| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:41:47 AM | You sound like me only much younger and much better looking . Here's what is helping me
Learn to balance
Save the anger for a good reason
Dismiss the trivial
Find an outlet to release the anger .
Be a confident you . Believe in the words coming out of your mouth.
If you find yourself around someone that all you say you're sorry for ..LEAVE THEM . It is only another method to control you.
Learn how to smile
I don't think it's all you . Look at what and who you are hanging with these days .
It could be part of the problem. | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:09:04 AM | What types of "mean-ish" things have you done to affect your dating life?
You can't be nice and mean at the same time; you CAN be tactful in what and how you say something to a guy face to face. Emails and texts can sometimes be interpreted as something mean as its more difficult to convey a nice tone in words versus over the phone or in person. Remember that once you've said something, you can't take it back.
I understand your not wanting to be a doormat. You can get your point across without yelling or verbally filleting a man to shreds. And "No" is a complete sentence and does not require further explanation if you don't like or want to do something.
Of course if the guy is being a complete a$$wipe, don't hesitate to get out your Ginsu Tongue. | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:48:10 AM | I had an enlightening experience about two months ago. I found out I wasn't nice enough. I didn't think I was mean, but a lot of people think I am mean because I occasionally use biting sarcasm when certain emotions and frustrations are triggered. It becomes more and more common as I realize that very few people have their ears open, and so many use their mouths without listening.
I was with a few friends last night, and one guy said "The way to stop all wars is to get everybody talking to each other." I told him that it wouldn't work, because if everybody is talking, nobody is listening. I don't want to distract myself from pointing out any of the bad answers on this thread. I am going to try to be nice.
OP, I can't hear anything but your feeling. So I can only assume that you want me to say: I am sorry that you feel you are being mean. I really know how it feels when people don't like what I say, and sometimes my feelings get in the way of being nice to other people.
It's not an obvious fix for me. I really needed the advice.
If you want give me details on what you are doing to make people call you mean, I would like to help. If you just think you get angry at people too much, then I can probably show you how to hold back some of the anger, but you have to really want to work on yourself. You can't fix the other people, and often you reduce your own anger by simply realizing that you are not the problem, and you need to separate yourself from people who don't listen very well.
I need to do so as well, so please tell me you are listening. With some people I can be nice, and open their ears with gentle persuasion. With others, I resort to verbal icepicks and often fail anyway. | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:27:28 AM | Hi OP,like most things in life you have to find the right balance and if you know you are being too dominant and want to change then it might be a good idea to try and put yourself in the other persons shoes and think about their feelings and imagine how you would feel if someone was being domineering with you.it might help a little.
i hope you can find a true balance and happiness might follow.
Lustre | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:34:12 AM |
I think I am too mean.
Buy some whips and restraints. Dress up in leather. Then start charging for your time. Some guys will love you for it.  | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:40:20 AM | My guess is that you have a sweeter, kinder heart than what you feel you project. Unfortunately those with kind, sweet hearts get hurt and in the healing process will do what they can to prevent themselves from being hurt. This starts off by trying to eliminate all of the people that we don't think we can have a relationship based on superficial, "mental" checklists, and then using a pre-emptive strike strategy to get the upper hand and keep it in a relationship.
If you feel that something isn't right, listen to your heart because something you are doing isn't agreeing with your true core values. I agree with the advice that it isn't about being passive/agressive, you can be assertive and true to yourself. | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:53:45 AM | | There's all kinds pf reasons why you act that way. Partly from being self-absorbed, but I digress. Just treat people how YOU want to be treated. You want people to be considerate of you...BE considerate. You want respect...show, and give it yourself. It's not that hard, if you can get over yourself a little bit. It's scary to be vulnerable and you don't wanna get dumped on or used, hell nobody does. At some point you have to let go of that fear of losing control, and let it be what it's gonna be. | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:24:43 PM |
I cannot find a happy medium with being nice and mean at the same time. I don't want to get walked all over, at the same time I don' t want people to think I am super stuck up. I know that a lot of the things I do are mean-ish, but I really don't know how to fix it. I am really trying, but I see this affecting my dating.
You are who you are.
Some things you can change, some things you can't.
You could be a great person to date. Or you could be a lousy person to date. You could be a very honest and decent person. Or you could be a lousy human being with weak character. What you are? I have no clue.
Find someone who accepts you for you, whatever that is and whatever your traits are. And if you can't find someone like that, well then, I guess you are out of luck.
If you want the truth, from my perspective, most women are nice to guys who they find desirable ( status like good job, good looking, charismatic, etc) and ignore or treat like crap all the other guys they wouldn't actually date or can't get anything out of them ( attention, free stuff, etc) .
You are who you are. At some level you have to accept who you are. You might be a horrible person to date or a crappy human being. You might be God's gift to men and the sweetest thing since sliced bread and bottled beer. Either way, you are going to have to choose someone who accepts you for you. You just have to hope they are out there like the rest of us. | |
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| I think I am too mean.
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:23:24 PM | | As a woman you seemingly have to put up a mean front in order to combat the jerks. And then as you realize that they're starting to vindicate themselves through their behavior you can let down your guard a little. | |
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