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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....      Home login  
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 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 51
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Just a few things to remember, that seem to have helped me in this whole dating experience. Not that I have been dating long, but here it goes.

1. Do not spend a lengthy amount of time chatting with them on line prior to meeting. A total of 5 – 15 hours over a week or two is more than enough to get to know if you have some common interests with someone and there is interest on both ends. Gives him plenty of time to reveal if he’s a moron without you getting emotional invested. If he hasn’t asked you out to meet for coffee by then, in my opinion there isn’t enough interest, move on.

2. Do not agree to meet him on the spur of the moment. Make him offer you a date and time that is at least two to three days out from the proposal. Anything else will tell him you don’t respect your own time, so why should he?

3. If a man suggested bringing his child to a first meeting, he would be done.

4. Never meet in a low brow place like a fast food restaurant. I am not saying hold out for a high end place, but meeting for coffee at a coffee house is inexpensive. Besides, if you don’t like him you can spill your coffee on him and run. It tells him your willing to meet with him anywhere, anytime. It makes you look desperate.

5. Don’t meet to “hang out”. Make him give you a time, a place and an activity. Then, no matter how well that activity goes, DO NOT extend the date. If he is interested he will ask you out again. Agreeing on the spot to spend more of your time makes you look needy.

6. I don’t contact them after the first meeting except once to tell them thank you, I appreciated them taking their time to meet me, and if I had a good time and am still interested, I tell them so. If they email, IM or call me then I respond, but getting anymore involved after some chit chat and a meeting is asking to have yourself poked in the eye. If you think about the guy a lot, you need to get a hobby. Do something, do anything, but don’t dwell on it.

7. If they are interested and ask you out on a real first date, then accept, but don’t accept it for the next night, or even the night after that. Seeing someone you just met less than a week later is again, asking someone to poke you in the eye. This is putting in practice the theory of “taking it slow”. If there is interest there, he will wait for you. Anything less and you are asking to just fill his need to have someone in the girlfriend slot.

I am not even going to go into sex way too soon in this post, I think you can figure that one out by looking at the above.

This isn’t difficult. Look to what is traditional and stick with it. The older generation had their standards that today people consider out dated. They are not outdated, they had this crap figured out, learn from your elders.
 spartan man
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 52
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:09:22 AM
did you get a happy meal?
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 53
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:05:01 AM

did you get a happy meal?


Nope... not even fries.... bought my own darn drink even! HaHa!
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 54
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:05:19 AM
Good advice, SilverDevil.
 2sweeeeet
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 55
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:08:47 AM
spartan man I loved your post to this!!! still laughing!
to the OP:
why do you feel the need to have so many strangers affirm your decision? its your life and you're the one who decides who you date and who you dont... if you werent impressed why bother having others affirm your decision about this dude?
I personally wouldnt have gone out to a fast food place to begin with - but thats just who I am...
on the one hand I can see thats its creepy to take your child out on a date with you - on the other hand if you cant afford a babysitter or the other parent isnt the kind of person you'd ask or trust to keep your child while you go out what else can ya do? I fall into that category - but I'm also upfront about it.
If his lateness the first time bothered you so much why did you agree to go out again? seems to me like you were setting yourself up for disappointment so you could whine about something...
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 56
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:08:07 PM

why do you feel the need to have so many strangers affirm your decision?


I don't. I just thought it would make some interesting conversation - - and it has. Heck, you even responded to it.


If his lateness the first time bothered you so much why did you agree to go out again?


It didn't bother me the first time. He called to tell me he was running late - - I understood - no big deal. It bothered me when I noticed a pattern - always late.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 57
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:10:02 PM
A sincere THANKS to all those who have posted... It has been interesting.

I'm done posting..... on this subject anyway.
 sunkist76
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 58
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:08:30 PM
i don't consider going somewhere that uses plasticware a "date".
 Paul53817
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 59
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/8/2008 12:09:52 PM
Forget about him, he is an inconsiderate jerk!!!
 casp3r
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 60
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/8/2008 12:20:17 PM
u were totaly correct i would never take any of my kids on any date never mind a first date and if im on a date my phone is on silent and would prob not be answered at all not least to chat for 20 min reading what you put up with suggests to me he was not single
 lostincali
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 61
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/8/2008 12:37:01 PM
I met this guy on POF in person last Friday. Friday night we decided to meet at McDonalds... he brought his two year old son. He was 10 minutes late


There are more red flags there than a NASCAR race.
Run away as fast as you can.
 Demo
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 62
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:32:18 PM
I would never meet a woman at McDonald's or Taco Bell. Burger King is more my speed. (just kidding) ;-)
 new2tx39
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 63
Met this guy on POF - Yes, you put up with too much
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:38:42 PM
Come on, you went one too many times, but I'm a person of First Impressions.
 bellazingara
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 64
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/8/2008 10:20:28 PM
i'd like to point out, the OP has not clarified whether the 20 minutes her date spent on the phone was while she was with him in person or while they were driving in their separate cars to his place. everyone here is simply assuming the former. i think the OP needs to clarify that point before we jump to conclusions and form our opinions.


Actually the OP did clarify it in her orignal post:


We get there and he's on the cell phone. 20 minutes later... HE IS STILL ON THE CELL PHONE!!!!


There's two separate statements there stating he was already on a call when they arrived and continued to be on the call for 20 more minutes (while she waited). She didn't say they got there 20 minutes later and he had been on the cell phone...

At any rate, that's the part where I thought the OP's date was being rude. I don't think it's necessary to have a cell phone turned on during a date. It wasn't too long ago that cell phones weren't around, yet people seemed to manage just fine on dates without them.

 O E
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 65
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:15:25 PM
HOLY CRRRRAP! nuff said girl!
 jonniejon
Joined: 7/21/2007
Msg: 66
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/9/2008 5:24:38 PM
Crikey.... you Americans are so money obsessed it makes me laugh! OK.... my view to the situation.... first date it would appear he is a devoted single dad doing the best for his child and maybe couldnt find a sitter (he messed up)... That happens but at least he turned up! Subsequent dates maybe he doesnt have much cash so screwed up a bit! Look underneath the money aspect and if the chap is a genuine guy then date him, talk to him about his cash situation, if you are so shallow that you want to be wined and dined in expensive places then he isnt the gentleman for you! He seems genuine enough so get to know him with a picnic in the park or something that doesnt blow the bank! Most romantic time I ever had was looking up at the stars on top of Glastonbury Tor with someone special thinking the night would never end... But hey ho... Im a Brit and we do romance properly and dont look at each others wallets! Become less shallow... big hugs x
 Rambling Nose
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 67
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/10/2008 10:21:16 AM
Some people are just always late, if you can't deal with that obviously he's not the guy 4u.

The phone call seems strange, but if it was an emergency with his kid ... or

If you were just parked in the car behind him and didn't get out, he might just have been talking while he thought he was waiting for you to finish whatever you were doing and get out of the car and walk up and say "Lets get walking"

Probably a bit of a stretch but I've seen / been in many situations where lack of communication resulted in situations which when viewed from one side looked all wrong, that weren't.

Years ago in High School I asked a girl if I could walk her home after play practice. She said yes and I was on cloud 9 (and I had the impression she was too) for the approximately 1.5 Miles. I lived a couple miles further but no biggy I jogged it and added the distance to my running club miles.
The next 3 nights after play practice I sat out on the front steps waiting to walk her home,(she usually stayed late, & helped with putting away props etc.) she no-showed all 3 nights. I went on to assume that she just wasn't interested and for the rest of high school we were polite but nothing more. For us the end of high school meant going to opposite ends of the country. I've never been inclined to bring it up, BUT:
A thought occurred to me years later when I learned that her normal way home had been out the back door to catch a ride with one of the departing teachers. There are no windows in the front of the building. To this day I cannot remember if I ever let her know I'd be waiting for her out front, except that first night ....................................................
For all I know I'm the ASS that never bothered to show any interest in her after I walked her home that night.
So any time I hear of someone not talking to someone else because of some assumptions they have in their heads ...........
 SanToki
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 68
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:18:20 AM
The evening went pretty well but we basically did nothing but sit in the park and talk.

You only talked for the duration of the meet/date?
Oh my God, how terrible is that.

People with children have to work to their own schedule, if that's a problem for you then choose to only date someone without kids.
He was rude with the phone, granted, but apart from that it sounds like he had a lucky escape.

 Lynsteph74
Joined: 12/1/2005
Msg: 69
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/12/2008 7:38:23 AM
"Please tell me why he, for even one minute, thought that would be ok to talk on the cell phone for 20 minutes???? "

Because you allowed him to get away with terrible behavior for not one, but three dates in a row. And then made it even worse by being available to him for three nights in a row.

Problem 1-why was he bringing a 2 year old on a first date? Were you aware that this was the plan? If so, ok, but if not, why McDonald's?!?!

2-Late and a call, that is fine, and with a kid, often unavoidable.

3-Taco Bell parking lot? talking for 30 minutes? Really? That is not a date, that is not wanting your wife to hear you talk on the phone.

4-Late again? No call?

5-At a park, even later....again with the no-call...yes, he is taking you for granted, um...about NOW.

6-Why bother with a 4th date when the first ones were like this? His brain thought "wow, she likes me! And she is cheap, and doesn't even mind when I am late!" So, he feels confident enough to call all his buddies and tell them all about you, which is undibtedly who he was speaking to....or call the wife and explain to her why he was out, again, at dinner time, or something.
 Psych_oooohhhhh
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 70
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:03:54 PM
WOW what a mess...First off.. the guy brought his child to a first date. BIG no no...Kids do not need to be involved in any first date. The fact that he was trying hard to meet and get to know you but was possibly low on cash is not a huge deal. Maybe he was too embarassed to say. (understandable) The Late issue, I know my time is very limited, so I believe I would have been pretty upset about the #2 date when he did not call to tell you he was going to be late. The 20 minutes on the cell phone. Im with the lady that said she would need more clarity on that before I form an opinion on it. If in fact you were both there and he continued to talk on the phone. I would have done the same thing. LEAVE and move on. But the real issue here is that more women should be WOMAN enough to tell them men what it is that they are not doing correctly. I am the fisrt one to tell a man what I like and dislike. This is how we learn. From our mistakes. If you don't tell them that being late is a HUGE issue... how is he to know? Maybe he was brought up differently. If HE asked you on a date and mentioned places or things he would like to do with you on this said date and then backed out of those things due to money issues. Maybe he should have said "listen im a little tight on cash this week, can wejust hang out in the park and get to know each other" this would have been totally acceptable. Lord knows we all have our money issues. At that point if I had the cash I would have offered to pay. If not, a simple walk in the park makes for a perfect date in my eyes. What better way to get to know someone? I have to say from personal experience on this site I have been fortunate to have met a few really great guys. For whatever reason they did not work out, but great guys non-the-less. Happy Fishing everyone...and thanks for allowing me to put my 2 cents in...
 Psych_oooohhhhh
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 71
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:12:15 PM
OMG thats so funny. Sorry had to post. LOSTINCALI your a trip.. thanks for the laugh. I needed it.
 vedin
Joined: 9/25/2008
Msg: 72
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:39:13 PM
Ok this is interesting.
I had a look at your profile and noticed the following items.....
*Man who works (doesn't have to be loaded...I'm not after money)
* Those who are ALWAYS late (that's a lack of respect - my time is important too)
* Those who don't work (I work... you need to too)
* Those who can't stay away from 30 min cell phone conversations WHILE I'm THERE!
I don’t know if you updated your profile after you met this man...but if you haven’t
then it sounds like he read your profile and is carrying out some kind of test for his amusement!
If I’m wrong then my alternate question to you is why you would even bother with this guy he sounds so boring...........................!
 cobra452
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 73
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/28/2008 10:47:27 PM
no! your good,,,move on!
 waterone1
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 74
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/29/2008 2:08:20 AM
You know there are three sides to every story : his side, her side and what really happened. I have to ask......did you talk to him durring or after any of these dates ? Did you ask what happened.....did he comment ? I do side in your favor, on many items, I'm just curious if he offered any comments or excuses ?
A number of years ago a married couple "set me up" to meet one of her friends who lived in Columbus ( I live in Cincinnati). After a few phone calls and emailing pics to each other we agreed to meet. We agreed upon a nice restaurant in columbus. As I left Cincy, there was snow falling and forecasts called for more snow. I called her apartment as I left and got no answer ( she did not have a cell). The further up the interstate the worse the roads got. I decide to "push on" and when i got close I called the restaurant and explained the situation to the hostess, she "knew" my date and got her to the phone. I explained that I was running late and asked her to confirm the final few directions to the restaurant. She made a "comment about me being late and told me to turn left off of the exit ( not the right that I had written down). Well, she was wrong, it was right off of the exit. when I got there, late as I had told her and even later because of her bad directions, she treated me like dirt and would not let it go that I kept her waiting. She pointed out several times that no-one had ever done that to HER. During dinner, as the snow continued to pile up my cell started to ring. I appologized to her, and explained that I owned a business and that I had employees out in this mess making deliveries and customers calling to say that they were shutting down and wouldn't be there. This was a snow emergency and I had to take these calls. She whinned every time my cell rang and acted like a three year old because my whole attention was not on her. Fast forward to the end of dinner. I mentioned that I was going to get a room at the hotel next-door to the restaurant and not chance driving 120 miles home in this weather.
Trying to make this as short as possible....here is what my married friend told me his wife heard from her girlfriend.......
I was over an hour late. I was rude at dinner and kept talking on my cell phone. I was soo presumptious that I would "get some", that I even got a hotel room.

As I said....there are always three sides to every story.
 Marjabu
Joined: 6/8/2006
Msg: 75
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/29/2008 11:17:06 AM
sounds like you were right with this one......he brought his 2yr old on a first date. that is such a huge No...and I dont even have kids.....

plus showing up late for all 3 dates....and the cellphone...those would be my 3 strikes too. I think you called it right.
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