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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 5:11:23 PM |
I want same age or close to it, I want to grow old with someone...but thats just me....I really don't care what anyone else does.
Exactly. I have always maintained that I wanted someone to grow old with, not someone I had to watch grow old. In addition, I wanted someone from MY time-zone. My SO is younger, but at least we were in high school at the same time.  He gets HAIRNATION on Sirius satellite radio, he knows who "The Unknown Comic" was, he was a virgin (as was I) when the first case of AIDS was diagnosed and HIV became a concern (unlike those of the free-loving 70s or the ultra-conversative 60s), it's a whole slew of things that had to fit for me. Likewise, someone in their mid-30s? I'd be nearly 50 and he'd be nearly 40 in 5 years. That is a HUGE difference in "time-zone" and I wouldn't want someone having to watch me grow old, I think that would be a terrible injustice to someone even 10 years younger than I am. But as stated above: I really don't care what anyone else does, either. JMO  | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:48:04 PM | I can't fathom someone being so arrogant as to call relationships that other adults consensually choose to enter into, as being "disgusting".
Whats wrong with someone finding it disgusting? They don't want that type of relationship so for them it would be disgusting. A 28 year old woman looks at a 58 year old man the same way a 58 year old man looks at an 88 year old woman. I'm sorry but that is reality and sometime reality bites..... nothing arrogant about that! | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:04:37 PM |
Whats wrong with someone finding it disgusting? They don't want that type of relationship so for them it would be disgusting. A 28 year old woman looks at a 58 year old man the same way a 58 year old man looks at an 88 year old woman. I'm sorry but that is reality and sometime reality bites
I'm not on POF now "trolling for chicks", kellygirl51. It's simply that, if I were to voice things about women, who wouldn't be attractive to me, and called such women "disgusting" it would be arrogant and hurtful.
I "get it" that for a lot of people there is no appeal to intergenerational relationships. That's fine, and I have no interest to change anyone's mind. The point is, that there is nothing inherently "disgusting", immoral, or illegal with a relationship between, say, a 58 year old man, and a 31 year old woman. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:19:01 PM | The main reason I've never been with someone "significantly" older/younger is because I just have never had any real connection with them. Your priorities may be different, just not as much in common.
I think if you and this person really connect and all is well (and legal, lol)...more power to you.
Life is too short not to be with the person you care about. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:19:35 PM | | msg. 279: Just because you happen to be with someone who is younger does not mean you are being singled out! Actually your relationship makes sense to me, she has 3 kids came from a dysfunctional marriage, I can see why seeking older would benefit her. If it's working all is good. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:45:40 PM | I married a man 17 years older... and now we're splitting up. We've got next to nothing in common anymore. He want's a maid, a cook and a companion to watch TV with, but does NOT want any sort of sexual relationship. I have grown over the last 10 years, and I now know I need to have "more" then what I've got. He's admitted he hasn't been "in love" with me for about 5 years now... which I find quite humourous since we have a 20 month old girl.
I guess its going to depend more on where you each are in your lives. If she is VERY young... like early 20's, then you may run into issues. You also have to think of the future... how long will you be together... and what kind of life will she have once you're gone... because with 30+ years, that is just inevidable. (Sorry... my spelling SUCKS!!!)
It may seem new and exciting now... but I really don't think it would work in the long term. I guess the only way to find out if you are the exception is to go ahead full force. If you're both attracted to each other sexually, then after a year maybe it's time to "see" if you're as compatable as you think you are... or re-evaluate and see if you're just better off as friends. I know I would have been... except I can't regret it since he gave me 3 beautiful daughters. Still, I could do without the hurt of knowing I was just convienent for him these last few years... especially when I feel I've bent over backwards to please him and TRY to seduce with no avail. (And now I have to deal with all the self esteem issues that go along with that... am I just so ugly he can't "love" me?) | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 1:29:25 PM | | I just checked my high school class website since a 50th reunion is being planned for 2010. The site showed a high resolution large photograph of the reunion committee, seven people from our class, five women and two men. The two men I knew well and they are easily recognizable. Three of the women I knew but I could only recognize one. The women were all quite obese. The men were a healthy weight. The women looked almost old enough to be the mothers of the men, no kidding. None of the women would even come close to turning up on my dating possibilities radar if I encountered them anywhere. Thanks, but no thanks to dating women my age. I am sticking with the suitably younger ones. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:01:13 PM | Re: Post #283
I don't think that you're high school reunion committee is necessarily determinitive. I've dated, and had relationships with, women who are 20+ years younger, but I've also dated, and had relationships with, women closer to my "point of life".
While subject to the criticism of being "shallow", because physical attraction is critical for me, I have found attractive women closer to my age, and I see a lot of much younger women, who aren't attractive.
Personally, I have found that by keeping my options open, in terms of age, that there has been a much larger "available universe", when I've been "looking". Older/younger is a different sort of relationship, that has no appeal for some people. I "get it", and it's not the norm, which is one reason that, when I've gotten involved with a much younger woman, it has always been her that initiated things. Some much younger women do. Some much younger women are attracted to charecteristics more common to older men, than men their same age.
Stereotypes don't help. It's annoying, when some call older/younger relationships "disgusting', but it's equally "off", IMO, when some men refer to women over 45 as being "unattractive" or "difficult". In the United States there are 300 million people, and another 30 million in Canada. Among that size population, there are endless combinations of qualities or defects.
While I tend to trend "younger", there is one 70 year old woman I know, who is attractive, easy to get along with, and interesting. Had the possiblity ever been there, who knows what might have happened? | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:46:40 PM | Hello Melo,
I understand and concur with much of what you say. You are 58 years old. I know a couple of 56 year old women whom I find attractive. They are both married and we are just friends, but they are quite attractive ladies by almost anyone's standards. By the way, both have immeasurably benefitted from the results of 30+ years of strict diet, regular exercise with qualified personal trainers, frequent beauty treatments, hair stylists and the finest plastic surgeons in Newport Beach as well as from wonderful genetics. A few attractive women in their mid fifties are out there, no doubt about it.
The five 65 year old women on the committee are not a large sample of the female populace of that age nor necessarily representative of that population at large although they may be said to be indicative of what it has to offer. All I can relate to is my personal experience and that is although I count several women near my age as friends I am not sexually attracted to any of them nor older women in general, but with a few exceptions. Evolutionary biology no doubt plays the star role in this regard and that is just the way it is.
When I am out and about and meet a woman I find attractive I do not think about her age at all. It just so happens almost all are a bit younger than I am, and are usually in their early thirties to their early forties. I not only am attracted to their looks. That is just part of it. I find them pleasant, cheerful and a whole lot of fun to be around.
Younger or older, some people are more physically attractive and others less so. A bell curve probably represents the "looks" distribution just as it does IQ, athletic ability and other factors. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 10:29:00 PM | | Dude, if you're dating a woman who is 22 or younger (you're 53), then both of you have issues...no matter how well you finish each other's sentences. It is kinda sick, actually. If you want to picture how sick, subtract 5 years from each of your ages....that would make you 48 and her 17. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/24/2008 4:48:14 AM | if you're dating a woman who is 22 or younger (you're 53), then both of you have issues...no matter how well you finish each other's sentences. It is kinda sick, actually
I understand the preferences, and that older/younger isn't attractive to some people. What I don't get is the arrogance that some people have, that what feels "right" or attractive to them is "universal truth".
I wouldn't date a 22 year old, even if I weren't "involved", simply because, in our culture, 25 is the line of demarcation, at which point one is fully grounded as an adult. IMO, depending on circumstances, of course, from 25 on, adults have more in common with each other, regardless of age, than they do with teenagers.
In terms of being"sick", though, historically it was common for men to marry women 20 or more years younger. Even biblically, Abraham was 30 years older than Sarah.
For an ideal match, there are many compatibility factors, and age is merely one. Equally important are education, social-economic background, faith, values, physical charecteristics, and personality types. To elevate one, while ignoring all the others, is, IMO, a mistake.
If a man and woman are attracted to each other, and fit well in terms of all the other compatibility and attraction factors, and one discards it out of hand, because of a 20 year age difference, IMO, it's a mistake. Just as it would be to discard an ideal match in every other area, because they have different political views. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:04:06 AM | It appears Op's relationship is one that just developed from common interests and compatibility. While an age difference of 30 years is unusual I don't think it's an automatic deal breaker. Society make take a second look at "mismatched" couples, but the couple alone makes the deal.
My acquaintances in that younger age bracket are paying off student loans, having children, or climbing the corporate ladder. Personally the stage of life would be too be a difference for me. Having done all that I'm ready for recreation, relaxation and romance. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 12:36:58 PM | | As far as Dr. Eriksons work, I have not read, but after 53 years I do not believe that anyone anywhere has ever achieved their absolute personal goals, its the ones who have never given up and continue to try who are truely successful, for me I want a child of my own, and I am truely sorry if that offends anyone, because it would mean having a mate much younger than I am. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 1:46:50 PM | People say that love shouldnt have an age but......I honestly have to say.....I would not go out with someone 30 yrs older or younger then I am.......( younger would be against the law anyway at my age) and that is out of the question.....but anyway.... I also look at it from a parents point of view..and I would have a fit if one of my kids wanted to see someone 30 yrs older then they are also....you have to have common interests and with that much of a gap......there cant be all that many.....if shes only 23 shes got alot of living to do and eventually you arent gonna be able to keep up with her lifestyle.....and not to mention....you shouldnt even be thinking about it until you are divorced...... | |
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| should age difference be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 2:49:35 PM |
Age has no limits when it comes to love. We're talking love and not gold digging, lust or someone of illegal age. The only thing I suggest is that you talk about having children first. She might want them and you've already had them. Other than that, what are you waiting for, get on with it. Ignore all these nay-sayers. Turn your head the other way and march on. Not because you've got a trophy wife of 30 years your junior but because you have found that one special someone which is so elusive to all these other people.
I almost totally agree with coolhand here. Children are prolly the key in this matter. I've met several younger women that are quite mature for their age in times past and I have to admit I find it refreshing to date a younger lady. | |
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| should age difference be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 4:26:34 PM | | This is just one of those to each his own kinda thing. If I were young and wanting a family I would NOT be seeking an oldster who just qualified for his AARP card. Dating young is fine, as long as young wants to date you. If you can deal with it being for the wrong reasons and your ok with that than go for it! I can't imagine any scenario where someone 30+ years older would now or have ever worked for me... but as they say differn't strokes for differn't folks... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/6/2009 6:51:38 PM | Personally i wont date anyone more then 5 years older or younger then me. Specially younger. I also feel that since i have children and the oldest is 19 1/2. I really do not want her dating anyone more then 5 years older then her either. so i have to lead by example.
I have also found that men in their 30's even late 30's still want to have kids.. i have been there done that not having any more.
I really feel that no one should date anyone so young that they could possibly be old enough to be their parent and since 16 year old's are having babies out there........ do the math. | |
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| should age difference be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:29:02 PM |
I was told the rule of thumb is to go half your age then add seven years and thats should be good starting point if your worry about age difference. But I think you can still use that formula but instead of adding seven years go and add nine years to be safe and not feel to bad about the age difference.
Never heard this one before! Interestingly enough, that's just about the age group I tend to date, most often.  | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:36:23 PM | I have met another individual whom we have a lot in common, however there is a significant age differance between us, other than that, we are like two peas in a pod. It is almost like each other answers the others question before it is even asked, the age differance is great over 30 years differance and we have discussed this between ourselves 1) i do not want to feel like robbing the cradle and 2) she does not want to feel like she is sleeping with her dad. so far we have had no intimacy because of societies standards and our own standards , any other comments from any one? This is just not a weeks meeting, but we have stayed distant from each other for 1 year now, because of the age differance, and that is the only reason, there is no other barriers.
Adam Sandler said something about this in a movie.......old balls,lol.
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:00:06 PM | Well I think to a point age can be a deal breaker. I have dated someone 14 years younger than myself...it was too late once I found out...after I found out I wasn't sure about the whole thing. I was 40 he was 26 and he didn't act his age what so ever, after a while we both found it hot there was such an age difference; also he was 6'5. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:04:57 PM | | Obviously you realize a 30 year age difference is to much. Imagine a long term relationship with this person, what will you be like in 10 or 20 years?what will she be like? Do you think that is fair to her? | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:13:35 PM | Go ahead and bag her dude. You're headed that way anyways. You probably can't sleep at night for thinking about it.
Like two peas in a pod.....lol This is a time old scenario that plays out again and again. Just remember, when you are crippin around in your walker and sittin on your blowup donut, ready to sit in the recliner with a Bud Light complaining about how peppers cause the inferno acid reflux and shaving the hairs on your ears and pulling the gray hairs out of your nose, she'll just be reaching her prime and you really will be her dad.
Ever hear the song, 'Silver threads and golden needles"? I know you probably can't think past your little head right now, but down the road, she will look on you with disgust and will be out with the younger dudes.
Its a fact. The choice is up to you. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/12/2009 4:55:19 AM | Sometimes other people's experiences inspire us or enlighten us in search for answers to our own questions. My sister's best friend at age 21 became involved with her boss who was 20 years older than her. He was married, had 3 children and a great job. He divorced his wife and married his 21 yr old secretary. They never had children because he had to pay child support throughout their marriage. Now he is 81 years old ( my mother's age) and she is my age 59. She lead a very naive life and has been faithful to him todate. However now he has had many strokes, cannot walk, and she is his caretaker. Yes, she will never have to worry about money in "her" senior years; however, she is caring for him as if he were here invalid parent :( When I viewed their recent photo.. she was still so beautiful and as much as I hated to say it..he looked liked her dying father :( If a picture could say a thousand words.. that picture said it all !!
Hope this some help... Do you want this precious young lady to be your caretaker when she is 59? | |
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