| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:44:28 AM |
Why can't people just accept this is a huge deal for some???? Seriously, if divorced meant single there WOULDN'T BE A DIVORCED CATEGORY!!! Damn!
I've never been married, but I suppose it's all about perception then. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:14:46 AM | | I think that being divorced is being divorced...However, you are single and divorced...I'm not that hung up on technicalities. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:12:20 AM | I can accept the fact that someone had been married previously. I won't accept the fact that they may be trying to hide that previous marriage from me.
I prefer a person who is honest about their past.
If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?
I am divorced 10 years ago with children. Then you are divorced
What is the different between single or divorced duh? | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:50:26 AM |
So to keep labeling yourself that is just ridiculous
Is there something wrong with any of the labels? And are they really labels? It is purely that you are legally divorced. It is a fact of your marital status. I was married and am now divorced, coming up on a year now and I don't think 10 years from now I will be any less divorced. It is my past, my marital history regardless of when the divorce took place.
Honesty on profiles is important. People that are separated putting single down or divorced when they aren't is a lie. If you don't know that you were married and are now divorced, geez, what else do you feel the need to twist? If little things like being honest about being married bother you, I don't need to get to know you. I don't need to find out what else you want to hide or twist. To me it is a flag. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:49:04 AM |
Nope, I just assumed that your not a republican from Alaska!
A belated LOL to you rockman... good one ;-) | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:51:36 AM |
If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?
See, I think you're just being paranoid there.
I guess it just boils down to those that care about this, and those that don't. To me, it's not a big deal. Divorced or single, either way, you're unattached. I don't care how you choose to phrase it. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:08:17 AM | If we are being so technical....
So then, why is it so many women seem to say that they are single when they are in a committed relationship?
I have dated several women whom have stated that they are single even though we were in a committed relationship. Unless they are actually married they are single when I asked about it. That's always baffled me and kind of turned me off to hear them say so while dating them. Maybe that's why those relationships didn't last???
an actual experience.
(when I meet a woman)
me: hi there
woman: hi
me: are you single?
woman: yes
me: would you like to go out sometime?
woman: I can't, I have a boyfriend
me: I thought you were single?
woman: I am single, just not married
me: I'mmm so confused! | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:39:33 AM | Good heavens - for me the info I want to know is are you married or otherwise UNavailable, or single. Once I get to know a single person, we can sort out how or why. IMO anyone NOT married is SINGLE. If you want to further differentiate it, fine, those are drop down OPTIONS. Its up to us how specific we want to get in a profile. Some people might choose single over widowed, for safety reasons. I guess that is intolerable too?
Of course, anyone so anal as to get ticked about which "single" I select is not someone I am going to keep in contact with anyway. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:56:15 AM | While a divorced person is again "single" and available, I hate to burst your bubble but your status (at least as far as POF is concerned, f&@k the IRS tax forms), is DIVORCED.
Honestly this argument is as ridiculous as a person trying to re-claim their virginity status just because the sex wasn't good.  
Simple logic for the mentally challenged:
The terms married, separated, widower, divorcee, and virgin all have to deal with a state-change at a particular life milestone.
a) A married person was either a single, divorced, or widowed person that has married for the first time, or remarried. Can only be exited via widowed. or divorced status (separated people can't re-marry unless you live in a polygamous area).
b) A widower is a widower from the moment their spouse died to the moment they re-marry, at which point they'll shift back to "married" status
c) A separated person continues to be so until they either become divorced, or reconcile back to married status, or the spouse dies at which point they're widowed
d) A virgin is a virgin up until the moment they actually engage in conventional sexual intercourse. One time is all it takes, after which their status is irrevocably changed. You do not revert to being a virgin again just because it's been a decade since you last had sex...
Ergo a divorcee is a divorcee from the moment they sign the papers to the time they re-marry, just like a widower. While people may not refer to them as such openly during the course of day to day conversation (as that would be like pouring salt in an open wound), it is what it is. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:15:26 PM | Bldrnnr40....
QUOTE from your profile:I'm a simple, honest gentleman that is looking for it all. I'm a romantic that likes to hold hands, cuddle and sleep in on rainy mornings"
Me thinks you've been without sex for way too long and all your failed relationships aren't helping any thus you also being a non-religious person need to bring up a Christian book about how to get a woman in bed for those raining mornings will help him in that endevour.
An honest gentleman with integrity talks about himself, his successes, and what he likes and loves to do , not about what he drastically needs to make up for his lack of a romantic and intimate life....that's called a player. It's my guess that you've had alot less success with non-married women than been-married women thus bytching about it for your next conquest! | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:38:26 PM | *cowboy*
Sorry, I wasn't talking to you man.
The other guy is from Texas so called him a cowboy without seeing you had posted too.
BTW:
IT is anybody's perogative and decision to make their profile how they deem FIT....not anybody else's!!!!!!!!!! I don't agree with lying either but anybody, and I DO mean anybody who gets there panties in an uproar over something so piddly because they need a LEGAL clarification on the  internet, they need to hit on women or men at the court house then. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 1:56:41 PM | yeah ... that's about how I see things for the most part, Klopper. I figure I'll be able to pick the wheat from the chaff myself, regardless of what or how anyone (here, out there . . . wherever) decides to initially come across. Life's not always packaged pretty, but it's definitely interesting.
:) I try not to sweat the small stuff, is all.
p.s. I'm all about integrity, but I'm not responsible for anyone's but my own. And I'm doing alright .. so far. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 2:10:03 PM | If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions? See, I think you're just being paranoid there.
Perhaps the real paranoid person is the divorced person, who's too afraid to admit on their profile that they were once married?
Something like a marriage is a little more signifcant than the burger-flipping job you may have had when you were 17, or the one toke you had on a joint at a party when you were younger. It's really nothing that a person can just forget ever happened. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:00:44 PM |
That's a huge deal to me!!
It would be to me, too. Not the divorced part, the not behing upfront about it.
I am divorced and widowed but more recently widowed. I am also considered "single". But since widowed is offered as an option that's what I have on my profile.
It's not so much the information that's the important factor it's why you would NOT choose divorced. Obvious reason being you don't want someone to know (some widowed people also choose single). If you truly didn't care if someone knew you were divorced then you'd choose that without having to explain later or have them discover it. It's deceptive and all this "I don't FEEL divorced" or "it doesn't matter to me" well that's a whole bunch of hooha IMO.
Same reason people don't put their true age, height or body type they think it won't matter or shouldn't matter. Facts are facts, and not putting factual information is being deceptive any way you want to slice it.
Thing is when you do that, you're taking away the person's right to make a choice based on inaccurate or incomplete information. I know some that don't put their true age because putting another age gets them into more searches. You don't wanna know what I tell them about it. It ain't pretty I'll say that. I'd do the same if someone put single that was actually divorced. One of the pitfalls of online dating, a totally unnecessary frustration.
I have a very strict standard for honesty, on the factual info, if I find that to be inaccurate then the rest doesn't matter. Just don't expect that because it doesn't matter to you it may not matter to someone else.
Thanks to all you who said you would do that, for calling yourselves out so that we know who you are.  | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:10:22 PM | QUOTE :Simple logic for the mentally challenged
Me?? You're the one who thinks he's Tiger Woods  (jivin man)
So by your logic then anybody who's had a one night stand or fling while single is always a player til they get married........damm, we're all screwed then.
So by your logic then anybody who has gotten drunk by themselves 10 year ago or still drinks a few at home is a drunk and should not just class themselves as social til they haven't drank a drop at home......no wonder I don't go to bars anymore(cheaper internet).
QUOTE :While people may not refer to them as such openly during the course of day to day conversation (as that would be like pouring salt in an open wound), it is what it is.
Again, nobody on here is that good, we all have our stupid mistakes so get over it because to keep on calling others out because you think YOUR STANDARDS are the only right ones.....well, no wonder there are many people on here who are still single, divorced, separated, or widowed after many years of dating or relationships.....always will be. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:43:43 PM | ah cowboy
you americans crack me up !!!!!
you know in my COUNTRY YOU HAVE TO WAIT 5 YEARS TO BE GRANTED A DIVORCE
CRAZY HUH
my other opinion still stands | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:43:59 PM | I think that you are not logical. Drinking or getting drunk at home doesn't make you an alcoholic, but getting married and getting divorced does make you divorced.
You don't have a clue what a player is because someone that has a one night stand isn't usually a player. One night stand usually is meeting someone for the first time and having sex. A player is someone that plays you, they do whatever they can while they really have other interests going on. It can end by them having sex with you and going on, but normally it isn't a one night stand.
I would question that you are single and not divorced because you have custody of a 7 year old son. And your poor grammar would cause me problems. You are not representing someone else on here, you are representing yourself.
If you have major issues with getting a divorce, you need to seek counseling.
If you are that spiritual, why are you lying about your marital status?
Why is there the analogy of salt in a wound with divorce? Divorce is the end of a marriage, nothing more. If you are that injured, get counseling.
Single is never been married. If you can lie about something this small, what else are you lying about or in denial about? | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:49:57 PM | | People that have been divorced KNOW they're divorced, if they weren't ashamed of it, or thought it carried a stigma they'd choose that option. | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:51:59 PM | I dont hide the fact I'm divorced (how could I?!) It usually gets discussed in the first couple of emails.
Saying you're "single" when you've been divorced isn't lying. Good grief it's just a WORD... chosen instead of another WORD on a list. I just happen to feel more single than divorced.. since it's been well over 10 years since I was married! Hell, I've been single longer than both marriages put together (yes, I'm twice divorced, which makes me a double liar I guess ...lol)
People get freaked out over the darnedest things.. sooo many jaded folks on this site.
Lighten up :-) | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:04:28 PM | | Hey don't worry about it,,they did you a favor and showed they are not open to who you are,,,if someone gets a bug because you use a term,,,my god,,,I am a retired professional,( never have to work another day in my life),,does that mean I lied and am unemployed,,,lol,lol,,Have a GREAT DAY,,Dave:) | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:17:57 PM |
Klopper quipped:
So by your logic then anybody who's had a one night stand or fling while single is always a player til they get married........damm, we're all screwed then.
So by your logic then anybody who has gotten drunk by themselves 10 year ago or still drinks a few at home is a drunk and should not just class themselves as social til they haven't drank a drop at home......no wonder I don't go to bars anymore(cheaper internet)
Actually Klopper, logic has very little to do with your laughable attempts at misdirection.
LOGIC would say that anyone that's had a one night stand/fling can no longer claim to have "never had one", no matter how long has elapsed.
LOGIC would say that anyone that got drunk solo (distant past or otherwise), cannot say they've "NEVER gotten drunk alone", as the past actions negate that possibility.
Note however that both of your silly counters can simply be avoided by adding the one-word disclaimer: ANYMORE...
See how simple that was? Heck it even works for divorcees.. Instead of saying "I'm divorced", they can simply say "I was married, but not ANYMORE"... 
I can't break it down any simpler for you than that, or anyone else for that matter.
Now let's check the "condemnation logic" at the door shall we? This was a debate about well-established social constructs pertaining to marital status, not crazy What-If Scenarios... I personally don't lose sleep at night if someone can't bear to drag themselves out of the "I'm not divorced, I'm single" closet, but I do find it hilarious that they can't bring themselves to own up to past MAJOR events in their lives... Unless you're about to claim that marriage is a trivial thing...? | |
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| Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:20:48 PM | annabanana: yucky... 5 years you gotta just be seperated? Poor Baby! I mean that too. Didnt see where your from. My momma's family came from the Isle of Mann.
cheers darlin!
Cowboy | |
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