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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:23:14 PM | first of all, all bipolars need to be on more then one form of medication. they need to be on 1) an antipsychotic (helps dramatically with how a person sees things, lowers disillusions, weird thoughts that come with or without mania... other things 2) mood stabilizers (helps with the ups and downs) 3) antidepressant (for depression).
to anyone out there who is one just ONE or TWO medications for being bipolar... FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. yours may be great for other people but that doesn't mean that they don't know now to PROPERLY medicate a bipolar. THERE ARE ALOT OF DOCTORS WHO DON'T GIVE PROPER CARE.
again, i repeat THERE ARE ALOT OF DOCTORS THAT DON'T GIVE PROPER CARE.
when you find the right doctor your whole life will change. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:24:55 PM | | silkfireguilt: None of what I said was meant for you. I am very happy for you that you are doing so well. It's wonderful. If you don't mind, Would you talk to me outside of this forum, Strictly on this subject. I have a few questions for you. I totally understand if you don't feel comfortable. Thanks | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:30:17 PM | "The meds don't help much. Bipolar people become amunned"
true, people can become immune to medication. if this is true then you absolutly should be transferred to another form of medication. there are a gazillion types of meds for bipolars that you can put in many different combinations until you find the one that is right for you. it may take a long time to find out- but it can be done.
AGAIN- if your doctor isn't making alot of progress with you then FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. don't just stick with the one you are with. THERE ARE ALOT OF BAD PSYCHIATRISTS OUT THERE. be realistic, if you were seeing a doctor about a condition you had and if your condition wasn't getting better wouldn't you go see another doctor? OF COURSE.
i do agree though: GO TO COUNSELING AND LEARN ABOUT MEDS. if you really want things to work then BOTH people should be involved if the bipolar is still learning how to manage relationships as a bipolar.
plus, the more educated you are the more you can help THEM, catch them slacking off on meds and understand, look out for warning signs and more. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:35:41 PM | Unless you have been in someone's household don't judge them. You don't know what kind of physical and/or mental abuse they have had to put up with. Just being sympathetic and understanding is not a cure. Calling their physician doesn't necessarily help either. It is totally up to the person who has an illness to get treatment!
He is just depressed is never an excuse to yell at anyone, to mentally beat the person down, to physically harm them!
Shall we talk about the abuse to the children? Oh yeah, it is wonderful for a child to get yelled and screamed at while someone is in a manic state. Oh yeah, understanding and sympathy for that person get you so far...NOT.
People that are Bi-polar/Manic Depressive ARE NOT all the same. They ARE NOT all treatable. They ARE NOT all sweet little depressed people that will only do harm to themselves. Sexual promiscuity is one of the early signs of this illness, now add years to their life and it INCREASES. I don't know what the statistics are for people that have this illness that stepped outside of their marriage, but I am guessing that those that are not or have not had proper treatment, it is high.
What kind of damage do you think that it does to an 8 year old child watching their father take a bottle of pills in front of them? These scars will last a lifetime in a child.
There is only so much children should be exposed to. There is only so much any spouse should endure. There are two sides to every coin. There can be sympathy to both and understanding that the spouse without the illness should never be expected to be super human and accepting to repeated abuse. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:36:23 PM | | True silkfire, I could'nt have said it better. Mainly because I've been doing just what you said in you said in the last post. But, Thats all I'm going to offer in this forum. I'm extremely disalusionned by what I've read in here. (And yes, I know I can't spell, LOL) | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:36:40 PM | true, it is not 100% controllable. medication helps you MANAGE. alot more can be managed properly with counseling if the person is mature enough to hear it.
also... if you are in that dire of a situation there are other considerations... again, find out more about your options and keep an open mind.
i am just saying from my 10+ yrs of experience and from FINALLY finding the right doctor because i was insightful enough to change doctors. i am also taking into consideration the dozens of other bipolars i have met through group counseling where we all learned to manage our condition. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/8/2008 1:02:42 PM | cumoniwannalayya, You didn't just hit it over the fence, you cleared the fence, the grandstand, and the freeway beyond the stadium grounds! If everyone had your outlook, their ill partners would have a much higher rate of getting BETTER.
Bi/Polar is a pain in the ass. But, understanding and showing love and affection for that person is key. The meds don't help much. Bipolar people become amunned. When you're going through the same crapola day in and day out, of course you become immune to it.
Some of time it isn't the bi/polar person shutting down ,It's the spouse and the rest of the family who can't be bothered anymore. Amen... and their inability to cope and act supportively makes the sick person take a turn for the worse.
You know what I DON'T BELEIVE, Is that any of you people who left your Bi/polar spouse DID do everything you could. We're only hearing your side of the story. I truley hope you don't have to read a suicide note soon. I wonder if you would blame everything on your spouse then. Probably not.... they'd gripe about how wonderful they were, how much they miss them, blah blah blah. Though they'd probably STILL be too ignorant to realize they could've done more.
Get your heads out of your asses and educate yourselves. This applies to everyone on every subject. People are soooo caught up in playing the blame game- "he's abusive, she's uncontrollable" that they don''t take the time to learn about what can actually be done to STOP the behaviors.
Go to counseling, Learn about the meds. Learn about nurturing and loving, affection and understanding. If you love them, Then prove it. A few of you mentioned the vows "for better or worse, sickness and health" on this thread... regardless of your opinion on them, weren't they supposed to be MORE than just words? | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/8/2008 1:21:59 PM | justem, there are several different personalities on the planet... there are the artsy people and the science geeks, the career woman and the soccer mom, and I could go on all day with analogies.
He is just depressed is never an excuse to yell at anyone, to mentally beat the person down, to physically harm them!
People who are abusive are going to be abusive whether ill or not- turn on the news, every day people are convicted with domestic violence, rape and murder WITHOUT any evidence of mental illness. To blame violence on the illness IS to give the person an excuse for the behavior... your first mistake. There are a hell of a lot of people who suffer from mental illness who go for a lifetime without getting properly diagnosed/treated because their friends and family DON'T see anything wrong... "He wouldn't hurt a fly," and "she's so sweet."
What kind of damage do you think that it does to an 8 year old child watching their father take a bottle of pills in front of them? These scars will last a lifetime in a child. You're right, those scars will absolutely NEVER go away. .. I speak out of experience on that one. Between genetic disposition to inherit mental illness AND the things your child had to see, he NEEDS to be in therapy/counseling ASAP. Don't wait.
Just being sympathetic and understanding is not a cure. Calling their physician doesn't necessarily help either. It is totally up to the person who has an illness to get treatment! This is where it went wrong... read your own words. You're absolutely right- being sympathetic and understanding is NOT a cure. They need proffessional medical help. If you were diagnosed with cancer or aids, would your partner's sympathy and understanding help you any? NO!!!!! Calling a doctor isn't enough either, and yes they need to be open to receive help... But you could have dialed 911, had him involuntarily commited if he was a danger to himself/family. Eventually, when left with no other choice, he would've resigned himself to his treatment.
Everything that could've been done, wasn't , so don't act self-righteously and self-pitiful. Stop making harsh generalizations.... a lot of mentally ill people aren't violent. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/8/2008 1:37:37 PM | No, you can't have someone committed unless they are a threat to themselves or someone else. I first hand know what it is like to call a physician to be told, "I have more patients than just _____."
But you could have dialed 911, had him involuntarily commited if he was a danger to himself/family. After someone takes a bottle of pills, it stands to reason that you don't just sit there. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee
Believe me hun, don't judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes.
You don't know if they are taking their medication, taking it as prescribed or anything. When it is an adult, it is up to them, you can not do anything legally.
You just have to accept that not everyone is treatable. 10 years for someone to find the right physician...yeah, lets go with someone that is in their late 50's.
Symptoms of acute manic or mixed episodes may include:
Extremely high or irritable mood
Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
Racing thoughts or talking very fast
Being easily distracted
Feeling little need for sleep
Those that are in the manic stage can and do act on their irritability. They have very little control over themselves.
Not everyone that is bipolar is treatable or can be cured. Not sure why you would want to insult someone that you don't know or even know all the details. I'll let you know when I write a book. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/8/2008 8:50:50 PM | | I have known two bipolar guys...one had it as an inherited mental illness, that he suspected it would come on, at a certain age, like other family members...it did, they were all murderous,, deranged on the topic of $$$ and spending$$$$ that did not exist, driving cars of cliffs, suicidal frenzy...I barely survived that period of time, and I had been warned, and I tried to get out of the way, and failed...the second one i met, and was fascinated by his awareness, brilliance and talents, before i knew about the illness...he had a lawyer. he had run up $200,000. in debt, with no job...I say they are the most dangerous species on earth, because they are psychotic, and don't lose their brilliance or acumen. the intensity is fierce and fascinating...and seductive...and they are SOOOO DANGEROUS... really | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/9/2008 2:14:40 AM | electic shock therapy is also an option. it isn't like one flew over the coo coos nest. there is no pain. you get put to sleep for a little while. when it is given the persons head barely nods a little- no freak out or convulsions or whatever.
HOWEVER... you should really research your options. some people have had bad shock therapy treatments because doctors either used too much voltage or old equipement. i have met a few people who had it done. they are doing wonderfully. they did it because medication did not work for them and felt like they had no choice. they would rather be dead then depressed anymore. for them it saved their lives. it isn't unusual for people who have had the treatment say "i have my life back. i can go back to work".
the people who had it done with positive effects all went to the same doctor. they said that their doctor actually TRAINED other doctors to do electric shock therapy. that guy really knew what he was doing.
electric shock therapy has advanced in technology and medical progress. once upon a time lithium had horrible effects on patients. now it is one of the best stabilizers on the planet due to medical progress. ECT has also progressed. when 'one flew over the coo coos nest' came out that was over 30 years ago. of course ECT has changed! medical technology does that- just like all technology and science. the machines have changed, the voltage, way people are monitored... everything.
so before everyone flips out on my mention of this, talk to a doctor. research- but do your research about cases in CALIFORNIA where in our state we have different guidelines and rules on how to treat. other states may be different. also make sure you see what year the person was treated. treatments in the past would have been given differently then current ones. people in the past were more likely to have negative effects... doctors just didn't know enough about it. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/9/2008 2:18:50 AM | | i cannot post you because of your settings. you do not accept females and other things that i have listed in my profile description. however, i wouldn't mind you talking to me on the subject. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/9/2008 8:00:48 PM | Ashley, Thank you, Butterfly, I never hurt anyone. I'm a caring and loving person. Violence is not a Bi/polar "trait". Thats just ridiculas.
Just um, You took your quotes right off the computer. By the way, There is bi/polar 1 and 2. I get sick of people thinking I may forget something because I'm bi/polar. I can't even be in a bad mood without everybody thinking I need to go to the counseler. It's bullcrap. When I was diagnosed my doc said she had good news and bad news. I tested well above normal intelligence, good news. And that I was bi/polar 2, That was suppose to be the bad news. It wasn't to me. Then I knew something was making me feel the way I was. I was releived. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2008 12:21:49 AM | | i am not sure, it depends on your insuramce, i am sure. the procedure is very expensive, definatly over $1000. some insurances may consider it too expensive, risky, whatever excuse they can think of because of the price. i know someone who was on medi-cal and after being pushed by a doctor they paid for it. i am in california, so is my friend. i dunno where you are or what may work for you. i suggest researching it. if your insurance refuses try and find out what you can do to try and have it done anyway... talk to your doctor and what he knows about insurance (the doc who does the procedure). if you are in cali i can TRY to find out where my friend had hers done. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2008 4:16:54 AM | Yes, I took the symptoms off of the internet. Again, not everyone experiences the irritability that leads them to yelling, screaming, verbal abuse, and physical abuse; however, that doesn't mean that SOME people that are bi-polar have manic states and do not have control over it. It doesn't make it silly, it makes it extremely silly that you don't accept that there is a spectrum of Bi-Polar individuals.
Enough of my life...I was trying to assist the OP with support. Letting her know it is ok to move on and that there is life after the egg shells. Not sure why in the world people that have problems aren't sympathetic but would rather pick on those that had a nightmare that they survived.
"When people are manic, they can be irritable or aggressive. And when people are depressed, they can become suicidal. So when people are manic, they are more likely to become aggressive and violent with others, and when they're depressed, they're more likely to become violent towards themselves. And the suicide rates in bipolar disorder are actually fairly high. On the other hand, when patients with bipolar disorder are in treatment and do not have symptoms, there is no difference in violence between those people or anybody else in society. " http://abcnews.go.com/Health/BipolarOverview/story?id=4359990
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/619856 This is a community link for those are or have relatives that are.
Bless you all. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2008 5:03:18 AM | Are you people joking? Bipolar people sure do cause domestic violence. Wake up! Visit your local shelters and find out how many women are there that have SO's that are bipolar. Just because you are lucky and have never been exposed to it, doesn't mean it doesn't happen. You owe em an apology. You don't know what that poor women experienced and for how long. She has children that she protected. Read these threads and you get to know people.
I don't know how anyone is not supporting the OP and her decision. You have no clue what some people can be like when they are in their manic state. Violence, murderous, destructive, evil, mean, and that is to brush on a few adjectives. Then you have the depression where they blame everyone else for not giving them sympathy and enough for them. Yeah, poor victims, it is everyone else's fault that they are ill. Grow up people! Talk to your doctors and don't pick on people you don't know.
This thread isn't about YOU it is about the OP who did have to deal with a manic man that was horrible to her. It isn't about every manic person that isn't!
Jeanette Stingley
BellaOnline's Domestic Violence Editor
Bipolar Disorder and Domestic Violence
Bipolar mood disorder, if untreated can cause periods of agitation, irritable euphoria, excessive talkativeness, poor judgment with impulsivity and transient loss of contact with reality alternating with periods of depression. The most distinctive “symptom” of bipolar is going from extreme happiness to extreme depression with periods of “normal” in between. It usually starts showing signs in late adolescence to early adulthood. It will affect the day to day living of a person suffering from this disorder. Many cannot hold a job unless medicated. It is one of those disorders that gets worse and worse over time.
With the mood swings that someone who has bipolar suffers from, they can lead to violence against loved ones for various reasons. Often times the person with bipolar disorder has triggers that will set off a mood swing. If you are with someone who has been diagnosed with bipolar, it is essential that you work with him/her and their doctors so these triggers can be recognized and avoided if possible.
In my research for this article, it is easy to see why many abusers have been diagnosed with this. I have heard many stories from women and men who suffered from different forms of abuse from a partner that has bipolar. My fiancé is one of those. His ex-wife refused to take her medicine on many occasions claiming she felt fine therefore she thought she didn’t need her medication. A trigger set her off into thinking one of her ex’s were out to get her. When my fiancé tried to calm her down, she grabbed a knife she had hidden under a chair.
So the question comes up: If you are living with someone who has bipolar disorder and is abusive, do you leave them or stay with them? I think this has to be handled on a case by case basis. Some people just can’t handle the ups and downs of a bipolar person whereas other people can. Don’t stay with a person because you feel obligated to take care of them. I struggled with that issue with my ex-husband. I felt like I had to take care of him. But he would not seek medical treatment for whatever problems he had. That is where I had to draw the line. If your abuser knows they have a problem but will not get help even if it will make your relationship better, maybe it is time to move on.
If you suspect your abuser has bipolar, do as much research as possible. Gather some facts to present to him/her. During one of their “normal” phases, talk to them in a calm manner about your concerns and feelings. Offer to help them get the help they need. But if you just can’t take it, leave for your safety and theirs.
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art9387.asp | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2008 8:51:08 AM | | I know many people just like you are describing, and you know what? They are not even bipolar!!!! haha | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2008 10:38:36 PM |
I know many people just like you are describing, and you know what? They are not even bipolar!!!! haha Haha, right on! Some people just feel safer when dwelling in ignorance... As I said before, a lot of violent criminals are healthy individuals, and far too many mentally ill people go undiagnosed because nothing was ever suspected, no symptoms ever shown. Pinning violence on a disease and letting them get away with it is giving them AND YOURSELVES an excuse. Some people are violent, some aren't... it's as simple as that!
Stop flaming and hating, people! No one is at fault for what started... not the sick, not the spouse/friend.... but each party IS equally guilty for however it ended. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2008 11:43:34 PM | Thank you, dear lady for clarifying a disease that has a stigma so strong, it stands in the way of relationships like a dead dog.
I am 41, single and bipolar. When I read these stories I feel like a mac truck has just hit my stomach. How am I, single, with this disease and reading all of these horror stories, supposed to feel like I can "meet someone and have a solid relationship"?
Am I supposed to give up at dating because I am bipolar?
I work at the Registrar's Office at the local college and I am taking Children's Literature and Writing Fiction towards my English Literature degree with all As so far.
I have always been smart, people who love me despite my illness have always known that, so I have no problems with academics; gifted student in elementary school, straight As in junior high school, honor roll in high school and honor student in college, Dean's List, etc. So, even though I am smart and have all that, I am supposed to stop looking because I am bipolar.
I take my medications faithfully. I don't drink regularly and I don't do drugs.
I have family and friends who are very successful in life, but we share the same problems.
Am I not a human being first.....If you truly love someone, you will be there for them through the good times and bad, doesn't it say that in marriage vows?
I can't believe how shallow people can be.
And by the way, you guys have extreme standards that no one can achieve for you.
You need to go to Hollywood and ask Pamela Anderson out, because apparently this is the type of woman that will make you happy. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:03:46 PM | once upon a time i used to tell everyone that i dated that i was bipolar. i explained to them about the illness, answered and encouraged questions and told them the information i thought they should know. i was being considerate. i figured that they should know, they had a right to know when i met them.
i am 34... i have dated ALOT... so of course in the process i have met alot of people and have been in alot of situations with dating people...
-i dated a guy who got drunk and high on the first date
-i dated a guy who was an alcholic who lied, cheated and hurt me... until i figured out what was going on and left
-i have been cheated on twice
-i dated a guy for a while... until i found out he was living with his girlfriend and her 10 yr old child...
guess what? THEY didn't tell me that they were all ****ed up people. they didn't tell me that they were alcholics, druggies, cheaters, liars...
my conclusion: i don't tell anyone that i am bipolar. if they can't tell that i am bipolar then why should i tell them as soon as i meet them? let them judge me for myself and not for an stigma or whatever ignorance they have learned. it is none of their business. when the relationship progressed more then i would tell them. many didn't believe me because i didn't act "crazy". no one has left be because i am bipolar.
there are alot of ****ed up people out there... who are not on medication (many should be), who don't treat other people right, who are self centered and have serious issues or simply don't know how to act in a relationship- with ANYONE. none of them will sit and tell you that they have these faults. none of them tell you that they are going to use their faults to hurt you.
so why are you going throw a stigma on your self with a big red "B" on your shirt when you go out? there is a good chance that there are other people out there who are far worse. sometimes i go out in public and i see people and think "they should put lithium in public water systems" or "people should be forced to 2 years of therapy, state enforced". it's the ones that DON'T take medication that you should be afraid of.
so date... don't be afraid, just enjoy yourself... and if things go well, tell the other person you are bipolar. by then they will have an idea of how good/bad or perhaps "worth it" or "tolerable" it is. which is all that a person can tell from ANY person... good, bad, worth it or tolerable.
no one is perfect.
there are far worse people out there.
be responsible for what you have.
try not to hurt others. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:23:23 AM | anyone here ever had a husband that was bipolar and hdhd? really hurt bad when he shows a different side of himself, he was very lovable, but had a bad temper, mood swings, i walked on eggshells everyday. thought he was my soulmate, loved him very much and believe i still do, cant get him off my mind, but the things he says or does hurts, been separated for over a year now, he can't or won't cummunicate. don't know what to do. looking for friends.
This is what the thread is about people. It isn't about all people that are bipolar that are taking meds and doing well. It is hey, I am here hurting because my ex really hurt me...gots it? She needs and wants friends, sympathy, companionship, a shoulder or two, help assistance.
Success stories would be a lovely different thread. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/13/2008 2:00:57 PM | Nine out of ten women think 9 out of 10 men are "bipolar", because of something they read in a magazine, that in turn makes most of it's revenue catering to women's physical insecurities. Lose weight, look young, feel better, be smarter, be sexier, be happier... and finally, it's not your fault, because he is bipolar, paranoid, jealous, depressed, inadequate, infertile, dysfunctional...
Mostly, it's people with nothing in common trying to force a square peg in a round hole. But still, the clinical diagnosis' continue for complicated medical conditions, with not an iota of medical training.
Wouldn't it be great if you guys could dx cancer with such certainty?
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/14/2008 1:05:51 AM | that has to be one of the most ignorant things i have ever heard.
i don't know what women you are associating with but none that i know are that ignorant.
i actually think it says more about the people you choose to associate with, who you attract and the kind of company you choose to keep.
that doesn't make you bipolar. there is a different word for that...
it's called having..
"issues".
you won't find that in any clinical dictionary. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/14/2008 4:22:39 AM | Right on Brother!!!!!!!!! I agree with you, If this guy had cancer they would all be so compassionate towards him, but because he " maybe " has a mental illness like Bi-polar, he is automatically assumed as being whack and harmful. I don't understand how most people can be so ignorant,, and assume that a person is bipolar because he reacts in a jealous rage!!! I think all these people that are talking smack about Bipolar's should be gratedful that they have there health and dont have to deal with it because if they did than they would know what living in hell really is!!!!
"xalwaystruex" Way to speak up brother!!!!! | |
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