manifest into much bigger problems in a relationship than whether or not the guy gets his or not. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:56:18 AM | (((to be devoid of my favorite food)))
Ok, if getting a BJ is the be all, end all for you, then obviously you two would not be a good match.
Luckily, I enjoy, finger action, greasy hands, puppet shows, tit rubs, rebreathing, intercourse (in a vagina, and a lot of other places), kissing, licking, spit shampoo, calf muscles, giggling, tickling, precum appetizers, etc.
But then again, I am one of those guys who doesn't get off from BJ's, so I've learned to do a lot of interesting things with naked women. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:59:02 AM | | Some men expect them, others don't. If you still have hang ups about past activities, you may not be ready for any kind of sex. I was abused as a child, and suffered several attempts on my life, and died, and was revived...and I have gotten over it. Some people can, and others can't-or won't-apparently. If you really want to you can find excuses to not do anything...give head, go to school, go outside your home, walk up stairs, etc. Life works better if you try to dump the excuses, do things you may feel like not doing, and controlling your life rather than letting your life control you. If you do meet a man who does not insist upon you blowing him, how are you going to feel when he says that due to his childhood trauma he does not engage in intercourse, or want children, or feel he can ever marry, or whatever? Would you be as understanding with him, as you want him to be with you? Instead of asking us, be sure your attitude is mentioned in your profile, and then you will only get responses from men who can be understanding about your hang up. Some men-few though they may be-do not even like the idea of getting blow jobs. Such men are out there to find...if you look for them, openly, and honestly. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:01:03 AM | (((Personally I'd think if one's been thru all the thearapy, forgiving, letting go etc... There shouldn't still be issues or rather effects of the past still dominating a part of ones life..)))
Op, I do feel for you given the responses here....I will not judge your sanity one way or another (let alone the sanity of most who replied...get it folks?).
And (((I think the most important part of your post that most seem to be skimming over is how you started, I hope that you have been able to come to terms with the issues))))
Shall we leave that issue for another thread? Seriously there is nothing about the way the girl writes, or any subconcsious unstated tone to her post that leads me to believe she doesn't understand what happened to her. Unlike some of the knuckleheads who post that "I don't understand..we chatted for months, I sold my house, and moved, and when I finally met him, he didn't look at all like his picture. How can someone do that?" or the guy who writes "We met on Friday, and had an awesome time, until 1 in the morning, I kissed her and she kissed me, it was the greatest chemistry I'd ever felt. Now she says she is too busy all of a sudden and doesn't want to date me. How could she change so fast, how can I get over her?". THOSE ARE THE NUTCASES! Not the OP.
If you don't like blowjobs, WHO CARES WHY? As long as you are healthy, sexy, intersting, loveable, intelligent, employed, etc.
Shall we start bashing women who don't like anal or piss drinking? Maybe they need to "get over it" and drink a little pee. OH, that's not normal you say? Last time I checked, blowjobs don't make babies either.....
I knew a gal who didn't like her nipples twisted. And some guys can't keep a hard-on for 2 hours, let alone 2 minutes.
OP, a couple folks said it "every guy is different". If you had an STD, you would tell him the first time you try sleeping together. Same for not liking blowjobs. You don't need to explain anything on a first or second date. If you fall in love, tell him what happened or why you don't/can't give bj's. Or YOU COULD PRACTICE....I mean..I do things in life I don't like too. Like celebrate Valentines Day. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:08:08 AM | Some can and some can't. My concern for your future relationship
is whether or not the abuse you've suffered is affecting other areas
of your life, persona and psyche.
A lot of people on here say it won't matter to him if he loves you, but the
truth is that at some point in time it will bother you because you love him.
Try to figure it out now while you are not in a relationship and your next
relationship will be even better, even if he doesn't want you to lick his lollipop. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:35:02 AM | "Just to make it a bit more clear......
I am not still victimised, i accepted what happened and forgave my abuser a long time ago and have had therapy to move past the various events. I've had plenty of healthy relationships and I wanted men to answer the question with the assumption that i'm sane, happy and healthy, and without amateur psychology.
Thanks for all the answer so far, i appreciate your honesty."
Jesus, if a blow-job does this to you, what do you think a personal appraisal of your work performance at your place of employment would do to you psyche? | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:52:43 AM | Um blow jobs are a next step in a relationship is how i take it. i don't like my girl doing it.. its like i am turning my girlfriend into a porn star. but when i start 2 love her more and more ive noticed that she blows me and ill blow her.. secrets in a bedroom goes a long way lol
and sometimes penetration gets out played and you have to switch it up with some forplay.. or role play keep the bedroom thinking what next?
but if u have a issue due to child issues.. then i understand but one day you will take that step. its the next step. but until then i hope sex is doing it.. but your man shouldn't care.. blow job is a substitute.. ill choose sex any day. but if i cant get that ill take a blowly.. but having both is the best lol | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:33:55 AM | IF you like, no LOVE getting b.js and are highly sensual, then the mismatch on the sexual level will become unbearable. If there's a total match on the intellectual and emotional level but, not on the sexual level, AND, you are old, not good looking, or not rich, and therefore have little to no choice left on the sexual market place....here's what you do. Keep the lady you've got. And go to a pro for a bj.
From here, you can live with your guilt, or none, if you feel none. Then, no problem, and your relationship will sail its course.
Consider not getting a bj if you really have a high sex drive? You'll resent it. This, will creep into the relationship in passive aggressive ways, and before you know it, you're another divorce statistic.
By the sounds of it, you already resent it.  | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:04:13 AM | ^^^^Please don't take this the wrong way ,but calling someone an "artiste"is old french slang for ...well check it out for yourself. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:07:41 AM | YOU , MY FRIEND , sound like the most intelligent man on here , there were a couple of others , but you expressed the subject very well ! If I wore a hat it would be taken off for you . You are a SWEETHEART .  | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:18:51 AM | Sorry about you emotional trauma. Personally I love getting them but I would definitely say that not getting them, because of the circumstances, wouldn't bother me. I mean if any guy REALLY cares about you he's not going to run because you don't want to give bjs. I know I wouldn't.  | |
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