| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:57:52 AM |
In my half century or so on this earth, I have been in a relationship where I have been loved, truly loved emotionally, and loved in return, but when it went to the physical stage - it was all one-sided and selfish on his part, and that was the true deal breaker in the relationship. In those ultimately physical moments when two people could not be closer, he proved to me that the only one that he really cared about was himself.
That being said, then you weren't truly loved in return. If you were, he wouldn't care only about himself in any way...even physically. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:30:16 PM | There is no such thing as unconditional love with humans. As humans we have feelings, emotions, etc. that can and are injured. People can kill love. Everyone has conditions. Don't confuse love with saying unconditional love, that can only be had with God if you are a believer.
Love returned and expressed with sex is a wonderful thing. Sex without love is just sex. Making love on the other hand is better than any drug I've ever done. It is sad that some have never experienced true love and making love.
I still feel strongly that if you care about someone, that is important. If you just met, the orgasm means nothing. I should say if you can orgasm with someone you don't know, personally the thought of having sex with a stranger is nauseating to me. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:07:28 PM |
There is no such thing as unconditional love with humans.
You are right! An intelligent person won't be going to love an idiot, and a well-educated person won't be going to love an illiterate because they lack the common basic to reach the goal of love. In addition, nobody is going to love someone who doesn't love back. Love between two people must be in a balance. Otherwise, love doesn't exist. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:17:04 PM |
An intelligent person won't be going to love an idiot, and a well-educated person won't be going to love an illiterate because they lack the common basic to reach the goal of love.
Both conditions are based on other things equal, which is a condition as well. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 3:17:32 PM | | I wonder if it's really worth it to have sex without love. Right now I'm tending to believe that it's not. Usually there's no emotions involved without love. I personally don't like that feeling at all. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:03:08 PM | | Love makes one to want the special someone only who he or she loves not everyone else. Love through caring for each other is presented in 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and so on. Nobody can have sex 24 hours a day. Without love, after orgasm, one cares for nobody, and nobody cares for the one. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:42:19 PM |
My motto is: no love, no sex.
If that were my motto, my vagina would have shriveled up and closed.
Sure, everybody wants the love to go along with the sex but for me at least, love isn't that easy to come by. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:06:52 PM | | i may not have to be "in Love" but I do have to have feelings for the woman or my equipment won't operate. The fact is, forget what other people say, yo do what feels right to you. If you want to jump his bones at first sight do it. If your gut says wait, then wait. Sex is personal and there might be cultural more's the decision to say yes or no is yours. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:40:10 AM |
I wonder if it's really worth it to have sex without love. Right now I'm tending to believe that it's not. Usually there's no emotions involved without love. I personally don't like that feeling at all.
A bunch of people said said sex without love is just sex...let me throw another one out there for you. Sex without love is just animalistic reproductive tendencies.
And to all of you out there who have lost faith in finding someone that loves, I'm telling you that they exist. Look harder and don't give up on it because if you give up, you'll just end up contributing to the problem.
-note- sorry if there are any typos, my laptop keyboard tends to miss keystrokes at times. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:28:13 AM | | Moral values set aside........ Being in love and having great sex is the best thing in the world. However, if you wait until you fall in love with someone before having sex not knowing if you’re sexually compatible and discover your not, then you’re stuck with an unfulfilling sex life. Yes, you can always work on the sex but only to a degree. Some people just aren’t a good fit and never will be no matter what. I spent one very long relationship with that situation and it was frustratingly awful. Never again ;) | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:09:19 AM |
...not knowing if you’re sexually compatible...
What is the "sexually compatible"? I don't really understand that. When two people lack loving emotion and passion mutually, nothing is left after having sex, whether it's compatible or not. With love, two people can discuss and improve sex actions, promoting sex compatibility. My opinion about the excuse of sex compatibility is that one only enjoys having sex with many counterparts and doesn't like to be committed in building a loyal monogamous relationship. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:18:59 AM | "With love, two people can discuss and improve sex actions, promoting sex compatibility" .
This is a naive` statement OP. It is not ALWAYS always the doable. As I said, yes sometimes it CAN happen but not always. Perhapes you've been blessed to have been in relationships where you've been able to improve the situation and good for you. But it does not happen for everyone. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:35:57 AM |
But it does not happen for everyone.
Sex easily happens for many people because they want to have sex compatible? No, they want to have sex with many counterparts, pursuiting different stimulations. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:22:07 AM |
What is the "sexually compatible"? I don't really understand that. When two people lack loving emotion and passion mutually, nothing is left after having sex, whether it's compatible or not. With love, two people can discuss and improve sex actions, promoting sex compatibility. My opinion about the excuse of sex compatibility is that one only enjoys having sex with many counterparts and doesn't like to be committed in building a loyal monogamous relationship.
I think what the person means by sexually compatible is everyone has little things that they enjoy and don't enjoy in sex and if the two partners are opposites then it won't work out. For example, if a guy only likes anal, and a girl absolutely hates anal...then there's a problem with the sex. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:06:09 PM |
OP, StealingPrinceCharming: If a woman and a man don't love each other, how could having sex be compatible? I guess it depends on how you view sex. I am compatible on different levels with many guys I don't love. Some guys I can debate politics for hours with, other guys I like to water ski with, and some guys are great for just having sex with, none of these guys do I love but we are still compatible in the activities we share together.
What matters is you do what's right for you, what feels good for you, ignore your crazy American friends. You know us American's, we're all crazy sex fiends. Wait? You said AMERICAN friends? Are you sure you didn't mean French or Italian? | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:41:59 PM | Amazing Amanda, good for you to enjoy having sex with anyone you like. I have never enjoyed doing this with a wild mind in my life. You are so young. I am embarrassing to disscuss questions about sex with you young girls. However, I am learning different cultural things from everyone. At your age, I was working hard on my work and my school, and I didn't have any experience about sex yet. I was only proud of myself succeeding in my school!  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:08:40 PM |
OP StealingPrinceCharming: Amazing Amanda, good for you to enjoy having sex with anyone you like. I have never enjoyed doing this with a wild mind in my life. ummmm? Thanks? That was a compliment, right?
OP SPC: At your age, I was working hard on my work and my school, and I didn't have any experience about sex yet. I was only proud of myself succeeding in my school!
I hope you or others didn't get the wrong idea. I'm no sex toy. My school and future career are first and I'm very proud of my college GPA. What I meant by my answer is that I can "get into" whatever activity I do with a guy without it being a sign of love. When I water ski I really get into it and try to do all kinds of spins and tricks, with mixed results. This doesn't mean water skiing is all I think about and it's the same with sex. With me sex is just a fun activity. It's not the same as making love which I've only done twice (I think). | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:15:12 PM | | Hm. I have to admit to having had huge crushes--not really "love"--on a couple of guys. But after sex with them, it waned, fizzled, and then dried up entirely. I don't think "love" can make up for bad sex, but if the sex is adequate, "love" definitely makes it "better". I DO believe there are quite a few people out there, though, that like sex ONLY for the intimacy and the actual sex part --being good or bad-- isn't a big deal to them. God bless 'em. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:10:25 PM |
I hope you or others didn't get the wrong idea. I'm no sex toy. My school and future career are first and I'm very proud of my college GPA. What I meant by my answer is that I can "get into" whatever activity I do with a guy without it being a sign of love. When I water ski I really get into it and try to do all kinds of spins and tricks, with mixed results. This doesn't mean water skiing is all I think about and it's the same with sex. With me sex is just a fun activity. It's not the same as making love which I've only done twice (I think).
I think at this point it's pretty clear that the problem is simply a big cultural difference. I didn't think to check your profile first OP, but after doing so, I think it's safe to assume that you're very traditional Asian. Being an ABC, I've grown up in both worlds and I understand both sides of the argument, so if you want some clarity, drop me a message. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:15:57 PM | | I agree with your "native friends". I want to have a feeling of love for a man before I make love with him. And love includes trust. It takes time, doesn't necessarily happen overnight. | |
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