| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 6:31:12 PM | What's really hilarious is....the OP has not checked this thread since the day he first posted!
Guess he either made up his own mind, or was afraid to pop his head up. This thread will probably pop back up in a couple of months, though. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 7:15:40 PM | "Large age difference rels are not exactly LTR material, maybe MTR, but then what is LT these days (and always, but even more so apparent nowadays)? '
Well I just have one thing to say to this...If I were to choose to live life in the moment, it most definitely would not be with an old guy, it would be a young guy hands down...
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 7:25:05 PM | Re post 255:
"...Well I just have one thing to say to this...If I were to choose to live life in the moment, it most definitely would not be with an old guy, it would be a young guy hands down..."
Apparently, that is the same rationale that many "old guys" have, they prefer a "young woman" to an "old woman".
While some men and women do not look for the age, they look at the person to enjoy life with, w/o trying to "lock into" a future "contract" in a world and life that has always been "que sera, sera"!
Cheers! | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 7:54:18 PM | "Apparently, that is the same rationale that many "old guys" have, they prefer a "young woman" to an "old woman"."
It was a joke...geez... I want same age or close to it, I want to grow old with someone...but thats just me....I really don't care what anyone else does. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:54:25 PM | Nick, I had to agree to your post #256 when you stated:
While some men and women do not look for the age, they look at the person to enjoy life with, w/o trying to "lock into" a future "contract" in a world and life that has always been "que sera, sera"!
I agree. I'm in a relationship and it isn't a
lock into" a future "contract for either of us, we are a younger/older relationship. Yes, I'm the younger woman and I'm in a relationship with a older man. He is 30 years older then me.
No, people aren't going to agree. But I think that just like in a relationship, it is like a homosexual relationship. You either accept the idea or you accept realize that you have issues with "non-traditional" relationships.
OP, Go with what you feel is right in your heart. You will know as you watch if it is right. Don't look for others to approve.
People will never agree about a lot of relationships! But it is not others who have to live with your situation, but you! If you are happy, pursue, talk and be happy with your boyfriend. It is your choice not anyone here who do NOT live your life!
OP, Do what you feel is right, even talk to your older boyfriend about your concerns. Because I can actually tell you that honesty in ANY relationship is right!
Romantic
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:59:18 PM | I can think of a number of real "deal breakers". Age isn't among them. I've dated, and had relationships, with women close to my age, as well as women as many as 28 years younger.
Deal breakers for me would be the more important things, like physical attraction, sexual compatibility, or someone who became disagreeable, demanding, critical, or difficult. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:15:17 PM | the age differance is great over 30 years differance and we have discussed this between ourselves 1) i do not want to feel like robbing the cradle and 2) she does not want to feel like she is sleeping with her dad. so far we have had no intimacy because of societies standards and our own standards , any other comments from any one?
Hmm...here's my opinion for what its worth.
Only because there's a gentleman at work who's quite smitten with me.
He's 70 yrs old.
I think anybody chronologically old enough to be your parent or young enough to be your child...is outta bounds. To me...thats 15 yrs.
Effectively that makes the OP old enough to be that gals grandfather. Same as the 70 yr old guy that likes the look of me. Nup.
Anyone under 30 yrs of age even in regards to that figure (15 yrs) is outta bounds too...JMHO and its up to the elder of the two people involved to "just not go there"
After 30 the age can increase up to about 20 yrs I guess...but I wouldnt even remotely consider that myself.
Infact I wouldnt consider a man 15 yrs younger than me now. Even 10 yrs No.
They used to contact me all the time when I had my profile up...but they're little BOYS to me.
I could never shag Hugh or do a Demi.
I had a 27 yr old guy at work who liked me...but again..I still see him as a boy.
I do believe there are some people that really have that connection regardless of the age factor...but if one or the other person consistently gets involved with a younger/older man/women...then its got nothing to do with a connection...and is all about something else completely.
I would also be just as wary of anyone who consistently got involved with someone 15 yrs younger ...yet would not entertain the idea of someone 15 yrs older
At 20 yrs of age I would never have remotely dreamed of getting involved with a 50 yr old man. I really would think they were nothing more than a dirty old man.
I know...cos guys like that would hit on me all the time at that age. Just about salivate...and honestly it would make me sick.
Frankly Im 40 now...and I dont even find 50 yr old men as a general rule attractive.
WHEN Im 50, Im sure I will
I like guys give or take a few yrs either side of my own age (my ex hubby was 2 yrs younger).
At 40 yrs of age now...lower end Id go probably is 35...upper to max 50...but they better not look like my father. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/18/2008 1:53:15 AM | NEVER..
Age is a measure of time between two points, nothing more than that.
Do whatever you feel is right. It's your life and you live it. I had a wonderful rel;ationship (I was eight years younger) and that was messed up by interferring people.
TFK | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:33:16 AM | "I agree. I'm in a relationship and it isn't a
lock into" a future "contract
for either of us, we are a younger/older relationship. Yes, I'm the younger woman and I'm in a relationship with a older man. He is 30 years older then me. "
It sounds like you both know its temporary and when you think about as long as you're both on the same page....its all good! | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/18/2008 12:46:52 PM | | when i was 18, i met a guy who was 34 at the time. we had good times, i really didnt see him as dating material just a friend. recently, i found out hes 48! i met him when he was 44, he lied to me about his age. needless to say, i ended up tellin him not to contact me ever again cuz i felt used. i did a lot of thinking what do 2 ppl who are either 10 yrs, 15, or 20 yrs apart actually have in common? i realized im still learning and growing everyday, i couldnt share my life with someone who is 15 yrs older than me that will make it look like i didnt have a dad growing up. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:56:21 PM | | It depends on the people involved. If they are a good match, enjoy being with each other and give each other what the other one needs. Then why not. I've learned so much from much younger women - and learned things about women that I never really understood until now. I've learned to be more affectionate, loving and caring - I learned that from a younger woman and it changed the way I view and respond to women now and my relationships with women are much better now (and I understand them better now) than when I was younger (and a younger woman taught me that). No matter how young or old you are, you can always learn something new from someone very young or very old. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/19/2008 2:38:16 AM | My mom is currently married to a guy who is 16 years younger than her. There is a HUGE difference in maturity, beliefs, values, etc...they've been together for about 3-4 years already and he has completely changed, and still is very child-like at the same time.
She probably won't be the same person she is now in 3-4 years either, and that's because there is a bigger age difference. If even thinking about intimacy makes you both uncomfortable, then maybe you should take that as a sign that it probably wouldn't work out...but then again, my aunt is dating someone who is 35+ years older than her as well, and that's working out so far, but they aren't considering marriage and have been together for 5+ years... lol... but they don't have intimacy issues what-so-ever, as gross as that is for me know. It could go either way, the way it is with mom - which is terrible and huge issues, etc- or the way it is with my aunt - they're both completely happy, she's happy learning some of life's secrets from him and she's happy experiencing them with him as well...
lol
I guess I was no help, but at least you know there's hope.  | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/25/2008 9:11:03 AM |
Frankly Im 40 now...and I dont even find 50 yr old men as a general rule attractive.
WHEN Im 50, Im sure I will
I like guys give or take a few yrs either side of my own age (my ex hubby was 2 yrs younger).
At 40 yrs of age now...lower end Id go probably is 35...upper to max 50...but they better not look like my father.
clearly, way older or way younger men don't appeal to you...that's cool...and you express your preferences about age quite well...
seems like you're also okay when someone does choose preferences outside your boundaries...to me, that's how things ought to be...as adults, whatever we choose, as long as it pleases both people, ought to be okay...
yet sadly, for some people that's just too much to ask...this one and a couple other threads here have shown that over and over...thanks for being supportive... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 11/19/2008 2:10:34 AM | wow buddy u said the age difference is greater than 30 with this girl.and u are 53.
this means she is about 20 or 23.thats bad lol
if she lives at home i doubt her parents will let u go anywhere near her.and i totally dont blame them. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 11/19/2008 2:19:41 AM | | I like my boyfriend and friends in general to be no greater than a decade apart from me, but everyone is different. My friend had a great relationship with someone a lot older than her, until he sadly died. You should do whatever feels natural and makes you happy. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:48:28 AM | "I have an adult daughter and I would much rather see her with the right older gentleman than the wrong jerk near her age! "
Wow you don't think too much of your daughter. Whats wrong with a nice young man her age? | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:55:39 AM | The old adge 'age is just a number' applies to me, if chemistry, personality and attitudes fit then that will be enough for me. Howerver I must admit that if a girl a lot younger than me found me attractive I'd wonder why, just because it would be so unusual for me.
Myself I generally find older women attractive because of the things I mentioned above, theres nothing more fulfilling than spending quality time with a woman who can hold a conversation and know herself, and in my experience so far that means older women than myself. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 10:55:56 AM | | I was told the rule of thumb is to go half your age then add seven years and thats should be good starting point if your worry about age difference. But I think you can still use that formula but instead of adding seven years go and add nine years to be safe and not fill to bad about the age difference. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 4:52:11 PM | | As we can see the majority of us feel this type of relationship is very inappropriate. When a person is going to date someone that is 30 years or more older than them, you almost have to think that you are dating someone that is your parents age. How can anyone even fathom such a disgusting act? Would you go up to one of your mother or father's best friends and ask them on a date??? No I don't think you would. How do you even explain that to your friends, family, co-workers? Oh sorry I fell in love with this old man/old woman and we have so much in common...What in the heck could you possibly have in common? Eventually the relationship is going to crumble into ashes and fall apart. She will get bored with an old man who doesn't want to go party and play all the time. Her friends will pressure her into going out all the time, and he will get angry and possesive and that will drive her even farther away from him. So how can that possibly consitute as a healthy and loving relationship between two adults???? | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/7/2008 6:36:48 AM | As I reflect back on my post divorce dating I have followed the half my age plus 7 years rule plus or minus 7 years. The youngest was a 29 year old when I was 58. She and I knew it would not go anywhere but we hit it off. Our first telephone conversation before we even met lasted 4 hours and she knew how old I was. Then, just a couple of years ago I met a 33 year old (who I still occasionally see). She now lives on the other side of the country but travels here for work. We enjoy each other. These women are a bit younger than those I usually date who range from 12 to 25 years younger than I am. The oldest woman I dated post divorce is now 54. She was 40 and I was 52 when I met her. She was my first ltr. The next lady was 37 when I was 57. We had a wonderful ltr. Both wanted to get married and I did not. The first one has remarried; the second has not. Since then the other women I have dated have mostly been in
that age range.
I have not followed the rule consciously. That is, I have not set out to do so. Things just happened that way. I find younger women attractive and fun whereas I find myself put off and even repulsed by the thought of having to date most women my age or even a few years younger. I am just not romantically drawn to them. That is just me and how I do life. Others surely have different ideas. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/7/2008 9:11:20 AM | "So how can that possibly consitute as a healthy and loving relationship between two adults???? "
From what I can gather a healthy and loving relationship is not what they're looking for. It's purely sexual and not meant to last as one poster said "it's not a lock down contract" Whatever makes you happy. I'll stick with men in my age range, it's what makes me happy..... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/9/2008 3:51:23 PM | My father was 16 years older than my mother.He was what was termed a brittle diabetic, my grandmother was told he would not live to be an old man. He was 45 when I was born. Would that either of my marriages had been half as good as theirs. When she died in her 68th year, he was devastated, and only lasted another 3 years without her. You do the math. Had they listened to people like some of the posters on here, they would have never enjoyed almost 40 years of married bliss. Granted, it wasn't a 30 year age difference, but it was significant.
Also one of my closest friends married a man 25 years her senior. Our kids are just months apart, and hers was born just a couple of weeks before he turned 50. They are still together, and he turned 82 in Sept. And just so you naysayers who think they must have had a dysfunctional past, my mother's father died 2 years after I was born, and my girlfriend's dad died about 15 years ago, so they both had father's in their lives. My mother was a teacher, my girlfriend's mother was a teacher, as was her father, so should we say being/having a teacher in your family predisposes you to marry older? Makes about as much sense as some of the other drivel spouted here. Did this predispose me to seeking someone much older? No, I've learned it is more important that you are on the same page in what you can live with/without, and when you find the person you've been seeking from day one, age is just a number. I think one of the best responses to this dilemma is to ask the person how old they would be if they didn't know how old they were. As to why we can be so strongly attracted to someone of a big age difference, or even to one closer in age where often we are drawn back to each other over and over, maybe the poster who brought up past lives had a valid point. Sometimes when we are not open to opinions that differ from our own, it can be an indication we've stopped growing ourselves, at least IMO! | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/15/2008 5:48:47 PM | | Has anyone ever read the stages of physical, emotional and psychological development from psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. He discusses the stages of life everyone goes through and how a person can develop problems in the future if any of these stages are missed or not completed successfully. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:51:00 PM |
As we can see the majority of us feel this type of relationship is very inappropriate. When a person is going to date someone that is 30 years or more older than them, you almost have to think that you are dating someone that is your parents age. How can anyone even fathom such a disgusting act?
Because you aren't related, so it's not "disgusting". There are certain types of women, regardless of age, who I can't imagine sleeping with, but I recognize that we all have different preferences.
I can't fathom someone being so arrogant as to call relationships that other adults consensually choose to enter into, as being "disgusting". | |
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