| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:11:56 AM | | I usually only find chemistry with 1 or 2 guys a year. Those are the guys I decide to date and see where it leads. After a month or so it will lead to sex if your really into them. Sometimes sexually it was so bad that I had to quit seeing them or realized we were not into the same things. Now I have sexual talks with guys I might like to see if we could match up! I'm not out looking for sex but for a long term relationship so it is alot harder to find someone. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:22:37 AM | I understood you. As you have different thought about sex and love, now you are at the stage that sex is more important. Chinese proverb says, women at 30s want to have sex like wolves, and they at 40s want to have sex like tigers  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:44:48 AM | Yes sex and love go hand in hand. You can't have love with out sex, but you can have sex with out love. Sex isn't a huge deal. Yes it does make a huge difference if you're in love. But sex can just be sex. Everyone has urges, I don't supress them and put them on hold waiting for the perfect person or time to go there with them. I respect people that do, but love can come after sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is not a totally casual thing. I have to feel certain things i.e. respect and comfort, in order to actively lust after someone.
I do not think it is okay for me personally to casually sleep around, but society seems to think it is more acceptable for a man. Woman get a lot of pressure to be virginal and innocent. I don't like that naiveness. When a woman puts out, they both put out. So long as it's safe, consentual and you're comfortable, sex is very natural.
I do think the bit about finding out if you're compatible first is bs. The first time can have some weird energy. You can't base much on first time sex. I have had pretty bad first time sex with someone that turned out to be a major part of my life with great sexual experiences. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 1:15:04 PM | | Sorry, first comes love. I'm not having ses with people i kike for now. Cause thats all it would be-just sex for now. Much better to be well into the relationship and truely make love. Yeah baby!! | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 1:15:47 PM | | Sorry, first comes love. I'm not having sex with people i like for now. Cause thats all it would be-just sex for now. Much better to be well into the relationship and truely make love. Yeah baby!! | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:46:03 PM | | Many people in this thread seem to think love comes before sex. But considering that it takes several months for couples to say "I love you", while only takes a month or so of dating before sex, something doesn't match up... | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 4:05:38 PM | I don't really understand that why you have sex with someone who you didn't love him yet? Did you mean that you can have sex with anybody who you don't love? How could? It doesn't make any sense! Crazy  | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 4:57:13 PM |
I don't really understand that why you have sex with someone who you didn't love him yet? Did you mean that you can have sex with anybody who you don't love? How could? It doesn't make any sense! Crazy
It doesn't make any sense to YOU. That's fine. It doesn't, however, make it crazy that other people feel differently.
Personally, I connect on a different level during sex than I do with a partner during other activities. This is why I feel like I couldn't really fall in love with someone I hadn't slept with; that experience would be lacking, and I wouldn't feel fully connected to my partner the way I do when I fall in love. I don't have sex with people in whom I am not very interested and dating, so no, I don't have sex with "anybody I don't love". I have sex with a partner with whom I have a relationship. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 5:38:55 PM | | It seems that you're assuming the only relationship one could have that would involve sex before love, would be one based on sex. This is not my experience. Sexual compatibility is something important to me, and it's an important way for me to connect with someone with whom I am romantically involved. It's an important facet of my relationships, sure, but it's far from the whole relationship. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 6:39:34 PM | | I have to disagree with you about sex being the best feeling.I think it feels better to know you have someone that loves you and will be there for you when you need them.sex is good but its definately not the most important thing in a relationship.make a man respect you,and have respect for your self.you will know when its the right time for you to move to that level.if you connect in other parts of a relationship and you know him fairly well and you think it will be a long lasting relationship,then why not.I just dont believe sex test drives is a good idea,unless you are just looking for a life time sexual partner only | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/24/2008 7:53:41 PM | Good comments, Kandee313! I believe Western people have to learn from their experiences to understand what is better. Some Western young people don't really have experience to understand love. We eastern people learn from our cultures and understand what is valuable for life. Especially, we Chinese people highly value to have one lover only for life. Although the divorce rate has increased during last 30 years, most people still value to have one only for life. Although I have broken the value rule, absolutely, I wished it when I was young.
However, it's very lousy that some people here have sex partners, but they still look for more sex partners. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/25/2008 9:10:29 AM | | Love is the base of having sex, and sex with love is exclusive. When some people don't understand love and have no feelings about love, they have sex around with many others, which presents animal behavior only. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/25/2008 10:32:02 AM | Minau:
<div class="quote">If he truly loves you...it doesn't matter if you have sex or not.
This is not necessarily true. My sexuality is important to me, and it's important to me to be able to share myself in that way with my partner if I'm in a relationship. I'm highly unlikely to stick around in any relationship where sex isn't going to play a part, simply because that sort of sharing is a priority to me, and if that isn't present in a relationship, why not simply be friends? Sexual compatibility is not the only important facet of a relationship, certainly, but it *is* an important relationship facet for many of us, and that's okay.
Stealing:
<div class="quote">Love is the base of having sex, and sex with love is exclusive.
For you, maybe. For me, I have sex before I fall in love; it's partly that sort of vulnerability and openness involved in being sexual with my partner that allows me to fall in love with them in the first place. A relationship can involve a lot of caring for each other before you fall in love, and mine tend to do just that; start with mutual caring, become sexual, and then, if things are working well, lead to love. There's nothing in having sex before love that means you can't or won't fall in love with the partner you're having sex with.
<div class="quote">When some people don't understand love and have no feelings about love, they have sex around with many others, which presents animal behavior only.
Why do you assume that people who have different views on sex from yours "don't understand love" or "have sex with many others"? I don't go around having sex with anyone I think is cute, and it takes me a little while to feel comfortable enough with someone to want to open myself up to them sexually; but once I do, what's the problem with that as long as we're both interested?
For that matter, what's wrong with someone have sex with many others if everyone is careful and consenting? You may not agree with it or desire that for yourself, but I know some very loving people who are much more sexually open than I'd ever be comfortable being, and it works well for them and their partners. Who are you to judge their situation just because it isn't what you'd choose for yourself?
I believe Western people have to learn from their experiences to understand what is better. Some Western young people don't really have experience to understand love. We eastern people learn from our cultures and understand what is valuable for life. Especially, we Chinese people highly value to have one lover only for life.
I'm sure this is also true of some Western people, just as surely not all Eastern people feel this way. Your way works for you, and that's fine, but it's not necessarily for everyone. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/25/2008 1:03:55 PM | This is not necessarily true. My sexuality is important to me, and it's important to me to be able to share myself in that way with my partner if I'm in a relationship. I'm highly unlikely to stick around in any relationship where sex isn't going to play a part, simply because that sort of sharing is a priority to me, and if that isn't present in a relationship, why not simply be friends? Sexual compatibility is not the only important facet of a relationship, certainly, but it *is* an important relationship facet for many of us, and that's okay.
My point was...if he really loves you...and you have sex early in the relationship...it doesn't matter...he'll stick around...and if you hold out...he'll stick around...it doesn't matter either way. Of course intimacy will be involved at some point whether it be the first night or not for 6 months...it won't be an issue for him if he truly loves you. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/25/2008 4:22:06 PM |
I can't speak for all Americans, but I will say this -- anyone who wants to have sex before they fall in love doesn't have the emotional maturity for either.
I thank God I'm not American then.
I need to know ALL aspects before I can know I'm in love. I can always suspect I'm in love.
I've fallen in love both before the sex and after the sex. It happens and it doesn't reflect a whit on my maturity or lack thereof.
If I don't love someone, how could I have the feeling of having sex with him? It's impossible!!!
For you. Not everyone else, however. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:18:14 PM | Honestly, it doesn't matter what you believe or think. Except to you. There's plenty of people who share you view now, you don't get to decide for others though.. sorry.
You do what you do and everyone else will do what everyone else does. It's not your concern. You aren't going to change people's ideas and you really have no right to anymore than they've got a right to try and change yours.
If you're happy with your views that's really all that matters.. what everyone else is thinking/feeling/doing shouldn't even register. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/26/2008 11:08:25 AM | | We are here for the forum and discuss about everyone's attitude. I never think about changing others' attitudes. I don't think some others want to change mine. Everyone just tells what he or she likes or dislikes. I never want anybody to like my ideas, and I don't care. Everyone lives his or her own life, not anyone else's business! What are you sorry for? | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/26/2008 12:25:32 PM | Well, you keep sharing your view.. which is fine. The POINT of the forums and all that, but every time someone gives a differing view, you chime up about how things should be different.
If that's not implying someone is wrong or bad, somehow.. I dunno what is. | |
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| Is falling in love first or having sex first?
Posted: 10/26/2008 1:42:06 PM | | This is a free forum. Everyone here can say what he or she likes to say. It doesn't matter that you don't know what I was saying, but you can't say that I was implying someone is wrong or bad. I can't get any benefits from what I said here. Why did you make it so personal? | |
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