| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:36:41 PM | | well its your restrictions I have hang out and have talked to a few people looking for encounters but not to get with them | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:02:48 PM | | As one who knows several bipolar individuals, I can say they are not all alike! Your husband may not have been taking or responding well to medications or therapy. Without treatment, it is near impossible to have the balanced behavior one needs to cope well with everyday situations! Try to move on. He may respond once again, but if he is uncontrollable or highly inconsistent in his actions, then you need to find someone more stable. It is difficult but living in the past won't help. Best of luck to you in dealing with this predicament! Maybe getting counseling yourself will improve the situation. If he won't communicate, you cannot force him. It is probably too late for a reconciliation. Be careful in your choice for a new boyfriend! | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:12:03 PM | | I feel your pain, believe me. My ex is bipolar, as well. We'd been together since we were 13. He was my best friend. I tingled when we touched even after 20 yrs. We had 4 beautiful kids and a marriage that all our friends envied. Then one day, out of the blue, the insults began. And believe me, he was not subtle. He knew my weakness and he attacked me in a way I will never understand. He told me I was a bad mother. I had given up my career to stay home with my kids. I had a very successful home daycare and my world revolved around my kids. I took no time in addressing the issue with the ones who mattered, my children. His opinion no longer mattered but the shock and pain really did. When that failed he found other reasons to "hate" me. I'm so glad I didn't let him reduce my self esteem and wither away because of his dilusions. When I found out my son (age 6) kept a bag packed in case we were kicked out and he didn't have time to pack I said, "no more". He had been diagnosed bipolar and refused treatment. That was, and still is his choice. But whether or not we fall victim to the abuse is OUR choice. I dealt with it for 2 years too many. When we seperated I felt a huge amount of relief. I never shed a tear and he knew it and asked about it. The only answer I could give was, "if you had someone screaming in your face from the time you got up until the time you went to bed would you be sad that it finally stopped?" I do feel sad that what we once had is no more. But I don't regret a thing. We formed so many wonderful memories together. I'm just glad that the misery didn't go on any longer than it did. Stay strong and never forget that you don't deserve the brunt of his frustration for any reason. NO more eggshells. NO more fear. And no chance of it escalating to even worse than imaginable. You know what I mean! You're not alone. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:50:45 PM | if hes not gonna take medication for his disorder leave him alone how can u love him when he doesnt even think enuff of himself n YOU to medicate ..this bipolar disorder is easily treated n can make a person 100% | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 10:54:33 PM | hmmm typical. Bail out instead of standing by the guy. Let me draw your attention to your VOWS..............................For richer or poorer,in sickness and in health til death do you part..............or did you conviniently "forget" that part? Youre his WIFE youre supposed to help him as he would for you. My 'wife' bailed when she found out i had cancer(treated by the way) So TRUST me if i was bi polar......the 'mean' side of me would have shredded her.A waste of my time,love and emotions. You are nearly in the same catagory.
And you thought I was gonna be nicey nice.
you get NO SYMPATHY here
Oh wait when he takes his meds and is all 'better' you come running back right?
Man I wish this wasnt censored. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:42:48 PM | | oh sorry to hear that I have a friend whose wife has same. They have only just separated I feel for you but really - move on coz its a hopeless situation. Really. Sorry to say but theres gotta be someone else out there who will love and appreciate you. Take care. Elly | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/2/2008 11:55:47 PM | | Oh poor thing you just got a lot of anger to dispel. That will happen in time. Be cool. Theres lots u can get into out there. Go for it! Elly | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:04:39 AM | | Please dont swear its a free world were all entitled to our own opinion. Just be mindful of the ignorance of some people thats all. No need to take offence is there? E | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/3/2008 12:11:34 AM | | Cortchubby, that's just the selfishness of the humans who have the guts to call the sick people "selfish." So many insensitive people here, it's appalling! As Wabbit3 and Xalwaystruex have already successfully pointed out... everyone is NOT the same, and a lot of the people suffering from manic depression would never hurt a fly, and are most definitely NOT violent whackjobs! Get educated and grow a BRAIN, people. And while you're still living in your comfortable fairy tale where sick people are monsters, ask the wizard to give you a heart. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:48:22 PM | Hello! and how are you? I am also trying to get intouch with you and its not letting me could you please email me so we can chat I would like some advice and someone to talk to reguarding the Bipolar 1 and ADHD.
This post is for LM Seth | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/3/2008 3:50:09 PM | | I feel for you.. was in a 2 year relationship with someone diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety disorder...and later while attending counselling all the facts pointed to probably Borderline Personality disorder... the freak outs and rages over the slightest things.. the hypersensitivity. The constant validation needed...Never being able to do enough.. Nothing was never enough to fill the bottomless pit of needs. Oh and of course the walking on eggshells. Wondering what would set her off next. these all can be lumped under personality disorders. They are very unhealthy and highly toxic. You cant help someone who wont help themselves.. All you can worry about is you. I would have married mine in a perfect world. Unfortunately the world isnt perfect. So all I have left is to wonder what might have been. Dust myself off and move on. I still love her but I am worth more than abuse I received. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/3/2008 6:35:17 PM | | OMG...Obviously he is not on any kind of medication to control this behavior. Let me tell you...I have been there. He was the perfect man....except for that. However...that is who he was. It doesn't go away...it doesn't get better. He could be the sweetest most gentle man I had ever met and within a day turn into the most emotionaly abusive son of a **** I ever met. It is not livable. You will dig your own grave waiting for his continuous approval. Having to base your mood on the mood that he wakes up in...wanting to be forgiven for something and you have done nothing. Worried that your legs aren't crossed because that means your closed off...you roll your eyes and that means he disgusted you...don't say the right thing and then days of hell. What ever it takes...get therapy...be with friends who care about you....but LET HIM GO!! You will never understand the bipolar beast that takes him over on that ever looming cycle that they live. I am telling you...get yourself out. Your will find love again... | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/4/2008 12:32:35 AM | | Who's judging you? I must have missed that post. Sorry. I think anyone who's in tune with themselves and is able and willing to do what it takes to heal is awesome. That goes for people who are or are not bi-polar. Some people who are bi-polar don't realize how intense and stressful it is to deal with their illness. I'm glad you recognize it and don't feel that taking meds is a form of weakness. Good luck to you. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/4/2008 1:44:10 AM | i am bipolar... have been since i was 19, back when you never even heard of the word and when doctors had no idea how to treat it. worse yet, my cycles were extremly fast. my depressions were worse then my manias.
HOWEVER... i have never been abusive to any of the people i have been in a relationship with. i have NEVER, EVER cheated on ANYONE (and i am bisexual- cheating is a whole different thing. being bipolar doesn't mean you will cheat- it is just a self centered act).
about the bullshit of "for better or worse"... NO ONE should be in an abusive relationship. if it is abusive, get out... and don't just get out, getting therapy/counseling is just as important as getting out. if you want to leave an abusive relationship at least start off with counseling to help you prepare and make as smooth transaction as possible.
i say "for better or worse" is bullshit because bipolar disorder is TREATABLE. i had a friend who had moodswings and would turn mean... but would not tell her doctor about it. if you were on medication for seizures to make them stop but then suddenly one day you started having seizures again... would you NOT tell your doctor? if a bipolar is having problems then the medication needs to be adjusted or one needs to try another form of medication. it may take a long time to find the right balance... but just because you do doesn't mean they will work forever. they will need adjusting in the future too.
when you are bipolar and choose to be in a relationship then you have to understand that it is YOUR responsibility to take care of yourself. in my opinion a person who is bipolar and not taking care of themselves is irresponsible and self centered. anyone who CHOOSES to not take meds/not talk to doctor/drink or do drugs on meds so they not work, etc. while knowing that they are hurting someone else is flat out making the choice to destroy the relationship. it's an easy equation:
does not taking care of self=hurting others? THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
also, in my opinion if you are with someone who is bipolar then you should be open to the idea that you may not know when you are manic, depressive, experiencing mood swings. you should also be open minded if your partner thinks you are being manic, depressive or having moodswings. don't take it as a insult being said to you- instead make note of it, look for a pattern- if there is one, see your doctor and tell him about it. your partner can help work with you. you need to make an understandment. of course, first you have to be mature enough to do it.
when it was said "for better or worse" i believe it was understood in a situation where things cannot be controlled or that both people are being equally considerate and responsible for themselves and eachother... let me repeat for THEMSELVES AND EACHOTHER. choosing not to control something that can be controlled is a whole different issue and has to deal with the self centered individual.
bipolars say that they will do ANYTHING to get better. i have met a gazillion bipolars throught counseling and therapy (also a good reason why i am doing well in relationships- i have done counseling and therapy) and what they said wasn't true. they skipped doctors appts or medication... at times it seemed like they just wanted someone to tell them that when they did something to hurt someone else that we were suppose to respond with "awwww, well, you are bipolar" and it is excused. then when a therapist turned around and told them "well then, what are you going to do about it to make sure that it doesn't happen again?" a different cycle began. the person tried to become actively involved in HELPING THEMSELVES and OTHERS.
when it comes down to it, you have to be responsible for yourself and your actions. you may have a whole different set of responsibilities to prepare ahead of time for situations... but that is the point. YOU maintain YOUR bipolar disorder, it doesn't maintain you.
i try my best to control hurting anyone i am in a relationship with. in my early 20's i was in a relationship and i saw my partner cry while i was in a depression that she could not do anything about while i was crying. it was then that i decided that i was going to try my best to prevent hurting anyone from my disorder. i can't handle it, it just breaks my heart. however, i can handle my medications and my decisions.
it is true- ifyou are sincere about not wanting your disorder then you will "change only when the fear of not changing is greater than the fear of change itself".
...today i am doing well. i got sick and tired of my illness so one day i finally did what *I* needed to do to get me better. i was terrified- but i did it. my memory has improved incredibly, i am finally responsive to medication (due to a medical procedure i had done), i found a GREAT doctor (THIS IS HIGHLY IMPORTANT) and i have highly surpassed further then almost all of my doctors thought i could.
it can be done... and if the person you are with isn't making the effort then they aren't worth the effort. put it this way- wouldn't you do it for them? and if they won't do it then sometimes it takes a few swift kicks in the ass and losing people before your pull your head out of your own ass. that is just life... and that pertains to anything, including bipolars.
there are alot of lessons you have to learn when you are bipolar that hurt... but if you are mature enough you learn and try to make sure not to do it again. i had to learn how to act in a relationship AS A bipolar. we all have to learn it. it's just part of the *ucked up process. but in the end you become a better person for it- and to all of those i have had relationships with- it was worth it- and i love that some of them are still my friends.
be strong. do what needs to be done. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:42:35 PM | | It was nice to hear about someone who is bi-polar and taking care of yourself too. In my blog I spoke about someone who was bi-polar. He was not even opened to the notion of something actually being wrong...I think that he had other issues that compounded the situation as well. So I suppose I should have said that a person with bi-polar disorder who does not "help" themself can be poison to relationships. *That is not to say that there are not a great many other issues besides that one that can do the same as well. This guy she is talking about is just a train wreck...and I am sure it does not all stem from the one diagnosis. Good luck to you... | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:53:26 AM | just my opinion but thats not bipolar; thats a jerk; The latest one is autism; now every kid is going to have it. Just a chance for the drug companies to throw pills down peoples throats.
I read where Merck and others are trying to now have the fda give the ok to make road rage a mental disease along with playing video games too long. They also want to give anitidpressants to babies as young as 2 years old.
People love to play the victim card; many drink or dont sleep enough and they are miserable people to be around. Then they get a pass by going to the doctor and told they are bipolar.
He's a mess and treats you like crap and you miss that; there is nothing you can do. If he wont talk and is a mess, then its over. I think you should move on and realize it is what it is. You can love someone but that doesnt' mean they are good for you. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:51:28 AM | ...true... if a person is a jerk then they are a jerk, if you aren't treated well go elsewhere. in ALL relationships i think there are alot of people who don't see who they are with for who they are becuase they want so much for them to be a "good person".
being bipolar isn't a victim card... if you are truly bipolar there is alot of humiliation and family shame . it takes a while for some bipolars to learn that they are bipolar and bipolar is not THEM. alot of people label you as crazy or ****ed up when they know nothing about you. i don't tell people i am bipolar until i get to know them well... this way they can 1) judge me for ME and not as "the bipolar" and 2) see that if i didn't tell them to begin with they would have never known... because i well manage what i have.
trust me- it is not a label anyone wants to run around telling people or anyone wants. i garentee you there are alot of people who are reading this that are afraid and ashamed that they are bipolar. what you said is easily estimated by your lack of personal experience and ignorance. you have no idea what it is like, so don't make assumptions.
however, it does appear that EVERYONE is being labeled as bipolar. before i hardly met anyone. now everyone and their mother is bipolar. i do feel that it is a diagnosis that is being blanketed and over used... but of course that could be because there are SO MANY shitty psychiatrists... and many people feel like they have to stay with the one they found. it took about ten years of trying and dropping different doctors (mostly county doctors) until i found one that in a year completely turned my life around with the RIGHT balance of medications that no one tried before.
drinking or not sleeping enough won't get you diagnosed as bipolar. it takes a certain SPECIFIC diagnosis of certain symptoms. in fact, if you drink you can kill yourself taking bipolar meds. not sleeping... there is another diagnosis for THAT. there are ALOT of different conditions that can cause alot of different things... psychosis, schizophrenic, schizoaffective, unipolar........ it goes on. each has very SPECIFIC descriptions on what they are according to very specific conditions. you have to fulfill each conditions symptoms- missing any takes you off that diagnosis.
also, every condition doesn't have just ONE level of intensity. like all things in nature there are different levels. everyone is different. what works for me may not work for another because i am different.
but thank you tom cruise for your message. (just kidding)
i will admit tho, there are alot of people that don't have it through to them that they are bipolar. they are afraid of being bipolar so denial is easier.
then there are others that are bipolar that won't get through to their thick skulls that bipolar=being responsible for YOURSELF. those people no one should be in a relationship with. *they have no right to make someone else suffer just because they are bipolar.* | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:02:39 AM | Been separated from mine since May, couldn't take it any longer. Lies, bad decisions, mood swings, wouldn't talk, let alone anything else. People with Bipolar have trouble communicating. Feel your pain. I will be married 20 years the 22nd of this month. Feel like I've been alone for a very long time. I think you become emotionally dead sometimes, then you don't know what the hell you want. Loved my husband very much fought for the marriage until I had no fight left. Now not sure if I even love him now, when I look at him I don't see the same person. When I joined this site I started dating, and ended up having an affair. Finally got a response from husband, green jealous monster appeared. He figured I would always be there, or wasn't date able not sure which. I didn't do it to hurt him, or make him jealous. Needed the contact with a person I could talk to, that would hold me. Don't recommend it, makes things more complicated. For a few hours seemed like someone cared about me and what I needed. I could forget for a short time, and feel something human again. Feel free to contact me. Is your husband on medication? Mine started Lacmitial. I try and go to his Dr appt with him. He doesn't even know what to tell the Dr. Don't know if this helps girlfriend, we are in the same boat each wit ha broken paddle, sounds like. Contact me anytime. It's one day at a time. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:35:33 AM | I agree about vows-and people should not 'bail' on thier spouses when they fall ill. However...if the spouse who is ill does not help themselves, or use the tools at thier disposal by taking the meds, knowing they are causing emotional harm to thier spouse, I say screw the vows, especially if there are children involved.
My best buddy on this planet is bi-polar, and sometimes she goes off her meds. Her husband sat her down and told her, if she stops taking the meds without seeing her doctor first, so a plan can be followed, he will pack up thier two beautiful boys and leave. He means it. I support him 100%. Marriage involves TWO people, and if she deliberatly continues to make choices that have a negative impact on her sons, the father has to take the steps required to make them safe. This includes being safe from scathing remarks when Mom is not well.
The hubby is in full support of her going off the meds, when she is following doctors care...because some meds have negative side affects...during these times of being off the meds, he knows what to expect, and can deal. It is when she does this on her own, without him knowing is where trouble starts. He runs a business, and needs to be able to count on her to pull her weight. If he has no clue she has gone ff the meds, he cannot plan properly for when an 'incident' comes up.
It is a tricky situation, he loves her and will stand by her 100%-but she needs to do the same and not frick around with her meds! She needs to stand by her family as well. She cannot pull her weight if she is not following a doctors regimine.
I love her dearly and wish I could take this away, I see how she suffers. It is not a nice disorder to have.
Since he threatened to leave if she does not follow doctors orders, she has been doing just that. She sees her doctor regularly, and they adjust the meds as appropriate at times. Her husband is comepletely in the loop in regards to her condition at all times, and he deals with this rather well. The key here is they are both being responsible and doing what is needed to be healthy for these kids. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:36:55 AM | | Sometimes the ill partner is the one asking for the divorce. They get in their high and think that they can do no wrong, yet the wife/husband without it is being called horrible for protecting their children from the bi-polar partner's abusive behavior. What sucks too is that people outside the household normally don't see the abuse that happens in the home and blame the parent protecting the children. People will believe the crap that a bi-polar person spews. Those that are doing well with your meds, good for you, really it is good for you. I know that it isn't every bi-polar person. I just know what I have experienced and what a friend of mine has. My friend now has her son diagnosed with it. He is on medication. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:02:37 PM | OMG, #1 husband is completely depressed, Thats why he shut down. But, GOOD FOR YOU Lady. Do you think you malined him enough?????
Bi/Polar is a pain in the ass. But, understanding and showing love and affection for that person is key. The meds don't help much. Bipolar people become amunned. Some of time it isn't the bi/polar person shutting down ,It's the spouse and the rest of the family who can't be bothered anymore.
You know what I DON'T BELEIVE, Is that any of you people who left your Bi/polar spouse DID do everything you could. We're only hearing your side of the story. I truley hope you don't have to read a suicide note soon. I wonder if you would blame everything on your spouse then. Get your heads out of your asses and educate yourselves. Go to counseling, Learn about the meds. Learn about nurturing and loving, affection and understanding. If you love them, Then prove it. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:17:51 PM | not all bipolars have problems communicating or being in relationships.
if this is a problem for you then you and your partner need to go to therapy.
after being through therapy and being through relationships with people WITHOUT psychiatric conditions i have come to the conclusion that EVERYONE SHOULD GO THROUGH AT LEAST 1 YEAR OF THERAPY- problem or not. you will become a better person and be better in relationships. if you don't like one therapist, find another. they are a dime a dozen.
obviously i have no problem communicating. LOL | |
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