| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/4/2008 11:56:45 PM | When my heart was broken, I was too proud to admit that and I didn't want people to know I felt bad. I just left and that's it. Some friends thought I was too easy to him; but from my opinion, since it is broken, what's the point to spend more time or energy on those craps? There are tons of same stories happened or happening in this world.
If someone decides to leave, it doesn't help to say "Come back to me. I love you." It is sad but very true, no matter how old you are, and how much you did for the relationship. It is not fair for kids but you can't change anything if he wants to go. It is hard for everyone who is still wanting to love, but girls, we have to be cool. Step away and live better. Let him remember all your best times and keep your ELEGANCE. I have tears but I won't save one drop for someone who doesn't deserve it.
There is a very famous singer in Asia. When her husband cheated on her, and did the divorce, the medias were very curious about the reason of their divorce. He and his girlfriend made a lot excuses and blamed everything on her. She just kept silence no matter what they said. After a couple years, a reporter asked her "Why didn't you do anything to stop your ex saying that?" She said:"I loved him and I just wanted to leave some prides for my past." The reporter was surprised to hear that because he got her money and still told people how arrogant and bad she was... She gave the last word to the reporter:"I don't want to talk about it just because he doesn't deserve it." Then she left. Now she has a good husband and one more cute daughter... and everyone knows she deserves that. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:15:13 AM | | I once let my bf of 4 years come back to me. He 'made a huge mistake' we had split for around 3 months, one day we were walking through town as friends, he blurted out 'I love you'. Took him back, things were fine again for another 18months. Then he 'fell out of love' yet again. So, temporarily, it works, but it's not emotionally sound or concrete in my experience. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:00:04 AM | Three things.
1. Breakup is NOT a democratic decision. One wants out, both are through.
2. When your partner decides s/he isn't really interested and vocalizes such revelation or acts upon it (cheating, forgetting birthdays, beating you, disrespecting you, etc) the only thing YOU can do is to move on with your self-respect intact.
3. You're usually better off alone than with lying, cheating, disease-riddled scumbag.
Howgh | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:25:45 AM | I think the first question we need to ask is, why do some people cheat in the first place? I think it's because they never knew love and loyalty to begin with. The way some people treat others sometimes is inexcusable.. and then they remain so indifferent to the other persons tears and pain.
I have been cheated on in relatonships past.. and certainly it is a painful thing to go through. But for me, it's like I have this trap door inside. And once someone does wrong to me.. that trap door seems to open rather quickly and all respect, trust and love for the offender just falls through it into oblivion. And once all those things are gone, it doesn't take long for the heart to heal.
I cannot respect or trust anyone as a human being who is a cheat or a liar. And so I personally see morning for such types as futile and a waste of mental energies. We seem to always remember the good times.. But if that person is dishonest at heart, then the good times were kind of like an illusion. And how can any reasonable human being morn for something that was never real to begin with? At least this is my take on the matter.. Cheats and liars should never be cried for, or begged to come back. Because even if they did.. they will soon display the same behaviour and hurtful actions all over again.. I say release them to the universal law of karma.. move past the shock and pain.. then live life without such a person in it... It's never worth the tears and effort in the end. Such people are bottom feeders and will only succeed in dragging you down if you allow them to be a fixture in your life.
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:14:24 PM | After everything I have gone thru in life, I have arrived at the point where I question the mere existence of that which we call LOVE. I think it is just a connection we have and that connection can be severed so easily these days. The divorce rate being what it is, just proves that LOVE is fleeting...altho we are still looking for it to last...and of course, when we find LOVE, that is the ONE.
squeak
Begging NEVER brings back the one who left... | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:18:53 PM | Very sad. Cheating is just the result of a long time of unhappiness. People that love their spouses do not cheat just because the opportunity arises.
This woman needs to either give hubby an ultimatum or start hoarding cash and get a damn good lawyer. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:31:28 PM | | I have been there, done that. Won't do that again. I was in a LTR, thinking that was the man I was going to marry. Well, he cheated on me when I was pregnant with his child. I forgave him and took him back. Stupid me. Then he did it again, and silly me, I took him back again. No more. I refuse to be victimized by that kind of creep. In my case, the ex was a true sociopath. Now I am finally moving on, happy to be free from him. He is another woman's problem now, and I don't regret saying that I just can't feel sorry for her at all. She is now pregnant with his child and will ultimately go through the same BS that I went through. He will never be faithful, and I am better off without him. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:12:55 PM | Never done it.
Perhaps I'll give it a try and let you all know what happens.
Or not...
I don't think holding on to pride when the love of your life is walking away is worth remaining silent.
But that's me.
I'd give up my pride because pride is not always the most important thing you will ever need to hold onto.
Too many people lose a great deal in the name of their pride.
I think it's highly over rated.
Humble people appear happier, and kinder. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:15:57 PM | | I've said that to my dog, but how could anyone resist those velvet brown eyes, and handsome physique? The scumbag has gotten it on with practically every little hussy of his type in the U.S., and has even gotten paid for his efforts, but I still love him. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:35:59 PM | OP - i guess that story was an example of 'unconditional love'
maybe from the cheated woman's perspective she made a vowel to love him til death do them part... and she is demonstrating that
what do i think?
many have done many a things in the name of 'love' | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:02:14 PM |
I don't think holding on to pride when the love of your life is walking away is worth remaining silent.
But that's me.
I'd give up my pride because pride is not always the most important thing you will ever need to hold onto.
Too many people lose a great deal in the name of their pride.
I think it's highly over rated.
I agree with Sailin! There's no doubt that cheating is unforgivable and it would be a bad idea to take someone back, but there are cases where breakups can occur over minor issues and I wouldn't hesitate to put a bit of pride on the line to try to salvage the relationship. Pride won't keep you warm at night......i'd rather take the risk than sit around quietly and lose someone I love. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:54:29 PM | | Just because she loves him does not necessarily mean he loves her back and based on his actions and does not appear he loves her anymore...so for her to say that I don't believe will have an impact or long lasting effect on the situation...but I suppose it doesn't hurt to openly express how you're feeling...cause you never know...it's better to have tried and lost then to not have tried at all. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:03:24 AM | The couple had history and without knowing more details about what happend, her asking him home is understandable to me.
I may be the odd one out here, but a lot of marriages that have survived 30+ years survived infidelity. However, it is up to the people involved to make that decision. My other comment is this, he was out with another woman but who know if the woman has ever cheated, or if she is abusive towards her husband. Not to excuse his behavior and as I stated before, there could be more to this story....
It may be love for the children or a committment to the marriage that may cause him to return but not simply her love, then again, who knows, he may return to his senses and the two have some major repairing to do.
IMO, when its over, its truly over and it ain't till its over (well when the woman or man leaves).  | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:22:14 AM | I did listen to a few of those talk back radio shows years ago - I was struck by how ill the callers sounded, they didn't sound well or emotionally stable at all. I think listening to such shows is probably rather bad for one's health as well.
I heard a really heartwarming story recently. This man now in his 60s married his highschool sweetheart. She did the usual give all/submissive thing women who marry at 21 tend to do. He did the take all/bossy thing too many men tend to do. They divorced after raising some children together. They both remarried and those marriages also ended. The man and his old sweetheart are now older and wiser and guess what - yup, they are back together again, enjoying their grandchildren. Life's lesson learnt. Too many times crazy stuff gets in the way and both parties simply need to part company for a while to grow into who they should be.
I agree with the observation that unfortunately many long term marriages - seem to have experienced infidelity at some time....who can explain people and their actions?
That desire to hold the family nest together - its a powerful thing that should perhaps be respected more by today's society than it currently is.
I wouldn't know personally, but I do believe forgiveness can be a powerful thing indeed. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:30:27 AM |
I am not sure where to post this I hope this is ok.
Listening to some night radio talk back last night. A woman rang in. Her husband of some 30 years was spending the night with the ‘other woman’. She had only recently found out about the other woman, although it had been going on for some time. The other woman was about 48 . This woman was 53 and was the mother of the man’s children.
Anyway it was very sad, the first woman was crying and the interviewer was saying thing like “ maybe he needs to be on his own right now” and “ sometime relationship’s finish” etc. The woman cried harder. Then the interviewer asked that , if the man was listening right now, what the woman would say to him. And in a strong voice, the woman said “ I love you. Come back to me.”
Silence from the interviewer.
And it made me wonder. Over the years numerous times I’ve been kicking my heels while the other trounced out the door and at other times the roles were reversed. But I’ve never known anyone to turn round and rush back to the abandoned one when that is said – although we all say it. What do you think? Does it work?
I'd be interested in your thoughts.
OP - After reading that, I could do little more than shake my head in amazement. She gets her guts ripped out by a cheater, and then she has hit so far below rock bottom as to actually say "I love you. Come back to me."? Amazed indeed.
I imagined myself in that same situation, and there's no way in this or any other life that I've ever degrade myself enough to beg for them to come back to me. I'm a "gold standard" type...I try my damndest to treat my women like gold medals in a metaphorical way, and expect the same in return. When one cheats, you're now reduced to silver medal status or bronze even. You're now the "best second place" participant in the relationship. Who wants to feel like they're a good fallback plan? A good enough safety net? I'm not good enough to stay with, but I'm good enough to come back to?
Whatever. 
I have far too much dignity to ever reduce myself to begging a cheater to come back to me "for the sake of..." anything. I will never allow myself to be the best "second place".
What that lady is saying is " Come back, because I love you and I don't mind you treating me disrespectfully or hurting me". Where is the self-respect in that? That isn't what she is saying at all. She is saying that she loves her husband and that keeping her family together is more important than brusing her pride.
Oh sheesh what dreck. When you love someone ELSE more than "self", you are without hope in my mind. You have hit rock bottom and went even further down. She clearly lacks self-respect...defending a cheater is preposterous. If keeping the family together was so damned important, don't ya think HE woulda thought of that too before he started dippin' his****elsewhere? Why should she have to abandon her sense of self worth and esteem and pride to save the family if it obviously wasn't important enough for him to think likewise? Why should SHE have to abandon reason to make up for HIS shortfall? People who make excuses for cheaters lose my respect immediately.
If someone loves you they wouldn't dream of hurting the person they love, or even comtemplate being with someone else. Why would a person want someone who blatantly, and coldly is showing they don't love you? It hurts not having love returned, but in the long run moving on is less painful. People can be very stupid, and make horrible mistakes. It happens and if it happens to you, you have to decided if the person is truly sorry and if you want them back. You have to ask yourself is the love between you stronger than the pain you feel because they cheated on you.
Yes I have known people where the cheater came back, and in this case they are still together 20 years after the fact.
So if I handed you a live hand grenade and it blew up in your hand, do you think your love for me would be stronger than the pain you feel? Jesus H Christ...wake up. When someone cheats on someone else, it's like being flayed or like having a million paper cuts open all at once and then havin' someone toss a lemon on them. Sounds to me like you're trying to say it's okay to cheat as long as you have a strong enough love. I can cheat on you, but hey, we have a strong enough love to look past that little "oops" right? Yea okay, and what of next time? And the time after that? And the time after that? Still think it's gonna be okay 'cause you have a strong love?
I guess it's true...you really can't fix stupid now can ya?
As for your 20 years after the fact couple...they're the exception, not the rule.
Cheaters are scum.
People who defend them are scummier than the cheaters they defend.
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:37:11 AM | When a woman or man is betrayed, there is going to be unbearable pain, loss and grieving. It is completely logical that the faithful spouse would not want a divorce. That spouse vested his/her life into the family and does not want to sever that bond . Plus it is a committment made for life before God.
******Some of us do take marriage seriously and will do WHATEVER it takes to make it work!! I made a lifetime committment and was not surrendering easily, even though my husdand was and always will be a piece of sh8t! My committment was for life and through my religious convictions of the Lord. He forced me to have to divorce due to his abuse and infidelity.
But as that woman said on the radio, she wanted to reconcile her family. She loves her family. Loved her husband.......and loved the bast8rd enough to forgive his selfish cruel
uncaring demeaner for the sake of their vows and their lives. Some BIMBO can't replace a marriage.
VV~~ | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:38:19 AM | Re the Opost
I had not realised that many fellow posters are from the plamet Volcan, Spok's planet. Meaning that they approach (real) Love as a logical "thing".
REAL love is not reciprocity based like in "I love you if you love me". Nope, it is not a business deal or a partnership, that is BS (the partnership concept). Marriage is a partnership, real Love is neither marriage or "democratic" (as another poster well alluded to).
REAL love knows no self pride or even "respect". Real love.
Real love does not lead to marriage and when it does, it often evaporates after some time, often by one of the two.
That is why Real Love is so rare. Because not many people are willing to take the heartache, to risk the emotional duress. They opt for a "lite" version, one that incorporates seld respect, pride, reciprocity and is better suited for LTRs and marriage. One cannot blame them. But that is not Real Love. Merely calling a spade a spade.
Did the caller feel Real Love for her unfaithful hubby of 30 years? Or was it the desperation of comformism and habit, the fear of losing an entitlement built over 30 years? Who knows? Real love or desperation? Well, real love is desperate. That is why again, many opt for "Love Lite", tastes better and less filling! | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:28:20 AM |
I imagined myself in that same situation, and there's no way in this or any other life that I've ever degrade myself enough to beg for them to come back to me. I'm a "gold standard" type...I try my damndest to treat my women like gold medals in a metaphorical way, and expect the same in return. When one cheats, you're now reduced to silver medal status or bronze even. You're now the "best second place" participant in the relationship. Who wants to feel like they're a good fallback plan? A good enough safety net? I'm not good enough to stay with, but I'm good enough to come back to?
Well stated.
I have asked someone to come back before, but infidelity was not an issue there.
I really like this saying. "Never make someone a priority that only considers you an option." I just need to adhere to it better. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:47:05 AM | Very noble, very cute, very good emotional radio.
But, no cigar.
Cut the bas!ard off. Why. People that cheat, will cheat again. Period. | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:26:38 AM | | Just go around to where he lives and poke a cucumber through his letterbox and scream "the martians have landed" | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:57:08 AM | | People just aren't rational-happens all the time-then, they see what they've done; feel the shame; foolishness and try to get it all back. Sometimes you can go home, but it takes a BIG person to handle that scenario-how many of us can deal with all that carry on luggage??! | |
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| I did it HAHAH
Posted: 10/9/2008 10:12:32 AM | My man and I have been having problems for the whole two years together and I moved out for 7 months for space. We dated and kept it casual during those 7 months. I knew he needed time to know whether our relationship was something that he wanted at that point, we had a ton of issues. During that time we dated other people and tried to get on with our lives. However, after ending it for two months (we dated for 5 of 7 months and then he called and we ended it for the last two months).
we both started a new life with other people. We were moving on. However, we saw one another in a store one day, well he drove all around town to find me because he saw my car. And my heart just dropped and I knew I had NEVER felt that way seeing an ex. Plus we hadnt been living together in 7 months, so why should I feel like that.
That was that, it was only a matter of a couple of weeks until he told me that he made the biggest mistake letting me go and that he regretted it and his heart is broken and all he wants is us to get back together. I thought about it, and told him that this was no story and there was no happy endings like that. I told him how could I go back to living there, just like that. He said lets make it our story and do it.
So I came back after he finally, after 7 months, told me that he didnt want to be without me and I was that important to him. We ended our relationships with the others, and although its hard to picture he was with someone else, so was I, and I work on letting that go. We never cheated on one another.
He said I want you to come home, and two months later, he says he never wants me to leave. I love him very much and I am 29 years old, I am not silly.
Who knows if it actually will work. Maybe, maybe not. But its definately nice to hear how much I meant to him and its a great thing to try! | |
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/11/2008 8:37:39 PM | I wish I could say that to my bf. He and I were so good together and the only thing that kept us apart was his depression. He never had treatment for it and when he went through his lows, he isolated himself so much and he begin to think the relationship was horrible and stressful when in fact we had been fine until he would hit a low.
I wish he would love me enough to fight that damn depression and come back to me. I love him and want to help him heal and restore his emotional health.
So yes, for me, I wish I could scream it!
I love you K, just the way you are baby.
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| Come back to me. I love you
Posted: 10/11/2008 9:00:44 PM | | If it worked, and was this "easy", then the cheater wouldn't be cheating in the first place. Can you imagine them crawling back into bed if the wife/husband said, "I love you, please don't meet your other lover."? They may come back out of guilt, as someone already mentioned, but obviously being loved by someone else so deeply doesn't really work. In a perfect world, humans would be much more compassionate and appreciative of what they have. In our world, most of us want what we don't have as what we have never seems to be enough. | |
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