| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 9:47:31 AM | | I agree with Native metal girl, I was that girl once, in fact right out of high school! I met a wonderful older man, 16 years between us and I found that we grew apart wanting different things after 8 years. From past experience, I try to keep the age gap relatively minimal, 5-7 years as I have learned that dating too young or too old for me is not in my best interest. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:27:18 AM | | So with life being a journey that one was blessed with, would you care to share psitive as well as negative lessons learned from your experience, and would you have been the person you are today either with or without the experience, purely curious and trying to learn prior to making a decision. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:16:28 AM | S&Q... I believe from the way you've written and responded to the existing posts that you already know what the answer is to the question you are posing here. While you say that you and this young lady have "a lot in common", I am baffled as to what that could be. You are both breathing... You are both human... You both have wants, needs, hopes & dreams... You may both have the same sense of humour... You may enjoy the same recreational activities... But in the place where "things in common" truly reside, she has not yet begun to have anything in common with you.
She doesn't know what it is to be 30, 40 or 50. She doesn't know what it feels like to be divorced or to have had relationships go sour. She doesn't know what it feels like to be in love with someone who can share with her, all the things she is experiencing at her age. She doesn't know what it means to have worked for 30 years. She may or may not have owned a home. She may or may not have had to figure out ways to work through problems, overcome challenges or defuse conflicts. Even if she's taken a dip in any of these baths, she has no where near your experience with all of these things. And she certainly, doesn't know what it means to be 53.
Because of this, the playing field between you can never be level. You will always have the advantage of the hindsight of your experiences with life that she doesn't have.
People say that age is just a number - particularly, when they're young - but it is far more than just a number. We are, the collective result of all of our experiences in this life and with hers being so much less than yours, what she will be has yet to be determined.
If you truly care about her, care enough to let her have those experiences instead of living vicariously through yours. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:25:23 AM | Yes, my friend you are far too old for her and probably extremely flattered by the attention from a young girl. I am sure her family would strongly object to her dating you as well. Can I assume your social circles are quite different? You would look pretty foolish clubbing and she would feel out of place if the women your own age were showing her pictures of their grand kids. At 51 you have been married, had a family and the opportunities to travel, live, work and foster adult relationships. She was sitting in a high school classroom only a few years ago. What on earth could you possibly have in common with a girl this age? A hobby? A love of books? You are completely kidding yourself. Do you think you could not find compatibility in a far more appropriate package?
If she was a 35 year old woman my advice would be quite different. But compared to you this young lady is a kid. She has not even begun to live her life yet. To hook up with a man your age is a complete waste of her time and yours. Plus, you are still married, no matter how long you have been separated. You still have a lot of unfinished business.
Allow her the freedom she needs to become her own person, she needs to be silly, she needs to be immature and must be allowed to make stupid mistakes so she learns from them and grows up. Dating her Grandfather will not make her life any better. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:33:55 AM | Well shoot.
The phrase "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" keeps playing in my head here.
Not that I think you're an old dog.
I don't.
But I have yet to meet a 50+ man who wants something and will LISTEN to anyone else's advice.
I mean come on. It just does not happen.
You can't change an old man's mind.
So while I can clearly read and see that you've asked for advice and you've been really cordial and gracious in replying to the poster's who have provided it....
I think it's really unlikely you're gonna give any of it, any second thought.
You're going to do what you want to do.
You always were.
And I would guess that your children will probably have a great many objections regarding your relationship - but just like all the other old men who find a hot young thing while divorcing chubby old mom - you'll ignore your children because suddenly you're intellectually stimulated.
My ass.
You're thrilled and your blood is zinging because a 23 year old wants to be with you.
Who can blame you?
Everytime a 20-something asks me out (and it happens ALOT!) I think to myself "yeah yeah boy!" and then I look at myself naked in the mirror - and yeah, I'm still fine - but I'm not 23 year old fine. Additionally I have sons that age.
I will say the same damn thing I say to everyone else who thinks this is a "good" idea.
Grow the hell up and stop the nonsense. She's a child compared to you and what you're thinking of is not right, morally, ethically or to her parents.
Here's a really good tip - since you're so wise and mature.
If you can look her DAD in the eye before you f_^k her?
Then it's ok.
But I'll bet you can't. Because he's 15 years younger than you.
Stop what you've done before it goes any further.
She deserves a life. | |
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Jim978
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Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:41:50 AM |
If you can look her DAD in the eye before you f_^k her?
Then it's ok.
But I'll bet you can't. Because he's 15 years younger than you.
Stop what you've done before it goes any further.
She deserves a life.
lol
I'm 5 years younger than the OP and I have a daughter that is 3 or 4 years older than the object of his interest. If it were my daughter, he wouldn't be standing up long enough to look me in the eye.
Age differences in relationships tend to spread as we get older. But when the difference excceds the age of the younger of the two IMO, it's just an idea that is asking from more problems than anyone should ever want to deal with. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 12:05:40 PM | If you truly love each other, I don't think age should be a barrier. You've already overcome the problem of not having anything in common, because obviously you do, or you wouldn't be interested in each other. My mom is around 15 years older than my stepdad, they've been married for around 20 years, and are still very much in love and very happy. I know lots of couple's with larger age differences-their age difference does not determine their relationship-they do. Real love can overcome obstacles much more difficult than age differences, I say give it a shot, or you both might regret it always!  | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 1:58:26 PM | I am curious as to how you can be like 'two peas in a pod' with someone thirty years your junior.
To be honest [and only in my opinion] you are robbing the cradle and she would be sleeping with her dad | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 2:07:44 PM | | 53-23 is a big one. It is not so much the difference as an issue of responsibility. She might be old enough to be responsible. She is legally old enough. Your best measure is your and her understanding of morality. If you agree on each others morality, and can assign exact moral codes, then you are safe. If you don't know what your own moral values are at 53, then you have some work to do. Then you have to teach her. I figure it will take you maybe four years to get yours straight, because you asked the question. Then another 6 to teach her, and it will be ok, because she will be 34, and you 64. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 3:03:55 PM | Op writes a post here for all of us to read
Is he asking all of us if he should do the deed
with a girl he met that is only 23 ?
But he doesn't want to be her Sugar Daddy
And if it wasn't for our stupid society
He would have slept with that baby girl already
He doesn't want her to feel like she is boning with her Dad
Maybe just her Grampa? oops my bad!
If a man approach me and he was 21
I maybe for a second thinkin that looks like fun
But if he tried to give me more than a wink
He would only inspire my maternal instinct
Maybe Op is just having a grand fantasy
and his little gf is not what he percieves
I mean....
After a year she hasn't found his rod??
and he want's us to think they're two peas in pod!
He is talking about standards, but none of his own
cuz.....
If he had any, he would leave that girl alone.
I'm thinkn, just supposing that there is more to be told
but if your asking me......
YES YOU ARE TO OLD!!!! | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 3:15:16 PM | How old is Hugh Hefner? Why do the young ones still go for him?
It is not lack of morals. It is a solid assertion of your morality, and your values. If you don't have it, you won't get satisfaction, you will get guilt. If you have the moral fibre, and the code of conduct, it doesn't matter if strings are there or not. It matters that the strings are in the right place and clearly understood by both people. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 3:43:37 PM | Yes it should be! But like others have said not a lot of 50+ year old men really won't listen to sound advice.
OP this girl has 30+ years of still looking good do you think she is going to wake up in 30 years look across the bed at a frail dried up 80 year old man and think hubba hubba? Doubtful, in fact she probably won't think hubba hubba when she is 33 and you're 63! So you might want to think about that.
There are a lot of 60+ men on this site ask some of them how fine they feel every time a 75+ woman adds them to their fav's list.
What was that thread the other day about why do over 50 women choose to not marry? It might have something to do with most the men our age are either sniffin' around the school grounds or all used up.
Growing old gracefully with someone your own age has a lot to be said for it. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:30:44 PM | | More than 30 years age difference is huge. At least from a biological stand point you are old enough to be her grandfather. When one of my aunts was 53, she had a 23 year old grandson. She had her first child at 15, then that child had her first at 15. Too young, but you see the point. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 4:40:25 PM |
How old is Hugh Hefner? Why do the young ones still go for him?
That is very easy, he has lots of money. A man could be 120 years old, 3 foot tall, weigh 900 pounds, have just one eye in the center of his forehead, bald, have blisters with green ooze coming out of them, smell worse than a port a john and be the nastiest s.o.b. that ever lived, but if he had lots of money, there would still be some very young women that would love to hook up with him. Sad but true. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:28:11 PM | Excuse me do you reallybelieve that, I asked for help and other options/opinions to consider,
Why would I do that, if 1st) I was not truley conscerned of others welfare before my own. 2nd) do you think great wealth is a gift 3rd) I spent a greater part of my life following others , when they assemibly so to speak , and had the plan. 4th) I just want to be honest simple and who I am before others. The question then becomes what do you have to hide? What scares you in your past? Please believe me some have offered exceptionally great advice and many things to ponder on my part, and I consider it to be of great value as I am not God but merely a servant on his stage. I am never poised to take advantange of another, even though I could do it at any second. For some of you I will really understand if you never understand, for others I welcome your advice. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:33:12 PM | Maybe she is looking for her Dad and doesn't realize it. I hit it off with someone much younger than I, but after some time she was able to see that I was a fill in as we theorized. I was for her many things her Dad couldn't be. The day she fully understood came while at a restaurant seated near a Father and Daughter. We over heard their conversation which was A Dad talking to a 1st grader like she was ready to enroll in college next week. My young companion said, "That's what my Dad did to me." My reply was, "And you spend the rest of your life looking for your Dad." I let her go now that she understood. I'm sure she'll be fine.
It's not wrong though...the age difference. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:34:22 PM | Not really. Unless it's a huge age difference, where you're from a totally different era. Max 10-15 yrs. if that. I'd like to stick close to my age range up to 50 or so. Think about it, otherwise you're not going to have too much in common conversation wise. Music tastes, talking about what's going on in the world etc.
Depends upon the person, age is just a number. :-) You're as old as you act and feel. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:39:57 PM | op, this is a tough issue...poster's opinions will be all across the scale of agreement to "you must be nuts"...
my story is similar...i met heather 1 1/2 years ago...she's now 28 and two months...has a graduate degree...and started her own successful business from scratch 3 yrs ago...
i'm 35 years older...my profile speaks for itself...her parents are still having fits...and i'm not yet welcome for dinner at their home...she added her remarks to one of my posts here on a related topic several weeks ago...so, i won't speak for her now...since she did a very good job of speaking for herself...
the last thought on my mind was to be in a committed relationship with a woman so much younger...i formulated very specific criteria that i looked for in a new relationship after i divorced two years ago...and age wasn't one of them...little did i know that in six months that woman would appear and respond positively to me on another web site...and she wanted for herself much of what i wanted for me..
we hunted for couples with big age differences in their relationship/marriage...the search astounded us...it's not that uncommon after all...the challenges are still great...because too many people are uncomfortable with the images that other like people present in themselves and their relationships...
and, imho, americans have a lot of growing up to do...when traveling outside the usa, all of those uncomfortable issues seem to magically melt away...go figure...
op, be cautious, as you are creating a firestorm around this young woman because you still have so much unfinished business... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:54:39 PM | i know this all too well been there done that kinda thing..
questions for both of you:
1. what do you want to achieve in this relationship ?
2. what are your goals and plans in 5 to 10 years ?
3. who do you want to be with for the rest or most of your life ?
4. are you in for long term commitment or just for comfort and convenience ?
relationship is hardwork it needs understanding, nurturing, nourishing, sacrificing and so on... whatever you two decide cheers and live life to the fullest. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:06:12 PM | well, strawqueen, i assume your message is intended for me...
we've had much the same discussions you suggest...i won't be sharing the details here...both of us are highly communicative...so, neither is going into this clueless...
3. who do you want to be with for the rest or most of your life ?
myself...i'm very happy with the company i keep when the lights go out and everyone else falls asleep...
thanks, living life to the fullest is on our agenda... | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:35:01 PM | | well i believe it depends on both people and first of all how comfortable they are with the other person's age difference.and secondly if the 2 of ya's are really that compatible then i guess it shouldnt matter much. | |
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