| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:58:25 PM |
Why on earth do you feel the need to justify anything to him?
Because they are his kids too? Because it's his money? Because he questions how your financial management? Because he is not there 100% of the time, he wants to KNOW his kids are being provided for and have some say? Because YOU are his kids mother and doesn't want to go to court and pay even MORE for a simple answer? Because you should be able to discuss financial responsibility for the kids together?
No it's not a requirement, but I think it should be to alleviate a lot of stresses child support brings to two people. What is the big deal? YOU are getting money for YOUR kids, he wants to know the kids are being looked after, if you are in fact using the funds too look after them then I see no reason why this request can't be accommodated, unless you are hiding where the money is being spent. Maybe he wants to ensure some of the funds are being used to prepare for the kids post-secondary education, per another thread on here where the mother spent all of it and now has nothing for education and wants the ex to pay for another 14 years after the child has reached the age of 18. So quick to say the man is controlling. You don't have to provide receipts for everything in your life, just an accounting of where his support funds are going, whether it's $200, $400 or $800 a month. He is paying support for the kids and wants to know where the money is going. If I paid someone $600+ a month for something, I'd want to know where the money was going too. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 1:34:10 PM | Call me crazy, but it has always been easy to account for what I spend on my kids. I would only need to account for about a month's worth of expenses to justify child support being spent responsibly. I spend the cs plus whatever the kids need. The cs, at least what the kids have gotten the last ten years or so hasn't even been close to meeting half of their expenses. I've worked my rear end off to make sure they're well taken care of and would do it all over, and then some, in a heart beat.
I could never have a discussion with my ex about the kids needs, his responsibilities, and how I spend any child support the kids get. It has been and always will be about him, his problems and why everything is so hard for him. I wish there was a possibility of having a normal discussion. His 17 yr old son has not stopped needing food, shelter, clothing and everything else just because dad has chosen not to work since April. (and yes, he does work pt in addition to taking care of his school and tech school responsibilities - which come first) Funny, but kids still have needs even when their parents cannot see fit to keep a job.
OP - if you know you are spending responsibly, do not let him suck you into a power struggle. Keep the receipts for your own peace of mind. Unless it is in the decree or any subsequent order I do not feel you need to justify what you do in any way. I have known non custodial parents who paid on time yet it was obvious fund were being misdirected. Unless there's some reason to think that's the case, it's juts not necessary.
Just my two cents. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 1:45:09 PM | Any purchase you make or any expenses you have that are directly related to the maintenance of your household and care of the child are acceptable. Rent, utilites, food, fuel, tires, car note; all of these things are necessary and proper expenses in the custodial household.
As a side note, you do NOT need to keep any receipts or justify your expenses to your non-custodial parent. If he feels that the child isn't being properly taken care of then he can address that with the courts. Your household budget is none of his business. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:21:15 PM |
So what does everyone else think? Is gas not an acceptable CS purchase??
OK, back to the original question... so you don't have a problem with keeping receipts, or showing him the receipts, ... your only question was whether or not gas was an acceptable CS purchase.
I think most everyone would agree (for a multitude of reasons already posted) that yes, it is.
Krys | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 30 | |
| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:42:09 PM | You see, it's THIS mentality that causes those who pay child support to question where the money goes and EXACTLY what I was referring to in my previous post!
Sweetie, it's called CHILD support. Not, SELFISH SELF-INDULGEMENT support! Not, I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH IT AND HE SHOULD SHUT THE F*CK UP ABOUT IT support!
un-freakin-believable...
^^^^
Uh, I think that poster was being facitious, Navi.
Yes I was actually...but since we're on the subject...let me just throw a cat amongst the pigeons here.
I CAN do whatever I like with it because its MY money as soon as it hits MY pocket.
If I decide its going on gas, food or a night out...what exactly is someone gonna do about that?
Throw in a few measley bucks per week and then dictate where that goes?
I dont think so cos ultimately...that shitty amount doesnt come close to the amount *I* spend on the kids....much less include the amount of TIME I spend parenting them too.
Let me show you something.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/10987997datingPostpage2.aspx
MSG 28
Personally..in the last 2 weeks Ive spent over $1300 in incidentals for my kids. Now my CS doesnt come anywhere near that amount which means its coming out of MY money.
Shall I call my ex husband and demand more money from him? Ask him for an itemised account to prove to me what he does with his cash just to make me happy?
Nah...how about I look at it this way?...I'll just hang onto those receipts and everytime I get a payment from him...I'll take it off that $1300 debt he owes me. Sorry...lets be fair...that'd be $650 each wouldnt it?
If I wanna go to a movie this weekend and take it outta the CS amount...who is my ex husband to tell me I cant? And I sure as hell WOULD tell him to STFU.
He certainly WOULDNT say anything..infact he'd be more likely to pay for the movie himself cos he knows I do a good job of raising the children
You wanna see receipts? I'll show receipts that show exactly what a crappy bit of cash does and exactly how much *I* SPEND on the children in comparison to that. I'll include every damn square of toilet paper those children use...and make a man look like a fool and a cheapskate for opening his big mouth about it.
Now maybe we run a different system to where you come from...but...
The Child Support amount is to supplement the income of the custodial parent and its to take the onus off TAXPAYERS to have to pay/supplement OUR child.
Now...I dont disagree that some parents dont do the right thing with the money...however...
...one VERY important point many people miss that pay child support.
Once that money is out of your pocket...ITS NOT YOURS
The other parent doesnt owe you a damn thing...least of all an explaination of what they do with it.
Jump up and down and rant and rave all you like...its got nothing to do with you.
As for gas OP...go crazy...and ya know what...if the car needs a service...go for that too. | |
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gfom
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Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:35:19 PM | As a payer, I can't imagine expecting to see where it goes. But then I don't have to, becasue my child is happy amnd healthy and I see that and hear that everythime I see her. Why would I question it?
Of course, if my daughter were not happy and healthy and I saw proof of things being otherwise, I would want to say something about it, maybe. But the bottom line is that I don't have the right to say too much about it, either way. Just so long as it's paid in full and on time.
It seems as though there is something wrong in there somewhere, now that I have typed that out. Thank goodness my baby momma is a responsible momma. It ain't always so 
Chaz | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:38:59 PM | My ex gives 126.00 a week for three- two of which are teenage boys. He doesn't help with medical, school or extra activitites. He doesn't take time off if they are sick or in trouble. He doesn't even see them that often. Unless you make enough money that you don't depend on the check to get by, then you really can't break it down to the littlest detail. (gas)
I know what Mel is saying but food for thought for you. My light bill, water bill, gas bill, food bill would not be as high if it was just me.I was amazed at the decrease in my water bill when my ex left.
Yes I would have a housepayment but maybe not this house, problably something smaller for just me.
So they are extra expense, maybe not one but three sure are. An expense I will gladly pay. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:15:48 PM | ~kyn~,
I now have a much clearer understanding of the brand of logic that's behind your previous post. So... thanks for that. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:28:12 PM | My feeling on this is that when you get the money spend it the way you feel you have to. But at the same time I understand what your ex is saying with wanting to make sure his child has everything she needs.
My point is this:
As long as your child has everything she needs no matter what it is then spend the money on what you see fit, weather it be that you spend it on gas, OR spend some on yourself to me it doesn't matter because the way I look at it is all month you are spending money on the child for food, cloths, event's, school and so forth so when you do get your support payment it is like being reimburst for what you have already spent on the child.
And as for showing him the reciepts on where you spend the money I would be telling him to get some paper cuts well he shoves them up his butt!!
My ex has never asked me for a reciept on where it got spent, god he always tells me to take a little out for myself and do something nice for myself (I dont do it but still) because he knows that everything that I get goes to our daughter so he looks at it like he is reimbursting me for what I have already spent on her. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:05:37 PM | Wow - women **** and complain about having exes who do not pay child support, "my poor kids I can;t possibly support them all by myself he is such a bad man for leaving us" then when the father actually DOES and wants to be informed about how it is being used to take care of HIS kids, a response such as
I CAN do whatever I like with it because its MY money as soon as it hits MY pocket. comes along. So it's for the kids when you are NOT getting it, but for YOU when you do? Hope you thank your ex for paying you to see that movie - but if his support does not even come close to what you pay for your kids, why are you spending it on YOU and not THEM? You see a movie on his dime you lose the right to complain about how much he is spending on his kids. I'd bet if recipients were more open to another thinking on this their KIDS might actually benefit more financially from the ex. I am totally seeing a different side to this issue which I didn't see before. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:31:34 PM | | About the only things I think of as unacceptable child support purchases would be drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or tattoos. I don't particularly care where my money (or that which she's supposed to contribute as well) goes as long as it's not one of those. I only get upset when I hear she's fallen behind on bills... that's when I know she's not taking care of the responsibilities she was handed, and that the money was likely wasted on one of 3 of the aforementioned 4 items. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:04:40 PM | | You should do what you want with your cs! Usually the parent that is paying support doesn't realize the cost of raising a child. My cs doesn't even cover the cost of daycare! I don't count on cs; so when I do get it we do something special like Chuckie Cheese. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:07:57 PM | | All my money goes in the same pot, so it is hard to tell what dollar was used to pay for what. However, my child has all he needs and more. My ex went two years without paying a dime, so I really don't think should have a whole lot of say in how I spend it. Like someone else said, if your child doesn't have what they need or the money is used to purchase illegal or addictive substances, then yes he has a point. Other than that, no. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:13:48 PM | Gas
Food
Mortgage
Electric
Phone
Heat
Clothing
Car repairs
Toiletries
School activities
Extracurricular activities
Cable/internet (if the child uses them)
Toys/Items for the child
medical supplies
medical care
dental care
and so on.
As long as the child is fed, clothed and cared for, the child support is going for the care of the child and the payee that whines needs to check him or herself and get out of the "poor me, I have to pay my EX support" mode. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:58:58 PM | Forgot daycare and I am sure a million other things...
Tell me, OP, do you get a receipt every time you buy your child a candy bar or a 50c snack? It all adds up over time and I'm sure if he saw everything you bought your child over a year, it would add up to far more then the child support percentage.
To the parents who hate paying child support:
I have an exh who decided he didn't want to be a father anymore - the court ordered child support is the *only* "parental responsibility" he has - and even that, he tries to shirk at every turn. Want to be angry about being forced to pay child support, NCPs? Thank my exh and "parents" like him who would NOT provide at all for the children they wanted and helped create.
Being bitter and angry with your ex isn't going to accomplish anything but maintain animosity which is unhealthy for your child(ren). Be angry with those parents who created a need for the courts to get involved. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:12:43 PM |
Be angry with those parents who created a need for the courts to get involved.
Well, I get upset with the judges for not knowing the difference. That's what they're paid to do... judge. If they can't be bothered to have an unbiased opinion before examining the facts, why did they take that position in the first place? Why is a judge's hatred for your ex being taken out on my daughter? | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 42 | |
| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:31:50 PM | then when the father actually DOES and wants to be informed about how it is being used to take care of HIS kids, a response such as
I CAN do whatever I like with it because its MY money as soon as it hits MY pocket
Yeah thats exactly right too. What of it?
I dont have to nor would I "inform" him and it doesnt matter what he "wants" cos its not his money. Even if he said Please...I still wouldnt tell him.
That money is mine to distribute as I see fit.
I dont question HIS finances cos its none of my business in the exact same way mine is none of his. I dont need to be told that to know it either
I would find it offensive and insulting if he were to question me and he would be offended and insulted if I questioned him.
So it's for the kids when you are NOT getting it, but for YOU when you do?
Hope you thank your ex for paying you to see that movie - but if his support does not even come close to what you pay for your kids, why are you spending it on YOU and not THEM? You see a movie on his dime you lose the right to complain about how much he is spending on his kids. I'd bet if recipients were more open to another thinking on this their KIDS might actually benefit more financially from the ex. I am totally seeing a different side to this issue which I didn't see before.
Firstly before you go off on another rant ...I wasnt complaining about him...and makin shit up doesnt make it true 
With that said... here's another side for people to look at...cos it doesnt fit in with that little fable there.
Its well known amongst these forums that I get along amazingly well with my ex hubby and infact *I* am the ONLY person I know who does.
You know WHY?
...because WE stay outta each others business and only look to each other in a supportive and occasionally decision making capacity in regards to the kids
...because I completely trust his decision making skills when the children are in his care and vice versa
...because we are BOTH excellent parents and we work together despite being divorced.
In nearly 12 yrs...
He's always paid his money on time. Ive never had to chase him for a cent
He's never missed a visitation
He contributes more than he's actually supposed to (purchases)
He's never questioned what I do with money
Ive never used the children as a weapon, I would never abuse the privilege
He's a damn good ex husband
I am the primary custodian AND financial contributor to OUR children
I allow his input because I respect him as the father of my children and he does the right thing by them because he loves them dearly and is an excellent father
The only day we've ever been to court is the day he picked me up on our way to the divorce and then we went to lunch together afterwards
Incidentally...I dont have to actually do *anything* for him in regards to the kids...my paperwork says he's got jack Legal rights on anything to do with us (except leaving the state)
The kids dont even have to go with him if they dont want to cos I added a clause to our Residence and Contact Issues. Means effectively he has absolutely no rights and we didnt even go to court to sort that out either.
My situation is as next to perfect as it can be... my situation works... and Im not answerable to anyone ...any more than I am to my ex husband in regards to my financial situation.
*shrugs*
So what does everyone else think?
As I said before...Id tell him to STFU... annnnnd I would. My ex knows I would.
Fact is if people stayed out of other people's business and just did the right thing by their kids...there wouldnt be nearly as many problems as there are. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:37:27 PM |
You should do what you want with your cs! Usually the parent that is paying support doesn't realize the cost of raising a child. My cs doesn't even cover the cost of daycare! I don't count on cs; so when I do get it we do something special like Chuckie Cheese.
And here I thought I was going to be the first one to get to this point.....lol....for almost 2 years I didn't get anything and only within the past few weeks has my X been making payment. (judge got tired of her not paying and sent her to jail so if she doesn't keep paying she goes straight back) My salary pays for all our living expenses and then with the little bit of support money I get I spend it on the kids as entertainment money. If she falls of the wagon again and stops paying then it means we won't be able to go to as many hockey games or not eat out as often but there will always be food on the table, a roof over their heads and clothes that fit. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:42:06 PM | I think it is, having reliable transportation as a parent is very important, as is you being able to get to work to provide for her, The other parent is just as much a parent and needs said reliable transportation as well. Why should one parent pay for both of their auto expenses?
i went to see the kids one weekend and there was no food in the fridge but was beer and wine ,although she said they stoped drinking ,the house had a condemned sigh on the front door and there was 27 beer cases in the yard and trash in the back yard and a dead dod in there freezer ,so things are not always able to be left to the costel parent -now i have custody of my daughter and me sonia ,my fiancee ,our baby on the wayu live together but she has fought to keep my 8 yr old becouse she gets state money too. the house was better this time a week ago but still stunk from 20 to 30 roted bags of garbage in the basement . we all pray for my son every day ,plus she kicked out my 18 yr old senior in high school ,becouse her drug addicted car theif boytoy wanted her to .he is staying with friends and i gave him some money when i was there .his job ends today ,it is seasonal on a fruit farm ,and he wants to finish school on the net 1. So why did you make multiple babies with such a piece of shit person? 2. Why did you just give your 18 year old money instead of having him live with you if it's that important to you that he was kicked out?
How is having reliable transportation or gas to work considered part of child support? Shouldn't you have a reliable car anyway? Do people without children have unreliable cars? Do people without children don't have gas money? Put your thinking caps on and provide an educated response. I look forward to the responses.
___________________________________________
Now, my general opinions on child support aside, and just speaking specifically about child support purchases...
I agree with those who think the list of ONLY kid expenses should be itemized and then split evenly. No more of this going by the man's income and raping him for more just because he makes more. If the money is for the kid, then it needs to be half of the kid's expenses, not exceeding them just because "he can afford it."
That said, if a mother spends $50 on X for the kid, then when she gets the CS check she pockets $25 of it, there's nothing wrong with that. She's paying herself back. There's no reason the $25 of his money spend needs to be the exact $20 and $5 he gave her.
But this "gas and car and mortgage and.. and.. and.." stuff is just bullshit. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:51:43 PM | CAN do whatever I like with it because its MY money as soon as it hits MY pocket.
If I decide its going on gas, food or a night out...what exactly is someone gonna do about that?
Throw in a few measley bucks per week and then dictate where that goes?
I dont think so cos ultimately...that shitty amount doesnt come close to the amount *I* spend on the kids....much less include the amount of TIME I spend parenting them too
I agree with Navigator and Amore. No wonder people are so unreasonable and extreme when it comes to discussing child support. I've been extremely frustrated in another thread about child support because two posters refuse to be at all rational on the subject of the poster asking for help with her child's postsecondary education--now I know it's because they've been hearing statements like above!
It's not your money, it's your children's money. I'm fairly sure the judge who awarded that settlement would agree. Maybe you're confusing child support with alimony--which would be money in your pocket for your personal upkeep. Child support is for the child's welfare which encompasses any family expenses, but certainly not the receiving parent's personal luxuries.
Nutt | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 46 | |
| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:18:38 PM | It's not your money, it's your children's money. I'm fairly sure the judge who awarded that settlement would agree. Maybe you're confusing child support with alimony--which would be money in your pocket for your personal upkeep. Child support is for the child's welfare which encompasses any family expenses, but certainly not the receiving parent's personal luxuries.
Umm...yeah...
Now I see why people cant sort shit out and need to go to court
Most people cant read let alone comprehend what those words means...and then to expect them to be able to negotiate and come to a decision with another person?
It aint ever gonna happen.
Thank God for my ex ...LOL | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:28:21 PM | Im a little confused here. Lets say you get 400 a month in child support and you bring home say 30o0 from your own employment. your total output of bills between food utilities and housing is for sake of argument 2300. now lets also assume you have another 400 a month for gas, school lunches, clothing or other items similar for the child, and extracurricular items.
So now you have 700 a month left for "other" items. who is to say that this 700 is made up in part of the Child support?
How exactly can anyone say what portion of the child support goes where? How can it be stated you used 40 for gas from child support and not 40 from your own pocket.
for the record this is confusing to me because I do not get child support at all, I waived the right to it as part of the divorce settlement. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/2/2008 3:08:56 AM | | It sounds like you are doing a great job of raising your daughter and doing the right thing. If you are doing the right thing and using the money when for anything to do with your daughter you should not have to explain anything to your ex even if you are using the whole CS to pay your mortgage that is something for your daughter. As I was a very high child support a before and I knew it was not going to my kids by ex-was spending it on herself new clothes and shoes and going out. When it have 70% care of my children and still have to pay her a small am out of child support. And she is still asked me for extra money because she can't afford the rent or something which gives me the shits. So I commend you on what you are doing with your daughter and I think you should tell your ex-husband to **** off as you are one of the good single mothers. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/2/2008 4:13:49 AM | [qutoe]But this "gas and car and mortgage and.. and.. and.." stuff is just bullshit.
Not really because I would not live in a 3-bedroom house, but an apartment if I did not have my children. I would not drive a mini-van, but a tiny tin can. I would buy groceries for 1 instead of 4. I would not run around doing everything I use electricity, gas and water for every day four times more than necessary to inflate my bills to their current levels. I would not drive 32 miles a day taking just my daughter to school. My expenses would be astronomically less if I was not supporting my children. I still have clothes I have had for 10-20 years, so the amount of money I buy on new clothing would plummet in a me-only world.
One of the reasons that child support was established the way it was is that traditionally men earned substantially more than their spouses, particularly if the latter elected to be stay-at-home moms. Years ago, if there was a split, men paid nothing without state intervention and in many cases, the woman was reduced to poverty to support the children while dad moved on to a new life, a new spouse, and often new kids. The courts tried to create the best compromise they could find that would not allow children to be impoverished while one parent lived in affluence so the notion that the children should not be able to have a lifestyle beyond what the custodial parent could provide by themselves is a load of shit.
The courts have recognized that the world has changed and look at income from both parties and in Texas, the non-custodial parent pays a certain percentage of income and in some cases when there is joint custody, the woman winds up paying child support if she earns more than her X. The system is trying to change to recognize the realities of divorced parents of today but it is never going to be perfect. There are too many variables and there will always be custodial parents that will misuse child support and non-custodial parents that do not seem to understand the concept of supporting one's children as more than a financial burden they wish they could walk away from. | |
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| Acceptable child support purchases....
Posted: 10/2/2008 5:20:27 AM | I think as long as your child is well fed, dressed and has a decent place to live, that should show him you're spending it on your kid.
He shouldn't need to see receips, just visit often enough to know how the child is living.
I think it's more than appropriate to spend some of the money to put gas in the car.. perfectly acceptable.. you have to drive the little one around, ya need gas!
It's not like you're living off the child support. You're working, too and as long as the child is getting what she needs, that should be enough for him.
How often does he come around? Maybe if he came around and spent more time with the child, he'd know exactly what's going on without the itemized reports.
That said, though, I think we all know people who don't work and just live off child support and that is messed up, but since, in your situation, it's clear that the money is going toward the child's living expenses, the ex should chill on the receipt thing. | |
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