| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 5:03:12 PM | Look at the bright side, I would prefer that someone have a difficult time saying that they were sorry or apologizing as opposed to throwing those words around like popsicle sticks without any real significance or meaning.
Similarly with the words 'I love you'. Some throw those words around too easily and then, perhaps, someone gets hurt down the road.
Again, I think that I would rather the person have difficulty saying something than the words coming out with little or no meaning.
JMO | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 6:42:08 PM | Yes Dear, I'm sorry, I was wrong and I apologize.
Simple words that can keep a relationship intact.
My ego is not worth losing someone I care about. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 7:11:00 PM | | some people think that by saying they are sorry and by admitting to their mistakes that they are weak.. and alot of people don't want to come across or feel weak! | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 8:20:16 PM |
some people think that by saying they are sorry and by admitting to their mistakes that they are weak.. and alot of people don't want to come across or feel weak!
I am sure that some people use that as a justification, and others use it as an excuse. I think Daddy Jinx had a lot of wise words on the subject of personal accountability. I have become so accountable for myself that I simply make less accountable people disappear. To me they no longer exist. I practice detachment. I cannot forgive until someone becomes accountable. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 8:39:10 PM | | Maybe because they meant it and cannot think of a reply "off the cuff" when asked. I do not apologize because if I said it, I must have meant it in some form. So the why process begins and I come to an understanding of why it was said. So why apologize over what I said when I meant it in some form? | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 8:46:39 PM |
Maybe because they meant it and cannot think of a reply "off the cuff" when asked. I do not apologize because if I said it, I must have meant it in some form. So the why process begins and I come to an understanding of why it was said. So why apologize over what I said when I meant it in some form?
Flowers and/or a box of candy often work better than thewords themselves. I think you have a grip on the underlying concept, and I don't think many would argue the point. Sometimes the words might be so harsh to require more explanation, unless you are one of those who always thinks deeply before saying those things. "I apologize for your misunderstanding" works for me in a few cases, but does nothing to admit guilt. If the other person recognizes what you said; it can escalate the situation. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/19/2008 10:55:08 PM | Yes Dear, I'm sorry, I was wrong and I apologize.
Simple words that can keep a relationship intact.
My ego is not worth losing someone I care about.
Yea Fixer, but if they cared for you even half as much as you cared for them, they'd be man/woman enough to take personal accountability as more than just a buzzword and apologise for their own actions instead of you being an abused puppet who "Yes dears" everything.
You call it ego...I call it respect. I respect myself enough to NOT apologise with "Yes dear" mentality, with an apology that was never mine to begin with. If my "ego" cost me my relationship, then she wasn't worth the powder to blow her to Hell then...
And clearly didn't love me, nor respect me. So she'd fail epic on all counts. 
I have become so accountable for myself that I simply make less accountable people disappear. To me they no longer exist. I practice detachment. I cannot forgive until someone becomes accountable.
Gottalight -- Dude...you're just like me then, in that aspect. My mentality is "I can't help those that can't help themselves first". Same horse, different color ;) | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:06:36 AM | To apologize would deescalate hostilities, which is counterintuitive if ones motive is to induce the offended party to feel contrition for something they're oblivious to.
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:09:40 AM | | Low self-esteem. I've never, EVER, heard my father say he's sorry. He told us as teenagers it would lessen his effectiveness as the head of household. What it did was lessen my respect for him, sadly. We're okay now, but was a rough few years. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/20/2008 8:24:48 AM | Ahh, bigdaddyjinx hits the nail on the head. Personal accountability. It doesn't exist anymore, it is a myth. Finger pointing abounds; "I didn't do it," "it wasn't my fault," "you made me do it" or any other excuse handily available that will allow one to not have to bear the brunt of responsibility. It's just like in the economy today; AIG is failing because hi power execs suck up all the money, automakers fly personal jets at 20K a pop and won't stop but they'll layoff thousands of people to save money. Geez!!!!
If you did wrong, man up (or woman up) and admit it and say you're sorry. I have much more respect for someone who can admit when they've done something wrong. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/20/2008 12:00:54 PM | | I used to be like this, I refused to admit I was in the wrong even when I knew I was..in my mind I thought I was being strong. How stupid was that! Used to not be able to say 'I love you' either, now not a problem.. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/20/2008 2:38:13 PM | I rarely will apologize, but I will say when I realized my error.
You're more likely to hear "I was mistaken" from me. You are a jerk if you're trying to rub it in my face by forcing me to lie prostrate in front of you by apologizing.
If you make me apologize to you, you aren't worth apologizing to. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/21/2008 12:46:45 AM | Ladylookingforgentleman,
You said a mouthful. Everybody should realize that blaming others is a sign of controlling and abusive behavior. I guess when you are the CEO of a company and can tell everyone under you what to do, the controlling behavior is obvious in the job description. Rising above the causes of the economic meltdown, and accepting ones own part of the blame would evidently require more than our so-called leaders are capable of handling. I mean, why shouldn't Detroit overproduce gas guzzling SUV's and keep their factories burning 24/7 to help America require more foreign oil imports? Do you expect Detroit to decide how many cars to produce, and what type of mileage you get?
(I wonder how many they would have sold if they hadn't produced them? Could they have charged even more for the luxury if they had restricted production? Does people in competitive industries walk in lock step with each other?)
I rarely will apologize, but I will say when I realized my error.
You're more likely to hear "I was mistaken" from me. You are a jerk if you're trying to rub it in my face by forcing me to lie prostrate in front of you by apologizing.
If you make me apologize to you, you aren't worth apologizing to.
I hear what you're saying. Many errors don't need apologies. Everybody makes them. I think an apology is a recognition of a pain or inconvenience that someone suffered on account of your error, even if it was unintentional. I believe that the deeper the damage, the more necessary the apology would be, and the words don't really mean that much. A sincere apology requires an effort to compensate for the loss or pain. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/21/2008 9:40:30 AM | It's interesting hearing some of the opinions here because it's like the opposite in Canada. We apologize for everything and half the time it's not our fault. It's just something you do and a way we culturally empathize with others.
Oh you stubbed your toe? I'm sorry.
So the bad ones will still apologize but they use it passive aggressively. It's called the non-apology. It's a way to not take responsibility (but it's not always your responsibility either so it works in those situations too) but it's still condescending if you are on the receiving end of it and think you are right. Like, " I'm sorry you feel what I did was wrong and I am sorry you are upset about it". It may be a non-apology but it still gives the facade of civility and allows communication to stay open.
Apologizing is really a very simple thing and means a lot to the person getting it. I may accept someone's apology but it doesn't mean I've forgotten or forgive them. The apology opens the door for that though. It lifts a huge weight off the situation. | |
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| Can't say I'm sorry or I apologize, why?
Posted: 11/21/2008 11:46:55 AM | My take: Most people live in a right/wrong world. Everything is either right or wrong. Therefore, If someone apologizes it means, "They were wrong" which of course is intolerable when we are trying to be right and perfect! Or afraid of making "mistakes".
Or appearing weak. The ole Dominate/Submit deal. We of course want to get all sophisticated and 'street wise' and covered about it all. We're nobody's fool!
right. It's really very simple, but we want to complicate it and be "deep", as in, "no one understands me or what I'm going through" . right.
It takes a strong person to admit being wrong. Inwardly guided by values and a moral compass of compassion for ourselves and others. | |
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