| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 12:20:29 PM | 1. In any relation ship with another person your responsibility look after your well being FIRST. ie : If he is hurting you you should take measures to prevent this.
2. Verbal/Mental Abuse is a form of domestic violence. It is against the law, whether it be by man or woman.
3. He is trying (be it knowing or otherwise) to lower your self esteem and grind it into nothing.
4. You may need to a legal form of restraint if he doesn't take well to your "measures" for protection.
In other words, he is an abuser. Dump him and move on. If he stalks you you may need a Restraining Order.
Good Luck | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 12:49:23 PM | | This is a very mean, hateful person with signs of deep emotional problems, whey would you stay for this? Are you so insecure that you think you deserve this, do you really have to ask if he's doing something awful? Seriously, stop enabling his disgusting behavior and get away from him. I don't care if you were a 600 pounds or Miss Twiggy, no one who has any self-esteem would stick around for someone to insult them like this. Get away from him and get som professional help for why you have allowed this. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 1:25:10 PM | | Never mind why this guy is doing this stuff. Never mind any of that. After the stuff I been through in my life I don't put up with excessive bullsh!t. There are worse things than being alone. If you are in recovery, alone time is useful to consolidate the changes that you have made. This old guy is a user. He latched on to you when you were weak and he wants to keep you weak. What he is doing is instinctive, selfish, and mean. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 1:51:28 PM |
OP: My boyfriend is a big kid at heart. He sounds like it. Have you ever heard kids on the playground? They are mean. They call other kids fat, ugly, cootie monster, and all sorts of names. They're kids and they don't know any better. Your 40 year old friend should know better.
Find yourself someone who is a man at heart. You're a beautiful woman and I doubt you would have any problem finding someone who will treat you better. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 1:59:58 PM |
He is doing it because he likes you and sees that you are getting a bit fat. If he lets you know, may be you will not eat so much. Try working out too. Now the dressing like a whore bit, he should like that as long as your gut is not hanging out.
No wonder there a some many fat people out there, you all defend each other and try to say it's okay, just be yourself, your really sexy. Well that is not the truth, the truth may hurt, but it is better then denial of a real problem. Telling some one they are fat when they are fat is not name calling. Now I am not telling this girl to get back on drugs to lose the weight, that is about as bad as her obesity, but when a boyfriend or girl friend tells you you are not looking good because of weight gain, it is time to think about taking it off. The obesity problem in North America is discussing. North America, does not need to be number one in in obesity. The best place to start is to call fat people fat, I don't even like going into a Wal-Mart, because it hurts my eyes to see them all.
In three pages of posts, THIS guy, is the ONLY person who sees it this way. Insulting people and calling them names is NOT a constructive form of criticism and is in NO WAY encouraging or helpful. EVER!
Krys | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 2:34:31 PM |
He will say things like "your fat and ugly." "you are dressed like a whore"
There is nothing amusing, or even moderately funny in your fella's behavior and you know this.
He's insecure.
He's a walking, wounded person lacking in his own self-worth.
Not to say you can't be understanding that he is flawed and inflicting pain on others in order to his all the hurt inside him - you CAN understand it.
But tolerate it and allow it to continue?
No.
You teach people how to treat you.
This isn't ok.
It isn't acceptable.
And at some point, it is quite likely his verbal abuse will turn to physical pain for you.
Why would you WANT to be with someone who treats you with such disrespect?
That's not healthy.
Additionally - he has been behaving this way, I would guess, his entire life. Studies have shown that the core character of an individual's personality has formed by age 5.
By age 5 - we know and comprehend bad behavior and good behavior and the ramifications of working in society when we make a choice.
Your guy has been doing this all his life - being a bully, picking on the weakness of others, and being in general an azz.
Some men plant this so deeply into their personality that you can begin to find it charming and then simply rude. It grows tiresome. And when you call them on it - they'll simply shrug and say "yah, I am how I am" with no apology for it.
It's a take it or leave it attitude.
I'd leave it.
But perhaps you will choose to take it.
Aren't you better than that? | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:07:57 PM | "Fly my prettys, fly" Get away while you still can before you believe he only does this because he loves you so!! This man is an abuser in training. You have done so very well with your previous addiction with a power greater than yourself working for you on your behalf Use that power now to find someone(age unimportant) who wants an equal, loving, considerate relationship-without abuse. A very dear friend of mine put up with it until he beat her to within an inch of her life, sent him to jail after we all nagged her to, then took him back on his release 'cos he's 'changed'. Can we all pray for her? This could be you OP! As for that total moron-yes its name calling-SO, Freetime you embarass me to think you're from my species let alone sex. I'm not a fan of obesity and i'm quite slight, there are ways to help a loved one change its called constructive criticism and support, and love. You on the other hand deserve none of this; you're just an a*ss. Best of luck OP with your future sobriety. x | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:15:05 PM | If everyone would quit feeding him - perhaps he will go away??
It's not rocket science people.................ignore, ignore, ignore................. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:42:21 PM | Its the name-calling that is wrong...not the reason the person chooses to use as an excuse to put you down. It could be anything about you. If you loose the weight, chances are he will be even more insecure and the verbal abuse will escalate.
Its just bullying. Bullies pick on whatever they sense person is embarassed about. Bullies will separate you from your friends and family. Don't let that happen. There is saftey in numbers. The more people that care about you and can check on you and your saftey, the better. Don't let him tell you otherwise. Don't let him bully your friends, either, or chase them away, or come between you with lies and exaggerations.
Verbal abuse always gets worse. And it can escalate to hitting. It is insidious. It sneaks up on you.
If you are only staying with him because you believe his abusive name-calling, then you have very little reason to stay for very long and he knows this. So he will be keeping this up and even getting worse just to keep you. He is not getting any younger....he's insecure. No amount of reassurance from you will help him because he isn't listening to you anyway.
When you ask someone who is out-of-control to get more in control, he can't. Why? Because he is already out of control. When he is able to control himself that is the time to ask for change. If he can't stop using the bullying with you, then all the pleading in the world on your part won't magically give him more control over his verbal abuse. Its not about you. If he is overweight, then he's projecting HIS issues onto you. Is this his idea of motivating you to loose weight??? If this shaming, belittling, punishing method works so great, then why isn't it working on him?
He hasn't got good control of his behavior. Is he still addicted himself? If so, he is likely to not be able to control things even if he wants to. Even if he loves you, even if you ask him to be more in control of himself. The only control either of you have at this point is yours. You control the consequences of his behavior. Stop rewarding his immature lack of self-control with your attention and emotion. The more you respond to it the more he will do it to get a response from you. If he knew what to do better and could trust it to work with you, he would do it, but he doesn't know better, and doesn't trust it to work with you.
You don't trust him because he disrespects you, and he doesn't trust you--not a good sign of a relationship that will last anyway--no matter what you do.
It can be nice to get this much attention from a man. All the drama can feed your ego. If you work on yourself--however you decide to do it--you can get attention from other people, other activities, to balance it out. Don't rely on him for everything. Even if he says you must. Go out with (sober) friends. Spend some time with your family. Do some volunteer work.
Breaking up with someone like this can be dangerous. Go to a shelter and get some ideas for how to do this safely. Have a plan. Tell a friend or two that you can trust what you are planning and when you are planning to do it. Don't tell him. Have a back-up plan. Abuse gets the worst just after a break-up. And it can get dangerous.
Stay safe. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:53:44 PM | I say go and find someone who will appreciate being with you instead of running you down. It might make him feel superior to you to do that. You deserve someone who will be complimenting you all the time.
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 4:06:26 PM | I think he's doing it so you think no one else will want you and you stay with him.
He sounds like an a$$ and I would run far far away~
Please do not listen to that FreeTime guy. He is obviously just as bad as your boyfriend. He knows he could never have a girl as young and beautiful as you. They do it to make themselves feel better.
People should look in the mirror before they start throwing stones.
EDIT:
OP I just saw this in a recent post of yours... one that you posted AFTER you started this thread.
I am happy to say I have found someone who is PROUD to call me their girlfriend.
This CAN'T be the same guy !?!?!?! Don't kid yourself. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 4:12:25 PM | | he is obviously way too much of a child too be using such middle school attacks, you aren't dating a 40 year old ma hon, your dating a middle schooler in a 40 year olds body, kick his ass to the curb, find someone closer to your age, within 10 years of it or so, and date someone from your own generation, he is old enough to be your damn father!!! | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 4:17:46 PM | He's insecure and he's trying to control you by making you feel bad about yourself.
Get rid of him, you found yourself a loser.... | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 4:28:24 PM | | And you are with this man why? It certainly can't be because he makes you feel so loved and special. I think you are still carrying around bad self esteem from when you were heavier. For your own sake lose the bad self image like you did the weight. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 4:47:31 PM | OP,
My advice would be to get away from this person as quickly as possible. The damage that his name calling is doing to your self esteem will take longer to cure than any addiction and take longer to heal than a black eye or broken arm. As others have said, it is VERBAL ABUSE and an attempt to control you by insulting you.
You have accomplished so much...don't let him take it away from you.
Surround yourself with positive people and get away from him. He is doing you no favors! DO IT NOW!
Best of Luck! | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 5:07:16 PM | | Ditch this loser, he's trying to pull you down to his level. You want to be with someone who gives you a boost, somebody positive and loving. This guy sounds toxic to me. Good luck. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 5:14:54 PM | OP: When picking a partner we want someone that respects us. Surely he doesn't if he compares your dressing to that of a "whore", and makes comments that belittles your person.
You are on a journey of sobriety, and you should be surrounding yourself with a good support system. Positive energy and people are the ones you have to gravitate towards, and eliminating those that are not conducive for your goals/happiness.
One day at a time........................ | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 5:50:12 PM | freetime2bme Getting fat? Excuse me? I have LOST six pounds since we have been dating. I eat better than ever and I WORK OUT.. did I mention he is the FAT ONE?
OP - You don't have to explain yourself to him. What pleases him is not important and this thread is not about what he thinks a woman should be.
Also what pleases your BF is not important. Let him date some stick anorexic with vomit on her breath, rotting teeth, and thinning hair that dresses like a nun and is frigid because she thinks she's too fat to let him see her naked. How you dress and want to look is your choice. If he doesn't like it, he shouldn't be dating you. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 7:35:26 PM | Op, No man has earned the right to make you feel bad about your self. He is controlling you with his hurtful name calling, so you would not dump his dumb as-. Respect is a huge part of being in love no matter what the age. Hurtful name calling even in fun still hurts & should not be tolerated.
Blessings always, be safe
hugs always | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/9/2008 7:41:25 PM | | Why would you stay with someone who tears you down? Aren't you worth more than that? | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/10/2008 1:53:37 PM | So did he help you become a better person?
My last GF had some major issues I had to sort out for her in addition I had to help her out with basic things like how to live healthy.
Never remember putting her down, though she said I was a little bit tough on some things like going to the gym with me.
If hes being an ass, even if its to try to help you out, it still isn't worth it. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/10/2008 2:40:55 PM | My question is, is he doing it to hurt my feelings?
No. He's doing it because you let him.
And is it so I never leave him?
Are you saying you would never leave him because he calls you names?
Time for a reality check IMO. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/10/2008 3:08:56 PM | | Drop him, drop him, drop him! You can do so much better. Stop wasting your time. You're such a beautiful woman. | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/10/2008 4:13:32 PM | OP: You have a lot of good advice here but truly, any man that calls you names or is verbally abusive to you in any way is insecure within himself. His twisted thinking is if he hurts you with words, your self-esteem will sink so low that you'll never think anyone will want you. I've met a few men on here as well as dated a few slugs that have tried that crap on me. They know they can't keep anyone as beautiful as you for long due to their inadequacies as men, so they try to hurt you with words over and over again to get you to stay.
Get as far away from him as you can. He is toxic to you and I've already met my quota of poisonous, toxic relationships/friendships for the year.
Now, if I could only lower my truck insurance by year end as well, then my job here is done.
Sans | |
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| Hurtful Name Calling.
Posted: 10/10/2008 9:02:59 PM | OP
After reading your profile and a post on another thread, I have to wonder how much you value yourself and more importantly, by which yardstick are you measuring your self-worth.
This book might hold your attention - "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans | |
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