| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:17:57 AM |
I've always felt some sort of connection with the people I've been intimate with. I care about them, and I want to know how they're doing, that they're okay, etc (with the notable exception of the couple people who were jerks that I broke contact with entirely when we broke up). Just as you don't understand maintaining contact with an ex, I don't understand breaking contact with someone just because the relationship shifts in some way.
I feel the exact same way...
JMO | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:30:24 AM | hey Abitmuch
what is the excuse to remain somewhat linked? (with an ex)
We don't often need excuses...hopefully not.
There may be some reasons, and I find it doesn't always have to do with not being 'over' them.
In a way, I feel if you ever loved someone, or shared intimate times, and laughter, that's a bond. Yes, shifts occur....but we don't really 'have' to write people off, as if they never existed. That's a choice we make.
But, it's a decision two must make, for often it's difficult on one to see the other for it may indeed kick up some stuff.
And, if you live in a small area , such as I do, it is sometimes impossible to NOT run into my ex. In a situation such as this, I would prefer to be civil and cordial, not spiteful or miserable. I don't feel any dislike toward her whatsoever. When you realize that no one holds power over you to make you feel miserable for 'that' long, it becomes a pretty natural thing to just be yourself.
Hell, I've bumped into people a lot scarier than my ex, and, it's all good
cheers
'Kimbo**************************** | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:54:30 AM | | I'd say I'm still friends with about 90% of my ex-boyfriends. Just because we didn't function well as a couple doesn't mean that I'm willing to give up the friendship or the life lessons I learned while with them. They were important parts of who I've turned out to be, and I'm thankful for them, good and bad. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:50:08 PM | Emotions and relationships are no different to the brain than banking...
In the US the statistical average time a couple spends engaged in mutual conversation a day is 12 minutes, now I am certain that if you spent more than 12 minutes devoting time to someone who you do not have an intimate relationship with I think that eventually the slap the salami and the bad bad monkey games would be .. played out on the wrong poker table...
When someone tells me that their ex is their best friend,I can easily tell when looking into their eye balls that they are playing a really good game of rush-cha-ching roulette and lying to their own head cheese .. and are in such limbo inside their heads .. not the outer world .. to the outer world they are phoney bologna.. about delving into anything new that you have to invest in the emotional bank to the next available representative ..... Zero down.. and the credit keeps rolling... you cannot invest in an area you have not closed the books and the doors on.. The head is so full of stuff really you are no good to yourself let alone anyone else .. you are not capable of being in the present moment .. foggie day, every day ,,,, to your own being.. Walking away from and investing in yourself to be capable of directing energy in something of substance is alot more difficult in the long haul initially than lying to yourself and wasting precious life emotionally on this planet in your head on a deal that is already done.... (the rest of your space waits to catch up and you frustrate the new love who cannot fix a broken person)
The people who say .. "we grew apart" "we have different directions... " "he/she did not cook the chicken right " these are all excuses for a poor attempt at getting to the "real" issues .. honesty is a rough deal for alot of people , nice is nice .. honest is honest .. .. you have to be .. courageous to be honest and only courageous people can be in the state and realm of practising love .. so by denying that you need to get honest with yourself you are truly incapable of providing the present time frame to the current feet you walk in .. sad but true and alot of people on this site are living proof of walking wounded and partially sentenced to self inflicted suspended animation...!!
Anyone that tells me that their ex is their best pal can work all the rest of the issues out in a relationship..... all of em.. it is bunk because when people actually start digging , which I do, I will dig till I get to the truth .. and get to the "real deal.." as they say in song, "it ain't pretty..." so stop lying to yourselves and realise that your life deserves to live in the present and you deserve to invest in what only now has to offer you and a potential partner .. if the past was so damn good you would still be there.... | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 8:59:50 PM | No kidding OP. I haven't seen hide nor hair of my ex, since May, when I dropped off a mattress from our stepkid when he moved, since she didn't have a truck to move it. Before that, the last time I had seen or heard from her was June 07. Works for me. I don't understand people's obessions with their ex's. She can live her life as she sees fit, it is none of my concern.
Let it go. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 9:02:06 PM | So I really would like to know with all the absolutely wonderful ex's .. how come you split up.. with mr/miss fabulous .. like the raw hyde deal .. ?
"we didn't function well as a couple doesn't mean that I'm willing to give up the friendship or the life lessons I learned while with them. They were important parts of who I've turned out to be, and I'm thankful for them, good and bad. "
If you were not a whole person by the time you reached puberty and early adulthood with your primary influences being solid parents who helped you develop into being the best person you could be .., I find it frightening that you became so heavily influenced by other people .. as the most significant influence over anyones's life should be themselves! Guys and gals brains are very different, you may think he is your friend .. but for every interaction there is a pay off... for both of you .. and the pay off of losing the opprotunity to have a real-mature loving connection for life are not worth the childish titallations some get from playing this form of ego entertainment out ... | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 9:35:16 PM | My ex's are all men who at one point in time, I cared for and loved.
I don't keep in contact with them, including the father of my sons...
But I wish them no ill, and I don't speak unkindly about them, to do so would demean what I loved about them and shared with them.
Just because someone isn't the person you can make a lasting committment to, does not mean you have to wish them dead. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/15/2008 10:10:57 PM | | My exwife and I have kids together but she has never supported them from day one so why communicate with her? She doesn't know how old they are, when their birthdays are or where they work. We don't talk. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/16/2008 3:44:35 PM |
I think people that are overly concerned with their Exes life are not at a place where they should be dating. They are obviously struggling with the loss of the relationship and are not ready.
True as the past was never resolved for them to move on,a big red flag and now want to date and compare notes with the ex. Yikes...
When a relationship fails for many it is very hard to live,learn and move on.
Not sure why but it sounds like its more of the ladies who hang on to
there ex's then the men do.
I was married only once and have to ill or disrespect for my ex and
in the same token do not call her for buddy buddy chit chat time.
And unless it has something to do with the family stuff there is no need
for that which I would find totally bizarre thing to do and
would jeopardize any new relationship I would have in the future.
My ex is very mature person and so am I , and as life goes on and so do relationships and in starting new relationships, I like living in the present without undue strings that would make a s/o uncomfortable too. jmo ~smile~ | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/16/2008 3:47:28 PM | | I don't want to hold onto the past with any of my ex's. If I wanted to hold onto them then I would probably still be with one of them now. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:13:00 PM | My excuse is that I share a child with him.....It seems like we will be linked forever . My HOPE is that it won't be for eternity.. !!! | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:17:36 PM | My ex husband (we were married 25 years) and I NEVER communicate. There is no need to. He once told me that I was not his "friend" but his wife. When the marriage ended, there was no need to keep in touch.
However, I lived with a man for several years, and we still see each other as friends on a fairly regular basis. Why? Because the relationship was based on common interests, beliefs, and we were and are friends. At first, it was hard to keep in touch, but now, I am glad we did--not only because I really like him, but I got to hear him say, "I am sorry," for some things that happened when we were together. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/17/2008 8:21:36 PM | Ha! I have no idea where my cheating ex went or did and still don't. I don't understand why other people have that intrest. They still have some sort of love intrest I guess !!
If one leaves another or cheats! Then they are not worth wondering what thier doing next!
Just my opinion!
 | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/27/2008 10:42:47 AM | msg. 24 >>> The last guy I had a serious relationship with is still one of my best friends. Why? Because he's an awesome person. He always treated me incredibly well, we care immensely for each other, I adore both him and his daughter. We broke up due to long-term incompatibilities; neither of us did anything wrong, we just have different goals in a couple areas.
Well said. I share the sentiment. That level of friendship is rare in a relationship. Understandably, there are some people who can't understand how a friendship can exist between a couple who are no longer together - their hurt and/or anger makes remaining friends impossible. Their unresolvable circumstances caused the friendship to end along with the relationship. Perhaps their relationships didn't achieve the level of friendship necessary to maintain after deciding to go their separate ways.
However, there are extenuating circumstances that cause a couple to want to continue their friendship - they have maintained respect for each other's differences even though they can't justify those differences enough to stay together. They genuinely care about each other's well being but have agreed that their goals have taken them down different paths. In this instance the baby should not be thrown out with the bath water. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/27/2008 11:13:19 AM | My X wife stalked me and even made fake profiles and solicited me. she had to know, by whatever means possible, what I was doing and who I was seeing, how old she was, etc... Some people just havnt moved on. The majority of the women Ive dated since my divorce Ive maintained friendships with. Some have turned Psycho B * t c h on me and became obvious id never have purposeful contact with them.
If contact makes you miserable then avoid it. If you find yourself snooping check youself. It doesnt do anyone any good. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/27/2008 11:52:17 AM | quote] Because they choose to remain emotionally tied to the past ... If a guy and gal are still " best friends " then every other aspect of a relationship can be worked to remain life long mates.. so when someone says that there ex is a best friend I would be cautious to enter into something that already carries an emotional investment elsewhere. There is no way, no how that two people who have had strong feelings for one another and an investment in a great sexual and psychological connection "lose" this unless one has done "harm" to the intimacy connection or the brain.. mapping of this intensity would still exist.. it is a known bio-chemical fact .. which is why anyone that wants to be the "love" of someone else's journey for life should stave off a relationship with someone who is already emotionally invested in another. Out of site, out of mind is the best practise when the relationship of intimacy between two not suited has ended.. The true recipe for gaining the impenetrable and longing of having something passionate, real, intense and lasting is to be 100 percent in the present and 100 percent available to the moment and the brain's biology does the rest of the magic in love for us.. when an individual who is "feeling" this intensity hears, "well you can be in my life but I will always love Ralph and he is always goin to be my best friend .. you can bank on alot of the initial chemicals to dissipate pretty quick"
In order to be capable of being open to the madness of long lasting and intense love for life,you need to understand that others are secondary to this as they will not figure into the chemical brain changes necessary to mate for life .. which in turn give people the healthiest and longest life on planet earth..
Very true.
You cannot dilute yourself and expect the most from your new relationship. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/29/2008 2:43:30 PM | | As for my own life, I have found there is another part to divorce other than the "legal" part of it (what I call the paper divorce). It is the mental divorce. The mental divorce took a lot longer than the paper one to accomplish. Maybe some people have never gotten their "mental" divorce? | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/29/2008 2:56:06 PM |
It is one thing if you have children with the ex - but what if not - what is the excuse to remain somewhat linked?
They still bring me treats??? I never turn down free food!! You know if you really love someone it is stoopid to throw away a perfectly good friend. | |
|
| What is your definition of
Posted: 10/29/2008 3:02:25 PM | | Freinds.. surelyyou would have freinds in common and that would make impossible for the grapevine to cease, as hurtful as it all is you have to move on your self , and accept that you are going to be associated as a couple by others just from nemories by the other people that were in your circle | |
|
Home
login 
