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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 3:08:37 PM | Haha I'm happy that you guys gave me things I can now retort with when being asked this question, thank you! | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:52:27 PM | people get far too paranoid about HPV. 75% of all sexual adults will contract at least one strain of it in their lifetimes, and for most it will result in nothing. in some cases if you are prone to certain types of cancers, abnormal cells may result, and if left unmonitored and untreated then cervical cancer may be the outcome. condoms don't protect against it, it isn't screened for when you get tested for STDs...it's generally diagnosed by visible observation of warts (but many varieties never show visible symptoms). so, lesson learned, get annual pap smears done, ladies. cervical cancer has one of the highest cure rates when caught early, so take care of yourself...odds are if you've had 2 or 3 partners (assuming they weren't virgins), you've probably been exposed already.
if you have pre-pubescent daughters, you may be considering the HPV vaccine...but remember it only protects against 4 out of over 100 strains of HPV, so don't consider that a guarantee either. frankly, there are far more serious STDs to concern yourself with than HPV so i wouldn't be so quick to hop onto the hysteria bandwagon. HPV is just the current media darling doing the rounds on tv and the magazines. i'd be far more concerned with HIV and Herpes if i were you. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:55:32 PM | | I think the recent HPV scare is linked to the vaccine. Now that there is a vaccine out there, they emphasise the dangers in order to get young women to take it. This is especially important in the wake of the religious extremists that think vaccinating their daughters will make them promiscuous somehow. So, like anything else, it's important to get the vaccine for the young ones amoung us, but HPV is not worth the current panic I see. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:38:50 PM | | OP, who would ask you that question? It is just so tasteless! I had a guy ask me that and I just turned off. Anyway, the number is subjective. It depends on the number you are comfortable with. I am in the low digits, because frankly having a lot of men grosses me out. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:40:51 PM | "i'd be far more concerned with HIV and Herpes if i were you. "
Herpes scares me the most. There are such high rates of it and condoms don't protect you from it. EEEK! | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:52:52 PM | | If you've notched your bedpost so much that you now sleep on sawdust - that could be too much! The choices you make are your own and for no on else to judge - or to have privy to! You have to live with the reality of your own history! | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:26:36 PM | I don't care, I don't ask, and I don't tell.
Two metrics that people place far too much meaning on are number of sex partners, aned IQ/SAT/GMAT/other standardized intel test.
Neither matter a whole helluvalot. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:47:11 PM | I'm not sure if it matters to me or not. I've been with someone that I suspect has a lot more experience that myself, and I refuse to ask because I don't know how I'll react.
Honestly, it shouldn't matter. It is (or should be) in the person's past, and as long as there isn't a disease or one of those past partners coming into your life with a negative effect it really does not have any effect on you. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:22:13 PM | | Yeah, I usually don't bother answering those questions, It's not like it's a whole lot anyways... I'm only 18 haha... But I was curious to what other people thought and I've had a lot of answers I wasn't expecting because a lot of people make a big deal out of the situation, I was just curious how others handle it. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:57:31 PM |
I think the recent HPV scare is linked to the vaccine.
Actually the problem with HPV has been there for a few years... However, when my friend was diagnosed with cervical cancer years ago, it was thought to be caused by an "allergy to semen". By the time she died, they still didn't know about HPV being linked to cervical cancers...
Recently, there has been talk about it being linked to oral and throat cancers...
now there is some research which has shown a link between HPV and some lung cancers as well...
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=4728594
At a conference this week in Geneva, Dr. Arash Rezazadeh from the University of Louisville presented the findings of the study, which found HPV in six out of 23 lung cancer samples.
"The researchers found six samples that tested positive for the presence of human papillomavirus, the virus that also causes many cases of cervical cancer. One was later shown to be a cervical cancer that had spread to the lungs," read a statement from the First European Lung Cancer Conference.
Even though it has been primarily considered a virus that affects women, new reseach is showing it also affects men...
The new study looked at more than 30 years of National Cancer Institute data on oral cancers. Researchers categorized about 46,000 cases, using a formula to divide them into those caused by HPV and those not connected to the virus.
They concluded the incidence rates for HPV-related oral cancers rose steadily in men from 1973 to 2004, becoming about as common as those from tobacco and alcohol. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 9/30/2008 10:35:08 PM | ^^^Sorry, I find that the CDC is where one really should probably look for info on health. They aren't opinion-swayed by drug companies. At least the last time I looked no one was paying for air time or web advertisements. 
Genital HPV infection is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that is caused by human papillomavirus (HPV). Human papillomavirus is the name of a group of viruses that includes more than 100 different strains or types. More than 30 of these viruses are sexually transmitted, and they can infect the genital area of men and women including the skin of the penis, vulva (area outside the vagina), or anus, and the linings of the vagina, cervix, or rectum. Most people who become infected with HPV will not have any symptoms and will clear the infection on their own.
Site to view recommended by the CDC on their website:
2. Myth: Only people who have casual sex get STDs.
Even with up to 12 million Americans contracting an STD each year, many people continue to believe that only "someone else"--for example, people who have multiple partners, sex outside of marriage, or a different lifestyle--are at risk.
It is true that a higher number of sexual partners over the course of a lifetime does correlate with a higher risk for STDs, including HPV. This is not because of any moral judgment concerning "casual" sex as compared with "committed" sex, but simply because the more sexual partners you have, the more likely you will have a partner who (knowingly or unknowingly) is carrying an STD.
However, STDs can be passed along as readily in a loving, long-term relationship as in a one-night stand. And HPV is the virus to prove it. At least one study of middle-class, middle-aged women, most of them married with children, found that 21% were infected with cervical HPV. In other studies, according to Nancy Kiviat, MD, a researcher at the University of Washington, about 80% of people who have had as few as four sexual partners have been infected with HPV.
http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_myths.cfm
4. Myth: Genital warts lead to cervical cancer.
No one knows how many sleepless nights can be laid at the door of this myth. The truth, however, is that the fleshy growths we call genital warts are almost always benign. In the vast majority of cases, they do not lead to cancer, turn into cancer, or predispose a person toward developing cancer.
According to Katherine Stone, MD, a member of ASHA's HPV Scientific Advisory Committee, genital warts need not "raise a red flag with regard to cancer in anyone's mind."
There are more than 70 types of human papillomavirus, and most are quite specific in the sites they can invade and the pathology they can cause. Those most strongly associated with cancer are HPV types 16, 18, 31, 45, and, to a lesser degree, half a dozen others. These are known as the "high-risk" types, not because they usually or frequently cause cancer--in fact, cervical cancer is a rare disease in the United States today, and penile cancer even more so--but because, in the infrequent event that cancer does develop, it can usually be traced back to one of these types. Even so, it bears repeating: most women with high-risk HPV on their cervix will not develop cervical cancer.
http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_myths.cfm
70 to 100 strains. A possible 10 (or say 12 maybe) that can possibly be linked to certain cancers, but there is no data to prove such. Young ladies should indeed decide if the vaccination is for them. Prevention is almost as valuable as accurate/fact based knowledge.
~OP~ I used to think that answering "3" was a great idea. One is too few, four is too many. Apparently so according to the above.  At my age ~ if someone I might be considering becoming intimate with told me anything less than double digits, I'd assume they had been either been happily married for a LONG time or that they were likely a liar liar liar. Then I'd probably find myself mystified or irked.  So I just don't see the need to ask. Good luck to ya.  | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:42:55 AM | | No, I really do'nt care as long as the dude is clean and disease free...that was then and this is... NOW....I do'nt have a huge list but,do not feel that I am answerable for MY past to anyone . My past, my memorys I own them. I do'nt need or desire anyones stamp of approval. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:14:35 AM | | triple digits?.. what is that like guys with 3 fingers? | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:21:45 AM | | Tell you what. You've reminded me of one of my first sexual experiences. She said "sex is one of the most intimate things two people can do together" The guts of the matter is, it's quality not quantity. Thanks to a girlfriend from long ago :-) | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:56:33 AM | On: "I'm just wondering... does the number of people your partner sleeps with really matter to you? "
If it does move on. Why in the world should he hold what you did before you were with him against you. I have been asked that question before and always answered with some outrageous answer and a completely straight face!
Guys kill me. They don't really want to know unless they are trying to find out something wrong with you. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:36:12 AM | Sorry, I find that the CDC is where one really should probably look for info on health.
Well, then you should have used a link to the CDC instead of a link on the CDC website.
Your source for your "Myths" is listed as being at :
http://www.ashastd.org/hpv/hpv_learn_myths.cfm
Which is the "American Social Health Network"
When your mouse hovers over the link on the CDC website, a box pops up stating "Non-CDC Link. The CDC is not responsible for the content of the individual organization web pages found at this link."
Dig a little deeper and you find that ASHA sponsors "Condom Day" and another link that says "Condom makers are also gearing up for National Condom Day by releasing several new condoms: "
Ok...
Not a problem then...
http://www.cdc.gov/CANCER/cervical/
The human papillomavirus (HPV), a common virus that can be passed from one person to another during sex, is the main cause of cervical cancer and also causes many vaginal and vulvar cancers. At least half of sexually active people will have HPV at some point in their lives. Keep in mind, many people will have an HPV infection at some time in their lives, but few women will get cervical cancer.
Note that: HPV is the main cause of Cervical Cancer.
In 2004,* 11,892 women in the United States were told they had cervical cancer, and 3,850 died from the disease.†
Notice that number of 3,850 ????????????
Compare that to the death rate for women in the United States with AIDS...
There were 4,128 deaths among women with AIDS in 2005.1
Since the death rate among women for both AIDS and Cervical Cancer are very similar, I hardly think it is just a "scare" unless you also think AIDS is just a scare too.... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:13:52 AM | | I don't think it's neccesarily the number so much as when the number was achieved. Like a 45 year old who has 30 women under his belt is not as bad as a 20 year old who only lost his virginity two years ago that has the same number. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:25:29 AM | M: It was a direct quote from the CDC. You apparently missed that when you ventured there, maybe???? (Straight from my previous post:)
Genital HPV infection is a sexually transmitted disease (STD) that is caused by human papillomavirus (HPV). Human papillomavirus is the name of a group of viruses that includes more than 100 different strains or types. More than 30 of these viruses are sexually transmitted, and they can infect the genital area of men and women including the skin of the penis, vulva (area outside the vagina), or anus, and the linings of the vagina, cervix, or rectum. Most people who become infected with HPV will not have any symptoms and will clear the infection on their own.
http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/
I've turned into a member of the Disease Posse. Augh. ***Smacks own head*** 
~OT~ Like-minds. It boils down to meeting/dating those who view this topic as you do. I could never date someone with the logic I've been bantering with here. No way, no how. And because I won't turn over my spreadsheet (ha...that's a good pun  ) of sexual partners (with codes for prowess, experience level, special talents/gifts, lack of this-that-and-the-other, as well as dates, times, names, places and their test results in attachment) he probably wouldn't want to date me. Yep, the glory of like-minds.  | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:47:25 AM | | It must be your age group...I've never been asked that questions. Never ever. And no, the number doesn't matter. What happened BEFORE me is irrelevant. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:49:55 AM | 22,417
22,416 is fine though...
everyone has their own limits.
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:32:23 AM | According to the Toronto Sun survey of men:
Another surprise on this poll is that so few men (6% to be exact) are comfortable with their partners having had sex with 10 or more people before them.
Yet the women asked about this said the men they had spoken too said it was unimportant...
Just goes to show you that men say one thing to women, but feel differently in reality.... | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:00:37 AM | ^So the men are dishonest as well as placing importance on something as silly as a number?
Perhaps those of us whose past partners don't care about the number actually did date men who weren't quite so shallow in regard to this sort of thing. | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:11:09 AM | To msg 48. I think you can find out all those things about a partner without knowing precisely how many partners they have had.
I don't think it is anybody business but my own and not ultimate proof of whether or not a person can be in a faithful committed relationship.
I prefer a man with experience to a man who doesn't know what he is doing.
A man deserve respect for what he is comfortable in disclosing to you. I think is okay to keep somethings to yourself about your past... there are a few story I know I am taking to the grave.
I don't think in all cases it is a simple question, with some it's like creating a time bomb.
Personally I would rather be the one in a hundred that is the "best lover" if your only one in five, he may keep looking for who he think maybe best.  | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:20:04 AM |
So the men are dishonest as well as placing importance on something as silly as a number?
Well, I always found it odd that when my friends and I have discussed this, they say one thing, yet, ask on here and all the guys say something toally different.
I think a lot of the guys on here are afraid of not appearring "politically correct" in case it shoots down their chances...
Let's face it, many guys will say anything to get a woman.Why should it comes as a surprise that they'd lie about this...? | |
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| How many is too many?
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:10:26 AM |
Me, I'd ask, because I'd like to know a bit about my partner's sexual past... Just as I'd like to know if they have a history of drug-abuse... alcohol abuse etc... Personally, I think verygreeneyez nailed it…sexually, my concern is how many partners they are going to have after we are intimately involved. Drug abuse, Alcohol abuse, same thing…when, how bad, time line, track record, are they over it?
I'd ask because I'd prefer someone who's view of sex was compatible to my own... ie sexual compatibility... Sexual compatibility is absolutely critical; however I've certainly done things in my past (sexual and non-sexual) that I learned a great deal from that in no way represent my present. What's important is are we sexually compatible NOW.
I'd ask, because I do take my health seriously, I'd like to have a better idea of my risk at having sex with her... as we know neither condoms(safer-sex) nor testing is 100%reliable... so it would increase my information... Condoms do have a legitimate failure rate; however, testing is so close to totally accurate as to be nearly absolutely accurate when done properly. The tests are skewed in such a way that they are more likely to show positive when you do not have a disease than they are to show negative if you do have the disease. In the first instance you test again; in the second instance you could infect others or die, hence the increased sensitivity. Testing works.
I'd ask, because I don't necessarily want to run into her ex lovers I’ve never had trouble with this. Besides, he lost. I’m her current lover; and I’m better than him anyway. Also, if neither of you knew the other was a lover, there would have been no incident, would there?
I'd ask because I'd like to know if I have a 1 in 5 chance of being her best lover rather than a 1 in a hundred chance... This is really weak. Are you a good lover? Could you be a better lover? If so, then be a better lover. How many times has a woman told you that you were the best she has ever had. They will tell you, so if your answer is “several times” or “every time” then no worries. If she has been with 100, you’re still the best. If you answer is “not many” or “never” then you need to work on your love making abilities; and the fact is, the more lovers she has had, the better she can help you become, because the more “secrets” she will know. Dave’s g-spot technique on here works, try it. For “real” mind blowing love making, I like my “technique for the true lovers” using Football Mum petals.
I'd ask, because I also would take HER health seriously Then the question is NOT “How many partners” but “Do you have, or have you ever had HPV or Cervical dysplasia?” and “Does cervical cancer run in your family?” and “Does any cancer run in your family?” and “Do you get your annual ‘female’ exam?” Bottom line, ONE partner can give you HPV; and if your family is prone to cervical CA then your chances are much higher. Breast CA is very high on my mom’s side. My mom and two of her sisters all had breast CA, one aunt died. In one family my aunt, and 3 or her 4 daughters had breast CA, one daughter died. So family history and personal health history give you lots of info, number of partners gives you almost nothing.
I've seen some women who were suffering from other 'issues' that led them to have a lot of partners Bingo! The vast majority of the time, those “issues” were as younger women; and they have worked through them, and matured out of them. Yes, some “older” women have these issues; but the important info isn’t “how many” but “how many now that you are with me?”
Example: You meet a 47 year old woman you are crazy about but find that she had 100 sexual partners. She also had genital warts. What do you do?
The warts were when she was 18, and have been cured without recurrence. Now what?
You find out that she had 98 sexual partners before the age of 20, since then she has had two; he husband of 25 years who died two years ago, and you. Any difference in how you’d respond?
Example 2: Blonde haired, blue eyed, drop dead gorgeous babe with a 5 year old son. Recently divorced, her only sexual partner was the father of her child. What do you think? Turns out dad is in prison for drug use; mom and son are HIV positive. I KNEW this woman. Sexual history = 1.
Bottom line: the information you are looking for is valid, and important; but there are many much more accurate ways of getting to the information that matters as opposed to all of the assumptions, extrapolations, and statistical manipulations you would have to make if getting only numerical data. The information you are looking for is important; the number of people she has been with is relevant only because they helped her become the lover you are with today. Be thankful for her past, because she would not be who she is without it. Be glad that she is healthy. Be grateful that she loves you; treat her like the treasure she is; and quit asking questions that can only cause pain and discomfort. | |
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