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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/10/2009 10:08:29 PM | i'm thinking if you are giving your partner sex, I would not worry about that
but perhaps you need to talk it out and overcome it, after all these guys are not abusing you, so perhaps treatment or something would help you out. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/11/2009 3:18:14 AM | I think every man is curious, but honestly, if you want us to give you oral, you better give it to us. From my experience it does not taste good at all. I can guess we don't either but it's just skin, not actual tissue with female juices on it. : (
I wish I could've gotten my ex to do it, but she was a miserable person and it just wasn't worth it. My last blowjob was good though, just wish I could've paid her back for it, (not with money!). : ) | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/13/2009 2:36:12 AM | Wow, this is one I dealt with for many years in my first marriage and it was awful. She didn't let me go down on her either, she said she hated that, so I guess she felt she was not obligated to "return the favor". When we started dating, she would do it for a few minutes occasionally, as a prelude to intercourse, but after we got married, she just sort of let it slide longer and longer and then finally stopped all together, telling me she had never liked doing it and only did it because she felt she "had to". It sucked (well, I guess it DIDN'T suck LOL). I could have gotten out, but felt that I didn't want to end our marriage over "this one thing" (although in retrospect, there was WAY more to it than that, as there always is).
So, one lesson learned, at the very least, ladies (and gentlemen), be HONEST about it. If you are doing it ONLY because you feel compelled, make sure your partner knows that so he/she can decide for themselves if that is what they want. And they should ask the question, "will this be acceptable for the long-term?"
If you REALLY WANT it (as I did), they you need to find another partner, or get sex therapy or SOMETHING.
My second marriage was the opposite, my ex LOVED going down on me, and loved having me return the favor (although she seemed, at the beginning, to be totally surprised that I wanted to return the favor as much as I did, I guess her previous partners didn't like to do it to her and she assumed all men were like that). Our sex was the best, for five years, but the marriage broke up for other reasons. Sigh.
Recently, I started a relationship (that only lasted a few weeks) and when we thought we were going to sleep together finally, my new partner was very clinical about the whole thing. "Turn over and I'll give you head" and "I'll do this for you, but don't come in my mouth". Her whole approach was SO OBVIOUSLY keyed towards "having" to do this as opposed to "wanting" to do this that it turned me off and we never got past second base (and I mean that literally). I realized that her attitude towards sex was entirely obligatory (she did it because she knew that she "had" to to get a man, not because she wanted to share in sexual intimacy with her partner).
If there is ANYTHING that turns a man off more than knowing her partner is only doing it because she HAS to, I don't know what it is (maybe having a knife with her in bed to "defend" herself? LOL)
So to answer the question (I tend to make short answers into long epics as anyone who has read my profile can attest :-):
1. Be honest about what you like and dislike (whether giving or receiving) and I mean anything: oral, anal, masturbation, foreplay, threesomes, orgies, whatever. Be honest about your wants and needs up front, and over time too, because these may change (by the way, I am not addressing what to do when honest wants and needs change so much that something that used to be a REAL turn-on becomes a turn-off... that happens too and I have no idea how to easily deal with a person who USED to love to give oral sex and now decides that it doesn't work anymore... that could be a marriage-ender and there might be no other alternative).
2. If your partner can't give you what you want and need, you have to have a very very serious conversation with yourself (and/or your therapist) about whether you can compromise enough to deal with that limitation. And it is a tough one, because if you accept it up front, it is unfair to do so and then start harboring resentment about your choice later on, and use that as an excuse to go out and have an affair (AWFUL!) or see prostitutes (not QUITE as awful but still pretty poor behavior) or leave (at least your being honest NOW, but it still hurts). If you compromise up front, be prepared for it to be a lifetime compromise.
3. If you can't compromise, get the hell out NOW, and be honest about it. "Honey, I really think we could be great together, but I don't see myself going without oral sex for 50 years. I know you hate it. I think we are just incompatible." And if you do this, be very very careful if he/she tries to say "its okay, I will change". There is a great musical called I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change! which says it all. The change had better be honest and aboveboard and REAL, or in the end, neither of you will be able to deal with it.
Someone else said why would a woman knowing how tough it is to find a "perfect" mate give him up over something like not giving a blow job. Why indeed? Because if you can't stand doing it, you aren't perfect mates, now, are you? And if you aren't honest with yourself, you are both going to hate each other over that.
In the end, everything is ALL about honesty. Tell the truth and everything will be okay (even if it means that you can't be together). If you lie about stuff, ANYTHING, you are pretty much doomed. Nothing can remain secret forever, the truth will out, and when it does, watch out! | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 2:04:32 AM | | I'm sorry I don't agree with you.I was married for 10 years and we had a very active sex life(all the way around) right til the end. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 2:48:03 AM | Frankly, BJs are only mildly stimulating to me. It could be that the women I've known lacked talent or creativity that way. But, even in porn movies, most of the BJs I've seen have looked uninspired.
The larger question, is whether you're sexually stimulating. Period. Some people know the mechanics of sex, and some don't. If you know how to stimulate your partner - regardless of which parts of your body you use to do it - nothing else matters (sexually).
Not getting sex - in whatever form, is very individual. I like the idea of sex more than the actual experience, in most cases. In my mind it's a blast. In reality, it rarely is.
So, these days, I'm focussed on developing friendships. Sex is a non-starter. If any phisical intimacy occurs at all, it'll be between closely connected, playfully respectful, best friends.
In the meantime, I take care of myself,
Paul | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 3:12:24 AM | PS - I need to feel emotionally bonded for the sex to be meaningful. My need for depth is generally greater than that of most people. (I enquire more deeply, and reveal more completely.) Without that, sex doesn't connect for me. To have, or not to have, a BJ, is not the question.
As can be seen from your prior responses, there are as many degrees of priority as there are people.
The best thing one can do, is to be honest with themselves, and with others. This way, everyone knows what's going on, and can make informed decisions.
Best wishes,
Paul | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:24:02 AM | | no oral at all, ever? sorry not going to happen. i dont mind if its a rare things, but never? sorry. i love to give, and i dont expect a return in favor everytime...but there has to be some give there, sorry. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 1:19:58 PM | Im sorry but i need my bj's. there is nothing better then just walking up to the person you are dating and putting it in their face so they know what to do with it. come home from work in the face 
im sure all guys agree, even girls. im sure a lot of girls love to give head. about 80% do at least. makes them feel good too.
heres a thought, imagine a guy not going down on you girls. how would you feel??? this question really needed to be thought about before it was posted!
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 2:10:23 PM | Not if they are a man that really really likes them and feels it completes their sexual experience. Wich is 99.9% of men...
^T^ | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:49:36 PM | interesting in the extreme I think i hear a couple of guys cring into there beers over this. Oh well there are so much that can be done in this situation I have been with a woman with the same issue belive me there are so many other things that can be done you guys sound like someone took you favorite hammer out of the tool belt. If your repitore is this limited your already in trouble as far as I am concerned. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:52:58 PM | i am sorry for what has happend to you... if you are not receiving counselling...please get it...you need to resolve that issue..some men are okay...but some men want and it is only fair if they are giving oral sex...do not be a victim...take control of the situation...good luck: | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/5/2009 5:06:19 AM | | Some woman do get pleasure out of doing this, I get just as turned on giving blow jobs as getting oral back. I think it all depends on the woman, past experience, and what her preferences are. Just saying. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:03:48 AM | I'm sure others have probably said this, but please get some therapy! The blowjob issue aside, you need to be able to let your life heal and experience the richness and fullness that it can offer.
I've been through a molestation case with my daughter, and have seen first-hand what that can be like, the dramatic mood shifts, the damage to self-esteem, and the fear. She's well on her way to developing into a well-adjusted, sexually healthy young woman, but it's been a hard road.
I wish you the very best in this journey.
-G | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/5/2009 8:41:29 AM | "Just saying."
I wonder if this wasn't added at the end of what she was saying, if she wouldn't have been "just saying".
"Oral street" is a good street to go down both ways!!!!!! | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:05:50 AM | | I find it very easy to deal with not getting blowjobs. I just find someone who loves giving, so it simply never becomes a problem. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:06:23 PM | Don't worry, if the next guy you are dating dosen't understand that your not interested in that, then you would know hes not the right one for you.
simple | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:10:02 PM | | My two cents here, I do enjoy it, but seriously I don't expect it...which when you think about it makes it that much more enjoyable. | |
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| Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:46:36 PM | I'm not flexible enough to it myself,
and I love having it done to me,
so I would say that I couldn't deal with it,in fact I KNOW I couldn't! | |
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