| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:00:31 PM | | The comic strip part of the newspaper and the sports section for that matter is almost always less depressing than Dear Abby. Hence, why guys like myself usually steer clear of Dear Abby. Such a drama queen that she is. But just for good measure in this case, there is definitely a striking similarity between your situation and that of the person writing Abby in the column. In the Dear Abby column, we learn that love lost is usually love never regained. Perhaps that lady described in the column should not have been so quick to jump ship. Later to find out tragically at the expense of a unified nuclear family that there is no safety net. In your situation, the other woman has every right to want to be with your ex but she better have a good pair of boxing gloves. Because if she tries to steal your dude...it's going to be on. I would like front row seats to that knockdown dragout catfight. Think you need to challenge that crazy broad to a 13-rounder with boyfriend as referee. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:35:10 PM | | Aside from the counseling, I don’t agree with Dear Abby’s advice. Like the lady in the column, your BF’s ex made a great big pile and stepped in it. She dumped her husband for another man. Now, after things didn’t work out with Mr. Wonderful, she has an epiphany that she *gasp* has made a mistake and wants her husband back. Well, boo-freaking-hoo. It has been two years since the divorce was final. Your BF has moved on and is now in a happy relationship with you. Same goes for Grant in the advice column. If I were Dear Abby, I would have told Sue Ann Nivens to retract her claws, and leave Mr. Grant alone. He’s taken; she blew it. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 7:42:01 AM | Oh wow...I thought she was deceased...
Oh...that's her sister, Ann Landers...
I don't read that garbage anyway... | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 8:18:13 AM | Maybe the ex was wielding a 2 edged sword in this one...in as much as she didn,t really want him back(she,d already left him for someone else)but didn,t want him being happy with you...scenario being she splits you two up then dumps him off again...result you don,t want him cos he left you for her..you unhappy...him alone again unhappy...vindictive ex hurt you both -happy!! regards THE ENGLISH BLOKE   | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 8:31:09 AM |
It just bothers me that she wants to have another chance. What do you think?
Assuming that what you posted is an accurate reflection of your situation:
1) You screwed up big time. A man's job in a marriage is not simply to keep you happy. Most men *want* to make you happy, but for f*ck's sake cut the guy some slack. Don't file for divorce just because your marriage is no longer entertaining, and then expect to be allowed a change of mind after the fact.
2) It bothers you that your boyfriend's ex wants a second chance, but it doesn't bother you that you want a second chance? Can you say, "hypocrite"?
3) Even if he, due to some bout with insanity, agrees to accept you into his life again, he's never going to be able to extract the knife you surgically implanted into his back. He probably thought you were his soul mate, too, and you blithely destroyed that illusion. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 8:59:59 AM | | METHINKS YOU,RE READING IT WRONG LINUX.....blue eyed blonde,s situation is the other side of the coin to the dear abby story it,s her b/friend who,s ex wants HIM back time for a re-think? ENGLISH BLOKE | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:55:30 AM | | Not knowing you or your boyfriend or his ex wife, it's difficult to say, but it could be that she's a control freak and only wants him when he's not available, i.e. has a new relationship. I don't know if that's what's going on, could be. Otherwise, I would say that this whole situation is very nervous making and would definitely rattle me, I'm a female version of Woody Allen and very insecure at times, it would drive me up a wall. So here's where self discipline comes in, to toughen yourself, to become stronger, whatever the outcome will be. However you do that, I don't know. Lots of prayer, keeping busy with the rest of your life and looking after your child, whatever. We cannot change another human being, we can only change ourselves. I wish you the best of luck. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:28:17 AM | Dear Abby and Ann Landers columns are now done by their daughters, just a bit of trivia, worthless, who-cares trivia  Anyway:
The question is should the ex have the right, well yeah, she has the right to try and get her husband back if she so desires. I don't know why he'd want her back and in this case he doesn't seem to at all, but they have a child and if they could work it out and be good together, then I'd be one to step aside, okay I'd grumble a lot but I would let them try to make a go of it.
It's not like we have or should have any laws that say a person can't make a mistake and see it and hope to fix it, who knows, maybe she figured it all out. Or maybe she's jealous that he has someone and hers didn't work out. Either way it's not up to the OP to make the decision, either he's wanting to see how things would go with the ex again or he's not interested. The OPs only choice is to wait it out and see where he really wants to be, trust him to want to be with her, or walk away and find a man who's less entangled with an ex. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 12:04:02 PM | | I agree with Dear Abby given all of her answers most importantly the counseling part. Like dear Abby said it would be a miracle to get him back. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 9:57:48 PM | | Thanks agan for the replies. I'm just staying out of it, and not even mentioning the ex's name (shudder). And the funny thing, bf is totally being lovey dovey, talking about how he's looking forward to us growing old together, holding my hand; how much he misses me, etc. I'm glad he's thinking this way. But I also see myself being hesitant of falling into everything is roses. I hope that's not bad of me! | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:00:22 PM |
Assuming that what you posted is an accurate reflection of your situation:
1) You screwed up big time. A man's job in a marriage is not simply to keep you happy. Most men *want* to make you happy, but for f*ck's sake cut the guy some slack. Don't file for divorce just because your marriage is no longer entertaining, and then expect to be allowed a change of mind after the fact.
2) It bothers you that your boyfriend's ex wants a second chance, but it doesn't bother you that you want a second chance? Can you say, "hypocrite"?
3) Even if he, due to some bout with insanity, agrees to accept you into his life again, he's never going to be able to extract the knife you surgically implanted into his back. He probably thought you were his soul mate, too, and you blithely destroyed that illusion.
You did totally get this backwards! I'm not the author of that letter! It was just an example of my situation! | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:16:09 PM | | Perhaps your BF is honest, he doesn't want her back. Just because a spouse changes their mind years later, does NOT mean they will get what they want. If my ex came here and wanted ME back, i'd tell him no no no no no........no chance in hell there. And legally, i'm "still married" to him. I wouldn't of been trying to date/move on if I wasn't sure it was over. And to me, it sounds like this wife wanted her cake & eat it too.......she thought "grass was greener" and in my opinion, she made her bed & now should lay in it. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 10:58:12 PM | The answer here is plain and simple .. some women think that when their done with their ex's that "he" could never be happy again.. because she believe she is what I call, "The tale of the golden vagina"...
In order for her to be content .. she needs to know that he has no life.. and when he is starting to get one... she wants him back.. not because she really wants him, but because she doesn't want him to be happy at all ... she is the only one that is supposed to have been able to do that .. this is a bully not a grown up... and they are out there on planet dip tune .. in droves...!!
By her suggesting they do activities together lends to the fact that she is a very manipulative individual and someone that needs to grow up ... I feel sorry for the child in this scene as she is playing out a soap opera her daughter will likely grow up to be... my brother was married to one of these women.. and after there second attempt and her fourth affair he left for good .. but she still plays her games and her girls are paying the price.
All she really wants is to make sure that he is locked into a life of unhappiness and instability as that is the method to her madness..
What people who are on the receiving end of this manipulation and conniving need to realise is that they do need to set boundaries, that they do need to make sure that the person stays out of their personal lives and most important ... that they are the benefactors of their own happiness and they deserve to have a life of secure love and happiness.
I am also willing to bet that if .. the ex had her second chance she would lose interest as to her it was all a game anyway and still is ...
She knows that you two have something special happening and you both deserve what you believe deeply that you deserve .. I believe you deserve happiness and love and you both sound like you are putting the right stops in place .. to allow your love and comfort to grow.. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:14:30 PM |
Did I make the biggest mistake of my life? Can I, or should I even try to win him back? Help me, Abby! -- REGRETFUL IN MICHIGAN
DEAR REGRETFUL: The answer is yes to all three questions.
I don't agree with her. She said the answer was "yes to all three questions," but the writer only asked two questions. "Abby" clearly isn't paying attention. Besides, isn't she dead? Yeah, and her daughter answers the questions now. Her name isn't "Abby" either. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/12/2008 11:21:11 PM | Honey, it's not about her right to do anything. All of us have the opportunity to tell someone that we made a mistake and to ask for forgiveness and while you may not think she has a right and other perhaps even I might agree on some level, how would you feel in her shoes?
In some ways, while she would be the bigger person for realizing he is happy and getting on with his life, many spouses discover that the grass isn't greener and ask for a second chance. Most of the time by the time they do this, the other person has moved on and cannot go back. I realize that it is hard for your mind not to go there but try not to allow yourself to get ticked at what she is doing. It won't change anything and just aggravates you.
He has been honest with you. He values your opinion and recognized that he was sending mixed signals and of his own accord, decided to draw boundaries so that his actions could not be misinterpreted. Try to think of this woman as any other woman.
I know they have a shared history and he obviously would have reason to reconcile because of the child, but he has either moved on or he hasn't. If this was any other woman, wouldn't you trust him and not even really be thinking twice because some woman was hitting on him?
Focus on you two and being happy. If he does go back to her, then he was not the one for you and if you care about him, you wish him well and move on. It doesn't sound like that is going to happen but you know you cannot control things so just go with the flow and enjoy what you have today; tomorrow has a way of working itself out. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/13/2008 6:54:38 AM |
METHINKS YOU,RE READING IT WRONG LINUX
I just re-read it, and you're right. Sorry for the inappropriate hypocrite remark, OP. I'll flog myself ten times for bad reading comprehension. The rest still applies to the other woman, though. She screwed up unforgivably. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:55:53 PM | | Encouraging dishonesty in any relationship usually leads to dishonesty in the next. If she "campaigns" to win him back, she has made herself free and clear to be second best at a later time. I personally wouldn't want a guy that can be "won". If he looses integrity with the woman he is dating by "going back" to you, he has lost integrity across the board. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/27/2008 10:24:41 PM | | well i'm not your boyfriend but i would say it would be stupid for him to give the ex another chance. like they say, there's usually a reason why they are an *ex*. why did they get divorced in the first place? the reason they got divorced is probably still there and they would have the same old problems so why try again?? | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/27/2008 10:30:19 PM | I think we all make choices in life...some good, some bad and some we are not willing to live with....it is our perogative to change our minds. She has free will to want him back...doesn't mean she will get him back. Just because his ex wants him back doesn't mean that he wants her back. You should talk to him about your concerns and go from there.
I think Dear Abby has sound advice if both parties are willing to work it out. It has been known to happen where people divorce and reunite after some time apart. It may work for some.  | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/27/2008 11:08:55 PM |
Does an ex have a right to ask her/his 'spouse,bf,gf,lover ' back, even if they ended the relationship?
Of course. If they didn't, so many relationships today wouldn't even exist. But having the right to ask does not mean that the other person involved has to even entertain the idea of getting back together.
My boyfriend's ex left him, for another man and now things havn't worked out. All of a sudden the ex realizes her loss. Why should I lose a great man because the ex has regrets. Tough f'in luck!
I know I can't control it. I just wish if a person is happy in a new relationship, let it be, and move on with your life! As your suggestions I will focus on us and not her. Or she will win and don't want that happening!
Unfortunately, as you said, we have no control over others in our life. And if your boyfriend did decide to go back to the mother of his child, well, that certainly does not seem very fair to you. But one has to remember that there are three other people involved here. If your boyfriend, his ex, and their kid are all happier off together as a result, it is hard to say that his leaving you was the wrong decision for them.
HOWEVER... from what you have said your boyfriends sounds like he wants to stay right there with you. So I wouldn't worry too much. Just keep being the person that he fell in love with (don't turn into some psycho jealous b!tch) and all should be good. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/28/2008 8:03:01 AM |
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. My boyfriend's exwife left him and they been divorced for a couple years. Now she wants him back. He told her no twice. It just bothers me that she wants to have another chance. What do you think?
As long as he's saying "no", why does it matter? He's made his choice, it's you...
~starts singing badly~
Don't worry, be happy... be happy now..
Dooooo....do..do..do..
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/28/2008 8:25:46 AM | | Why worry in advance. so she wants him back. forget her. this is up to your boyfriend. if he is truely serious with you then you have no worries. Have faith in your guy until your given a reason to worry. You and your guy continue as you have been and dont question him about his ex. Whats to be will be. But for now have faith in your guy. Concentrate only on you and him, not her and him. | |
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| You agree with Dear Abby?
Posted: 10/28/2008 8:37:58 AM | Whether or not anyone made a mistake was not the issue, it has to do with meeting (his & her) needs. If a person's needs are not being met, they will seek it elsewhere & eventually find what they're looking for... There are 3 questions to "Dear Abby."
1) Wasn't he supposed to keep me happy?
2) Did I make the biggest mistake of my life?
3) Can I, or should I even try to win him back?
While I don't agree that it's anyone's responsibility to keep someone else happy, that's entirely up to the individuals. A happy relationship supports love & life through intimacy, communication, forgiveness, trust, giving and receiving, commitment and letting go. Each person is responsible for their part in the happiness of the family relationship. A person cannot always be giving & not receiving, it leads to a dysfunctional cycle.
I fully agree with the Counselling advice & I would've recommended that the (Dear Abby) lady move on & your bf's exwife do the same. For whatever reasons, they both brought their relationships to an end. Sometimes, however if a couple had dated extensively & they were still single after 2~5 years & they eventually got back together, it may work because by then they may have seen that they were truly compatible & made for each other. Also in most cases involving children, the children will always want their parents to get back together, it depends on how actively involved the parents were & whether or not, their relationships were functional & positive.
Whether or not your boyfriend decides to be involved in his 4-yr-old son's life is entirely his decision, however he needs to set boundaries & expectations with his ex-wife. As long as you & he continue to meet each other's needs & share the love without the negative aspects (jealousy, control, resentment, etc), it will work. The most important needs for women are affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support and family commitment. Those for men are sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, admiration and domestic support. Continue to build on a strong emotional foundation with your boyfriend & you both will weather all sorts of tests that befall relationships.
**~ Remington55~** 
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