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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:49:24 PM | Well, people have sex for various reasons. For some men and a few women it's just a form of entertainment. You know, a few drinks a quick lay and on to the next distraction. For some, especially women who have been hurt, they just want to be held and feel desirable again. But from your post, it sounds like you wish for more than just a quick “roll in the hay”. (what an antique term that is, lol)
I obviously can't speak for everyone, but in my experience and opinion, your American friends proclaiming sex first, have it upside down and backwards, unless of course, sex is all you are really interested in. For those of us who are in or have been in real relationships, sex is very special. Its a special way of saying I love you so very much, want and need to be connected with you in this special way,. The only way I can be as close as I want, as I need is to be deep inside you, with your arms and legs wrapped around me. I'm talking about the feeling of it, not a particular position
It's not even about being in love. Being in love is a temporary state, compounded of lust and fascination, a kind of madness actually. Why else do we say “madly in love” It's not even pleasant unless you can actually and immediately possess the object of your desire. But real love is different. Sex with someone who really loves you, wants to be with you, protect you, support you, icherish you, is simply an enormously fulfilling, ongoing joy.
Does this mean you pick someone out whom you find attractive and check them out for months, before taking the plunge? Not at all. It can happen very quickly, rhere is a sense of “recognition” that this is a suitable mate. It's not even that hard actually. Reading the forms, one would get the impression that finding the “one” is a difficult rare event. Some delicate flower that blooms in crevices high in the Himalayas for only a few days a year. Actually, suitable “ones” are pretty common, more like the Dandelions you can't get out of your lawn, lol. You just have to be open and attentive and not so fearful.
So, in answer to you question, OP, I'd wait for someone who treats you with respect and care., Someone who makes you feel special, someone who makes you feel safe and secure. Needed and cherished. Not jus someone looking for a quick lay. Its' what makes the dofference between making love and just having sex. What makes for computability, is the feeling of freedom and being loved, not mere biological chemistry, and how the parts fit. Finding someone you connect with emotionally and spiritually is what makes for seccessful long term relationships, not just someone who feels really good in bed a couple of times. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:50:57 PM |
You know us American's, we're all crazy sex fiends.
Usually there's no emotions involved without love.
I agree with your "native friends".
I see. Not all American friends are crazy sex friends.  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:51:25 PM | OP, to me real love is when I want to make love with a woman because I've fallen in love with her beforehand.
NOT that I've had sex with a woman, then decided afterward that I'm in love with her because the sex was good. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:23:03 PM | There is a difference between getting to know someone and just going out having sex.
No way in hell I would "fall in love" and start a LTR without knowing if the man and I were sexually compatible. There are some real horror story type lovers out there. And I use the word "lover" loosely in that sentence.
Tried the whole fall in love, get married and then have sex thing.
***DIVORCED***
*Shivers* just recalling that nightmare.
I would have to think though, that if two virgins got together, there shouldn't be an issue at all with falling in love, getting married, then having sex for they can learn together. None the wiser about what "good sex" really is. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:10:56 PM | | To say a thing like sexual compatibility is the number one priority is just weird to me. If you are truly looking for a life partner then there are so many more important issues. That being said, sex is a yummy thing and is a great part of any healthy relationship. Only you know when you are ready and when the time is right for you...and even a man that does not love you yet can respect you and will honor your wishes if he is worth it. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:27:59 AM |
None the wiser about what "good sex" really is.
I do agree with you. Different people may have different sex preferences. However, if two people really love each other, they will be going to please each other. If anyone of two does only what he or she likes, the one doesn't love his or her partner and only wants to satisfy himself or herself. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/11/2008 2:17:37 PM |
To say a thing like sexual compatibility is the number one priority is just weird to me.
You are right. I do think it's strange as well. Nobody can have sex 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. The compatibilitity should include many things more, such as social, educational, intelligent, looking, like, and so on...We talk about love here not one night stand. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/11/2008 2:27:09 PM | I didn't read this whole thread, but I saw a pattern forming in the first couple pages. 'Older ' people want the love first, cuz sex is just meaningless sex without it. But younger people want the sex first, cuz, hey, sex IS sex! Funny how the two differ. Maybe there is a lesson in there somewhere.
Have lots of meaningless sex when you are young and not in any way ready, willing or ABLE to have a proper relationship. Then, once school is out and you have to start buying your own toilet paper, start holding yourself up to a higher calling. And you'll have feasted at the table well enough in your youth to not always be thinking about just having sex for sex.
Why the hell do you think these boards are filled with middle aged married or divorced men and women. They just never feasted prior to getting 'committed'. Now the kids are gone and they really , really believe they will be able to pick up where they left off after high school. Silly wabbits...
Chaz | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/12/2008 6:55:12 AM | Not bad Chaz!
At the end of the day it is up to each person.
Experience teaches me that I am very unlikely to form a romantic relationship with someone unless I have sex with them (a stomach-turning thought at my age, but there you go) .
For many people sex is an important part of how they form and maintain emotional relationships.
But let me tell you that recreational sex was invented in the 60s when the pill was discovered. | |
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jas0nB
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Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 61 | |
| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:03:17 AM |
Sexual compatibility is really important to me, and I also feel like there are things about dating someone you don't know until you've been intimate together. How someone is as a lover, whether they're attentive or not, etc, tells you an awful lot about who they really are, and sometimes those things aren't as apparent elsewhere as they are in bed. I'm honestly not sure I could fall in love with someone I hadn't slept with.
Well said. I feel the same.
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:39:31 PM | | I don't know if I would say love, but yeah there has to be something there for me. I can't just pick up a random girl and go back to my place. However I don't have to be in love with them either. Usually if we have been dating for a little bit and I like her, that is about when I start think about it. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/12/2008 1:29:37 PM |
'Older ' people want the love first
Since I understood love and sex, I have had the same thought about love and sex: no love no sex. My thought about love has never been changed!!!
jennyann68 said:
Falling in Love First...
Would you like to fall in love first when you were young? | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/12/2008 3:33:28 PM | There is something to be said about waiting to have sex when you are "In love"
I take it a little further. When one is married. To have sex, no matter the age, well...18 & up, first or too quickly could lead to unexpected and NEEDLESS frustration.
Having sex 1st or seeing it as the number one priority, shortcuts discovery. It causes you to put Faith, trust, and knowledge aside. And when your companion begins to show signs that do not agree with you, you bring that to their attention. They may not like it. "Too bad" may be their answer to you. Now what? Well you may continue to turn a blind eye or even worse, compromise your standards. Until you lo longer can continue the relationship. How long will you go? 6 months? A year? I went seven years! It is not worth it people. Wait for the right one. It is sooo much less painful.
Ciao
Ramon | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/19/2008 8:11:27 AM |
For many people sex is an important part of how they form and maintain emotional relationships.
I do believe that sex is an important part for all people in a good relationship. Nobody rejects the importance of sex life. The point here is if having sex is based on love. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/19/2008 9:50:41 AM | For me I want to be in a deeply caring relationship before I think about shareing myself sexually. Casual sex is only ok, like a mild hand shake. Lovemaking is very different. I suggest you do what feels right for you. If he is the right man for you he will respect your wish to have a meaningful relationship prior to becomming sexual. If not send him on his way. The sexualy compatible stuff is a line and not worthy of your attention or concern. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/22/2008 12:38:36 PM | | Imagine falling in love with some one, and not having sex until the honeymoon, and then learning that the kind of sex they enjoy most is something you find repulsive. There are people who enjoy giving 'golden showers'...urinating on lovers. Others prefer to give-or recieve-'brown showers'..defecating on, or being defecated on by, lovers. Some people can only climax with violence, and need to beat, or be beaten. Some people-even after marriage-just don't want sex. How would you feel-after waiting for marriage to have sex-and then finding that you won't have sex after marriage, either, because your spouse does not like sex? Some people crave oral sex, and could not be happy married to someone who would never perform oral sex on them. Other people hate the idea of oral sex, and would never consider performing it even with a gun held to their head. The sexual compatibility, or lack thereof, is a matter of enjoying the same types, techniques, positions, methods of foreplay, and so on...or not enjoying the same. Once you find someone you are sexually compatible with, love can grow more easily because you have one more emotional/spiritual bond to unite you...that of sexual compatibility. I would never fall in love with, or marry, someone I did not know to be sexually compatible with me. I know people who have, and they all regretted it. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/23/2008 3:21:45 AM | LOL . . thats a classic reason to have sex! :) *We gotta make sure were sexually compatible first.* If youre looking for a RELATIONSHIP, you should fall in love 1st, if the guy (or girl) is wating the same, or if theyre worth your time, they will wait for the sex part. If you just want someone to date here and there and have a fling with, then have sex first.
There have been people i dated that i really cared about and you dont think about the sex really because youre more occupied with spending time with them and enjoying their company, if sex is all you want, then thats all youre going to think about, of course. I dont even know if i made any sense :)
Thats sad that the AMERICAN friends are so quick to just HAVE SEX NOW AND GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER LATER . . . makes you wonder why things are so screwed up here :) But thats another forum altogether :) | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/23/2008 12:05:17 PM | | Everyone who has had sex with someone they don't love and with someone they do know the difference. If I was giving advice to a virgin I would say that religion, your parents, teachers they all can tell you that you should wait till you love someone....but you have to find out yourself | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:16:07 PM | | Love is the powerful emotion, which increase sexual satisfaction. I do believe that sexual satisfaction is not just physical pleasure but involves the overall satisfied feeling about a good relationship. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 12:34:01 AM | | Hey! I think I had a post on this thread that got deleted when I got banned and purged. What was it I said then? Jesus, I can't remember. I think it was something along the lines of I don't like casual sex and I want love and um what do ladies want to hear? But it's the God's truth trust me. | |
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