| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:22:00 AM | ok here goes, im gona have a wave of abuse now, i hope you can see it from another angle, but as said before its not easy as black and white when its put in frount of you!.
I was seeing a married woman for a while, she did all the flearting and chaseing, i questioned her about being married and her reply was ( just cos iv got a fav pair of shoes, dosnt stop me trying on others). she said from the start she didnt want love or to meet my friends or family, she would never leave her hubby ever! so i knew where i stood.
i was totaly single with no plans for a relationship as i was not in that place in my life, so it suted both of us, it was amasing s-x it was no strings, no having to deal with the domestic side of a relationship, no birthday cards no having to take her out for evenings it went on for a few months, i was always expecting hubby to turn up.
i didnt realise till this happened just how deceitful the cheeting person could be, the trust her hubby put in her !!!, if only he knew the truth!!!, i finished it in the end cos i found it hard to deal with it all.
the one thing iv got from this is not good as i started dating again i found it so hard to trust my date knowing what some people capperble of!.
i know if the tables were turned i could not do it !!! couldnt do the lies and look my partner in the face again,
i look back at it as a part of my lifes journey and vowed id never let it happen again.
im only glad i did what did while I WAS SINGLE. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:57:15 PM |
Message 37................if you read my post properly I did I say I know it all to be true because I know his wifes sister !!!!! He is not a loser he is one of the most genuine guys I know..............How quick we are to judge. Nothing is as clear cut as we would like it to be. None of us are perfect, if only we were huh.[/quite]
maybe but he can not be so good person when he can start dating while still attached to someone. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:19:02 PM | You are so good looking wellingwench.. I wonder why the hell someone would cheat on you?
Then I think about several cases of cheating I know about and I realise the wives are always good looking .
One of my mums friends, she died some time ago.. but this was the most beautiful lady I have ever seen, so fashionable, beautiful, perfect body, clever and ambitious.
Yet one day she came from work and found her husband in bed with one of his students..
So what did you do I asked?
She said she asked the girl whether she wants a coffee and they all had a coffee and talk.
Her husband later married that girl and she was very ugly uneducated if I may say stupid and not even close to the beauty of my mums friend..
I was really shocked to see who he has gone after.. unbelievable is the visual difference between those two women... | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:24:07 PM | I agree with all of what Leannie says. I am, unfortunately one of that breed of men that seem to be despised for falling in Love with someone while still married. All marriages go through rough patches but that is no excuse to go looking for an affair. In my case I met somebody completely by chance and discovered my soul mate. Tragically she was taken from me and i am sure I have never been the same from that day....
This short tale does not serve to condone someone looking for a cheap thrill while a marriage falls apart but moreover serves to say that sometimes just sometimes it happens.... if we knew why we coupld bottle love and make a fortune. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:24:54 PM | Seeing a married/attached person..
Is a bit like the song "White Lines".
'Don't do it!'
I have read all the posts so far and no disrespect to anyone but there is no rationale or justification once a person knows someone is married or 'with' someone to stay with them.
Love/like/dificulties/disabilities/couldn't help it stuff etc. is just nonsense.
The other stuff can be sorted and let 'them' sort it.
On me rocking chair again and knitting a feckin great big fishy pullover. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:26:08 PM | I have respect for myself so being someones bit on the side dosent appeal...... i think you either have to have low self esteem to accept this life and think you cant get any better... OR him cheating on his wife makes you feel iresistable and like you've something special and you get your verification of your attractiveness this way but yet again it comes back to esteem, or maybe you just have the morals of an alley cat. Judegmental? sure. I make no bones about it, place a little value on your own sense of self worth, and that applies to both males and females, if he cheats WITH you, he will cheat ON you.
People say "its my business, aint my prob, i aint married, i aint the one cheating", ......dont worry its called Karma, your turn will come, what goes around comes around. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:55:02 PM | its very easy to judge...i certainly wouldnt..
people have affairs for all sorts of reason and all sorts of people have affairs..
the good, the bad, the ugly, the say, the lonely, the greedy, the lied to, the eyes wide open..etc etc
if life was soo cut and dried then there would be no divorce and we would all fall in love the once..for life.
I belive the 'blame' if you want to point any..lies with the person who is attached..as single person has only themselves to concern themselves with..not the partner of the married person or thier cat or dog or anything else for that matter.
Only my opinon..but there are soo many different reasons that i say each to their own.....if everything was perfect at home..people would not stray..generally.
I would also add that just because someone has a relationship with a married person..does not mean they dont have morals imho
lou
xx | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 4:13:45 PM | No judgement.
Seeing a married/attached person is just not the right thing to do.
Some very truly moral people have their loved ones at heart.
I always try to think the best of people.
But, my big But (t) is going to be
It's never right.
Who decides it's best for the 'hidden' partner/children?
Never happened to me but lots of folk I know
Where's me wool? | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 4:37:05 PM | Unless you have been the wife/hubby sat at home thinking everything is great you cant understand really.
my ex husband didnt just hurt me he broke two little girls hearts too. all for a fling
his words not mine be begged and pleaded for another chance NOT a cat in hell
im worth more,
and SHE even had the cheek to ring me and say it meant nothing so to break a family up because two selfish barstools wanted some fun... bet he was laughing when he opened his suitcases with hs clothes in covered in dog shite ..... i was! | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:19:35 PM | Only my opinon..but there are soo many different reasons that i say each to their own.....if everything was perfect at home..people would not stray..generally
I do sort of agree with this but i also disagree, life is hard and nothing is ever going to be a bed of roses, running off to another man/woman because youre bored/pissed off with life/the wife stopped wearing sexy undies/the bloke starts going down the pub too much" is the oldest and easiet excuse in the world. If youre unhappy leave, dont cheat, its really very simple. If we are going to use the "unhappy at home" excuse its almost like the partner is going to be sitting there jumping thru hoops to please the unhappy partner... and that smacks of desperation, if you love someone you dont do that to them and you dont cheat, if you dont love them leave.
would also add that just because someone has a relationship with a married person..does not mean they dont have morals imho
Again i can see what youre saying but morally its wrong to cheat and sleep with another mans/womans husband or wife...so theyre lacking some moral fibre somewhere along the line.
xx :) | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:58:27 AM | There was nothing wrong at home...my 'friend ' fancied my husband ( she was always telling me how gorgeous he was) and went for it...and she also wanted a baby...he obliged...how good of him to help a friend in need...I didn't do anything to deserve what they did, she offered herself and he didn't say no, he didn't say no I love my wife, my children, my family life, he took a very short-lived pleasure and lost everything
to this day...25 years later he is regretting it and tells our children he still loves me...awww dont't we all feel sorry for him...not in a million years, he killed me and our two children lives the day he took the decision to do what he did...as far as I am concerned he reaped what he sowed.
if you are not happy, for whatever reason, leave, its simple, no excuses, they WILL get over it, absolutely no justification in totally humiliating your current wife/husband/partner, they will be hurt enough that something so special to them is ending without the knowledge he/she has been deceiving them.
Unless you have had this happen to you I'm not sure you can fully comprehend the pain. All the lying and deceit that goes on is intolerable and drives you insane.
I give very short shrift to attached men that come onto me, I remind them of their wife/partner and say at least ONE of us is thinking of her...and I wish more women were like me. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/26/2008 2:54:21 PM | Very recently I've become over exposed to this kind of thing for my own liking.
First off a couple of months back there was a girl I was chatting to in a club, things were going very well and it was only through chatting to her mates that I found it she was engaged. She knew where I work and started emailing me to see if I was interested in seeing her but I didn't want anything further to do with her if she dumped her fiance.
A couple of weeks later I stumbled into finding that one of my close friends at work is having an extra marital affair with a foxy young girl from another part of the office. This really shocked me as in all the time I've known him I always thought him as a very down to earth and laid back kind of guy who wouldn't be doing this sort of thing. Its getting quite awkward now as I've been sworn to secrecy and people are starting to ask questions as he hasn't been very discreet about it recently, being spotted out together at lunchtimes with his bit of stuff and I'm not really comfortable with lying to cover for him when I totally disapprove of his actions.
Back into the clubs a girl was making a pass at me and as we were moving on to the next club together it slipped out that she has a boyfriend on tour of duty in Afghanistan. I hold my hands up that I was tempted briefly as I got on so well with her. Instead I made a point of deleting her number the next morning, I remembered that I didn't want to get caught up in such a risky situation plus I kept reminding myself that I should be valuing myself better than being someones bit on the side.
The other day I was chatting on MSN with a girl who'd messaged me from another site a few months back, although I've never really escalated things with her, through the wonders of Facebook I was shocked to see she is married! She started trying to reel off the excuses about abusive husband, boring sex life etc but two wrongs don't make a right in my book.
With the 3 girls I was surprised how annoyed they seemed to get when I continued to mention their Fiance/Boyfriend/Husband, as if they are living in some kind of bubble where their other half doesn't exist. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/31/2008 4:55:40 AM | | I have known many women and men cheat on their partners. They seem to enjoye it. Some people has a habbit of tasting different sishes I guess. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/31/2008 9:44:08 AM | It’s wrong. Period. It’s wrong because it’s covert and cheating. If two people are seeing each other and also seeing other people and are open and honest about that, it’s not wrong, because they have the facts and can make choices. But if someone is seeing someone behind their partner’s back, whether married or not, they are sh*ts.
It’s particularly sh*tty if the cheat has kids – because not only is their partner at risk – it’s a risk to the family and the happiness of the kids. And anyone who enters into a relationship with someone in that situation is also a total sh*t, in my opinion.
I dumped a friend because he was seeing someone who was married. He was married himself and his wife – she was lovely. I dumped him because I couldn’t look her (his lovely wife) in the eye. Eventually the wife found out; she was devastated. She tried to forgive and make things work. Within 6 weeks he was seeing the married woman behind her back again.
A few months later the married woman my ex mate was seeing got a shock. Her husband found out and there were all sorts of ructions. The lovely wife – very quietly gave up at this stage and a few months later started seeing someone herself, filed for divorce and moved out.
Meanwhile the woman matey had been cheating with – her marriage broke up. Did Mr cheat and Mrs cheat get together at this stage? – errr no.
But I saw him in a pub a few months later – Billy No Mates –and he had the temerity to complain that his ex wife had cheated on him and left him for another man. Most of these a*seh*les are hypocrites too.
There does however seem to be a type of person who goes for married/attached people. They like the fact that ultimately they are unattainable – it’s part of their sad insecurity.
Oh Errr! Look at me tottering on my pedestal on the moral high ground. I’ll stay there on this issue too. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:02:40 PM | Hope the air is not too thin to breathe on your high ground.
How about those of us who had to wait years for divorces to come through long after marriages were dead, should we have stayed, indoors or do we deserve a chance of some sort of life. Do you expect people whose relationships are over to carry on serving our sentences? At what point can a person consider themselves free to move on? I would say unattached, but there is unlikely to be a clean break where couples have history or children together.
I think you are taking a simplistic view, we all know of cases we can condemn, but in the real world how many of us have been forced to compromise?
Marriages do not legally end when one or other partner walks out the door, although in our hearts and minds, we know the break is irrevocable? | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/31/2008 12:26:43 PM | | No excuse for having an affair..If the relationship is not working you walk away! simple!..and none of this crap of I am only staying for the children or finances are going to be rocky!.. And for the ones who say we could not help ourselves?. get a grip! you can keep it in your pants until you finish the relationship you are in.. It is just not done!.... I seem quite passionate about this? damn right I am! | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/31/2008 1:44:35 PM | Msg: 68
I wrote that it's wrong in my opinion, to se someone behind a partner's back. If a marriage has ended and the couple are waiting for the paperwork to formalise that, then no one's going to be seeing someone behind the other partner's back are they? Because the other person isn't in effect their partner.
However if they are still married and the other person doesn't know that the marriage is over and/or that they are seeing someone - that's called adultery. Adultery is in my mind, and a lot of other people's, wrong. | |
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| Seeing a married/attached person..
Posted: 10/31/2008 2:00:09 PM | Can be dangerous - very close experience in brief:
Delightful young lady has what she thinks is a lovely husband, husband is carrying on with a young 'tart' for want of a better word, definately not in the same calibre as his lovely wife but obviously did something for him, 'girlfriend' wants husband to leave wife, husband won't, girlfriend goes to marital home and stabs lovely wife to death.
I couldn't help thinking that the husband should have been in the dock with his 'girlfriend', but of course he wasn't.
Don't do it, you never know where it could end - this is an extreme case, granted, but all the same... | |
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