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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:24:23 AM | If there are no BJs, no, it's not a good relationship.
If there are no BJs, no, you're not the one.
If there are no BJs, no, sex is not great.
Sorry, no deal for me. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:25:03 AM |
YOU , MY FRIEND , sound like the most intelligent man on here , there were a couple of others , but you expressed the subject very well ! If I wore a hat it would be taken off for you . You are a SWEETHEART
Any chance you could clarify who you are talking about? I don't want to get a big head over my post without seeing any names in yours. I certainly think the man who deserved such a rave review, even if not me, deserves actual recognition so we can read his post and dispute the contention if we feel differently. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:36:42 AM | Anglebaby: "Sorry dear no sympathy here for ya. You need to get over the past, live in the present and if you are lucky enough to find someone who loves you, make them happy too. Nobody else has the nerve to tell ya this buy that's the truth. It's not all about you, you, you. You can only blame your childhood for so long and then well....it's just LAME."
^^^I have read some doosies on these forums, but YOU are one hollow individual. I hope you don't give your family/friends this type of "advice".............
OP: I would focus on meeting someone first, and then see how things play out. Communication is key. Also, please take some of the "counseling" on here with a grain of salt. Some are plain clueless.
Best,
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:39:00 AM | Hi,
Women give blow jobs to please men. There isn't any physical pleasure for the woman and she has to learn to control her gag reflex - not easy if she has bad associations from the past.
I was watching a special on "Prostitution in America" on Dateline a while age, and they featured a well-know brothel in Las Vegas. The propriator said that often men wanted to marry one of the girls because they thought they would get oral sex every night for life. Not likely.
She told this joke: "Do you know why brides are always smiling in their pictures? It's because they are thinking that they will never have to give another blow job." (grin) | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:41:37 AM |
Also, please take some of the "counseling" on here with a grain of salt. Some are plain clueless.
Jusdging by some of the responses, I would suggest that even many professionals are clueless, but at least they carry malprctice insurance and the OP can take hers to the cleaners. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:48:41 AM | | I would prefer to date a woman that enjoys giving BJs. But that isn't a requirement. If I did ever date a woman that doesn't like giving BJs, she should be able to make up for it in other areas. Whether it's pleasing a man by performing other sexual activities, looks, intelligence, personality etc. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:52:52 AM | If you cannot participate in what is considered 'normal' for a lot of people then you still have work to do with your therapy, and need to understand that guys that are not bad men will consider it a dealbreaker. But I am sure there are men out there that would accept it knowing your explaination.
I cannot imagine any of the men I have been with being able to do without forever though.
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:59:13 AM |
But I am sure there are men out there that would accept it knowing your explaination.
I know this is the reason I overlooked her theraputic malpractice options. I do feel for her, and I hope she manages to heal, and I have no problem if she doesn't feel right giving oral. If I had a problem with it, I might have been one of the guys who suggested that her therapy was incomplete from the beginning. The real issue kind of blind sided me. She is like so many people who cry out for help, but don't really know what the problem is until the issue gets examined, re-examined, and discussed until it starts making our legs fall asleep in our chairs. | |
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ngat73
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 86 | |
| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:25:03 AM | jen bean:
Sorry for your trauma. I am not a man but I know men pretty well. I would consider it a non-issue, if you have a guy that you think you are going to lose because you won't perform fellatio than he is probably not worth keeping.
I personally don't have a problem with it, especially if he is going down and I enjoy it and need it sometimes, you'd expect to reciprocate out of all fairness.
I usually don't give a guy a blow job unless I am unusually horny, or I really like him. Not to say that I sleep around that much at all. I don't like to give anyone anything that expects it either.
However, this world is really rough at times and I like to please my man. I am very independent, for the most part and like to cook and make him feel good and please my man when he pleases me. I think every woman should be able to cook well and perform well in bed.
I am assuming once you find that right guy that you click with you will eventually be comfortable with fellatio. You want to please your man don't you? A good one won't just fall in your lap. No offense to the many men out there. While you are single you should go to the Barnes and Nobles or whatever book store in the psychology section and read up on fellatio and get yourself familiarized with the penis. When the time comes you may not be so insecure to perform. Your man would love the fact that you are hesitant with the masses and have gotten out of your shell "just for him". Who doesn't like that special attention that is saved "just for him". :)
Different traumatic events are difficult to get over and recovery times are different for each individual. I would not worry about this mental block you have about blow jobs. You'll find someone that understands you and that will allow you to feel safe to touch him and make him feel good as he does you. :) After a while it would just be a natural act and a part of your relationship in taking care and loving of eachother.
Good lick! He he he. I meant Good luck! | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:30:23 AM | Let's talk about the elephant sitting in the middle of the bedroom...
If a man enjoys oral sex (and most do, at least a little as foreplay) he is going to learn to resent not ever getting them and on top of it, having to never get one because of past baggage that a plethora of people carry and get over and move on without drawing the line at something most find highly enjoyable. Sex may be only part of a relationship but lack of a favored sex act is going to consume the relationship negatively.
Another poster asked the OP if that meant she also did not ever want to receive oral, I don't think she answered that but that would also be a huge potential resentment to be giving but not receiving while someone blames some past abuse that carries over into a relationship. I know many many women who have used an excuse to not give but who insist on receiving, just as there are men who do this and yes, almost every time, it's the cause of resentments that ruined the relationship and often was the excuse for a partner to find it outside of the relationship.
There are men, of course, who do not want oral sex and there are men who would be willing, without resentment, to never get it even though they'd want it, but for the most part, it's never a good idea to give up something you know darn well you are going to want and will become resentful over time for not getting, just to be in a relationship with someone you 'think' you could give up anything for in a moment of early excitement. I would never enter into a relationship where I knew I could not/would not do something that the person really wanted from me. I'm not in of the mindset that martyr-ism is healthy in a relationship.
As for the forgiving the abuser, what a crock of chit, some people have to do that because they are always thinking they must be guilty somehow. When you come to understand that the abuser is the sole guilty one and that that person deserves all the baggage and all the blame and can remove yourself from that guilt, then you don't need to forgive anyone, you need to realize you were a victim, you are not a victim now and you don't have to carry the guilt. This guilt that an abused child carries is the killer, it's not the forgiving someone who deserves no forgiveness that frees you, it's learning that you were not the problem, that is what frees you. We straddle people with more and more emotional damage with this forgiveness crap. You don't have to forgive yourself either, you were a child you didn't do anything, you need to hand the baggage to the people it belongs to. A child abuser of any sort doesn't need forgiveness, hell why not just give them a the key to the city, they need to be removed from society and any chance of ever being around a child again. Forgiveness, give me a frigging break. | |
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ml456
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Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 88 | |
| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:44:51 AM | Most of my previous sexual partners wouldn't date a woman that doesn't give BJs. They often mentioned how important it was for them to receive BJs. Since I enjoy giving BJs, this wasn't a problem for me.  | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:30:30 AM |
...if you have a guy that you think you are going to lose because you won't perform fellatio than he is probably not worth keeping.
Could you explain why that is? Because he is a poor man, or because they aren't sexually compatable? I can agree with the latter. The former is moronic. Everyone has things they don't want to do without in their sex life. Could you forgo the best part of sex from your perspective? Whatever that is.
Hopefully, a woman isn't withholding vital information like this until after a man falls in love with her. We should know up front that oral isn't going to be happening. That way, nobody gets hurt because of a lie of omission. If a woman waits until I'm in love with her, then hits me with the, "Oh, I don't do oral.", I'm not going to leave her because of it. I bet that when things start getting rough in the relationship (Everybody has their ups and downs.) that I'll be less interested in working things out, if the sex isn't good. That's just the way it works. I've never left a relationship because she didn't perform oral. I think I was less inclined to work things out when other issues came up though.
I personally don't have a problem with it, especially if he is going down and I enjoy it and need it sometimes
So, if a man you weren't in love with told you he didn't eat at the Y, you wouldn't have second thoughts or move on? You said, "sometimes you need it." You wouldn't feel frustrated that he wouldn't pleasure you in the ways you like? Even if you loved him? Not couldn't, "wouldn't."
I usually don't give a guy a blow job unless I am unusually horny, or I really like him. Not to say that I sleep around that much at all. I don't like to give anyone anything that expects it either.
I can understand and respect that; but, I don't think I've ever asked a woman to perform fellatio. I've never just pushed her head where I wanted it either... (Well, not out of frustration at least.) If she does, then I'm in heaven. If she rarely does, or never does, or does it like she feels like she has to, I'm not happy. I'm going to not want to have sex as often, either. Especially if other areas are lacking as well. Which is why I like BJs in the first place.
Your man would love the fact that you are hesitant with the masses and have gotten out of your shell "just for him". Who doesn't like that special attention that is saved "just for him". :)
Can't argue with that. I agree. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:38:18 AM | | The issue for me, would not be the absence or presence of oral sex as a personal preference, there are many ways to enjoy each other. No one should have to deal with sexual abuse, but sadly too many have. Personally I would be more concerned that you have dealt with your inner demons on the abuse issues and had worked through to be comfortable, responsive and creative in a sexual relationship. If you can be comfortable with yourself and partner in your sexuality and enjoy sex with your partner to the fullest, then I think it's just a matter of finding someone who accepts you as you are and is compatible. If not, and there are deeper issues, that prevent you from enjoying sex to the fullest degree, it might be better to try deal with them first before getting into a new relationship. Wishing you the very best! | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 11:50:29 AM | | It wouldn't be a problem with me for a woman I was dating. But, I would be reluctant to marry or plan anything long term with a woman with any sort of sexual hang-up. There have been things that women I dated were really in to, that I wasn't crazy about, but sex is a two way street. Sometimes we need to put our lovers needs ahead of our own. In my experience, satisfying someone else's desires usually ends up reaping incredible rewards. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:20:02 PM | | I think that IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE we should all have to categorize what we expect in a healthy sexual relationship. We could have "Women that don't perform oral", "Men that don't recieve oral", "Guys that need an annual BJ", "Women who prefer doggy", "Doggy's who prefer women" and the "Totally slutty" sections. I'm thinking that women who love everything will be the most popular, but it's all guess work until POF makes the categories essential and collects the scientific data. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:28:11 PM | Firstly men can be insensitive & just think about their needs,view some of the replies,GREAT,THANKS don`t want to be with that type of man anyhow,SO...the answer is sacrifice,IF he loves you he will make that sacrifice!! IN life sometimes we have to do things we don`t want IN LOVE we should never feel that we have to do what makes uncomfortable | |
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ngat73
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 97 | |
| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:29:41 PM | ravenousroger:
In regards to your post (#91),
Could you explain why that is? Because he is a poor man, or because they aren't sexually compatable? I can agree with the latter. The former is moronic. Everyone has things they don't want to do without in their sex life. Could you forgo the best part of sex from your perspective? Whatever that is.
Let me try to understand what you are asking....hmmm... First, what did I say that had anything to do with how much money he has? I hate it when people answer questions with questions but I can't seem to figure out how you got the "dollar" into play on what I said. Yea, the former is moronic and that spewed out of your moronic head.
Second, everyone has things they don't want to do within their sex life, and that would be discussed within the relationship between the two of them. Most relationships ends up evolving sexually, where two people do things that they "both" have never done before. Which keeps things healthy, if you understand where I am coming from. Of course, not everyone will enjoy getting choked, tied up, or smacked around, but some people do. And, that is something the "couple" has to agree upon. :)
And, no I would not forgo what I want, that is why, with some experience, I have had intense discussions with people on how to determine penis sizes without seeing the penis hard. A "whole bunch of people" speaking on the subject without any scientific evidence but just jovial conversation have determined that the prehistoric determination for correlation of penis size to shoe sizes is outdated. And, one of the girls of late that I have had these conversations was adamant about the correlation between the fingers and the penis. Due to time constraints and specimans to compare to I have not determined if there is a correlation personally. :) Sounds good though, stubby fingers >>>>stubby penis or long and thick fingers >>>> a penis with length and girth. Yea! :)
Falling in love is not just about certain sexual acts you know. There are other things involved and that attribute to "falling in love" than the ideal orgasm. Given the right man...albeit jen beans will be giving blow jobs before you know it. Everyone has issues. It just takes the right person for them to be comfortable with dealing with their issues. C'mon, it's a frickin blow job. If a woman was in love with a man, grabbing, licking, and sucking on his penis to give him pleasure will be a natural occurence. Most of the women on POF are beyond their 20's and the sight of penis does not get them running like it did in their teens (if they had that problem). The once scary erected "one-eyed snake" has become a pleasurable sighting for women than when they were just "girls". I don't think oral is her main issue. Do you get where I am coming from? SHe obviosuly very insecure about certain things for whatever reasons.
So, if a man you weren't in love with told you he didn't eat at the Y, you wouldn't have second thoughts or move on? You said, "sometimes you need it." You wouldn't feel frustrated that he wouldn't pleasure you in the ways you like? Even thoughyou loved him? Not couldn't, "wouldn't."
Your questions are so not straight to the point. I am no mind reader and only a human being. Move on to what? Just because I am getting my **** licked does not mean I am going to marry the guy. Yea, sometimes I need it. I am in my prime. Just because I love a man does not neccesary mean we are right for eachother and just like many of you men say...If I don't get what I need from you than I may be getting it someplace else. Or, I wait until that right one comes along. What I normally say to my friends about other mens assumptions when men get upset when they find out I am actually having sex. "Just because I am not having sex with you does not mean I am not having sex with someone else".
I can understand and respect that; but, I don't think I've ever asked a woman to perform fellatio. I've never just pushed her head where I wanted it either... (Well, not out of frustration at least.) If she does, then I'm in heaven. If she rarely does, or never does, or does it like she feels like she has to, I'm not happy. I'm going to not want to have sex as often, either. Especially if other areas are lacking as well. Which is why I like BJs in the first place.
Good for you. And, thanks for your opinion on my post even though I didn't ask for it. Don't be foolish, all men like BJ's. And, yes men like to be emotionally stimulated too, however physically if those emotions aren't blocked any woman that knows her way around a penis can bring a man to orgasm. I'd bet on that.
Did I answer all of your "hard to understand" questions? :)
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:38:34 PM | Let me try to understand what you are asking....hmmm... First, what did I say that had anything to do with how much money he has? I hate it when people answer questions with questions but I can't seem to figure out how you got the "dollar" into play on what I said. Yea, the former is moronic and that spewed out of your moronic head.
Poor = not good. A bad man. That was a "poor" choice of words on my part. You missed my point on just about everything I said. I'll keep things more simple if I ever reply to one of your comments again. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 9/30/2008 12:41:16 PM | I am more concerned with your chilhood abuse and any partner should be too.
Tell him about the abuse and if he doesn't understand , run as fast as you can ! | |
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