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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:29:17 PM | (Msg 69) Maybe so, but both sets of my Grandparents died within a few months of each other....not 20 - 30 years of each other.
My mother was 10 years older than my father and he died nine years before she did. One never knows. Besides how many relationships last 20 or 30 years today.
Also, it's usually the young person who leaves such a relationship. The odds are she'll leave so she wont be exposed to watching him go through his 80's.
Finally, as Angelwinz writes about her relationship in msg 72,
He taught me how to communicate, enjoy differences in cultures, music and many many things that I might never have gotten to experience until I was a whole lot older, if ever.
The opportunities for the young person in such relationships are abundant. Things like ending up a single mom, financial difficulties, dealing with a partner her own age struggling to come to terms with adult life.........all those things will be exchanged for mature love and stability.
If she is attracted to the man the benefits far outweigh what she could reasonably expect from someone her own age. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:50:23 PM | I still believe in happily ever after, and marraige.I would hope my daughters find the love of their lives and live 30, 40, 50 years with the same man. I believe in that. That that is a happier design for love.
The love lorn, the love lost, the failed relationship is a part of my past, not a 23 year old mans. My life more than half lived is not one to offer to youth.
Is a sometimes quiet place in my heart to realize so much of my life has passed. I still have dreams but my dreams are different now from when I am 23.
Yes, when I look at a young man , 30 years younger, it inspires maternal instinct. He is not my son, but he is someone elses son. I look at him with that respect. With the respect that I could never fit into his life as his significant other. Why risk the young mans heart if he should ever be attached in what would inevitably be an unhealthy relationship?Why risk him the pain and conflict of trying to validate that relationship to his own family, piers, or mother? Why tempt yourself? Why pretend that there is so much in common? There is usually only one thing.
I maybe question fate as to why wasn't I born 20 years later, but never question
if it was a right decision to get involved. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:26:34 PM | Not really fair to the youngester in the end is it?
A young person has needs and desire that us older folk that are only getting older tend to put on the back burner. Not just sexually, but the "wanna go and do" where as us older folk "been there and done that".
Having two grown daughters if one of them came home with a man 30+ I'd give her a slap upside the head.
I've had young mens come after me and I have been ever so tempted (EVER) but, like I say not really fair to the youngster. At some point the discussion of children might come up and I'm afraid there is no discussion where more or another rug rat is comcerned.
Whole lot of issues when dealing with someone that many years below or above.
Course it could be said: Anything is possible. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:30:54 PM |
the age differance is great over 30 years differance and we have discussed this between ourselves 1) i do not want to feel like robbing the cradle and 2) she does not want to feel like she is sleeping with her dad. so far we have had no intimacy because of societies standards and our own standards , any other comments from any one? This is just not a weeks meeting, but we have stayed distant from each other for 1 year now, because of the age differance, and that is the only reason, there is no other barriers
OP, I'm living with a woman, who is 28 years younger. We have known each other for 3 years, and have twice "broken up", largely over concerns about the age difference. However, when we were together, we have always been intimate. It is that aspect, the cosmic sexual connection, that ultimately couldn't be denied. Now, we are back together, and this time, we seem to have made peace with it, and are here for the "long term".
You have to resolve your "issues", and either make it a relationship, or move on with your life. Really, in the end, who gives a rat's a*ss what strangers think, if you're both consenting adults, and the feelings are as intense as you say? What makes no sense, is to hang around, without acting on the feelings. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:24:20 PM | This situation kinda reminds me of the one my sister is in now. She's 22 years old, and have been dating a guy who is 50 years of age. Her problem with him is not so much his age, but the fact that he doesn't have much. On top of that, he's been lying to her about his age. He told her that he was 33 years old, and she finally found him out. Being so young, he was obviously uncomfortable with the large age gap between them. Plus, my sister is high maintenance. She's one of those people who loves to shop, and spend money. She was skeptical at first since she found out he was 50, but says that she actually wouldn't mind dating a guy who is much older just as long as his game is up.
In order for me to date a guy, he can't be no more than 10 years older than me. On the hand, if you guys are really feeling one another, then I'd say that you should both try your best to work something out. There are so many couples out there who has a huge age gap between them, but it doesn't stop them. Love conquers all, they say.
Good luck to ya both!  | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:31:19 PM |
Perhaps this thread (like so many of them here) is just a litmus test for close-mindedness.
Like the battle axes who want to "kick his ass", knowing nothing about either person, how they interact, etc. ?? 
OP, pay no mind to the bitter and angry people, who resent others' happiness. I know, in my own life, several couples with more than 20 years age difference, who have had great relationships. They dynamic in older/younger is different, less competitive, gentler, and usually passionate. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:36:42 PM | What could you two possibly have common and do you want from her besides the obvious ?
.
People always say that, and it's meaningless.
A couple, that is sharing the same domicile, and living life together, have all the same things in common that any other couple would have. Who would have more in common, a couple 30 years apart in age, who live together and then have a baby together, who have a joint bank account, spend every night in bed together, and are constantly interacting.....or two people who graduated the same year, and enjoyed the same music 30 years ago?
Would I have more in common with a woman, with whom the sexual connection is overwhelmingly good, who is 28 years younger, or a woman my age, who has all sorts of "issues" about sex, or who thinks it's "unimportant", ( icing on the cake}? | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:52:30 PM | | strong, I am very good friends w/ a much younger woman than I am ...and it seems that she, as my manager at a job that I care to keep w/o further complications, is ready to move on ...even if I and a woman closer to my age and w/ whom I've become closer agree that she's not ready to do so successfully. Age is not a deal breaker when it comes to friendship, but it can be after you've both opted to let your anatomy below your hearts and minds do your thinking and considering for you both in regards to an intimate one. Trust me, but you've hopefully learned far more than your much younger SO is capable of appreciating for your wisdom, even if your 'smaller head' might be telling you that it won't be a problem. I'm much happier w/ a woman who has more wrinkles in her complexion due to age and wisdom gained prior to my possibly ever passing along what life and love have taught me to one w/ less experience to respect. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:02:19 PM | Re the Opost
Whereas I would not date a 21 yo:
In our modern era, since when do 21 year olds, adults, need again their parents permission who to date and since when do parents of 21 yo think that they have a right to interfere or "kick" anyone's anything? They are 21 yolds and they are ADULTS. If they are not thinking/mature enough to be adults at 21, then it is their parents fault for not having raised them properly. But too late now, at 21, to interfere or play "guardian bully" and claim to kick anyone's anything! Yikes!
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IGFN21
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Joined: 10/2/2008
Msg: 89 | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 2:18:24 AM | WTH does a 21 year old know? 21 is still a kid and they should enjoy their youth.
They have about as much life experience under thier belt as my 7 year old dog.
And why an adult would want to make them grow so fast in a LTR is beyond me.
Not trying to insult the young folk here, but seriously what in the hell is this BS of trying to grow up so fast? Only get one youth. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 2:49:28 AM | When you insult someone and then say 'not trying to insult', it doesn't change that you just insulted someone. You just likened a 21 year old to a dog.
Age doesn't equate experience. Does someone who is 50 and has led a very sheltered life get to say they're more experienced than a 21 year old, who has had many experiences and already led an open and interesting life, simply due to the fact that they're 29 years older? I think not. Each age group will have a wide range of 'experience' in life depending on personal background.
I have known several people who are in their early 20's who are much more mature and have lived much more than some 40 year olds I've known. Not everyone matures at the same rate, and not everyone lives the same life. Furthermore, some 'young folk' are in LTR's at this age anyway, so what should it matter who that LTR is with? Someone their own age/older/younger? They still are 'growing up' by being in a LTR. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:06:29 AM | I think some people contest to much. If they are so "secure" and happy and fulfilled wih their youthful partners why are they defending their "cradle robbing".
One is not a "battle axe" or "bitter" just because they would not make the judgement for themself to be with a person 30 years younger. It is a matter of preference and opinion.
To each their own.
As for the gents that contest that 21 yrs is "adult", they perhaps do not have 21 yr. old daughter. I have 4 daughters 30, 26, 23 and 11. If they chose 60, 56 and 53 year old men they would all be older than me. I wouldn't " kick a$$" but I would not be able to condone it. It would be far from what I would chose as an ideal situation for my beautfiul daughters. If the 30 year old had a 60 year old man that means when she is my age her bf would be 80.
If an 80 year old man ask me on a date or aspired to a relationship with me now, grant it we would both be "adults", but what the heck would I do with him? If he have me for 20 minutes we would perhaps need two EMTs and a defilbrulator. I would be willing to bet that there are not many woman my age combing the old age homes looking for their man. I can't imagine scoping out the assisted care living facility up the street to see if I can get a date for Saturday nite.
Let's just be a bit realistic here and get another perspective. If this thread was about an 80 yr. old woman coming on to a 50 year old man it would be a joke thread.
I don't know any woman my age that would "pick" a woman my age to be with her 20 year old son.
Maybe some of these 40 something men could all go on a nice long dinner date, maybe a movie with a 70 something lady and then get back to us. If "age doesn't matter" maybe they like a date with my grandmother. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:48:24 AM | nick prince
there is a difference between advice and permission...
21 year old girls still seek advice from their parents, despite their education, independence and 21 years of experience on this earth ...
it's also acceptable for parents to disagree with their children's decisions and life choices. disagree doesnt mean disown, or parental withdrawal of love and support. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:07:41 AM | | Im a male who seems to end up with younger ladies for whatever reason..and we work out great but the sparks fly in heated debated at times because we are so different but nothing to deep or serious to end a relationship but there are some areas that women dont hit the spot men want them until they are older and we think young ladies are all into the physical so we love bein with them then we get reality..they look good on your arm and are funa nd wonderful but not the playmate ya thought you were getting..both people change and things can be fine but many are not open to someone much older we have to accept that. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:39:22 AM |
Huh? That happens in every relationship where people honor the "till death do us part".
The huge age difference makes it more dramatic. You aren't aging together. You aren't on equal footing. One day the other person becomes less of a partner and more of a responsibility. While that may happen in any relationship, it will happen in this case sooner than it should. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:42:05 AM |
if calling cynical comments exactly what they are offended you or that particular poster, then i don't know what to say that will please you...apologizing for telling the truth seems to defeat the whole purpose of this forum...
I'm not offended. I certainly can be cynical. That, however, doesn't mean its not the truth. | |
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Adea
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Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 98 | |
| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:46:08 PM | Age is a number. The soul is what counts. Who knows how old our soulmate will be, what religion, what color. Take the example of Celine Dione. Hey, who cares about what society thinks.
We live in different time and space then our parents or grandparents. If you two feel right together, and it sounds to me like you do, then forget Societies stigmatism and love and be happy together. Blessings to you both. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:46:52 PM | | When I was 22 I was in a relationship with a woman in her 40's. For the most part it was an intimate relationship without much else going on. She had children and eventually started to find baby sitters to watch them so she could go out with me since I was a bar hopper and went out nearly every night. This put a strain on her relationship with her kids and eventually the difference in responsibilities and priorities tore us apart. More recently I dated someone 10 years my senior who felt the need to work constantly and make as much money as she could in order to prepare for retirement. I am more free minded about such things and not really consumed yet with the idea that I will eventually need to retire. I am getting there, but not quite yet. I would have to agree with many of the poster's that state the changes that will inevitably come about as she grows older will probably become a nuisance to you or at the least put a wedge between the two of you. As for conforming to society, I do not feel that societies thoughts have any place in a personal relationship. I assume you have both spoken about this and the decision can really be only made by the both of you with the thought in mind about the possible hazards you will face as the years roll on. Sometimes the eventual pain is worth the journey towards it. Best of luck with what ever decision you make. | |
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| should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:13:11 PM | | hola....all i can say is that the "girl" in question is still very young...i was married at 19 and now feel like i threw 14 years of my life away...it wasn't until i hit 30 that my maturity truly blossomed...i had a stronger head on my shoulders..i knew what i wanted out of life and what i didnt..so i filed 4 divorce...now, i wish i had then the friends i have now...someone to help push me in the right direction...i missed so much out of life in the years i was married..but i always say "never regret"..."learn from ur mistakes, make things better and let it make u stronger"....my ex is only 7 years older than me..the problem here wasnt the age but him...he never crawled out from under his mamas skirts!!!! .."when u get with someone it's that person and u!!!..not ur mama, u and then "that person"..lol....getting back 2 ur question..sorry, i don't believe u two would make it in the long run..good friends are hard 2 find...consider her a great friend in ur life..ur better off that way!!!! | |
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