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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....      Home login  
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 ~curlygirl~
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 26
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
i read all your posts, OP...but frankly, why should he offer to pay for your meal if it was your idea and you were the only one eating? and if you typically pay for your own food/drinks anyways, then why bring it up and refer to it as "strike 3"? it may not have been about the money, but it obviously was a big deal to you...so don't try to backpedal now.

now that you've clarified that the 20 minute phone call was in your presence, then yes, that was very rude on his part. you had every right to be upset about that. i may disagree on your prior 3 strikes comments, but i'll give you this one...barring an extremely important call or family emergency and accompanied by apologies and an explanation when he took or initiated the call, then yes, he was being very rude.
 phoenixxx2008
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 27
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:17:39 PM
Anyone answering their cell on a date is unbelievably rude. Unless it is a family emerg. or urgent business matter that alone is enough to put me off if I am just meeting the guy. Isn't this best behavior time? And taking the child to a 1st meet? I have no respect for that - he should have rescheduled when he could arrange a sitter. I think you were more than understanding and I disagree with other posters that you owe him any explanation. Any guy chatting on the phone in the middle of a date he was late for with me would see my back within 5 minutes. It's just a basic courtesy.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 28
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:21:40 PM
By the way... I did clarify that in the initial post too:


We get there and he's on the cell phone. 20 minutes later... HE IS STILL ON THE CELL PHONE!!!! So I started my car and started backing up. He was in disbelief that I was leaving.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 29
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:26:22 PM

it may not have been about the money, but it obviously was a big deal to you...so don't try to backpedal now.


And yeh, it was a big deal to me since (as posted in Post #16) HE is the one who suggested dinner and a movie in a phone call prior to meeting at the park..... however when he arrived - it was obvious in the initial conversation he had nothing planned.... and that is why I brought it up.

And just for the record, I'm not trying to backpedal... there's no need... just simply clarifying my point of view.... everyone has their own opinions - - I have enjoyed reading them - - whether for or against my decisions. No need in getting all huffy about it - - it's a forum - it's for opinions... We're all different - that's what makes the world go around!
 ~curlygirl~
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 30
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:09:29 PM
lol i'm not the one getting huffy i assure you. i'm simply disagreeing with you.

and no, your first post wasn't clear in regard to the cell phone conversation. because of your choice of wording there were two different potential interpretations...you mentioned a 20 minute phone call in the same breath as mentioning that you both drove to a location in your separate cars. at no point did you say that the phone conversation occurred only after you had arrived at your destination, you simply stated that he was on the phone for 20 minutes...the where and when were not clear. i wanted to be certain of the facts before offering an opinion rather than jumping to conclusions. if your wording had been clear i wouldn't have had any need to ask you to define it further, now would i?

besides, it seems to me that you had your mind made up long before posting this thread, that you were just looking for validation of your point of view, and that you were trying to shame or embarrass this man in a public venue. i frankly don't see the point.
 ntsttln4less
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 31
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:24:54 PM
I totally agree with you, I would have left also.. He was rude and bad mannered. I think as a grown man you don't have to give him an explanation, he already has it!
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 32
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:02:01 AM
Can't get past the fact this guy brought his kid on your first meeting. I would never do that. I guess I just don't think it's right to have this "revolving door" in my life for women to come in and out of it. My kids shouldn't be subjected to that.

Anyways...I don't blame you. I can't stand it when people are late...I'm not late. I make a point to be where I say I'm going to be when i say I'm going to be there. How hard is that? As far as the money thing...I have to admit...I've done that. Not on purpose, but just one of those things where I just wasn't completely prepared for the evening.

The cell phone thing...unless it was an absolute emergency (which I would be kind enough to tell the person), that would be completely unacceptable.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 33
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:16:42 AM
i'd like to point out, the OP has not clarified whether the 20 minutes her date spent on the phone was while she was with him in person or while they were driving in their separate cars to his place. everyone here is simply assuming the former. i think the OP needs to clarify that point before we jump to conclusions and form our opinions

You are right, after reading the post again, I think he was on the phone during the drive to the river. After reading more posts, he took a call he shouldn't have. It really wasn't enough for you to have a tantrum and drive away.

Something that bothers me a lot, is the op's comment about "all we did was sit and talk" at the park. Seems like a great way to get to know each other.

As to bringing his child. It was a fast food place. They were just eating. It wouldn't be any different if he had ran into a co worker, and they joined him and his child.

To the OP, yes you were wrong, you are wrong. Seems you were looking for something other than getting to know this man. If he had not brought his child and had spent lots of money on you, I have the feeling you would be more than glad to see him again.

After ignoring his calls for days, if you call him, I hope he will ignore your calls.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 34
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:37:59 AM
Nah bcsofnc57... if in fact he would have had money with him ... on a date that HE specificially asked me for... I would have offered to pay my own and would have gladly done so. It's not about the money and I pointed that out many times in my posts.

As for the 20 minute phone call - in my Post #16 ... and even in my original post... I stated that he was on the phone WHEN we arrive... AND 20 MINUTES LATER he was STILL on the phone. So....... I don't mind the part when he was on the phone on the way there... but for 20 minutes after we arrived to our destination I think is a little much.

And as for sitting in the park and talking - - I did say the evening went pretty well - I did enjoy the talk in the park. It's just that that's what we did day 1, day 2 and day 3... and I really wouldn't have minded that had it not ended the way it did with a 20 minute casual phone conversation with someone WHILE I was there.

But - thanks for your reply - it's interesting to see everyone's point of view.
 Smart Lass
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 35
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:32:36 AM
OP, while I agree this man was rude, your motives for posting here are pretty transparent as well and two wrongs don't make a right. When you meet someone on the pond and then you post about them, you will always be viewed as rude as well.

Frankly, I don't understand why you went out with him a second time, or a third for that matter, but you did. Lesson learned, let it go. Don't waste anymore time on this, just let it go.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 36
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:42:48 AM
He is lucky you agreed to date number #2. He sounds weird. And for God sakes let HIM take YOU on a real date. Those sound more like meetings. The no money thing and always on the phone sound oh to familiar. Was this guy in Avon Lake Ohio??? lol Move on to someone else. Good luck!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 37
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:26:42 AM
I agree that it is not very classy to post this knowing that he'll see it, and also allow him to keep trying to call you after. Since he has a two year old child and a babysitter that night, I would have found out at least if it was a family emergency before taking off. It wasn't clear to me in your wording that you got out of your car and joined him in his car during the 20 minute conversation, and I had the thought that perhaps he would have gotten off the phone as soon as you joined him, or at least paused to tell you what was going on. You two were incompatible, but no need to post like this. And whatever bothers you on a date is up to you, but in the future, if issues like being late are important to you, you need to communicate this to your dates. To me, I wouldn't have even thought twice about the 10 minutes late with a warning phone call. Not everyone is as much of a stickler for time. The only thing I would have really been bothered by is the cell phone call, but I still would have send him a message, rather than having him just call until he gives up.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 38
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:36:23 AM
Nope, you did right...

The first warning signs was that he had his 2 year-old with him on the first date. What was he thinking? The rest all just went downhill from there, which wasn't exactly optimum in the first place.

Keep looking, there's more

Good luck!
 Rachaelh
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 39
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:15:39 AM
I don't think the fast food thing speaks of distrespect, but it does show you his lifestyle and where you will be eating when with him in future, so that's a choice for you to make. As for the cell phone call, I think it would depend on the nature of the call if I left or not. If he was just gabbing about nothing to a buddy, well yeah, he's giving you a message, but if it's a really important call like something from work or someone is sick, then obviously he's gotta talk on it.
I would have waited and asked what the call was about and then decided.
 Dream_Life
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 40
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:32:41 AM
You are past 30. Why are you having dates at McDonald's and Taco bell??


Eeew.
 Dream_Life
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 41
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:35:35 AM
And ditto on the cellphone issue. I dated a guy for way too long who was stuck to his phone. Never again. Beyond rude.

Once you start setting limits and establishing standards, you'll see that this sort of stuff will end.
 linuxprogrammer
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 42
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:05:54 PM
kychik, the guy didn't show any good judgement at all, and didn't any respect. In the beginning, you went above and beyond what could have been expected. In the end, however, you demonstrated a reasonable degree of immaturity by blowing him off, ignoring him, and attempting to get back at him via the forums.

I'd call it a draw, and suggest that you two sit down and rationally discuss where and how things went wrong. Perhaps an adult discussion will help smooth over your rough start.
 Bluntsword
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 43
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:23:08 PM
This is simple Run! run like the wind!
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 44
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:01:27 PM

And for God sakes let HIM take YOU on a real date. Those sound more like meetings.


That's just it auburndiva... the "day 3" was supposed to have been a "real date". The first two were just meetings. And I'm ok with that. For the 3rd day - he had a babysitter...... he mentioned movies and dinner....... but then once he showed up (late) it was obvious he had no plans whatsoever.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 45
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:04:42 PM

As for the cell phone call, I think it would depend on the nature of the call if I left or not. If he was just gabbing about nothing to a buddy, well yeah, he's giving you a message, but if it's a really important call like something from work or someone is sick, then obviously he's gotta talk on it.
I would have waited and asked what the call was about and then decided.


I did wait and I did ask what the cell phone call was about (he decided to end the call when he saw I was leaving)... It was mere chit-chat... no emergencies.... not a work call - - I agree with you that in those situations - I would have been completely understanding.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 46
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:07:32 PM

I'd call it a draw, and suggest that you two sit down and rationally discuss where and how things went wrong. Perhaps an adult discussion will help smooth over your rough start.


Nah.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 47
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:51:51 PM
The only thing that was 'wrong'was giving the guy one more break than he should've recieved.

He's a schlub. You blew him off. Good move
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 48
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:33:31 PM
Be thankful he showed you his real colors before things got too serious. That's no way to treat a lady.
 Hookme2009
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 49
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:06:38 PM
McDonalds and then taco bell????? I know one thing, if I am meeting someone for the first time, not taking them to a fast food joint unless they specifically request it. Taco bell is only good for a 2 am snack after a night of drinking with your date.
 RealityAlways
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 50
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:43:23 AM
Why are you stressing about this? If it doesn't feel right it is not! :-)
For whatever reason he was not into you bottom line. I could see being late and calling to let you know however this was continous on his end. And he knew the whole while he was talking on that phone for 20 minutes that you were there waiting on him. He's a scumbag bottom line.
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