| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 1/31/2009 4:50:37 AM | | As youve just said some spend years getting the right diagnosis and treatment- Im neurotic and I know it- I recognise my faults and traits. My official diagnosis is depression but the symptoms do not tally and have fought to have it for my doc to take it on board. I dont want to have a personality disorder but im sure thats what it is and the right diagnosis can mean the correct treatment. The anger issues are also a difficult one- only during a meds increase or bad pmt does my anger become harder to manage- Ive researched it and for that reason take ALOT of omega 3 oils - more than the average since its been tried with prisoners and worked I thought what the hell it cant hurt and its helped plus the fact of recognising the triggers and now being able to think for a couple of seconds before flying off the handle. I wasnt always like this - circumstances triggered it and its probably here to stay. I find it hard to be organised and work hard to make sure I am (most of the time!) because of that I was terrible at time keeping and often late which cost me a therapist. The gentleman in question is only too happy to give me another chance after I realised I'd bitten my nose to spite my face but now my psychiatrist wants to try the meds increase (not working) and give that a month and then rule out other problems - meanwhile there is no backup of therapy to sort out my head which I think is more necessary than meds and should be offered in Britain along with the meds instead of years later as with myself. You all yell about us getting help but its not always there when you want or need it and often takes years for us to recognise what we need meanwhile living in a different world form everyone else which often causes frustration and so leads to anger. I was once told by my very well qualified psychaitrist that I needed to work on my anger issues and left it at that!!!! I went home thinking thanks for the help there mate - if I knew how to I would. I grind my teeth- my first psychiatrist on my asking about it told me to see a dentist- no explantation as to WHY I do it! And you wonder why we all get angry and frustrated lol - doctors are only human and can only do so much but its great if that 'so much' is just the right treatment. It would mean the difference to me of for one thing having a relationship with some nice guy for more than 3 months and not getting more depressed about myself when he dumps me realising Im not the person he thought. Its hell in either trench folks please try to remember how much some of your comments do hurt because we know the truth about ourselves without being pilloried for it- you can leave - we cant. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 1/31/2009 7:12:38 AM | | ^^^^^See this isn't a thread about people who are, it is about a woman who was having problems with her husband and had to separate. I really think it would be wonderful for all those that aren't living with a bipolar husband, separated from one, that was not under control, etc.; to start a thread on how those that are surviving, making it, succeeding, coping, etc. etc. with bipolar, so they can relate to each other and how they are doing it. Or what suggestions they need to cope. This thread isn't meant to dis those that are bipolar, but to provide support and relate to a woman that has had her life thrown apart because she had live with someone that isn't under control. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:32:06 PM | Even if someone can't help a mental illness they still need to stay on medication for not just them but the people they love or so much abuse seems to rear it's ugly head.
You can love someone but how much abuse should you have to under take because of that? I think it's not a good idea to live out your life in a bad situation if you can change it. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:38:09 PM | Divorce his ass and get him out of your life.
I still have nightmares about my bipolar ex and it has been 16 years since we got divorced. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 1/31/2009 3:56:04 PM | EMOMOMMY--(apologies if misspelt)
I understand the idea that it should be a support thread and would in no way wish to belittle the terrible experiences of the lady(ies) or men for that matter who've experienced bipolar and personality disordered and lets make sure the differences are clear, but it does seem like a thread that 'disses' mental illnesses although I realise it couldnt be written any other way - to that end perhaps my replies from the other camp - though not always coping or succeeding, balances it out a bit . Maybe we, in our own wee fairytale universe need some hope and positiveness in this that there may be those who have ongoing relationships and positive experiences of friends and families illnesses- selfish maybe but its a sad feeling when someone lets you know - like through this thread - that theres no hope whatsoever. Or is there? | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 1/31/2009 4:03:42 PM | | being bipolar is the same as anything else, only a much larger challenge. some people handle it and some cannot and some chose not to. you cannot enable him, and he has legal rights to make his own choices. get rid of the guilt and start working on yourself. check in with your local mental health organization for a relevant support group. i had a neighbor who handled it very well and a relative who was quite a handful as a child, but was helped significantly by the neighbor. i had to depart from a man whose evolving depression became crippling to the both of us and who refused to get help. it is a sign of respect to let a person choose their own growth. however, if they cross the line towards suicide, then you need to call the proper authorities. you cannot fix this, you cannot cure this and you are not the cause. you have to let go and lead the life you would like him to live. lead by example. only those who have been through this and have seen the light can truly help him. but, he has to be willing to have the patience to go through all the trial and error. no two people are alike and one treatment has different effects on different people. therein lies the rub! | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/1/2009 6:18:49 AM | | I know what your going trough. Married to a by polar woman for 28 years she left me and our 22 year old autisic son , broke our hearts. just want some normal type of life | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/1/2009 9:16:33 AM | OP:
I read about 2 pages of this thread before it bacame apparent that most people replying to this thread have no idea what manic-depression is, or that it can be effectively treated with medication. I strongly suggest reading Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison's personal account of her struggle with manic-depression (aka bi-polar disorder), An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness. It is an excellent insight into the nature of this disease from Dr. Jamison's personal experience of dealing with it in her own life.
http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309
I hope everything works out for you. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/1/2009 12:51:00 PM | As with everything in life, some people can achieve some stabilization by medication if that is what they choose to do. It doesn't necessarily happen first try, first doctor, or even after a series. But the person must get the treatment. The person also must continue or work with the prescribing doctor to assure it is or isn't working. Not everyone can have stabilization. Untreated there are some real horror stories out there.
But think that those that wish to discuss treatment and ways of dealing, coping, successes should start a thread. This thread was about one women and her problems and others that can relate, some took it personally and can't believe that not everyone can be "cured." For some of us, this is and was a reality living a 24 hour nightmare. I know that I sure wouldn't post on a string that says this is what has worked for me or having a normal life etc. etc. Never saw that, don't know anyone like that, I only know what I have lived, seen and experienced, and it wasn't pretty.
They haven't cured the common cold, some things may never have a magic pill. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/2/2009 1:39:37 PM | | I think it is perfectly valid for Bipolar people to join in this discussion if they think they are being misrepresented? | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/2/2009 2:28:41 PM | Of course it is valid, but if the are OT about the actual subject.
Again, I really would love for someone to start a separate thread for those looking to see what medications and treatments work. That isn't what this thread is. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/2/2009 2:44:19 PM | I have a bipolar husband,thank god that he left me i would have been stuck with this nutcase for ever
good luck | |
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| Eight Years of Insanity
Posted: 2/2/2009 4:46:47 PM | | I too have a story to tell..my ex to be is currently incarsared. I went thru 4 jail bids with him. Unbeknowist to me this man had spend 18 years incarsarated. I can say that I personally met the devil.He is the most detached person that a mother could create. He did nothing but love himself with glee while making others miserable. He has a deceased wife to prove that. She took her life over him & he was sick enough to take credit for it.His sexual deprevities he boasted about to the point of sickness.His lack of any type of compassion was unspeakable. He met his match, though. I gave it back to him toe to toe.....made that mind even more confused. My weapon - love of myself. Individuals like him are sick people.They enjoy the torment of knowing who they really are. In fact, they boast about it because "we" are nothing like "them". He is where he belongs with the other predators to feed on.These individuals can not comprehend human beings....in any sense of the word. They don't have the understanding to. I tried to love & understand this man with the utmost compassion but some things are meant to be....it is the order of exsistence. The strong survive but the weak are wiser. To anyone that is reading this & living it, please save your sanity & get out.This battle can not be won because its not to. God Bless | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/2/2009 6:34:56 PM | Hi there....I am new to this site and came upon you today....I read your story and feel for you..but trust, you need to are maybe hopefully pasted thur it by now. It will consume you if you don't. I posted today if you would care to read it.
I have not been around him for only 6 months now with starting divorce processings. My story will have a good ending because God takes care of us. I went to my grandchildrens birthday pool party back in August 08. My oldest daughter's husband shoots himself at the home. His family, friends, our family and coworkers were there, along with his three children. Unbelieveable can not even describe it .I never left that day. Left behind a home, job and a ungreatful husband. I was in process of leaving him after I can say the last two years of real hell. His rationaling of what had happened....."get the **** home""I need you more, she'll survive""Thats not your place or problem""Maybe I should come up there (NH) & finish the job that ---- didn't""Like mother like daughter" all messages left on my 10 year olds granddaughters cellphone.!!...He now has 6 Standing Restraining Orders in NH that also covers CT. He raged from that point on and still today....he can't understand "why I would choose her over him". He terrorized my neighbors into trying to find me..from jail.... and the only thing this****sucker really wants is where his shit is.This man tried to verbally, sexually & emotionally abuse me.....which I admit I had let him ....because I LOVED Him. Should have seen the writing on the wall when shortly after my mother died & I came into an inhertiance.Money came up missing because he was living a double life as a crack addict with the whole thing down tight......all "the" friends being his buddies from the old days including the whores...and one even being his male lover. Everyone got a good ride there for awhile. Guess that happens when you are good decent loving innocent niave (sp?) wife. Geezzzz, stupid me. In fact I loved him so much that I chased his stupid ass all for the sake of love. Yup, kicked in crack house doors, went round for round with the whole wacked crew, listened to his excuses, his in hospital stays with all the promises, crying all the while him playing me to the fullest with those special words "I am sorry and love only you, really". Self medicating himself through the crack, pills and booze all in his private insantity world. This guy would stay up all night talk to himself and answer himself...scary. Sex....what sex. Told me he was Bi and wanted me to try it, but with males, only way he could get off......porn was his only way to connect to a female. Sick besides being sad. Got so enraged with what he wanted in his sick world that I couldn't take the insantity anymore and starting leashing out at him. The beast in me was also unleashed...it was provoked.....and he got it tenfold. Trust, I am 5'1 of Italian and he was scared of me....and I of myself. I left him because he wouldn't have lived thur another night. Time to get out....and I did. He's lucky I choose this way.
Now - trying to heal with what happened with my daughter and grandchildrens lives. Hope to meet a nice guy.......just might....might not.....but I had lived with the devil and I am alot keener.......
Write me back if you'd care to....take care. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/2/2009 8:34:03 PM | | I know exactly what you are going through . I just got divorced from a man that was bipolar and adhd. He would fly off the handle over nothing and it got so bad that i rarely even tried to talk to him because i never knew when something would set him off. When i married him i would not have dreamed that we would someday be divorced but i'm glad i am no longer with him. He turned into such a jerk and wouldn't even hold a job. You are better off without someone like that . They will just bring you down. I will be happy to be your friend , i have been where you are but glad i am out. Take care. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:16:40 AM | sounds like a lot of bad stories here. OP, i've made my point above. that being said, i do know people who do handle this situation. only their spouses are with them and thus, they are not on a single site. thus, you will get an unbalanced representation here.
i think as you can see, that there are also spouses who are equally disturbed and codependent upon the other person's more obvious situation. it happens with mental illness and all the addictions. go seek professional and community support where you see both sides of the coin.
i was not married to a bipolar person, but my first ex was alcoholic and i now see that my father "may" have been bipolar. he would go from great joy to weeping incessantly. he self-medicated with alcohol and taught chemistry at the university, in an impeccably brushed suit. he helped everyone who needed it and when sober, was a great man. seeing as how we were were jewish and he didn't go to bars, none of this was figured out until after he died. what did my mother do? she let me be the mother, got a good job and ate herself to death.
take care of yourself. do what you have to do for yourself and any family members who are also affected. forgive him. do what is best for you and he will have to reach a bottom and get the help he needs. you cannot force him. it's against today's laws. why? because in the past, many people were put into mental institutions, with cognitive and mood disorders, for life -- treated like animals. often, they were not mentally ill and it was done to get their money or whatever. so, society gave all of us rights ,before anyone can come along and toss us in "at whim".
it's a double edged sword. but i do believe there is help for those who want it. it is not easy though. that i am sure. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/3/2009 1:31:22 AM | | well now, It really seems that you have a me me me me me!!!!! complex. Your man is in trouble and what do you do? BAIL, Oh yea, you would make some one a good friend. But not me, i like to think my friends have my back, You are not one of thoes people. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:20:01 PM | This thread is starting to discust me, Bipolar Affective Disorder is so far removed from what most of you guys are talking about.
You are describing things completely different from what the illness is. A good readable source is 'An Unquiet Mind' by Kay Redfield Jamieson. | |
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WindF
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Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 119 | |
| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/3/2009 3:54:12 PM | | Sounds like we had the same husband,mine is bi polar and ADHD,he deserted me with our daughter in Florida,I don't miss him though and don't love him anymore.And he burned me out for the 9 yrs we were together,I thank the spirits he is gone.Good luck.. | |
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bigb34
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Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 120 | |
| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:15:02 PM | | well is he taking medication and is he doing it regularly because if he isnt then that may be the reason he is like he is ,if he doesnt take meds regularly he will just act teh way he does to you until he does start taking them regularly | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2009 7:32:43 AM | | Hi can really relate, the problem is people who are bipolar are so hard to get over because they're much more intense and can really get to the heart of you. I always look on my time with him as the best of times and the worst of times!!! | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:45:32 PM | The hardest thing to deal with is the fact that they can seek help and choose to manage it effectively without imposing symptoms on those around them, but some of them choose not to.
I would fully support anyone that helps themselves, but, if they can't help themselves, why should I go out of my way ... putting myself at risk of erratic behavior.
Ignorance is bliss, for those that don't have to live with the repercussions.
CHOICE ... someone has to make it. | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:57:10 PM | I don't like gingerbrit's response .. nutcase ???
Good on you. You sound like a real prize !!! | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:08:21 AM | I would hate to be partnered with a bi-polar dudette....if I can help it and if its not too rude to ask, I probably will, like on the second date.."are you bi?" if yes, I'd get ready to be scootin' off...its no fun being polarised no matter how genteel you are. Its not like in the Star Trek series where you can just "reverse polarity" it.
Its a one way ticket to hell...if you can avoid it or have avoided a near-miss with a bi-polaree, just give yourself a big sigh of relief. If you find yourself in that situation, I'm just glad its you and not me...(but you deserve a medal and our adulation, w00t!). | |
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| separated from bipolar husband
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:14:25 PM | well they do have meds that can control this, but there is no meds to cure mean.....I went 6 years riding the ole bipolar express, always hoping it would get better...but in the end I started to believe it was me, I think being on that roller coaster is an addiction in it- selve, I thank my lucky stars I was able to separate myself from that.
When I first met her I thought I hit the jack pot but in the end it was the crackpot. | |
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